Is she thinking long term with me or should I get out of this thing?

[lox450]

Hey everyone, this is my first post here and I just wanted to start off with a little problem I've been having with my girlfriend recently....beware this may turn into a novel.

 

I've been dating my girlfriend now for a little over 4 months. I am 25 and she is 22 (with a year of college left to go). The first two months of our relationship were amazing. Our sex life was and still is amazing, and we both fell in love with each other fairly quickly. I think we exchanged "I love you's" after about two and a half months.

 

Over the course of the last month however things have gotten strange. I went to meet her parents for the first time last month and everything went great. It couldn't have went any better than it did. They adore me, and I totally adore them. Before, and even a little during our trip to her folks house, my girlfriend was telling me about how much she would love to have children with me someday, and how she would like to live with me, etc. But on our way home she suddenly got gun shy and said, "I don't know if I'm ready for all that." I was thinking, "Well then what the hell did you bring it up for." I have not brought this up to her, she always instigated it.

 

Later on that night, she asked me, "Do you think we're spending too much time together?" I said, "Well apparently you do." She was just acting completely 180 from the way she was a day earlier. She told me that we needed to break away from one another once an awhile. She was the one who always wanted to see me. So I said fine. The next day she calls me up and says, "I'm so sorry, I'm just scared and I love you very much, I love you I love you etc." I told her that I understood and that we don't need to get all heavy.

 

A few days past where we were getting along fine and then she brought it up again when we were in the car. "Do you think we're spending too much time together?" I was pissed, "I don't know, what do you think." She told me that she feels like she has me in the palm of her hand and that she needs some room to breathe. I was so annoyed by this because she was the one contacting me to hang out!!!!! I was not bothering her or pursuing her. Once again she called up a half hour later telling me that she loved me and that this would be good for us. I was like, "Whatever." She called me the next day (some break huh?).

 

After a few days past I called her during my lunch hour and she was totally rude and abrasive. I went to her house after work with the intent of ending things even though I care so deeply about her. I showed up at her house and she was happy to see me and acted like nothing was wrong. I told her, "I don't think we should see each other for awhile." She was completely shocked and started crying. I told her that I couldn't handle her "Hot and coldness" with me. She said she didn't even realize it. We went for a drive and talk some more. I should also mention that my gf has been to counseling before and she is on medication for depression. I told her that I think she needs to talk with someone again. She agreed and I told her that I would be there for her the whole way. I told her that I consider her my best friend. She felt the same way. I told her that I would give her some time to sort things out. She called the next day and we got together that night. I must also add that we haven't been able to have sex for the last three weeks because she has a stubborn infection that won't heal. I went to the doctor with her and everything.

 

She is now scheduled for counseling this month and she has been taking her meds every day. I noticed a big difference in her mood. I moved into my new house over last weekend and she has stayed over every night I've been there. And it was because she asked to stay. She's been helping me clean and things like that. Last night when we went to bed we were talking a bit. I asked her how she felt things were going with us. She said, "I can't promise forever because you never know what could happen. (Even though she told me last week that she wants to be with me forever) But I really believe in us." She then said, "You still get so paranoid about us and that bothers me." I got a little fiesty here, "Why can I not ask questions about us and why do you get so mad when I do?" She backed down and I rolled over and went to sleep. In the middle of the night last night I rolled over and held her in my arms. She whispered, "I love you." And I told her that I was sorry that I snapped at her. She said all was forgotten. I left for work this morning and she looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you." I joked around with her a bit and headed out to work.

 

People, I am so confused by this whole relationship. She wonders why I ask questions, well it's because I don't believe that she loves me. I feel like I'm waiting for the bomb to drop on me. Like one day she's going to say, I'm not ready for love. I guess my question is, "Does this girl really love me? Is she thinking long term with me or should I get out of this thing even though my feelings are so strong?

[jalexy]

its really all up to you. I mean she seems really scared and she is on meds right? so its up to you whether you can handle this moodiness. i honestly wouldnt be able to, but to each their own.

[InDoubt]

Lox450,

 

You sound quite level-headed and mature for your age. Have you considered you might need someone a little more mature to be your partner? I think that she probably doesn't know what she wants (she's quite young after all) and she's testing you, in my opinion, to see how far she can go and still have you. She almost told you that, when she said she felt like she had you on the palm of her hand. So she's putting you to all these challenges without even realizing it.

 

As they say, opposits attract, she needs someone mentally stable in my opinion to provide balance and stability in her mental life. I think you'd be better off with someone a little bit more '

[lox450]

Thanks guys,

those are great responses....

 

InDoubt, I have been told before that I am level-headed and mature for my age and thank you for noticing. But I have my moments of immaturity, so I can't take all the props. I did indeed feel like she was testing me subconsciously. So you're saying that I should let her go? I really do love her.

[InDoubt]

Lox450,

 

It's totally up to you to decide what is good for you and what you need to do. I know what you mean by " I feel like I'm waiting for the bomb to drop on me", I've been there.... I have to say the whole "medication' 'depression' thing would worry me. Every time I found myself in a rollercoaster relationship, which is what yours sounds like, I ended up depleted in energy. For me, these relationships had fallen in one pattern: everything happens too fast. Then one of the two gets really scared. You have exchanged I love yous and you have met her parents, and you are talking about 'forever', all within 4 months. That's a very short amount of time, in my opinion, to really 'know' the other person. To know whether 'you love' the other person for who they are or if you are 'in love' and you see them through rose-colored glasses.

 

I would say that if it's at a point where the bad things about the r'ship are more than the good... I would walk. But if it's the other way around, you could try giving her some space, I know you are trying, but be the one to set some limits, since she seems unable to. Decide together how many times you'll see her or talk to her during the week and stick to it. And just slow things down in general, the whole 'future' discussion is obviously bringing anxiety to her.

 

Good luck!