Somebody asked if there was more to this story

[Carol Webb]

There is alot more to this story

To reply to the comment about was there family counseling. No there wasn't. My mom shortly after the death started mixing alcohol and sleeping pills and slept through the days....my dad got tired of this and left. Mom is the one that told me that he has left "us."

 

I would come home after school and she would be in my brothers room rocking in a rocking chair crying......

 

My dad remarried and was out of the picture for the most part.

 

A health problem that I had that was present before my brother died continually worsened. I was not telling my mom about the increased pain and physcial duress that I was in because I didn't want to worry her any more and she had enough to cope with already.

 

It wasn't until one of my mom's friends inadvertantly asked her how I was feeling when once on a band trip the bus driver had to pull over so that i could get some antacid medicine.

 

My mom asked me and that is when things got really anxious for both of us. My mom did take me to a psychologist to try and get me to mentally get ok so that my physical health would improve.. My condition was past the point of no return at that time.

 

Now my mother had to deal with the possibility that i could die and lose me. My condition was ulcerative colitis and I was hemorraging and they couldn't stop the bleeding. I was forced to cope with embarrassment as friends, church etc would ask me questions about my apparent health decline...what was I supposed to say" that I **** gallons of blood when I go to the bathroom.." I would try to talk to my mother about my depression and fears of possibly having to have a colostomy but I couldn't because I did not feel I could talk to her about the embarrassment of the fact that I would never have a boyfriend if I had a colostomy because she was a parent that sex was not discussed.

 

I was extremely and cruelly made fun of in my younger years by my uncle and cousins in my family about being fat...I later on lost all of the baby fat but the scars are still there, anyway I said that to say this....the only medication that would help the bleeding ulcers was prednisone which by this time I was 16 and of course I blew up like a balloon because if anyone knows anything about this drug you retain water.....

 

I was mortified to be fat again..........

 

End of story is that I ended up having my entire colon (large intestive)removed out of state by a special surgeion who had perfected the type of surgery that I had and prevented me from having to have a colostomy.

 

I know this in itself, I owe my mom because she saw to it that I got the help I need....to mention that this is when my mom and dad got back together because my illness brought them around...

 

 

Happy story,there I was glad....

 

Everything was great until I got married,

My mom made the first negative comment that she was not happy with the fact that my husband claimed me on the taxes for that year and that she and my dad had me for the majority of that year.

 

I told her that we were able to get money back this wAY...She was ok with that then so she said.

 

She has always been a control person and even attempted at controlling my husband which to this day he has never allowed her to do.

 

Conflict again when I had my first child (son),

We all had just become aware of a girl that I went to school with that her son died of a death suspicion murger by her boyfriend who was babysitting him while she was at work....I remember her going up to my son at age 12 months or so and saying to me....let me look at my grandson to see is he has any bruises.......this hurt my feelings so bad that she would even have that thought.

 

Later when my son was about age 4 years, he came home from spending the night with my parents and he began to cry when he came home because he felt "bad" that Nee nee and papa does not have a son anymore to live with them and he had to leave them too. I confronted my mom on this because I can take her mouth but when it comes to my children that is where the line is drawn..She denied having said anything to my son about my brother and then went on to say that if she has to watch everything that she says then she probably shouldn't keep my son anymore.

 

My mom has a picture of my brother and me hugging when we were little and asked me repeatedly if I would get a picture of my son and now my daughter hugging like we were in the picture. I finally gave in because I have always tried to feed her what she needs..I took the picture had it framed and put on a mug at Walgreens. My husband thought my doing this was kind of "morbid" or weird. I guess my mom did to because after I did it and I put the picture on the wall beside me and my brother, she took me and my brother down.

 

I sent my mom flowers on my brothers birthday last year to let her know that I was thinking about her on this day. She returned the gesture and sent flowers to me as well. I really ticked me off that she sent them to me....she called to say that I got them and when I didn't say thankyou or whatever...silence seems to get her to say what is on her mind, she said well, I sent them because I didn't know if you remembered or not.

 

I can remember, someone older than me a professor or someone had commented on my brother being gone and I heard myself tell the instructor that now that I have a son, my parents have something to live for and be excited about. I continually tried to keep my parents happy and fulfilled their needs the best I can it has just never been enough. I never let them see me enough, really my mom, I never let her see the kids enough. I am tired of trying.