How to get through?

[Ashbash11]

I have been in my LDR for about 5 weeks now.. I know it's not that long, but I'm learning that there are many ups and downs in a long distance relationship. My question is, how do you get yourself through the rough times? (aka: when you can't talk for a few days because you are both too busy or Skype malfunctions (happened tonight) or you have lots of awkward silences when you talk or you miss them constantly and intensely......)

 

The thing is, I already have my own separate life and hobbies and a group of friends here, yet I miss my boyfriend SO much that I can hardly stand it. We will see each other probably once every 1-2 months, which isn't too horrible, but the feeling of missing him gets overwhelming. There are days when I want to break up with him because I can't stand the pain of being separated anymore and talking on the phone or chatting online won't take the pain away.

 

The worst part is that I got used to seeing him everyday (we started out in the same city and dated for 8 months) and now he's gone, for good. I thought that after a month I'd feel better, but I miss him more as each day goes by. I just don't know how to get myself through. I am not sure what I am really asking for.. I guess just similar experiences and what you do to get yourself through the depressing parts of a LDR.

[JaydaLeah]

Hi Ash,

I guess we are in similar boats. I have been apart from my bf of 6 mths for 3 weeks now. It is not easy, i must say. We hung out alot when he was around, we had lots of mutual friends whom we hang out in a group and he used to work really near me and we meet up after work so very often. Now that he is gone, it is something that I must accept and get ready to face. It is very important to keep upbeat and optimistic about things. Of course, it hurts when the missing gets too much and i could feel really down about it as insecurities gets into me.

 

Will his feelings for me change? Will the distance just fade the love? Will he find another person to be with and lie to me??? Or some other insane and disturbing thoughts that run through my mind. But then, it really doesn't help worrying is there...? and the wild imagination is torturing and it kills. So what i do is to constantly think back about the times.. how we fell in love, the times when he was wooing after me, the sweet things, our words and desire to be with each other...these are what that keeps me going. By the end of the day, it is really not easy to find someone who loves you, and you love. Treasure it and its a waste to let insignificant things hinder the growth of the relationship.

 

I was very hurt when my last relationship ended and it took me 2 yrs to finally love again. Like you, i also had the thought of giving it up since it hurts so much with the distance. Or I will be saying "this is not gonna work out.". But on the other hand, i know Im with a guy whom i want to be with for the rest of my life! There's no way am i gonna give up so easily! So try to keep my blues in check, do my part and pray that on his side, he will stay the same way too. I'd rather give my best and if it doesn't work out, i got nothing to regret about. =)

 

I think it is impt that you tell him how you feel if the blues are getting into you. He has the right to know what you are thinking and it will really help to communicate and hear each other out. Even though till date, i have not experienced the blues so much that i had to tell him, i know eventually i will.. which.. sucks, but inevitable.

 

All the best, ash.. you got to fight and hang in there for what you believe in. At least, that is what i keep telling myself to keep myself going.. =) Probably ur boy is not feeling too gd on his side either.. so do encourage him too! =)

[sharry]

Hi Ash,

 

I know things can seem really hard but it sounds to me like you have something special. With that in mind, like Jayladeah said, just try to keep your thoughts positive.

 

I find it particularly hard late at night when I go to bed or am home at the apartment in the evenings. I have the same thoughts about it being easier to end things but I cannot bring myself to do that. Its just too painful so honesty is the best policy. I am sure he is not finding it easy either.

 

I believe that communication is the key too, just text, MSN, e-mail, Skype, talk on the phone as much as you can. Its also a nice idea to send cards just to say you are thinking of each other and it would brighten up anyones day.

 

You said you will get to see each other every 1-2 months so just keep concentrating on your next visit and plan to do really nice things together.

 

Do you have an end date when you will be together in the same place ?

 

Best of luck to you.

 

S

[Ashbash11]

Thanks for your replies, guys. We don't have an end date planned yet. Probably at least 1-2 years until we can be together.

 

Lately, the distance is causing our relationship trouble.... He works nights and our schedules clash really badly. We haven't talked in 4 days.... He promised that he'd call me tonight and I waited for his call from Skype, but he never signed on. He eventually came on Gmail chat and simply said, "I can't talk tonight. Have to work. Bye" and signed off. I was infuriated! I hate when he promises to call and then can't talk... It's really hard. This is why I said in my original post that there are times when I want to break up, because I can't handle all of this sometimes.

 

Thanks for your kind words, though.

[Mrs_AJ]

Thanks for your replies, guys. We don't have an end date planned yet. Probably at least 1-2 years until we can be together.

 

Lately, the distance is causing our relationship trouble.... He works nights and our schedules clash really badly. We haven't talked in 4 days.... He promised that he'd call me tonight and I waited for his call from Skype, but he never signed on. He eventually came on Gmail chat and simply said, "I can't talk tonight. Have to work. Bye" and signed off. I was infuriated! I hate when he promises to call and then can't talk... It's really hard. This is why I said in my original post that there are times when I want to break up, because I can't handle all of this sometimes.

 

Thanks for your kind words, though.

 

Hiya Ashbash,

 

i'm also in a LDR and have been finding it hard sometimes. Some days are bad, you miss your SO much, can't seem to concentrate on anything etc. Other days just fly by.

 

In terms of his work and scheduele, he can't do anything about that. It's not his fault. Look, he may have had to put in alot of effort to just come and tell you that he couldn't chat that night. E.g. he's at work, busy, lots of people around maybe, had to locate a pc he could log in to etc.

 

I've come to the conclusion "that's it, I'm not doing this anymore..." many times. The bad thing about LDR is that they can become very intense and you don't always have a let-out, meaning your partner is not there to shout at, argue with, cuddle with etc. But the good thing about LDR is that it gives you time to consider sending that email, or text before you do it. So even though you feel, "Oh foget him!!", think about it. Talk to him when you both get time to do so and ask him without judging. He may have a really good excuse.

 

Best of luck

 

x