Keeps telling me he needs to figure things out, I'm still in the devastation period

[flsgirl]

Hi everyone, I've been trying to find a way to mend a broken heart and I found this web site.

 

Last month, the love of my life broke my heart out of the blue. We had been together for three years. We both moved away a year ago from our hometown in hopes of establishing our own careers as well as a life together. We both got really great gigs, but mine was only an internship and wasn't able to move with him b/c I couldn't contribute to finances (my internship came with free housing). He got a roommate and we were together all the time. Things were great.

 

This man, we'll call Mike, was fabulous to me. He always told me how he couldn't wait for us to get married and how much he loves me. I felt the same. He told me he had a date in mind when he wanted to propose and all these romantic things.

I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world.

 

Here's the problem...I didn't know that "Mike" hated the area where we went to. He's very much a small-town boy and I'm more of a city girl. He never told me that he didn't want to move in the first place. I wanted to get out of the area for a better opportunity for both of us. He still wants to hang out with his high-school buddies and needs to be near his mother. Every time I asked him whether or not he was happy, he always told me he was.

 

Fast forward to August and he left to go home for a couple weddings and I was to meet up with him 3 weeks later for both of us to be in the bridal party of our friend's wedding. The day I got home he told me he was moving back home and then asked me what I was doing. He didn't ask me to go. He keeps telling me he needs to figure out what he wants. He never once told me there was a problem with us. He said he didn't know if he still loved me.

 

Can I just say that being his partner in the wedding really SUCKED!!

 

Anyway, he came back and packed his stuff and moved back home. He told me didn't think our book was closed and he wanted to visit in November. Just recently I found out that he's signed up for multiple internet dating services. I haven't heard from him for two weeks.

 

I e-mailed him telling him I want to work this out and I never heard from him. I'm so insane right now that I even considered quitting my job and moving back too.

 

I don't know what happened b/c he isn't telling me anything. I don't understand how a person can go feel so much love in the first place and then I'm completely out of the picture. It's such a slap in the face and I don't even know why.

Why would he make such a drastic decision without even consulting me? I feel like a piece of trash tossed to the side while he's doing the whole internet dating thing. Have these last three years meant anything to him?

 

Things were a little stressful the last couple months because of the transition of finding an apartment with him and then trying to find an job. I wasn't the in the best mood of my life, but he always supported me. He just walked out when things got tough.

 

 

I know this is long, but I totally could use some advice b/c I'm driving myself and everyone around me crazy. Thanks for listening to my crap, I feel better now.

[Tony T]

I know this is going to sound trite and it's certainly not the answer you were looking for but this man has done you a favor by proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is NOT Mr. Right for you. He is a very poor communicator and he doesn't stand up well under difficulties, two things that are a must for couples who intend on being together over the long haul.

 

There are many reasons he may not want to return your email or talk to you now but the fact that he's joined several dating services is a clear indication he's wanting to move on in a different direction, and that's OK. You're a lucky girl. Lots of women find this out after they've had two or three kids with a guy. Luckily for you...you didn't get that far. He may feel guilty, he may just have no idea why he's behaving the way he is, or he may just feel like you're not the right person for him. Whatever the reason, it's good that you are now free to find the RIGHT person for you, someone who won't treat you like this jerk.

 

Write him off totally. He's a loser you don't need in your life. There is no good reason to wonder what's wrong, or to try to get him back. But you have many excellent reasons to celebrate. Sure, you are hurt but you hurt for what could have been had he been the right person for you...just like I hurt every Saturday night for the tickets I bought that COULD have been the lottery winners had they contained the right numbers.

 

I am sorry this happened to you, that you invested so much time in this. Next time you will pay lots more attention. You will get into a guy's head a find out just what he wants out of life. Hopefully he'll be open and honest with you. This chump wasn't straight with you at all.

[emokid]

That's the thing....Maybe she couldn't tell anything. Maybe there werent any signs.

That totally sucks though. I don't understand either, how someone can be so in love with you one minute, but they'll drop ya for something else the next. I say Screw all you people who dump and waste perfectly good guys or girls because you chicken out or you think you need to FIND YOURSELVES.

 

My advice, Move on!!!! The guy is not worth it. You don't matter enough to him, since he won't return your email AND since he signed up for an internet dating pathetic website. If he loved you enough, he wouldn't do this to you. It shouldn't matter where he lives, as long as he is with the girl he loves. People are so freakin selfish sometimes, it makes me sick.

[flsgirl]

As I was in bed reading last night, "Mike" finally called. For the first part of the conversation we talked about general things. I finally asked why he was calling me now. He said because he still cares about me.

 

I finally got answers from him. He finally came out and said he resented me for us moving down here. He said, at this point in time, he doesn't love me. He apologized for hurting me and said that he wants to still be friends.

 

I think he feels really guilty and is getting a lot of crap from people back home about it. He said that I'm really hard to get over and that he regrets not being honest with me in the first place.

 

I called him out on the whole internet dating thing and he said that he "likes to read people's profiles" whether that's true or not, I don't know.

 

It feels a little better knowing what happened. I realize a little more now, that it wasn't anything I did. I deserve to be treated better than that. He knows that and tells me so. It helps to know that he feels guilty. There's a little more closure and now I have a starting point for my new life. I'm still incredibly sad and hurt because it's like being punched in the gut when someone you adore tells you they "like you as a friend."

 

Thought I'd fill everyone in...

[brokenharted]

I deserve to be treated a lot better than my ex has been treating me since we split up.BUT!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm still not giving up on her. I'm not stupid i have self respect, but i know she needs help. All my buddies say to dump her, forget her, she's just stringing you along, she doesn't know what she wants. But you know what...I still love her, so no matter if she wants to be with me as a girlfriend/future wife or if she just wants to be friends, I'm going to help her. You should remain friends with this guy. It's his loss that you're not his girl anymore, but maybe something good will come out of the friendship. Or i could just be full of sh*t.