Nostalghia Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 I met this woman thru a friend just last week and I am in Euphoria ... my question to you fellow LoveShackers is - is it possible to fall deeply for someone within a short time frame of a week being together, albeit a very intense week, but nonetheless a week? I will give more details after a few responses just to see the direction of this thread - plus my new found love of my heart is sitting on my lap so I'm kinda busy! Love is GREAT!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 It's probably not love - but rather lust....or infatuation. Just my opinion, but I think true love takes longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nostalghia Posted September 4, 2003 Author Share Posted September 4, 2003 Originally posted by cindy0039 It's probably not love - but rather lust....or infatuation. Just my opinion, but I think true love takes longer. But after all I have been thru with previous relationships AND a failed marriage, I am fully aware of what moves me and what doesn't. Secondly, it was a very INTENSE week where we spent every waking/sleeping moment together and shared our intimate details of our past, desires and experiences. Btw, she didn't like your response - but what a cute doggie! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 I've seen relationships start like this many times and they soon come to a grinding and heartbreaking halt. People who fall in love so quickly are usually seeing someone else in the person they think they are falling for. Healthy, long term relationships normally start off slowly with the two people establishing a solid friendship based on admiration and respect before moving to a long term passionate love affair. Those last the longest. Now, to answer your question, the process of falling in love is a process of discovery which cannot happen in one week. Falling in love is lots more than chemicals, penis and vagina. Call it infatuation or simple animal lust...which is just fine and perfectly OK as long as you see it as such. I am happy for you having this experience and I want it to last as long as possible...but you are not in love. When relationships start out high in the mountains, the fall downwards can be horrifying. Brace yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 Originally posted by Nostalghia But after all I have been thru with previous relationships AND a failed marriage, I am fully aware of what moves me and what doesn't. Secondly, it was a very INTENSE week where we spent every waking/sleeping moment together and shared our intimate details of our past, desires and experiences. Btw, she didn't like your response - but what a cute doggie! Sorry, I was just giving my opinion from my own life experiences. I could be wrong and I hope I am. More than likely, if you continue with the intensity that you are now you will burn out. I would advise that you take it slower and let things develop and then it COULD turn into love. And my doggie thanks you. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 But after all I have been thru with previous relationships AND a failed marriage, I am fully aware of what moves me and what doesn't. Secondly, it was a very INTENSE week where we spent every waking/sleeping moment together and shared our intimate details of our past, desires and experiences. You are drunk on your own chemicals. It's called oxytocin. Here's an excerpt from one article. Look up 'oxytocin' in Google and read the articles and reports. We love to think we are in love that quickly, but it just doesn't happen. What happens sometimes is that we get the oxytocin rush from someone who would make a good partner. Most of the time, we're not that lucky and when the chemicals wear off, Prince Charming turns back into a toad. It seems that, try as we might and as unfashionable as it may currently be, many of us are still unable to separate really good sex from the idea that we're falling in love. "Oxytocin" is the one-word answer from psychosexual therapist Paula Hall, of relationship counselling group Relate. It's the "bonding chemical" that is released during sex, and the amount released increases with the quality and quantity of the sex: more orgasms equal more oxytocin and, therefore, more of a sense of closeness, all of which play a big part in that feeling of being in love. "Also, sex is a very intimate act," she says, particularly really good sex. "You're doing all the right things for love: you're being close to someone, you're being vulnerable, you're caring for their needs, they're caring for your needs, you're communicating. Plus, you're releasing oxytocin. It's no wonder, really." All well and good in the bedroom, but not so good if the person you have great sex/fall in love with is not right for you outside of it. The chemistry of attraction that initially draws us in goes a long way to helping us get our emotional and physical wires crossed. And while a one-off fantastic sexual encounter may not have you swearing undying love, it will probably have you returning for more - and, before you know it, you think you're in love.www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/02/09/1044725672191.html+oxytocin+%22in+love%22&hl=en&ie=UTF-8 Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 Wouldn't it be more expedient to take oral doses of Oxytocin and just skip all the other stuff? There is so much good football on TV this time of year. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 Sounds like a plan. If you want to fall in love with your TV. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nostalghia Posted September 5, 2003 Author Share Posted September 5, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme You are drunk on your own chemicals. It's called oxytocin. Here's an excerpt from one article. Look up 'oxytocin' in Google and read the articles and reports. We love to think we are in love that quickly, but it just doesn't happen. What happens sometimes is that we get the oxytocin rush from someone who would make a good partner. Most of the time, we're not that lucky and when the chemicals wear off, Prince Charming turns back into a toad. http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/02/09/1044725672191.html+oxytocin+%22in+love%22&hl=en&ie=UTF-8 Mmmm, interesting tidbit of info ... thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
km82794 Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 Just my two cents... Three years ago, I met a guy and swore it was love at first sight. Maybe it was the way we emotionally connected or our strong attraction to one another, but he became like a best friend and soulmate to me in just a couple days. We have had our ups and downs since then, but we're still together and going strong. I can honestly tell you, the man still gives me goose bumps every time he touches me. So maybe I'm the lucky one, but our song is "You got it bad" by Usher, and yes, three years later, I still do. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 so tony and everyone else- what is the minimum amount of time you think one can fall in true love? Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 From my experience and observation, about three months, on average. Anybody else have an opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
Heidi2 Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 It's probably not love - but rather lust....or infatuation. Just my opinion, but I think true love takes longer. --Cindy I agree with Cindy, here. If I would you I would take some steps back.. and see if by doing other things such as work or having like a girls' night out type of thing, you still feel in every need possible the site of this guys face near. Then, move from here. Just be careful.. Link to post Share on other sites
Dem Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 Hey, ok after reading everyone else's replies I'm starting to question my beliefs but I'll tell you what I thing anyway, just in case it helps. It sounds unbelievable but I honestly 100% believe that you can fall in love in a week. I don't think it can be just lust, because as you've said, you know your own feelings from past experiences. I think it is amazing when you fall in love, whether it takes you a week or 10 years to get to that point, as long as you cherish the love it's all good! Good luck to both of you in keeping the love alive! And I'm so glad to hear that you've found that special someone who can make you fall in love!! Dem x x x Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 don't think it can be just lust, because as you've said, you know your own feelings from past experiences It's not just lust. It's intense feelings of bonding brought about by chemicals whose purpose is to bring about intense feelings of bonding. Link to post Share on other sites
Yeti Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 this is a really touchy subject to some, so many different thoughts about this... i've spent a lot of time thinking about this actually, for no personal reason, just something to do. love, to me, is just like hate... even though they are opposites, they are both building emotions... to truly love or hate something it takes time and reason to. i'm sorry to say, i can't think of it happening at a single glance... it doesn't work. now, how soon you start feeling these emotions for another is a different story... how strong you have them for someone. sometimes it starts extremely quickly, but that still may not be true love you are feeling. but there are rare cases for both love and hate... always remember though, the less time two are together... no matter how much you know about each other's past, you really don't know about each other's person. that is what really decides where the love is. the more it builds up, the worse it is when it falls apart. i'm happy you two are enjoying each other... keep with it... - Yeti Link to post Share on other sites
timetells Posted September 7, 2003 Share Posted September 7, 2003 Yeti Something you said about hate/love. I once heard. You have to love something to really hate it. If one does not't understand something how can one hate it. Just thought I'd throw that out there. As for dating for a week. I believe it is possible to fall in love with someone in a week. The only thing is are you in love with the person or in love with what that person wants you too see. There is still an entire life that you haven't been part of. The question is will one be excepting of the good and bad things. Only time will answer that. When going up, getting older we are able to see qualities in people just off a first impression. In a week depending on the person. I think it's possible to understand someone even if there putting their best foot forward. Don't hesitate to feel. Live and learn. Thats what life is about. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 7, 2003 Share Posted September 7, 2003 When going up, getting older we are able to see qualities in people just off a first impression. In a week depending on the person. I think it's possible to understand someone even if there putting their best foot forward. Wrongo. We have such conceit in thinking that we would surely be able to spot a con, a dishonest person, a cheat, a liar. Lots and lots of really intelligent people have been fooled by that thought. Trust me on this; you may find good qualities in a person in a short period of time. What you need time to reveal is the less-than-good qualities which can be very easily hidden. That is why you should not jump to the conclusion that the good qualities you see constitute the sum of the person. Nobody is that smart at any age. We like to think that only idiots get conned, but my friends, extremely bright people do, too. Time can only help. A good person will appear just as wonderful a year later; a troublesome person will usually slip up sometime within a year. You need that year to really know someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Java Posted September 7, 2003 Share Posted September 7, 2003 I guess it depends on what your definition of 'love' is. For me personally, true love is when you've known someone long enough to have experienced their positive AND negative sides. There's little chance I'm going to believe someone telling me they love me when they've only experienced me being happy, thoughtful, attentive etc.... that's just one part of me. When they've experienced my anger, disappointment, fears, insecurities etc as well as the good stuff, and tell me they love me, I'm more likely to believe it's real.... only then is it unconditional. Fact is, it takes time to experience and accept all facets of any human being. No getting around that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nostalghia Posted September 8, 2003 Author Share Posted September 8, 2003 I appreciate the comments ... just to give you some insight, we're both in our late 30's/early 40's and have been married before at least once. I believe the experiences we develop over the years help us understand ourselves better and with more confidence. That being said, meeting someone you click with makes things much clearer than when you were younger and unsure of what you were feeling. What I'm trying to say actually is I am more aware of what I'm feeling now than I did prior to my first marriage so I don't see why falling in love ONLY begins at the 3 month mark regardless what experiences you went thru and how intense the relationship starts off - Tony?! Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 I think its possible to THINK you love someone within a week. But then again, the heart usually knows before the brain does. I honestly can say that within a month of dating my boyfreind, I could say I loved him, and meant it. More than a year later, were still going strong. And I have high expectations of our future. I think it is possible to KNOW it is different from other relationships, but at the same time, I agree that it is just a euphoria at this point, once you truly know somoene, that is when you can HONESTLY say you ARE IN love. Link to post Share on other sites
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