Spoiled little brat of a nephew is ruining my family...

[hoopsy32]

Here is the story... my sister, mother, father, and my ex-brother-in-law baby the hell out of my nephue. [color=red]HE IS A SPOILED BRAT.[/color] My sister says he's that way because he has ADHD, which he really doesn't, he just has never been told no. She also says its hard to be a single parent and all blah blah blah, not true... she lived with me and my parents for years, we practically raised the snot-ball. Plus she lives with her boyfriend, so she [color=black]IS NOTBY HERSELF[/color].

 

The thing that really torqued me is this weekend we were at a doo-hikey thing that our family goes to all the time... well the little turd whined and complained until he got his way and got a slice of pizza for lunch, pizza over there is expensive but he got it anyway because his mom gives in to him [color=darkred]ALWAYS[/color]. So then after he got his stupid little way, he didn't eat it all, which ticked me off even more. So then I told him he couldn't have any ice cream or dessert because he didn't eat all his food. My sister looked over at me with a glare and said my name with that bitchy voice and I was like,"What?! When I was little and I didn't eat my food, especially if I had whined like he did, I WOULD NOT get any thing afterwards." Well duh, its common sence. But later the little brat got some ice cream, way to teach the kid sis.

 

So tonight I talked to my sister about it and she got totally pissed, which I don't understand because I wasn't being mean or smart-assed about any of it, I was pretty much saying she needed to step it up and use some discipline for once. So she threw the old "wait till you have kids" kind of crap at me, and I said thats why I WILL NOT have a kid until I know I'm ready. And she said she knew she was ready to have him and I said well maybe you weren't. That was it, she got totally pissed and walked out. So now my family hates me because I actually tell the truth and my sister can't handle it. I was not being mean, I was just trying to sit down and talk to her truthfully and she didn't want to hear it.

 

I'm so mad right now, I just wanted to vent.

[JustDad]

hi hoopsy32

 

thought i would jump in a post a reply to this one, seems to me like you spoke your mind to your sister, which I think is good.. you got you feeling expessed to her and off you chest.. there is not much chance of changing the way she caters to her child..but the sad thing is she will pay for it down the road..

 

too bad she can't see that there seems to be a major lack of discipline..but if she can't learn to say "no" to him then its her problem not yours...there so little you can do...its all up to her...

 

parenting is not an easy job (i know i am a singlefather raising 2 daughters) but my children know that they will be rewarded for there efforts when they do good at something...and the opposite effect in they do wrong...its up to the parent to set the rules and enforce them...if you don't it will not take long for them to take control and that is something that is very hard to get back...as i think your sister will find out..sorry to say...

 

in closing, i think the fact that you spoke your mind to your sister and expressed you feeling was the right thing to do...as for you family hating you...don't worry about that..they don't hate you..there just having trouble with the fact that you spoke your mind..they will get over it.....they just need time to think...

not sure if I was of any help of comfort...

 

take care...

 

JustDad

[Jamie31]

Well, I don't believe in giving a kid anything and everything they want, either, but I am kind of being a hypocrite by saying that because I was spoiled rotten as a child and still am!

 

I think you should just back off and let you sister do what she wants in raising her child. It is, after all, HER child. And like JustDad said, she will pay for it down the road.

 

Families don't need to fight. Family should be top priority in your life. Don't let a little disagreement come between you and your sis. She is your best friend whether you believe it or not.

 

Just back off for a little while. That's what I would do. Maybe one day when the kid starts talking trash to her, she will realize, but until then, there isn't much you can do.

[jenny]

baby, i dig you, and particularly you expressing your opinion, but explain, exactly, why is this your business? your relatives are seperate people and unless this boy is hurting you, it's not your role to emote or opine.

 

xox j

[HokeyReligions]

Well, as the others said - it's not your child. Speaking your mind is fine - but you may want to think about the battles you choose. What impact does this kid have on you personally? Are you in any way responsible for him? To you support him financially? Did you buy the pizza and ice cream for him?

 

I know its frustrating to see someone else's parenting skills that you don't agree with, but there is an old saying about how easy it is to boast about ones own parenting skills when one doesn't have any kids - or something like that.

 

the only say-so you have in this kids life is when his actions have a direct impact on you. If they visit you in your home and the kid plays with the stereo, or rumages in the fridge or something - then you can say NO and you have every right to because these are your things.

 

Why does this bother you so? Is it because he is raised differently then the way you were and you are jealous? Or worried that the kid will have problems and get into trouble as he gets older? How old is he anyway? I don't mean this to sound sarcastic - you sound like a concerned Aunt and this is more than just being disgusted at the way some strangers let their kids run amuck out in public. (a personal pet peeve of mine)

 

You have stated your opinion and concern and if you family chooses to ignore you, or belittle you for having an opinion it is their problem. Do you love your nephew? You can love someone and not stand certain personality traits or attitudes. Maybe your family feels that because you are concerned, angered, hurt, whatever, over how he is being raised that means you don't love him, or love your sister.

[IRULE]

well i dont have kids ,i just watch everyone elses and i always speak my mind because no one i know disiplins their kid but i do. the funny thing is their kids are good for me when their not around ,and i tell them what brats they are when the parents are around and they say i know but do nothing about it, so i just feed them lots of candy right before they go home so they are all wound up, it works best when they have more then 1 kid, all my sisters and friends know how i am i tell them don't bring your kid to my house if you don't want them disiplined cuz i will do it. i think they want to do it but feel mean , the worst thing to teach them is giving them whatever they want and the kids and thier parents will suffer when they get older, so i guess its payback time.

well i did raise my little sis from 8 years old and she turned out good except her kids are brats to.

[Cariel]

I spent years hearing my younger brother tell me how horrid my son was...now I sit and listen to his pissing and moaning about how horrid HIS young kids are! Until you've been there...you don't know.

 

Of COURSE kids can't be allowed to have everything they want! But, kids are inherintely selfish and it is the guidance of the parent(s) that hopefully mutes that most-human quality. My older nephew is now 5 and - like most kids that age - he's like a torpedo on a spring! Exhausting! But that's what kids are like.

 

In any case, you have no right to discipline your sister's kids without her permission, and you most certainly have no right to feed them sugar or whatever before sending them back to Mom and Dad. If you don't want the kids around, refuse to see them.

 

Perhaps you have some issues here?

[hoopsy32]

Yes, I have issues of jealousy because it makes me so mad that he gets EVERYTHING he wants and even things he doesn't want when I didn't get as much crap as him because I wasn't a spoiled brat. I mean really, the kid got one of those little jeeps that kids can drive at like 2 mph, BEFORE HE COULD EVEN CRAWL. I would have gave my left arm for one of those when I was 5. Plus I am so scared that he will turn out like his P.O.S. dad and I know my sister is scared of it too, but by giving in to him all the time does not help the cause at all. I just don't know.

[IRULE]

to cariel or whatever i have no issues i raised my sister and if i want to discipline her kids i will and she knows it. if you were paying attention i said if they want me to babysit for them they know i will do it, if they don't want me to don't ask me to babysit and they also know i feed them candy before sending them home, i make no secrets about what i do.

[KellyC]

My niece is the SAME exact way, and when I try to discipline her or tell my sister or parents how bratty she is being, they defend her and say I'm such a "mean" Aunt! This has gone on for a couple years, and she progressively gets worse and worse. If you are not allowed to discipline a child, they will step all over you and not learn to respect you.

 

Recently, I decided if they won't let me discipline her, then I will not take her anywhere, do anything with her, and not treat her to anything. If I can't discipline her when I am taking her somewhere, then she can just freely damage property, cause an embarrassment, or worse yet hurt herself. I am saying this from experience. I decided this recently due to something bad that happened to my niece while I was watching her because she would not listen to me.

 

What happened was I took her to a local Subway shop to pick up food for the family. She would not hold my hand, she kept running off on me, and she even got on top of a table. It was very hard to watch her and order hoagies with her acting this way, and I couldn't just leave in a middle of an order cause that's as bad a stealing, so I said to her "get down from the table, and I'll let you get some cookies". So, she did. When I was picking out cookies for her, she reached behind me, grabbed ice from the soda machine, and threw a handful of ice in the face of the person waiting on me. The person behind the counter screamed "ouch", but played it off very casually. The guy could have lost his eye for God's sake, and she just laughed and laughed, and mocked the way he screamed "ouch". I apologized profusely, and left the shop quickly after the order was filled.

 

When we got back in the car, she wanted her cookie right away, and I said no, not until she ate her hoagie. Plus, I do not allow anyone to eat in my car. She cried all the way home. When I got there, I told my sister what she did to the guy at Subway, and my sister seemed more concerned with the fact that she was crying, and that I was such a "mean aunt for not letting her have her cookie". I couldn't believe she didn't yell at her daughter, punish her, something for throwing ice in someone's face. She was mas at ME for not giving her a cookie that I bought her just so she's behave. That happened 2 months ago, and I have yet to take my niece anywhere since then. By the way, if you guys think she is one of these 2-3 year old that don't know any better, she is actually 6 years old and acting this bratty. Also, she has nothing wrong with her like ADHD, she has been checked and is actually advanced for her age (already reading, writing, etc.)

[BlockHead]

KellyC,

 

Whining, crying, and screaming is the kid’s way of getting what she wants, but inflicting pain on others is just sadistic. Unless something is done, that girl will probably become a bully.

 

Your sister seems to be part of the problem. Instead of telling her daughter that inflicting pain on others is wrong, she actually seems to encourage it. By comforting her daughter like that, your sister is basically telling her that only her feelings matter. That is encouraging her to be more selfish.

 

She was mad at ME for not giving her a cookie that I bought her just so she's behave.

I don’t think the girl has any idea of what punishment is. She must have thought that denying her the cookie was just plain mean. I think she wanted the cookie as tribute. She didn’t understand that you would not reward her for doing a bad thing.

 

Unless something is done, I think that malevolent kid will carve a path of destruction in the future, but it is not your role to discipline the child. I think your sister is hardheaded and in denial.

 

I think you should try to tell your sister

1. If she truly loved her daughter, your sister would make an effort to correct her.

2. Tough decisions must be made

3. Your sister is her mother, not her best friend.

4. What kind of future would your niece have if this continues? Crime?

5. Discipline is absolutely necessary!!!

[ilovemybabies]

No one has the right to discipline another person's child without the permission of the parent, even IF would-be disciplinarian DID raise the parent of the child in question.

 

That being said, if I were you (this is to the original poster) I would not have anything to do with the family events, unless sis is willing to get a handle on that bratty child. ADHD my fat behind. Yes there are kids who have ADD or ADHD, but the number who actually have it and the number who are kids whose parents are too lazy to parent effectively , differ greatly. Most who are diagnosed don't have it.

And, I know one kids who DOES have it and his parents still make him mind. My son has Sensory Integtration Dysfunction and has the mentality of a 2 yr old at age 4. It is truly difficult, but I do my best to see to it that he is corrected and he does not disturb others. I do not give in to him either. It CAN be done.

 

Don't take the brat places and avoid them at all costs. You should not have to be subjected to this crap.

[ilovemybabies]

BTW, a good old fashioned butt whuppin never hurt anyone either!

[hoopsy32]

Originally posted by ilovemybabies That being said, if I were you (this is to the original poster) I would not have anything to do with the family events, unless sis is willing to get a handle on that bratty child. ADHD my fat behind. Yes there are kids who have ADD or ADHD, but the number who actually have it and the number who are kids whose parents are too lazy to parent effectively , differ greatly. Most who are diagnosed don't have it.

 

Don't take the brat places and avoid them at all costs. You should not have to be subjected to this crap.

 

Oh, I know! The only thing is that I don't want to have to miss out on family get-to-gethers just because he's a brat and I want to hold my ground. I talked to my oldest sister today and asked her if she had talked to our other sister (the sis with the bratty kid) and asked if she still hated me because it's been about a month or so now, and she said she's still pretty pissed, which is sort of sad... I expeted some sort of resolution by now.

 

I feel a little bad because I was one of the few people she hung out with this summer, and the only person that was with her during the day on her 30th birthday. But like I said from the start, I wasn't being mean or bitchy, I just don't want the kid to grow up like his pile of crap dad and take total advantage of my sister and everyone else that lets him. So I wanted to get the ball rolling in the right direction before it was too late... ya know?

 

I just see him in about 10-15 years getting girls pregnant, getting in trouble with the law, stealing, in debt, getting terrible grades (maybe even dropping out of school), but still being momma's boy because she could never say no to him. That scares me so much. I went through my early teen years with this kid living with me and I learned how much I really hate his dad, and it would really kill me if he ended up the way his dad did.

 

Originally posted by ilovemybabies BTW, a good old fashioned butt whuppin never hurt anyone either!

 

Yeah, but the kid would probably call the cops on whoever it was that even slightly poked him with a Q-tip.

[hoopsy32]

Oh, and just the throw this in here... my other nephew and my two nieces from my oldest sister don't act like him AT ALL because they are told no and stop, and they know when to stop.