not2sure Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 so listen to this I was working for a dental office and times have been really slow, due to the economy and people not scheduling, so they decided they are going to lay me off, take in mind we have 4 offices and I had been there longer than in anyone in my office, yet I am the one-only one getting the ax, a permanent layoff..so ok anyway they gave me 2 weeks and allowed me time to leave to do interviews and gave me a letter of recommendation so on and so forth..so they took me to a expensive lunch on my last day and gave me a $100.00 gift card from the staff. so anyway they also made time to do some dental work that I had been needing done...so I had to come back in 2 weeks to finish treatment, well needless to say everyone was acting really wierd to me, almost cold but not, and asking me a bunch of questions about my new job and who my boss is.....which I think is odd, so anyway since then I had gotten some text messages from some of the co-workers asking if my teeth are feeling ok...boring so far I know, but I would answer them back and had a question and nothing....no response..I called my previous boss to ask 401k questions and nothing, will not reply to texts or answer phone when I call, its like they are all avioding me now, why would they be so nice for me to leave and then cold, its almost like they know something, either about me or something else...if its me who knows I haven't done anything...why do you think the drastic change in behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
derbyboy Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I know going through the change you did can be traumatic. I know I recently experienced the same. It is funny how people you thought of as friends and comrades in the end are not. They were really acquaintenances. Below is an article I found while going through this change. The good news is we are both working and need to move forward and put the past in the past. I hope this document I found to be of help. Article No matter what economic figures you hear, you can pick up any newspaper any day and read about people losing their jobs. Whether you're the target or not, job loss will inevitably touch some of your relationships. As someone who more often found herself on the curb than inside the fence, I'll admit that I still miss some former co-workers who drifted away. In case you've never been there, here's what it's like to suddenly be on the outside looking in: When your employer "humanely" gives ample notice that your job will be eliminated, it's like being thrown into a hole while the dirt's slowly tossed in. The phone stops ringing; e-mail dwindles. You aren't invited to meetings. Formerly cordial colleagues begin to avoid you. You become irrelevant long before your last day. On the other hand, when you lose your job without warning and you're escorted from the building like a criminal, you leave many loose ends fluttering in your wake. It's humiliating either way, and the survivors are left to wonder if it's disloyal to the employer to remain friends with you. If you're a survivor, the last thing you want or need to hear is victims' theories on what happened. This postmortem always seems to last in direct proportion to years of service. Short-timers may just shrug and move on, but those "I-gave-that-place-the-best-years-of-my-life" types can wear you out. Nor are you interested in tirades against the villainous company-which still writes your paychecks and probably provides other benefits you value highly. Nor do you want a list of those who should have gotten the axe but didn't. For all you know, your name is included in invisible ink. On the other hand, if you value the victim's friendship at all, you should be willing to absorb a certain amount of grieving and venting, even if you don't feel comfortable agreeing with the sentiments expressed. If the basis of your friendship was a common hatred of the boss, the work, or the company in general, don't be surprised if you grow apart. After all, your continued kvetching will just sound petty to your unemployed friend, who's thinking, "At least you still have something to complain about." But never be too quick to strike the person from your holiday card list. There's no guarantee you won't someday find yourself in the same position. How would you like it if everyone acted as if you never existed? Remember that it's hard for anyone to be told he was useful yesterday, but not today; or that he's grown too old and expensive to employ. That person deserves your sympathy, not your cold shoulder. A note to victims: Before you write off former co-workers/friends as cold, callous, and uncaring, realize you're a walking reminder that nobody's job is safe. Every time they look at you, your friends may wonder when it will be their turn. You now have an opportunity, albeit unplanned, to make a better life for yourself, but they may feel tied to the railroad tracks with no escape. If you ever find yourself weighing friendship against company loyalty, I can say from experience that 95 percent of the friends you make on the job really aren't friends. Once you no longer have that common focus, most relationships go as flat as warm Coke. However, if you have common outside interests, such as hobbies or family life, it's possible to transcend the disruption and take your friendship to a higher level, and you should do so. In any event, if you've made a sincere effort to stay in touch, lend an ear, be a shoulder to cry on, pass along job leads, and offer encouragement, I think you can let the friendship fizzle with a clear conscience. You treated the person as you would hope to be treated. Who could ask for anything more? Link to post Share on other sites
Author not2sure Posted November 12, 2008 Author Share Posted November 12, 2008 I never looked at that way, its true thught its like I am the plaque or the one person in class that no one likes......it makes me think what did I do, is there something I did that I wasn't aware of....its just wrong, but I guess its true they are not really your friends, its like they like you because you are there with them 8 or more hours a day...thats about it and then your pretty sure that anything you said about anyone while you were there has now been told to that person now that you are gone and it makes you wonder if you are the talk of the office? Link to post Share on other sites
derbyboy Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I am sure whatever your former colleagues said about you after you left is now over. We become part of the past in our former organizations and very doubtful we are still the "talk of the town". They are figuring out how they will maintain their jobs in the organization as the economy continues to struggle and probably wonder what they will do when they join the ranks of the formerly employed. They quickly forget us and they have their own issues to deal with and in reality can care less whether we are prospering or not. Of course that may not be the case for a true friend but it is doubtful whether any existed. We all came together to work in an organization and fuilfilled our respective roles until they were no longer needed and most affiliations with our co-workers end when we departed. Too bad..kind of cold...but think of this...how many people did you know in high school or college? At the time they may have been close but you shared a common purpose. Since the time you left school how many have you really kept in touch...probably not many, if any. This really isn't different. I had worked with many people well over 20 years and I do not hear from any unless I initiate it. It makes me feel like more of a pest so I have refrained from doing so. It has been hurtful and certainly a loss in my life but I am about over it. The bad part for me is I am now working from home and that becomes quite lonely from time to time as my company's main offices I work with are in NJ and I guy I work closely with is in AZ and I am in KY. I know I have rambled but that is probably due to the seclusion I find myself in. Take care....and do your best to put it behind you! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Did you send a thank you card for the expensive lunch and gift card? Sounds like they all contributed right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author not2sure Posted November 12, 2008 Author Share Posted November 12, 2008 yes you are right, but isn't odd how they would spend all that money and yada yada and then boom...your a goner, but hey whatever, I now have a great job and am working for the court and I really enjoy and have actually been giving a blessing that I left that job...or I wouldn't be at the one I am at....I haven't attempted to contact them and hate to say but have deleted there email addresses and hae blocked them from sending any to me. I just feel like I need a fresh start and not to feel bad...I also had to have a new cell phone and got a new number and I didn't give to any of them. I know I am repeating myself, but its like they are acting like I am a criminal or something (which no I didn't do anything), but I guess you could say I never experienced it and never really realized that they weren't real friends..they came to my wedding just 2 months ago, but didn't really talk to me...um must of been for the free liquor and food you think.....your posts have helped me realize that its just what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author not2sure Posted November 12, 2008 Author Share Posted November 12, 2008 absolutely I did, I sent a thank you card and also called them each and thanked them....it is just odd, but what do you do? Link to post Share on other sites
derbyboy Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Good luck to you! sounds like you have made that decision to move on and put it behind you...that is what is best....and congratulations on the wedding! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 absolutely I did, I sent a thank you card and also called them each and thanked them....it is just odd, but what do you do? Ok, well now I'm truly baffled. I thought that was it. Well don't sweat it. This very kind of thing is what makes me regret getting too close to people. I've kind of figured out that miserable people in the end will make you miserable if you let them. Happy and well adjusted people are forgiving of others, loyal and treat their friends as if they're valuable. Obviously these weren't real friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author not2sure Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 The more I think of it, it seems like they were just being extra nice so I wouldn't raise a big deal about being layed off, because I was the last one left of the original staff, got a new manager and she was slowly getting rid of everyone and of all the people they probably thought I would make a huge deal or try to find a loop hole to sue them for something since they have lost there whole original staff in just the past 6 months and I was the last so I am starting to think that they were just pacifing me to get me gone quietly, even though legally they aren't suppose to give a negative reference they gave me glowing recommendations to other employers, but yet didn't want to keep me for there own...isn't that interesting! The more I talk to you the more I see and now that I am gone...they are done being nice guy...what you think? now they have there whole new staff! I only worked with some of them for 6mnths Link to post Share on other sites
derbyboy Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 It could be...office politics can be difficult to navigate so you never know..did they lay people off one at a time from the "old" staff..some managers are funny that way..did you see it coming? did they give you any warnings on how you were the selected person from all the others? was your role phased out? can be complex to figure out.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author not2sure Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 no not really the last person to go was in july and she had been there for 5 years just one day they said we don't need you anymore thats it, but I got 2 weeks..so thats odd, they said because the schedule was slow, and one person could do it, but since I have left they have pulled people from other offices because they are too busy??? go figure! plus the manager that I don't think liked me too much said well since your husband makes great money you could probably just stay home. she said that like 3x..then a few weeks later.....there you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author not2sure Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 you would think with being there the longest including longer than the manager I wouldn't be chosen Link to post Share on other sites
derbyboy Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I can't believe the manager said those things to you...I suppose you could contact a labor law attorney to determine if there is any potential action you can take against the dentist and the manager. Be sure to take any paperwork or any agreements you may have signed. If they did you have sign something, perhaps it was not prepared in a legal manner. It may have just been something they worked up on their own which may give you an actionable cause against them. The dentist won't want to litigate a wrongful discharge charge. You may be able to obtain additional compensation from them. Of course you could do nothing, which that is what they are hoping. If you have questions about your 401(k) and the plan administrator that is named in your Summary Plan Description has a fiduciary responsibility to reply to your requests. You can turn them into the Department of Labor for that failure as well. I would send a certified letter with return receipt to the Plan Administrator with your questions and give them sufficient time to respond (30 business days). If you so not hear from then, file a complaint with the Department of Labor. The DOL will get them moving. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author not2sure Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 You see now how I am starting to look at it differently, yeah she did say those comments and others, but I didn't put much thought into it, which is now why I think they were being so nice and now not, thinking that now I have a job, I won't think twice about it. Thank you for taking the time to spend with me on this, it has really been bothering me, but I feel better now;) Link to post Share on other sites
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