First time poster, just need some unbiased and support.

[Rapadash6]

Hey all! I'm a new member and lately I've been very depressed and lonely and I just needed a forum to vent my frustrations on. I would be glad to talk with anyone willing to listen, and adversly I'd be willing to lend an ear to anyone willing to unload. First of all a little info about myself;

 

I'm 27 years old, I live alone in Northern California and I've only ever really been in one serious relationship. I really do feel I have some excellent qualities, although I am still a bit insecure when it comes to both making friends and meeting potential, romantic companions. I'm attractive, fit, fairly intelligent and very hard working but at the same time I am very shy and introverted. I get along well with people and they generally seem to like me but I can never seem to get beyond being a "casual aquaintence", you know?

 

I work at a resort as an Audio Visual technician and I'm meeting new people all the time, even if I only see them for a short while. I smile, make small talk and I'm pretty sure I seem pretty upbeat and, even though I feel depressed inside, I make a concious effort to not let it affect my interactions with people. (I know feeling sorry for yourself all the time is no way to make people like you.) I also get along well with co-workers, both the men and the women but when it comes to a particular co-worker I'm just at a loss as what to do about the situation.

 

I've had a crush on this woman for a good couple of years now but because she's always had a boyfriend I was never really able to approach her in any manner more than just "Hey, how are you?" kind of banter. What's worse is I'm fairly certain she is attracted to me as well as she always makes a point to smile and say my name when she greets me but not in the casual, required kind of way. Also I get that non verbal vibe everytime we look at each other (you know that one that always makes the both of you blush a little ^^')

 

Anyway, my problem is that I recently heard rumors that this guy she's dating may or may not be treating her with the respect and devotion she deserves. Now I understand that the things that go on between the two of them are none of my business and I would never impose myself on that particualar situation. It's theirs to work out, afterall, but at the same time I don't want to see her have to go through the heartbreak of devoting yourself to someone who just won't give the same in return. I know it from my own experience and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. I can tell she really loves this guy too which makes the situation more infuriating for me.

 

I'm a pretty honest guy and I always try to do the right thing and I really want to extend my friendship to this women, just as someone who can be there for general support. Part of me, however, is telling myself that it would be wrong and schematic for me to do so because of the feelings I have for her. I mean I don't want to seem like I'm disrespecting her relationship, because in all honesty if that makes her happy, I'm okay with it. I mean I was okay with it before I heard the rumor but now I'm just worried about her. I guess I'm also afraid she wouldn't think I was sencere, as I'm sure she's aware of my attraction to her, and it would just make things awkward whenever I see her.

 

I know this is quite a rant and I would appriciate any advice anyone could give me on what I should do, if anything. Thank you for listening.

 

EDIT: Sorry about the title, I meant to say I need some unbiased ADVICE and support. ^^'

[JohnnyBlaze]

Here's my take on it.

 

1. If she's as crazy about this guy as you say she is, nothing you say is going to change her mind right now. Unless there's physical abuse involved, you're just going to have to let this one ride. When you're a nice guy, it really sucks having to take this approach, but any attempt to convince her will only make you look jealous. Whether or not you are is irrelevant.
   
2. Be there for her, but don't be too much of a leaning post. You don't want to be the good friend she can always count on. The only thing worse than watching a chick you like date a jerk is watching her break up with him and date an even worse one as a rebound. If you're the 'good friend', then you'll never be the guy she dates; you'll be the guy who gets to hear about the next boyfriend. I'm guessing that you'd rather BE the next boyfriend than hear about him.
   
3. Of course, the corollary to #2 is not to jump in to be the next boyfriend too quickly. The rebound guy rarely lasts. If she looks to make a quick jump, let her. She'll go through the next guy, get over him quickly, and then you make your move to be the next long-term boyfriend.
   

That's my 2¢.

[Kukulkan]

Hey all! I'm a new member and lately I've been very depressed and lonely and I just needed a forum to vent my frustrations on. I would be glad to talk with anyone willing to listen, and adversly I'd be willing to lend an ear to anyone willing to unload. First of all a little info about myself;

 

I'm 27 years old, I live alone in Northern California and I've only ever really been in one serious relationship. I really do feel I have some excellent qualities, although I am still a bit insecure when it comes to both making friends and meeting potential, romantic companions. I'm attractive, fit, fairly intelligent and very hard working but at the same time I am very shy and introverted. I get along well with people and they generally seem to like me but I can never seem to get beyond being a "casual aquaintence", you know?

 

I work at a resort as an Audio Visual technician and I'm meeting new people all the time, even if I only see them for a short while. I smile, make small talk and I'm pretty sure I seem pretty upbeat and, even though I feel depressed inside, I make a concious effort to not let it affect my interactions with people. (I know feeling sorry for yourself all the time is no way to make people like you.) I also get along well with co-workers, both the men and the women but when it comes to a particular co-worker I'm just at a loss as what to do about the situation.

 

I've had a crush on this woman for a good couple of years now but because she's always had a boyfriend I was never really able to approach her in any manner more than just "Hey, how are you?" kind of banter. What's worse is I'm fairly certain she is attracted to me as well as she always makes a point to smile and say my name when she greets me but not in the casual, required kind of way. Also I get that non verbal vibe everytime we look at each other (you know that one that always makes the both of you blush a little ^^')

 

Anyway, my problem is that I recently heard rumors that this guy she's dating may or may not be treating her with the respect and devotion she deserves. Now I understand that the things that go on between the two of them are none of my business and I would never impose myself on that particualar situation. It's theirs to work out, afterall, but at the same time I don't want to see her have to go through the heartbreak of devoting yourself to someone who just won't give the same in return. I know it from my own experience and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. I can tell she really loves this guy too which makes the situation more infuriating for me.

 

I'm a pretty honest guy and I always try to do the right thing and I really want to extend my friendship to this women, just as someone who can be there for general support. Part of me, however, is telling myself that it would be wrong and schematic for me to do so because of the feelings I have for her. I mean I don't want to seem like I'm disrespecting her relationship, because in all honesty if that makes her happy, I'm okay with it. I mean I was okay with it before I heard the rumor but now I'm just worried about her. I guess I'm also afraid she wouldn't think I was sencere, as I'm sure she's aware of my attraction to her, and it would just make things awkward whenever I see her.

 

I know this is quite a rant and I would appriciate any advice anyone could give me on what I should do, if anything. Thank you for listening.

 

EDIT: Sorry about the title, I meant to say I need some unbiased ADVICE and support. ^^'

 

Don't go there, if she's involved with another guy you're only setting yourself up for failure. Maintain the friendship, and if an opportunity arises in the future - go for it! Personally I'd recommend making several female friends, they're fun to hang out with and will typically be able to help you out on the finding available single women front.

[Rapadash6]

Thanks for the input. I was actually leaning towards the "just let it ride" approach but it's nice to hear others say it too. I guess I'll just do my best to get over her and let whatever will happen happen.

 

Unfortunately I don't get many opportunities to meet women, especially women I feel a connection with so it might be hard to just go out and gather a group of them as friends. I don't exactly close off either but it's more a matter of just finding the time to visit public venues in which to meet these people. The way I see it is I'd have to be extremely lucky to meet someone special who I DON'T work with or see on a regular basis.

 

I appriciate the advice. Thank you!

[Vince Black]

Gotta agree with the dog father......

 

Be a friend..but not a whipping boy

Help her if she really needs it...but don't become the best friend

If they happen to break up.....give it TIME

Let her know that you are interested....but DO NOT become the rebound guy

 

And if you didn't here me the first time.....DO NOT BECOME THE REBOUND GUY!!!!

 

Trust me on this.....I've been the rebound guy.....and it just sucks

[Mary3]

Gotta agree with the dog father......

 

Be a friend..but not a whipping boy

Help her if she really needs it...but don't become the best friend

If they happen to break up.....give it TIME

Let her know that you are interested....but DO NOT become the rebound guy

 

And if you didn't here me the first time.....DO NOT BECOME THE REBOUND GUY!!!!

 

Trust me on this.....I've been the rebound guy.....and it just sucks

 

Coming from a woman : Save your self alot of wasted time by NOT trying to be her buddy as she flies through men one after another and you are her * ear *. Do not go there.

 

Get out and date !

 

If you want romance , take it ! Take it quick with her or let sleeping dogs lie....

 

Never , ever , never agree to be her buddy. If you want her , you have one shot to go get her. If she's not yours by the end of the night , she's not yours !

[Rapadash6]

Coming from a woman : Save your self alot of wasted time by NOT trying to be her buddy as she flies through men one after another and you are her * ear *. Do not go there.

 

Get out and date !

 

If you want romance , take it ! Take it quick with her or let sleeping dogs lie....

 

Never , ever , never agree to be her buddy. If you want her , you have one shot to go get her. If she's not yours by the end of the night , she's not yours !

Thanks for the advice Mary3! I was hoping to hear a womans take on this situation. What I'm hearing, and please correct me if I've misunderstood, is that I should go for it (a date with her) anyway and if it doesn't work out, let it go.

[Mary3]

Tell her you want to extend friendship that LEADS to romance. Tell her you think she might like to be treated great by a good guy and that guy is YOU !

[mrose2008]

Leave her alone..I am a woman and I have guy friends..I am nice and friendly to them but that does not mean I want to date them...I have a significant other..If she wanted to date you she would let you know....