Unclear future: am I wrong to expect the one I love and the one who loves me to care?

[decon101]

Hi there thank you for taking time to read this message, I hope a few of you can share some light on this subject and poss tell me what I already know. I met my girlfriend over a year ago we lived across the road from each other for two years and now I know we both liked each other but was to shy to really pluck up courage to ask each other out, when I finally did I was so happy here was a gorgeous bright girl and we clicked striate away.

 

But I knew something was wrong, she told me she had issues from the past and she had trouble being intimate even kissing was something that we had to take easy, I knew what was wrong but didn’t push her and just left it that she would tell me when she was ready. Which she did and yes as I thought she had been forced upon in the past but had told no one.

 

Now this made me so sad but made us stronger in a way she had buried herself into her sister child that had been born and spent all her time looking after the child. Not a problem to me I have two jobs and am always busy. but after ten months had gone past I started to want more time together than the two nights 8 till 12pm we were spending. We had our first fight and she said that we would spend more time together and she would sleep over, which had never happened and we had never fully fulfilled our relationship but that was not a problem to me I loved her and those things could wait. but after a week things slipped back to how they were until I was ill and had to stay lay 0on the couch all weekend unable to move much.

 

She came to see me one afternoon but never came back couple of text messages to see if I was ok. but this made me feel that she would rather be at her sister’s house with the child etc. I had to go to hospital the next day so I told her this and got a reply of let me know when your home safe.

 

I went mad that she never even asked how I was getting to hospital and we had a massive row and split.

 

I really want someone to read this and tell me if I am being stupid but most of all I need more in my relationship than eight hours a week and does any one think this will happen? am I wrong to expect the one I love and the one who loves me to care about me going into hospital? I feel because we lack intimacy of the physical kind (which I know is not her fault and have no problem with I would never pressure this) that we need to be stronger in other areas

 

Thanks for your time and any help on this

[sonofhud]

Yah dude, seriously, she could have had all kinds of problems in the past, but if you have to go to the hospital for some reason, it seems like if she cared about you at all, she would have at least called? None of that text message crap. If she doesn't want to spend a lot of time with you, but you wanna spend a lot of time with her, then some kind of compromise needs to be made. You both need to give a little to understand what each other need?

[jenny]

it's odd (within western culture) that she is spending that much time with a child not her own, frankly, when she has a lover with real marriage potential. the two of you might need different things, sweety, prepare yourself to reject or soon be rejected.

 

chasing is one thing, during courtship, but after the fact of a relationship it gets a bit ludicrous. you sound like you deserve better. and, in all likelihood, if you stop calling she will come running.

 

don't you want someone who craves you like you crave her?

 

xxox, j

[decon101]

Thank you both for your time and comments, why does it take some one to say what you already know for it to make sense?! If i thought this problem was going to go away in the near future i would work more on it.. does this say anything to you? the fact that i have all but given up is bugging me does this mean i know that my heart is wrong? i wish i could tell you more about what i have been told by my now ex but she has only told me and i swore i would never tell a soul so this very post makes me feel like i am betraying that trust. her sisters child was the wall that was founded to protect and forget about what happened to her

 

But you are right i do crave someone that craves me too, that quite pos is the thing that hurts the most knowing that she would rather be at her sisters.

 

The compromise is what i have been try to achieve. I am not a fool in love i am lucky enough to have been in love several times each time with a gorgeous person but i really know that i would have spent my life with this person if that compromise could be attained, the sad thing about it all is that i know she feels the same but maybe somethings are just not possible