marlena Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I actually called her after New Year's. I had not called her since she dumped me in March, but I just needed to get it off my chest that I understood the mistakes I made, that I was sincerely sorry, and that I wanted to let her know that I always cared about her. Maybe it's a good thing that you called her and got it off your chest. Obviously, this is something that you needed to do and, in a sense, this should make you feel a little better. Now, you can really start to put this behind you. It will take time and a lot of it will be painful but you'll come out on the other side. We all do somehow, sometime. Take care of yourself and be proud to be who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelysoulja Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 I just don't want to get over her. I want her back but it's painfully obvious that isn't going to happen. And whenever I feel like I've let go, something happens and my thoughts race to her. It's been 10 months. Wouldn't one call this insanity? Link to post Share on other sites
againstallodds Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Hey Lonely I think you just want something that you can't have because your ego is crushed. Do you think that thing will be different when you get her back? Can you make both of your life better? You got to really think about this because if you get her back and things don't work out you'll be crushed again. You got to have a plan. Link to post Share on other sites
steve9417 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I just don't want to get over her. I want her back but it's painfully obvious that isn't going to happen. And whenever I feel like I've let go, something happens and my thoughts race to her. it takes time to heal from a significant relationship ..... thats why you're stuck at the "problem" even though you know its over it appears that its taken you some time to realise its significance and in turn the loneliness of where you are in your life AT THE MOMENT - this awareness will give you a fantastic chance to explore and introduce changes in your life so that in your next relationship you're a more autonomous human being .... be inquisitive as to what they are you could of course just jump straight into a new relationship and avoid all this pain (and miss out on the personal development this time gives you) or continue to stay stuck in the "problem" ..... which as i say might be what you need to do right now ..... perhaps writing a journal might help - its great to write externalise all your "thoughts" ....... and of course to keep sharing those thoughts with the LS team Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelysoulja Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Hey Lonely I think you just want something that you can't have because your ego is crushed. Do you think that thing will be different when you get her back? Can you make both of your life better? You got to really think about this because if you get her back and things don't work out you'll be crushed again. You got to have a plan. If I had another chance, I would have been less hesitant and careful with her. I would spend more time with her, call her more often, travel together, give her more compliments, be more affectionate. Overall, just be less shy and afraid, and show her how much I am into her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelysoulja Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 it takes time to heal from a significant relationship ..... thats why you're stuck at the "problem" even though you know its over it appears that its taken you some time to realise its significance and in turn the loneliness of where you are in your life AT THE MOMENT - this awareness will give you a fantastic chance to explore and introduce changes in your life so that in your next relationship you're a more autonomous human being .... be inquisitive as to what they are you could of course just jump straight into a new relationship and avoid all this pain (and miss out on the personal development this time gives you) or continue to stay stuck in the "problem" ..... which as i say might be what you need to do right now ..... perhaps writing a journal might help - its great to write externalise all your "thoughts" ....... and of course to keep sharing those thoughts with the LS team I am not particularly happy with anything at the moment. When I was with her, I felt like I was at the cusp of breaking through all of the stuff that ever held me back and I was so close to letting her know how much I was into her, and stepping it up in the relationship. I feel cheated out of the chance. I am really interested in finding a companion, but whenever I date someone else, I still think of her and the sadness can be overwhelming even while being excited about someone new, and there again I'm handicapped in letting that new person know that I'm into them...and they eventually get the idea that I'm not. It's been 10 months. It was only a 5 month relationship but she became my best friend. And like that, without warning, it was warning. How long does it take to heal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelysoulja Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 it takes time to heal from a significant relationship ..... thats why you're stuck at the "problem" even though you know its over it appears that its taken you some time to realise its significance and in turn the loneliness of where you are in your life AT THE MOMENT - this awareness will give you a fantastic chance to explore and introduce changes in your life so that in your next relationship you're a more autonomous human being .... be inquisitive as to what they are you could of course just jump straight into a new relationship and avoid all this pain (and miss out on the personal development this time gives you) or continue to stay stuck in the "problem" ..... which as i say might be what you need to do right now ..... perhaps writing a journal might help - its great to write externalise all your "thoughts" ....... and of course to keep sharing those thoughts with the LS team She became my best friend and for someone who always had a hard time making friends, it really meant a lot. It was shocking to have it end all of the sudden like that. I've tried jumping back in the dating pool, but I can't shake the thought of her, it spoils everything. I remain hestitant, and these girls I date, who for a while may be into me, eventually get the idea that I'm not so into them...I mean, I've had it happen more than once where I get the "talk": "I am not sure if you want to be more than friends" question ... I've always had a hard time expressing myself like that, so this has made it even more of an ordeal. How much time does it take to heal and get to point where I'm not crippled like this? It's been 10 months, and it was a 5 month relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
againstallodds Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I wish I am a genie and can grant you your wish lol but you know it doesn't work that way. It's good that you have a plan but don't dwell too much on it though. Losing the one you love sux, there's nothing worst but when I look back with all the girls I've been with, I realized that I was happy in every relationship at some point. This is my hope, that one day I'll find another one and life start all over again and my ex is just a memory. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelysoulja Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 oops double posted. Link to post Share on other sites
steve9417 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 someone significant entered you're life and "got in there" ...... she left and that hole has left a mark on you ......... you fell in love with someone and the price for them not honouring it back is all this "stuff" how long will it take to heal ? ........ you know no one on LS can answer that ...... so please stop asking there are lots of posts on how to "move on" - they all say similar things BUT believe it or not they work in the long run ....... sadly they won't stop the pain immediately in the short term ...... thats the price for falling for someone ....... it's just that at the core I've always been a "distant" loner type of person who deep down inside craves friendship..I feel like such a dysfunctional person, and can't figure a way out of this funk. She wasn't even that hot or nice. I know it's something wrong with me. this is just nuts ........ there's nothing wrong with you .... you just got dumped by a girl whose not capable of a proper mature and honest relationship and you are ...... you lost nothing and gained everything ........ in the long run your life would have been a disaster with her what's clear is the woman is a poor communicator / emotional fridge whose not a believer in forgiveness nor working at building the type of relationship you need ........ she could give you part of what you needed but not the real stuff to make a relationship work ......... i'm not sure if you recognise that but it might make more sense for your own mental well being to focus on that rather than wonder why you're going nuts or how long will recovery take etc ...... once you realise she was a false dawn you'll then start improving yourself and stop damming yourself ........ you have to get there with that one - take her off the pedestal ......... she don't deserve to be up there and you know it ....... Link to post Share on other sites
LostNLonely Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Was her name Jill? Ok. Seriously dude, it's your ego buddy, through no fault of your own, this pyscho woman became your biggest fan. I know it's tough to go on a starvation diet, but she has decided to move-on and feed someone else's ego. Your going to be splitting apart at the seams if you don't get a grip on yourself soon. Try the recovery process. Do the work. Get well. Move on. Best regards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelysoulja Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 i can't find the discipline inside to let go. i'm obsessed with trying to figure out why she hates me and trying to make it right. now i feel like every time i contact her, it's like a bad haircut i'm trying to fix by cutting more hair off, and it just keeps getting worse and worse. the rational part of my mind understands that she doesn't even care enough to tell me to eff off. that's just brutally painful for me to accept. i can't believe it, and it makes me very mistrustful of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
steve9417 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 i can't find the discipline inside to let go. i'm obsessed with trying to figure out why she hates me and trying to make it right. the rational part of my mind understands that she doesn't even care enough to tell me to eff off. OK you're admitting that you're obsessed with someone who doesn't want you - people obsess as a defence to disassociate from the emotional pain they're experiencing - it's dysfunctional because it keeps them focused on the future / past look under "OCD" on the web to help you short term - check out a therapist if you want to really make an impression long term ..... as i said you may not want to do those things to improve yourself - instead you may not be ready to do anything except talk about the "problem" / put yourself down / try and work out why she ignores you and treated you like this / why life's unfair / take self pity on your plight etc its your show ...... what do you want to do ? Link to post Share on other sites
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