Is it normal to cry at work?

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

How about regularly?

 

My boss is a very...traditional man. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, or a sexist thing (everyone who works in our office but him is female, so I may be projecting), but he can be very, very mean. Not all the time, but if something goes wrong--someone is late (patients, business partners), something breaks, something doesn't work--he gets into a bad mood and nobody can do anything right. Maybe it affects me more because I'm the newest one there, but I've been yelled at so. many. times. If I dare to try to explain myself, he will cut me off and yell more. (His favourite line is "You don't think, I'm the boss here!") Most of the time, it is a misunderstanding or something beyond my control, but it doesn't matter. He won't apologize for wrongly blaming, except in a roundabout way by taking the office out for dinner or promising me a raise.

 

Since I started working here, I've cried at work at least once a month without fail. Sometimes I can wait until I get to the washroom. A few times, I've just broken down right at my desk in the middle of the office (clearly visible by patients, which he doesn't care about, since he yells at me in front of them too). My mom told me she hates her job and it makes her cry sometimes too. I realize most people don't like their jobs; do we all just deal with that in different ways?

[2sure]

Look, I used to have to deal with a boss that yelled at employess also. When I threatened to quit because of it, he would offer me raises, etc.

I used to actually cry. But his bark was worse than his bite. When he yelled at me in front of others - I would give him a dirty look, or say something back - making him look like a big ass*hole in front of clients.

He never fired me, and started being a little better.

 

But people like that are wrong, and the longer you stay there an take the abuse (it IS abuse) - it will affect your confidence, self esteem, and your ability to be professional.

 

Leave. You dont get yelled at. By anyone. And not some ass*ole at work.

[Geishawhelk]

He's a bully. Quite frankly, if he can't lead with the kind of authority necessary to make people want to work for him out of respect, as opposed to fear, he shouldn't be in the job.

he sounds as if he doesn't have the first clue of how to develop leadership quaqlities.

 

I would speak to someone in HR if I were you.

It's possible he really doesn't want the position, and is acting out of frustration and ignorance.

But if it's his company, and there's no HR....

I'd start quietly seeking alternative employment.

 

This is not on.

[Ronni_W]

For some it is 'normal' but it is certainly not the most effective, for adults to cry when other adults are yelling at them...doesn't matter at work, home or play.

 

Given the circumstances, you might want to consider getting a new job, as already suggested. If not, possibly learn how to be assertive around him -- in private, let him know that you expect him to treat you exactly the same as you treat him -- professionally, with respect, courtesy, good manners, etc. Tell him that his temper tantrums reflect poorly on the entire practice. Suggest that he may need to learn anger and stress management techniques. Let him know that you are not his 'child', and from now on, you are gonna be yelling back at him louder and longer than he may think you can. And that you will quit AFTER you are done yelling at him.

 

He sounds like a miserable SOB -- but you don't have to let him take you down that road, with him.

You can improve your own situation -- Good luck!

[Enema]

I don't think it's normal either.

 

I manage about 20 people here and I've only had 2 of them cry. One while I was firing her and another during a fairly blunt performance appraisal.

 

It's not good management to berate you for things that aren't your fault, or to do it in public. These things should always be done in private if warranted.

 

Don't let him get away with it! Formally complain to him, to his boss, or leave.

[quankanne]

the crying sounds like a stress releaser, IMO. Sucks that he's being such a butthead, though. Had an editor like that, no one liked him, found out he was diabetic, so we learned to slip him snacky things when we thought his blood sugar was dipping and he was getting grouchy. THat might be something to consider?

 

also, if he's just wired that way, try not to take it personally. Zone out when he kvetches, get a dammit doll and pound away, make faces ... anything to get that stress out in a way that diverts the crying spells. Or, if you feel comfortable enough to approach him when he's calm, remind him that it's easier to catch flies with honey than it is with vinegar!

[Shygirl15]

No, depending on the situation, it's not strange to cry at work.

 

If you did not mention the patients environment, I would have thought you are one of my colleagues, perhaps.

 

Only today I had to break down again (in the morning!), because again I had to face his constant harassments and angry outbursts. Now my female co-workers cry even more often than I do.

 

I'm winding up an email to HR.

[allina]

I don't think it's normal to cry at work, and I think it is absolutely abnormal for a boss to be such an a-hole that he makes his employees cry.

 

I have never, ever in my life cried at work, ever, not even close. I have also never seen anyone cry at work outside of one 17 year old girl back when I was in HS working retail.

[mental_traveller]

It's not normal, but it's not unheard of either, especially if you are a woman (that's the way most people view it, call it sexist but it's reality).

 

In my opinion, you need to stand up for yourself. Next time he yells, yell back and tell him it is totally unacceptable for him to treat you that way. If I was dating someone and they got treated like that, I would be on the guy's case like nobody's business - lawsuit, reporting him to his seniors, customers, suppliers, trade bodies etc, and if necessary giving him a good hiding. Don't stand for this cr*p.

[signedin2008]

No, it's not normal, unless you're an actress doing some drama scenes.

 

Next time, if he start yelling, say it in front of the patients and other co-workers "Getting angry does not solve the problem. Can you discuss the issue in a more calmly and professional manner?"

 

This will somewhat embarras him and make him think. He may even respect you for that.

[Shygirl15]

Next time, if he start yelling, say it in front of the patients and other co-workers "Getting angry does not solve the problem. Can you discuss the issue in a more calmly and professional manner?"

Only if it was that simple..

[Angel1111]

No, it's not normal to cry at work, or to feel the need to cry because you have a psycho boss. Start looking for another job. This is bad management at its worst.

[RecordProducer]

I bet you and the other women from your work could unite and sue his ass off!

 

Do a research on abuse by a boss or something like that. Talk to an employment attorney.

[Trialbyfire]

If you're the type to push back while still maintaining the boss/employee line in the sand, you would have done it already before it escalated to crying.

 

Find another job. This is an unhealthy work environment. Get out as soon as you've found another job.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Only if it was that simple..

I'm feeling exactly the same. While this is all good advice, I don't think it applies to me as much because I couldn't stand up for myself like that, as good as it sounds in theory. I'm the same age as his kids, so I doubt he'll think of me as anything other than a child he has to discipline. As for finding a new job, I have another presently (that I enjoy a LOT more than this one), but this one pays better, and with the current state the economy is in, I doubt I'll be able to find much else for a while.

[Shygirl15]

Find another job. This is an unhealthy work environment. Get out as soon as you've found another job.

I'm usually not the one to run away from problems but in certain circumstances, this is the best thing you can do yourself.

[ThisGuy85]

It's not normal to cry at work. Being stressed out at work is one thing, but being stressed to the point that you cry, Is an unhealthy work environment.

 

If a boss/manager yells, screams, degrades you, they are not worthy of the position they've been given. Good bosses know that yelling and screaming is not an effective way to motivate there employees. They have good enough communication skills to be able to get through to you without degrading you.

 

If it helps any, he is only yelling because he realizes how incompetent HE is!

[huggies]

Oh dear, if you do so regularly, consider moving to a workplace that'll be healthy for you.

[Walk]

I have a policy that I've found to hold true for every job I've ever had. If I cry more then 3 times at work, then I find I new job.

 

That's if the crying is directly related to work. Doesn't matter if it's due to stress, bad bosses, bad duties, etc. Anything related to work. If I cry more then 3 times, then I'm gone. A job is NOT worth that kind of horror.

 

I've stuck with that, and it's never lead me wrong. The first job (where I implemented the policy), I had a boss who would scream at me in front of customers. One time the customer even apologized to me for how my boss treated me in front of hte customer. When customers start to pity you, it's time to leave.

 

Last time I had a job where I cried more then 3 times, I quit outright. Didn't give notice or anything. Found a new job that pays me 10 grand more a year, and the work environment is AMAZING. I love the place. I could work here for the next 30 years and be happy.

 

Overall, I've only worked at 3 companies where I cried more then 3 times. The majority of the places I've worked at have been great jobs. Wonderful people, fairly good work environments.. they were decent places to work and I left on great terms.

 

Start sending in your resume to new companies, go to interviews. Keep your eyes open for positions that open up. Talk to family, friends, professionals in your field, about your job search. You'll eventually find something.

 

But don't stay at this job. Jobs aren't fun, but your job shouldn't give you traumatic stress disorder either.Your boss sucks. Take control and find a new position where you can have a chance at being content at work. If there are no jobs, then take some classes so you can improve your chances of getting one. While at work, jot down what you do at work, keep a list of projects that you can reference on your resume. Work on your resume and let friends and family critic it. Fine tune it, re-write it half a dozen times until it's concise, and powerful.

 

Whatever you do. Do NOT stay at this job. Life is way too short to spend the majority of your day unhappy.

[Adunaphel]

Reading this thread made me feel relieved.

A few months ago I quit my job after I finished a 6 months trial period... I have since then been wondering whether it has been a huge mistake, as it was a great opportunity of working in a field I was VERY interested in.

The main reason I quit is that after my boss made me cry by yelling at me (I am still unsure whether her points were completely legitimate... but it is irrilevant... the tantrum scene she threw was inappropriate). The following day I wanted to resign, but she persuaded me to stay and "give it another try". Since then I couldn't wait to get away from that workplace. Had I stayed longer, my self esteem would be in pieces.

It feels good to know that crying at work is not so uncommon whan you get to work for very unpleasant people.

[OneTwo]

I bet you and the other women from your work could unite and sue his ass off!

 

Do a research on abuse by a boss or something like that. Talk to an employment attorney.

 

 

Really? That's the solution? She is not comforatable so she should sue? Give me a break.

 

I've had many bad bosses over the years. However, none of that gives me a legal standing to sue. I doubt that they would even get past the first summary judgment hearing. It would be a huge waste of money.

 

If it doesn't fall under EOE discrimination or sexual harassment, it just isn't going to go anywhere in court. What's next, suing teachers because the kids cry on the playground?