my girlfriend is too protective!!!!!!!!!

[Roy]

OK, i have been with this girl for over a year. We both love each other and its a good relationship. But she is too protective over me. She gets pissed and starts going off, when another girl even LOOKS at me. Any girl that touches me or says anything to me, she threatens to kick their butts. One time her best friend was talking to me and kinda flirting with me and she kicked her butt. Im almost afraid to go anywhere with her where there would be other females. I would NEVER cheat on her and I tell her that all the time. Does anybody know why she would be like this or does she not trust me?

[Draconis]

Evidently, your girlfriend is very insecure with herself. It's not you; it's her. I know that's a hackneyed line, but what I'm saying is that whomever she was going out with, she would feel worried that he would wander. This stems fundamentally from her feeling that she is not good enough to keep a guy. No matter how many times you tell her you'd never do that, she won't be convinced of it until she realizes her own self-worth, or improves it.

 

Honestly, I've seen that kind of thing a hundred times. Unfortunately, it's pretty common, and I can't say there much you can do about it. I suspect that your girlfriend maintains this hyperagressive exterior in order to defend against her feelings of inferiority and worthlessness. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's not complete, but she's got rampant insecurities under all that aggresion.

 

You can try to help her realize that she *is* a good person that guys would want to stay with, but in the end this is going to be something she has to realize herself.

 

Hope this affords a little help.

 

--Draconis

 

(Resurgo: I return)

OK, i have been with this girl for over a year. We both love each other and its a good relationship. But she is too protective over me. She gets pissed and starts going off, when another girl even LOOKS at me. Any girl that touches me or says anything to me, she threatens to kick their butts. One time her best friend was talking to me and kinda flirting with me and she kicked her butt. Im almost afraid to go anywhere with her where there would be other females. I would NEVER cheat on her and I tell her that all the time. Does anybody know why she would be like this or does she not trust me?

[Tony T]

Everything Draconis said was right on the mark.

 

The big challenge is helping this lady become more secure and boost her self image. Unfortunately, most of that work is hers to do and until she realizes how pathetic her behavior is, she will not change.

 

You need to explain to her that close to half the humans on the planet are female so if you are going to continue to see her, she is going to have to realize that and deal with it.

 

Like many other problems with adults, she may have had an unpleasant experience earlier in life...or she may have observed her father flirting with women other than her mom. Maybe her parents got divorced because her father saw someone else. Those kinds of experiences can cause heavy psychic damage.

 

If her behavior doesn't change radically in a reasonable amount of time, split. Maybe that kind of trauma will be the wake up call she needs to see how absurd her behavior is.

[Nicky]

Everything Draconis said was right on the mark. The big challenge is helping this lady become more secure and boost her self image. Unfortunately, most of that work is hers to do and until she realizes how pathetic her behavior is, she will not change. You need to explain to her that close to half the humans on the planet are female so if you are going to continue to see her, she is going to have to realize that and deal with it. Like many other problems with adults, she may have had an unpleasant experience earlier in life...or she may have observed her father flirting with women other than her mom. Maybe her parents got divorced because her father saw someone else. Those kinds of experiences can cause heavy psychic damage. If her behavior doesn't change radically in a reasonable amount of time, split. Maybe that kind of trauma will be the wake up call she needs to see how absurd her behavior is.

Hi!

 

I think you explain to your GF how you feel about her behaviour, and see if she realizes how unacceptable it is.

 

However, I strongly suspect that even if she does acknowledge how she is (which I doubt very much, since she is very excessive), she isn't going to change.

 

As Tony says, if she hasn't modified her behaviour soon, say Goodbye. People rarely change, and I feel the problems will simply get worse-not better.