Author skinman Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 Be ready for the anger stage. When it hits, it hits and hard. It took months for me to reach the anger stage. Up until that point I was in a state of what appeared to be zen, but now that I look back it was regular old shock mixed in with some denial and bargaining. The stages of grief are funny that way. You think you have it all figured out, and then wham you cycle into another stage. I can tell you this: when you reach indifference it is a wholly welcome thing. I reached it eventually, and let me tell you - that very thing you fought so hard to hold on to will become the cell you will be glad to have escaped from. thank you.... i sure hope so the more i look at her and think what it was like i kind of feel for the guy ... I hope soon to be at the indifferent stage.. today i feel good after everything last night.... F-her if she doesnt want me someone will... I appreciate you kind words... Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Time out. You seem to have forgotten all the advice I told you before. Yeah, this new revelation hurts. It's raw and it's painful. Your heart aches. Of course your emotions are running wild and rampant. But you have to control those emotions and mold them into reasons to improve your situation and happiness. Use that negative energy and turn it into positive activities and energy that feed your positive outlook. Next time she says or asks you about if you are seeing someone just laugh to yourself and do not respond. Be mysterious. Let her guess what you are doing and not doing. She has no right to know who you are dating, vice versa. Next time she tries to pick a fight with you, don't play along. Ignore the negative games she's playing. She wants to paint you as the problem. Just don't play that game. Next time she calls you over to show off how good she looks, don't go over, or if you are forced to go there, make sure you are physically and emotionally more attractive. My advice and the advice you were following still applies. Even more so now that you know the truth. Your problem here is you are focusing on her, rather than your own life and happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 Time out. You seem to have forgotten all the advice I told you before. Yeah, this new revelation hurts. It's raw and it's painful. Your heart aches. Of course your emotions are running wild and rampant. But you have to control those emotions and mold them into reasons to improve your situation and happiness. Use that negative energy and turn it into positive activities and energy that feed your positive outlook. Next time she says or asks you about if you are seeing someone just laugh to yourself and do not respond. Be mysterious. Let her guess what you are doing and not doing. She has no right to know who you are dating, vice versa. Next time she tries to pick a fight with you, don't play along. Ignore the negative games she's playing. She wants to paint you as the problem. Just don't play that game. Next time she calls you over to show off how good she looks, don't go over, or if you are forced to go there, make sure you are physically and emotionally more attractive. My advice and the advice you were following still applies. Even more so now that you know the truth. Your problem here is you are focusing on her, rather than your own life and happiness. TIIY, you are so right friend... I have let her actions dictate my emotional well being by concentrating to much on them... Its time i get off my butt and do something for myself... I have looked into finding activities but in my small town there isnt much going on..... I will keep looking and thanks for the advice friend !! Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 TIIY, you are so right friend... I have let her actions dictate my emotional well being by concentrating to much on them... Its time i get off my butt and do something for myself... I have looked into finding activities but in my small town there isnt much going on..... I will keep looking and thanks for the advice friend !! I hope you feel better. Just stay motivated and look for things to keep your heart, body, mind, soul in good shape! Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 I hope you feel better. Just stay motivated and look for things to keep your heart, body, mind, soul in good shape! Take care. Thanks TIIY.... keep on me buddy... I am sute I will need a good kick in the rear to keep me motivated for what lies ahead.... Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa ,Whoa! She initiated a relationship with you while still engaged in a relationship with her ex that resulted in her leaving him for you?!! Big, Big, Big Red Flag for if she'll do it for you she'll do it to you! Now knowing more of the history it's not so far fetched that your current situation was somewhat predictable. I can only imagine how her ex felt while hanging on and hanging around the two of you watching her seemingly happy to move on from him with smug satisfaction knowing she left a broken heart in her wake. It took him 7 years to finally let go but too bad that his daughter became a casualty of his embittered indifference. If the cycles of her life prove true she'll end up doing it again and again and again until she's old and alone to be used and abused while left to roam by her lonesome. Consider this a bit more of the "big picture" to reflect upon while shaking your head at yet another new revelation! Continue your focus and concentration on yourself and your daughter(s) and vanquish this she-beast from your mind while don't fighting the urge for bitterness or revenge. Deprive her of the satisfaction she reveled in when destroying her ex by dismissing her to the abyss of nevermore and thrill in the strength and resolve you continue to garner from your daughters, friends, and family while knowing that one day down the road she'll experience her moment of doubt and pain with nary a body to turn to or even say a prayer for her salvation when she hits bottom. To quote Prince, "There won't be no water when the fire burns..."! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa ,Whoa! She initiated a relationship with you while still engaged in a relationship with her ex that resulted in her leaving him for you?!! Big, Big, Big Red Flag for if she'll do it for you she'll do it to you! Now knowing more of the history it's not so far fetched that your current situation was somewhat predictable. I know PP, but I thought we were different , thought that I had indeed found "the one" after dating and then getting back together...Today has been difficult when I got in there was an email from her waiting for me.......Sadly I opened it thinking it was a reply about picking up my daughter......well it wasnt.. she told me I was delusional and I needed to grow op and move on..she also had to state that "she didn't like me"......I was doing good yesterday but now the thought are back.... I cant help thinking how someone I cared so much about could hate so easily........ it breaks my heart... thanks for the words of encouragement......... Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 So sorry about the email, Skin. Emails, texts, and phone calls seem to cause setbacks in the healing process. I pray like hell the next 4 months go quickly for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 So sorry about the email, Skin. Emails, texts, and phone calls seem to cause setbacks in the healing process. I pray like hell the next 4 months go quickly for you. thanks....4 months....... I have 10 months before either of us can file...its going to be a long wait friend...hopefully in 4 months I wont care what she thinks or does........ Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Could/would it be worthwhile to consider a move to another state where you won't have to wait that long to file? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Could/would it be worthwhile to consider a move to another state where you won't have to wait that long to file? Thanks... I dont think that would help much.. its an idea but to be honest I have a great job where I am at and in with my foeld jobs are scarce.... I just have to weather ths storm as best That i can at this point... Damn... just got off the phone with her....... my buddy here at work heard her screaming at me... My blood pressure and anxiety levels rise everytime we talk... I hope like H#LL I dont have the big one and can make it until we divorce..... she is trying her best to give me a heart attack... ! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Thanks... I dont think that would help much.. its an idea but to be honest I have a great job where I am at and in with my foeld jobs are scarce.... I just have to weather ths storm as best That i can at this point... Damn... just got off the phone with her....... my buddy here at work heard her screaming at me... My blood pressure and anxiety levels rise everytime we talk... I hope like H#LL I dont have the big one and can make it until we divorce..... she is trying her best to give me a heart attack... ! And don't think for one minute that hasn't crossed her mind. She probably holds a secret insurance policy on you to capitalize on this very outcome!!! The click followed by a dead dial tone can be the beleaguered's best friend in times like these. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 And don't think for one minute that hasn't crossed her mind. She probably holds a secret insurance policy on you to capitalize on this very outcome!!! The click followed by a dead dial tone can be the beleaguered's best friend in times like these. Thanks PP... I know your right but we were talking baout my daughters... it would seem that they have been sharing stuff with their mom....... so I need to be more careful about what I say or do..... They overheard me tell someone I will see them later... well I guess in their minds that means i have a girlfriend... of course thats what she said !! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Ahhhhhh! So the weakness in her gameplan is that she is relying on you to cower to the very end under the stomp of her boot's destruction until she is fully ready to move on. You show any signs that you have moved on before she's ready land her coupe` de gras and you will witness tooth and fang, LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 hi skin man, been following all along. she sounds like whatever she does is correct and the hell w/ everyone. she rubbed her ex's nose in your relationship, by stringing him along till he said enough is enough.and expects you to do the same.in her book it's my way or no way.i have a sister just like her.have you told her unless it's about the kids, to not call, text etc? god i hate nutty women. i wish you nuthing but the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 hi skin man, been following all along. she sounds like whatever she does is correct and the hell w/ everyone. she rubbed her ex's nose in your relationship, by stringing him along till he said enough is enough.and expects you to do the same.in her book it's my way or no way.i have a sister just like her.have you told her unless it's about the kids, to not call, text etc? god i hate nutty women. i wish you nuthing but the best. Hey Mark982, sounds like you know my ex pretty well.... that description fits her to a tee man... she has been that way our whole marriage as you can see by what a pushover I am sometimes... She told me a few weeks ago that she would only talk about the kids....I said fine.... well it starts out about the kids then moves into other ares's usually where it keeps getting brought why she has left me and what i didn't do in right in the marriage..... I am trying my best to keep it civil for my girls sake so if it means taking a little abuse from her thats fine.... today she told me she "F-ing hated me" and you know it didn't bother me at all... hopefully thats a sign that I am moving past letting her crap affect me... Thanks for following along friend !! hope you have a great 2009 !! my days are getting better with each passing one.... Link to post Share on other sites
paperchase Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 She's a narcissist. Send her a copy of Fatal Flaws by Yudofsky. It won't change her though. She'll probably read it and think: "Neat, I'm so great they wrote a book about me." As an aside, my X wife was the same way. She was always right and would go to her grave to argue that 2 + 2 = 5 even though she knew it not to be the case. She blew up our marriage and our family and blamed it all on me despite the sage advice of marriage counselors. I used to look to her for validation as a good husband and father: she offered none. When she retells the story of our marriage it is so unbelieveably skewed. People who know us are in shock. I never understood her and all the reasoning in the world would never change her views. I went to a therapist once who said who keep looking for something she doesn't have. It's like going to Home Depot and asking for milk. They don't sell milk. And even if they had some in the back, they wouldn't give it to you. Once I figured her out, she was never able to push my buttons again and she pushed them like a puppet master during our 10 year marriage, including 2 years worth of expensive divorce proceedings. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 She's a narcissist. Send her a copy of Fatal Flaws by Yudofsky. It won't change her though. She'll probably read it and think: "Neat, I'm so great they wrote a book about me." As an aside, my X wife was the same way. She was always right and would go to her grave to argue that 2 + 2 = 5 even though she knew it not to be the case. She blew up our marriage and our family and blamed it all on me despite the sage advice of marriage counselors. I used to look to her for validation as a good husband and father: she offered none. When she retells the story of our marriage it is so unbelieveably skewed. People who know us are in shock. I never understood her and all the reasoning in the world would never change her views. I went to a therapist once who said who keep looking for something she doesn't have. It's like going to Home Depot and asking for milk. They don't sell milk. And even if they had some in the back, they wouldn't give it to you. Once I figured her out, she was never able to push my buttons again and she pushed them like a puppet master during our 10 year marriage, including 2 years worth of expensive divorce proceedings. Freaking "A"! Just because you've got a clit, a slit, and a pair of tits doesn't make you right! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Freaking "A"! Just because you've got a clit, a slit, and a pair of tits doesn't make you right! Thanks Gunny !!! I needed a good laugh buddy !!! Hope you have a happy New Year friend !!! thanks for tagging along with me during this adventure into self discovery...... the hard way !! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Well I think she has finally lost it or someting is up... I got an email today from her telling me to F-off quite a few times and that she F-ing hated me... Now when I drop off my daughter she is as nice as can be... gives me a crap load of tupperware that I was going to buy from her........makes me wonder what up her sleeve....she even told me in the email to go out a F-someone and get it out of the way..... I am going to print out this email just incase i do decide later to have some fun and she tries to get me later for adultry.... Tomorrow I plan on really getting her fired up... I plan on sending her another email with the picture she cropped me out of.... telling her what a nice picture it is and if I hadn't been there with her you would have never known I was even there.....that will at least let her know that I know what she was up to.... have to see what becomes of that !!!! Damn I do belive I am starting to enjoy stressing her A$$ out....... Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Skin--I hear you on the "I hate you" emails/communications. Can anyone (again) theorize as to why the WS continues to hate when they were the one's that wanted to leave? Skins story is eerily similar to many out here. The coldness is unbelievable. I thought that by going NC, not pining after her, not going down to her level was the right way to go but the icicles just keep coming and coming....just like Skin says. What the f is up with that? There must be another tactic to mentally disarm the WS so there is at least civilness. Anyone have any thoughts on how to disarm the anger? Sorry..don't mean to hijack the thread Skin... Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Skin--I hear you on the "I hate you" emails/communications. Can anyone (again) theorize as to why the WS continues to hate when they were the one's that wanted to leave? Skins story is eerily similar to many out here. The coldness is unbelievable. I thought that by going NC, not pining after her, not going down to her level was the right way to go but the icicles just keep coming and coming....just like Skin says. What the f is up with that? There must be another tactic to mentally disarm the WS so there is at least civilness. Anyone have any thoughts on how to disarm the anger? Sorry..don't mean to hijack the thread Skin... I know what you mean... it all started out with an email about my daughter getting her on saturday instead of friday... she said she had to work..... i made the comment how funny it was that she forgot she had to wrok when i only talked with her yesterday... well she got all defensive about it not being a date and to quit thinking it was a date just to get my daughter out of the house........ so I have a plan i will try and see if my bro will watch my daughter while i ride by the house....... stop in for a quick visit to f-with her some.... Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Skin--I hear you on the "I hate you" emails/communications. Can anyone (again) theorize as to why the WS continues to hate when they were the one's that wanted to leave? Skins story is eerily similar to many out here. The coldness is unbelievable. I thought that by going NC, not pining after her, not going down to her level was the right way to go but the icicles just keep coming and coming....just like Skin says. What the f is up with that? There must be another tactic to mentally disarm the WS so there is at least civilness. Anyone have any thoughts on how to disarm the anger? Sorry..don't mean to hijack the thread Skin... When your enemy is irritated .... FRUSTRATE THEM INTO MAKING MISTAKES! Hold unto the mantra "If somebody's got to be mad in all this then better you then me"!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 When your enemy is irritated .... FRUSTRATE THEM INTO MAKING MISTAKES! Hold unto the mantra "If somebody's got to be mad in all this then better you then me"!! thanks PP. its about time I had some fun with all the BS thats been going on... I have to say friend I enjoyed how fired up I had her today.... when I called her to talk I could tell she was stressing big time........ !! paybacks are hell sometimes !!! Link to post Share on other sites
paperchase Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I know what you mean... it all started out with an email about my daughter getting her on saturday instead of friday... she said she had to work..... i made the comment how funny it was that she forgot she had to wrok when i only talked with her yesterday... well she got all defensive about it not being a date and to quit thinking it was a date just to get my daughter out of the house........ so I have a plan i will try and see if my bro will watch my daughter while i ride by the house....... stop in for a quick visit to f-with her some.... Don't bother riding by the house. First, you don't really want to know what she's up to. If it's bad, you'll be hurt. If it's good, you get false hope. Also, anything you do that interferes with her freedom will cause two things. One, she'll push you further away. Two, she'll seek court intervention in the form of a protective or stay away order. Someone earlier asked why the X is so bitter when they kicked us to the curb. That is a really good question I've often pondered. My wife kicked me to the curb and then set out to destroy me....literally. It's almost like they blame us for making them wreck the family unit. There are so many issues here, I can't go into them all but suffice it to say it's a very normal phenomenon. Link to post Share on other sites
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