Sands_of_time Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 She kicked me out in end of october...and in Va you cant get a divorce until a year separation when you have minor kids invloved... so cant do anything about that until November... Divorce is the way its going sad to say... she thinks this new guy is going to make her happy... F-her if thast what she wants let her have it....... Sorry to hear that, Skin. I understand the need for a "cooling off period" but to some of us that's like a 1 year pergatory. How is her attitude toward you the majority of the time? Cold, nasty, indifferent? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Sorry to hear that, Skin. I understand the need for a "cooling off period" but to some of us that's like a 1 year pergatory. How is her attitude toward you the majority of the time? Cold, nasty, indifferent? Yes it does suck... having to wait that long just to get it over with.. Plus trying to sell the house will most likely make it even longer.. For the most part we dont talk.. when I do see her she is usually all happy and nice but the kids are usually close by... Its getting to the point where I am not even going to talk with her or even go into the house.. It messes me up everytime... I just need to get it through my head she is gone and not coming back... If I could only tell my heart the same thing Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I think in the next month or so if she still is doing this push/pull thing with you (being nice and then turning into a beyotch, being mean/nasty etc, you should send her a hand written note, respectfully explain the new boundries. Stuff like - Your life is your life and my life is my life. Let's just focus on the kids and making this easier on them. Let's not fight and be petty, there's no need for that as it just makes everyone feel bad. Don't point fingers at her as that will just piss her off, but if you take a stronger approach in the sense of being the 'bigger' person, more laid back and less emotional, then maybe she'll respond in a mature way and see that HER being an a-hole in general is pointless. Yes, women CAN be a-holes as well.. Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Yes it does suck... having to wait that long just to get it over with.. Plus trying to sell the house will most likely make it even longer.. For the most part we dont talk.. when I do see her she is usually all happy and nice but the kids are usually close by... Its getting to the point where I am not even going to talk with her or even go into the house.. It messes me up everytime... I just need to get it through my head she is gone and not coming back... If I could only tell my heart the same thing Skin--we've been on this ride for 68 days. Yours might be a little longer. Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? I want to think about something else other than this... I wonder if that is a sign. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Don't point fingers at her as that will just piss her off, but if you take a stronger approach in the sense of being the 'bigger' person, more laid back and less emotional, then maybe she'll respond in a mature way and see that HER being an a-hole in general is pointless. Yes, women CAN be a-holes as well.. well I just pissed her off.... man I hate talking with her and told her so...that didnt make her happy at all....she said "well I see now you can do a complete 360 from loving me and will always be there for me" "to not wanting to talk with me".... I said well last time we talked you hated me so i am not going to be nice and take your abuse... needless to say she hung up on me....Damn woman gets my blood pressure up each time i talk to her......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Skin--we've been on this ride for 68 days. Yours might be a little longer. Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? I want to think about something else other than this... I wonder if that is a sign. nft, very much so man... she is driving me crazy... she tells me not to call so i email her... now she tells me not to email het but to call.......ready to wring her neck buddy... Lets hope so I'm tired of thinking about it too... Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 well I just pissed her off.... man I hate talking with her and told her so...that didnt make her happy at all....she said "well I see now you can do a complete 360 from loving me and will always be there for me" "to not wanting to talk with me".... I said well last time we talked you hated me so i am not going to be nice and take your abuse... needless to say she hung up on me....Damn woman gets my blood pressure up each time i talk to her......... Skin, it's funny how you answer your own questions. If your "blood pressure" goes up when you talk with your stbxw, then stop putting yourself through the tramua. It's time for the two of you to turn off your pity party. You've had a couple of months for the shock and betrayal to set in. That's not enough time to "heal" but it is enough time to begin to act like the men you are and commence moving forward. All this poor, poor pitiful me stuff is old and stale. You aren't here for support anymore, you are here to share your misery with others in your same position. Believe me there are enough BS's out there for this to become your lifetime quest if that's what is passing for happiness for you these days. Reach back, grab your ass and push yourself ahead. Continuing to live in the past isn't working for you. As long as you wallow in self pity your stbxw's are in control of your lives. You might give that some thought. How much of this behavior did you display in your marriage(s)? How much did this type of behavior contribute to those failures? How sexy and attractive is a man without a spinal collumn? Few things are as disgusting as 40+ year old men who spend their days and nights whining and whimpering about "she done me wrong". Time to wake up and start living again. Link to post Share on other sites
Mountains10 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 nft, very much so man... she is driving me crazy... she tells me not to call so i email her... now she tells me not to email het but to call.......ready to wring her neck buddy... Lets hope so I'm tired of thinking about it too... Skin, This is the emotional roller coaster. I was quite sick of it after 3 months, that's what NC is for. Stick to text messages or email, then there's no emotion. Just stick to the point of the conversation and nothing more. You'll get tired of your emotions going up and down all the time and eventually want it to stop. Some of us are more stubborn than the others, I know I am. I had to be the doormat for a while before I realized, hey, it's over, and it's only going to get worse unless you take back the control. Pull back and show no emotions except a smiling face. Show her you are happy with your new life, whether you are or not, you're moving on and you're happy about it. They leave us, and then they want us to be sad, but if we do just the opposite, then what happens? Then they are the ones who are sad, because they don't control your emotions, you do. Make sense? Just tell yourself, there are thousands of women out there that would like to have a man that cares for them. You're a good guy and you'll be meeting one in the coming years. She's out there waiting for you, your wife isn't that person though, she's turned into something else, so it's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Skin, it's funny how you answer your own questions. If your "blood pressure" goes up when you talk with your stbxw, then stop putting yourself through the tramua. Few things are as disgusting as 40+ year old men who spend their days and nights whining and whimpering about "she done me wrong". Time to wake up and start living again. LakesideDream... you are the man.. I tell you friend I like you there is no beating around the bush with you... And to be honest you hit the nail right on the head.. It is time to grab my behind and get on with my life... After talking with her today I have decided thats enough... She knows exactly what to say to get me going so from now on its all text messages or emails. I will not let her keep control of my emotions any longer... If she doesnt get the point I will flat out tell her.. We are not and most likely never be friends again.. so get over it and get on with your life and leave me the Heck alone..... I am not a bitter man but you get to a point in all of this that you cant take anymore... Today I reached that point.... Its her loss !! NOT MINE !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 You're a good guy and you'll be meeting one in the coming years. She's out there waiting for you, your wife isn't that person though, she's turned into something else, so it's time to move on. Good way to put it, Mountain. "Your wife isn't that person though..." Link to post Share on other sites
Searching49 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Sorry to hear that, Skin. I understand the need for a "cooling off period" but to some of us that's like a 1 year pergatory. I have the same thing. It is going to take a whole year and we aren't even separated yet. I'm waiting for a D day at the end of this month not sure if it is coming, and then living alone in our house for a full year. It's going to be really hard. There's memories in every room, and the constant reminder that she'll be shacking up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Skin, it's funny how you answer your own questions. If your "blood pressure" goes up when you talk with your stbxw, then stop putting yourself through the tramua. It's time for the two of you to turn off your pity party. You've had a couple of months for the shock and betrayal to set in. That's not enough time to "heal" but it is enough time to begin to act like the men you are and commence moving forward. All this poor, poor pitiful me stuff is old and stale. You aren't here for support anymore, you are here to share your misery with others in your same position. Believe me there are enough BS's out there for this to become your lifetime quest if that's what is passing for happiness for you these days. Reach back, grab your ass and push yourself ahead. Continuing to live in the past isn't working for you. As long as you wallow in self pity your stbxw's are in control of your lives. You might give that some thought. How much of this behavior did you display in your marriage(s)? How much did this type of behavior contribute to those failures? How sexy and attractive is a man without a spinal collumn? Few things are as disgusting as 40+ year old men who spend their days and nights whining and whimpering about "she done me wrong". Time to wake up and start living again. I agree with what you've posted Lakeside, but you and I are Marines, we've been trained and conditioned to suck it up and deal with what Life throws at us, deal with it, and keep on moving! Regardless of the obstalces. Not that we should coddle these guys! Life is hard, its even harder for those that are stupid, (not to say any of you are stupid ~ you live and learn) I will only add ~ Learn ~ DAMNIT ~ LEARN! Take dance lessons, buy some new clothes, have your teeth whitened, dye your hair, join a gym, buy a new sporty car, take up golf,tennis, freking batt-mitten. Live your Life to the fullest! To the Top! Get busy Living or get your Happy Azz Busy dying! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 The thing about you and I Lakeside? You and I have lived our lives inside of a "second" That "zip' of a bullet tearing through clouth and body armour! The "difference' between the four branches of the military is the word 'SECURE' When Marines are told to "secure" a building? They call in the artliery support, naval gun-fire, form an assult team, kill everyone in the building, burn the building to the ground, and salt the earth so nothing will ever grow there again! When the Army is told to secure a building, they plant sandbags. a guard and go to the PX! When the Navy is told to secure a building? They close the windows, Lock the safes and the doors and go to the club and have a beer! The Air Force? When told to secure a building? They take a five year lease with an option to buy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 I will only add ~ Learn ~ DAMNIT ~ LEARN! Take dance lessons, buy some new clothes, have your teeth whitened, dye your hair, join a gym, buy a new sporty car, take up golf,tennis, freking batt-mitten. Live your Life to the fullest! To the Top! Get busy Living or get your Happy Azz Busy dying! Thanks Gunny... Always sound advice coming from you... as a matter of fact I think I am going to look into dying my hair... try and get rid of some of this grey the ex has given me over all these years... And the dance lessons... just might have to do just that.. When I dance I look like a white guy having a seizure on the dance floor... Like the ole saying when life gives you lemons... make lemonade.... Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 The thing about you and I Lakeside? You and I have lived our lives inside of a "second" That "zip' of a bullet tearing through clouth and body armour! The "difference' between the four branches of the military is the word 'SECURE' Body armour, now that's a concept I can get my head around. We had almost useless (I have scares and damage to prove it) Flak jackets. What still bothers me most is the sound of the bullets in the trees. Crackling tree branches terrify me. 'Course you sand guys didn't have many trees around. Balloons that burst unexpectedly, and car backfires are not high on my list of experiances either. I nearly herniated myself on New Years Eve when somone burst a balloon right behind me. The lesson everyone needs to learn, male, female, undeclared, is that in life we must all learn to improvise, adapt, and overcome to master the challenges we face. If we allow the person who is creating that challenge (in this case the STBW's) to dictate the terms of the challenge, set the schedule, pick the location, and engage at will you are doomed to failure. I've been there in life, I didn't let it happen emotionally. I was crushed at the end of my marriage almost 8 years ago. After the first few hours I pulled myself together, set boundries, and didn't allow myself to be abused further. You forgot something Guns, When Marines secure a building today... it's necessary to first consult a lawyer for the rules of engagement for each specific task. The world is FUBAR. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 The thing about you and I Lakeside? You and I have lived our lives inside of a "second" That "zip' of a bullet tearing through clouth and body armour! The "difference' between the four branches of the military is the word 'SECURE' When Marines are told to "secure" a building? They call in the artliery support, naval gun-fire, form an assult team, kill everyone in the building, burn the building to the ground, and salt the earth so nothing will ever grow there again! When the Army is told to secure a building, they plant sandbags. a guard and go to the PX! When the Navy is told to secure a building? They close the windows, Lock the safes and the doors and go to the club and have a beer! The Air Force? When told to secure a building? They take a five year lease with an option to buy! Gunny, I've had a ton of respect for you...until now. I'm also an ex-combat vet. I was active duty Army, serving in a number of...'interesting places'. I resent the hell out of your comment about the Army. I resent the hell out of your denigrating other brothers in arms who have fought and bled for their country. Marines are FAR from the only ones who bleed and die for this country of ours!!!! Yes, this is a TJ. And for that, I apologize. But I WILL NOT sit here and accept this kind of comment!!! I consider Marines my brothers in arms. My family is full of marines, Navy Seals, Army spec ops of a couple of flavors. I would never deny what you personally have done for our country...and am offended BIG time by your doing that to others. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Gunny, I've had a ton of respect for you...until now. I'm also an ex-combat vet. I was active duty Army, serving in a number of...'interesting places'. I resent the hell out of your comment about the Army. I resent the hell out of your denigrating other brothers in arms who have fought and bled for their country. Marines are FAR from the only ones who bleed and die for this country of ours!!!! Yes, this is a TJ. And for that, I apologize. But I WILL NOT sit here and accept this kind of comment!!! Lighten up Owl, its just a little inter-service rivarly, just shooting the breeze on the rifle range. If I offended you or anyone else, I sincerly apolgize. As if the other braches, to incude the Army don't crack jokes about us "jar-heads" and grunts. Again I apoligize, guess I should have engaged my brain housing group before engaging my mouth. Again I was just joking around. It wasn't meant to offend anyone, and if it did I apolgize. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I was talking "smack" Owl! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Gunny, I didn't take as just smack talk, but I should have. I apologize as well. I guess it's been a long week on this side of the internet. I should have thought before I ran my mouth. Sorry about that. Have a good weekend! Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Gunny, I didn't take as just smack talk, but I should have. I apologize as well. I guess it's been a long week on this side of the internet. I should have thought before I ran my mouth. Sorry about that. Have a good weekend! Owl, lighten up dude. If I had a dollar for everytime I had to listen to trash from a green beanie in Saigon I'd be rich... and thats when the bullet were flyin. I led a team that rescued a Thud pilot once. A Colonel. That jack-ass started giving orders when we were two clicks away. We ignored him of course, but he never quit. You shoulda seen him brandishing his S&W .38 Special at any and all, including yours truely, his savior. Once safe he Couldn't understand why we hadn't improvised "indoor plumbing" in our hooches, and wanted to know who was going to do his laundry before he was air lifted the next day. Honestly the only guys from other branches I had affection for were SeaBee's. Those guys could dig like moles, and push back a tree line like Brazilian loggers. Made life more comfortable and much safer. But then... where you are the tip of the spear.... everyone else is just bringing up the rear, as parts of the shaft. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Gunny, I didn't take as just smack talk, but I should have. I apologize as well. I guess it's been a long week on this side of the internet. I should have thought before I ran my mouth. Sorry about that. Have a good weekend! The internet and such places as LS are great things, but oftentimes much is lost in the communication process of implying and inferring? Marines by definition are a bunch of "smack-talkers" Hell the Marine Corps was initially stated in a tavern (bar) of all places. As a general rule? More times than not? Most of what comes out of a Marine's mouth off the battlefield is BS and talking "smack" But on the battlefield you can believe him with dead seriousness. Marines? You can trust them with your money and your Life ~ but not your wife! Glad to hear you and I are back on the same page ~ because I really value your imput and opnions. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Owl, lighten up dude. If I had a dollar for everytime I had to listen to trash from a green beanie in Saigon I'd be rich... and thats when the bullet were flyin. I led a team that rescued a Thud pilot once. A Colonel. That jack-ass started giving orders when we were two clicks away. We ignored him of course, but he never quit. You shoulda seen him brandishing his S&W .38 Special at any and all, including yours truely, his savior. Once safe he Couldn't understand why we hadn't improvised "indoor plumbing" in our hooches, and wanted to know who was going to do his laundry before he was air lifted the next day. Honestly the only guys from other branches I had affection for were SeaBee's. Those guys could dig like moles, and push back a tree line like Brazilian loggers. Made life more comfortable and much safer. But then... where you are the tip of the spear.... everyone else is just bringing up the rear, as parts of the shaft. Reminded me of the young 2ndLt, who asked me, "Where's my foxhole?" "You're standing on it, Sir! I would suggest you get to digging!" Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Reminded me of the young 2ndLt, who asked me, "Where's my foxhole?" "You're standing on it, Sir! I would suggest you get to digging!" And you promised to never tell our secrets Gunny..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Today has been a good day... in fact its been a good week with only one day that I felt less than normal with thoughts of the ex... hopefully this is a sign that I am getting through this nicely and finally seeing the ex for what she is... A friend of mine emailed me today and pretty much spelled out everything that she has done and said to me since this started... I have kept that email and will open it each time a thought or feeling of her enters my mind....I am looking onto buying her out of my House... Hopefully if things fall into place I will have it back by summer... It might be hard at first to live there but I have done so much to it in the time we lived there I wouldn't want someone else to have it.... Plus I will get the satisfaction of having her a$$ move out this time... I hope better things are ahead for me with the way I have been feeling.. I do find it still hard some days but they are getting fewer and farther between........ Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 As your fog starts to lift you begin seeing those exits marking the way for the future. The fact that you are now contemplating what must be done to buy your stbx out of the home you cherish indicates a significant shift in your thinking patterns for the focus is no longer about the past relationship. You'll still have moments of vacillation for the fog is still around and can come down from time to time but as time rolls on the density of the fog gradually dissipates until its finally gone for good and you're singin the song "I can see clearly now the rain is gone..." Link to post Share on other sites
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