Author skinman Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 Things are looking better skin. Aside from the constant drama you choose to wallow in, you are making real progress. No, it won't get easier for awhile yet. It is becoming a habit, a part of you to think of what you are doing before doing it though isn't it? It's great you aren't still being a doormat, congrats on that. The only revenge you can hope for now is to live well. Thats my plan LD to live the best that I can at this point and enjoy the time with my girls... So dont think I puit enough thoughts into what I do before hand huh ? your probably right buddy... Good to hear from you again... Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Skin, let me get this straight here. Your oldest daughter suffered the blow of a contentious divorce and further trauma of losing her mother only to have to face the animosity of an evil stepmother to boot?! Your ex showed enough of her true colors at that point in time for you to have sought counselling or divorced her then and there. Brutally decisive action on your part at that point in time would have set the stage for how she behaved at this point in your marriage because, without instilling fear of reprisal at that earlier crisis juncture, you contributed to setting the mindset for her actions today! Consider the "butterfly effect's" ramifications of the distal worst case scenario by assessing the stuggles of your oldest daughter and make a hard stance now since you will still have to deal with this woman in the future to protect the welfare and well being of your youngest daughter in the coming tomorrows! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 Skin, let me get this straight here. Your oldest daughter suffered the blow of a contentious divorce and further trauma of losing her mother only to have to face the animosity of an evil stepmother to boot?! Your ex showed enough of her true colors at that point in time for you to have sought counselling or divorced her then and there. Your right PP... At the time my oldest daughter was almost 18 and ready to move out anyway but I do regret the way that I handled things. I was trying to keep the peace and my family together.. I was thinking more of my youngest daughter and how a divorce or separation would affect her at the time. I have so many regrets PP for the way I handled or didn't handle things you would not believe. There isn't a day that goes by where I dont think what could I have done different or where I went wrong. I know I have messed up in the past and hopefully will learn from this. To be honest I can understand why my ex's first husband quit coming around to see his daughter.. She made his life miserable like she will mine... The sad thing of it all is that I still care for this woman even after all the mean and viscous things she has said I still find it hard to hate her or get her out of my heart... The good thing to come of this all is that in fact me and my oldest have grown much closer than we have ever been.. Hopefully one day I will wake up and not have a care or thought of the ex. as hard as I try that day has yet to come. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 Well I went to the party on Saturday and things went great... I only spoke a few words to the P.O.S when she asked a few questions about work and the cats that I took home.... My step daughter was very happy to see me when I pulled up.. I took someones advice and got her a nice bouquet of flowers which brought a big smile from her... I have to say the POS was on her best behavior... I guess she didnt want to start anything with everyone around.. She even asked if I wanted to take home some cupcakes... I said no thanks and went on my way...... I guess this is the way its gonna be from now on....... Showing her only a happy and content Skinman...... Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Well I went to the party on Saturday and things went great... I only spoke a few words to the P.O.S when she asked a few questions about work and the cats that I took home.... My step daughter was very happy to see me when I pulled up.. I took someones advice and got her a nice bouquet of flowers which brought a big smile from her... I have to say the POS was on her best behavior... I guess she didnt want to start anything with everyone around.. She even asked if I wanted to take home some cupcakes... I said no thanks and went on my way...... I guess this is the way its gonna be from now on....... Showing her only a happy and content Skinman...... Good for you. The opposite being the unhappy and malcontent Skinman. Why bother being that way for her? Live your life man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 Good for you. The opposite being the unhappy and malcontent Skinman. Why bother being that way for her? Live your life man. Thanks TIY... thats what I am doing... I have quite a few things lined up to keep me busy and happy for the next few weeks... If she doesnt see me happy no big deal at least she wont see me bummed either.......Time to start living for me... I am all I got left Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Yeah and something you have just started to realize is that other parts of life seem to open up when other parts close. That is life man. For example the relationship with your daugther and how that's changed for the better. Soon, one day you are going to wake up and smile. So stay positive and do your thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Yeah and something you have just started to realize is that other parts of life seem to open up when other parts close. That is life man. For example the relationship with your daugther and how that's changed for the better. Soon, one day you are going to wake up and smile. So stay positive and do your thing. You are so right TIY... the past few days have been good real good in fact.. no matter what happens now I do know that I will be ok.... Without her in my life just might not be so bad afterall.... Thanks for all your words of encouragement .......... Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 You are so right TIY... the past few days have been good real good in fact.. no matter what happens now I do know that I will be ok.... Without her in my life just might not be so bad afterall.... Thanks for all your words of encouragement .......... Just keep in mind you will still get those little stingers that hit you but learn from them & keep moving forward. Sunday I had a rough day but Monday I was back & ready to go so I am learning they don't last as long as they used to..... Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Well I went to the party on Saturday and things went great... I only spoke a few words to the P.O.S when she asked a few questions about work and the cats that I took home.... My step daughter was very happy to see me when I pulled up.. I took someones advice and got her a nice bouquet of flowers which brought a big smile from her... I have to say the POS was on her best behavior... I guess she didnt want to start anything with everyone around.. She even asked if I wanted to take home some cupcakes... I said no thanks and went on my way...... I guess this is the way its gonna be from now on....... Showing her only a happy and content Skinman...... Skin--I am glad the party went well for you. You are right...stay happy, stay content in front of her. How are your Divorce Care classes going? Are you still in them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Skin--I am glad the party went well for you. You are right...stay happy, stay content in front of her. How are your Divorce Care classes going? Are you still in them? Yes been going now for 4 weeks.. this new woman has showed up and pretty much made the classes about her... she hasn't shut up since coming in telling everyone abour her messed up life... Thanks Sands.. I appreciate your comments buddy !! its going to be tough this weekend with Valenitines day not looking forward to being alone... Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Yes been going now for 4 weeks.. this new woman has showed up and pretty much made the classes about her... she hasn't shut up since coming in telling everyone abour her messed up life... Thanks Sands.. I appreciate your comments buddy !! its going to be tough this weekend with Valenitines day not looking forward to being alone... Just another day Skin. Valentines day was made up by Hallmark to sell cards, pretty brilliant if you ask me. I enjoyed Valentines when married. It was my favorite holiday in fact. Very intimate. Now, and since the divorce? Who cares. I gift the people I want to and don't worry about it. I'll be home watching the tube, or maybe I'll go to the multi and watch "Taken", people are telling me it's fun. Hmmm Taken, movie popcorn, fruit punch, and .... milk duds, Perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Yes been going now for 4 weeks.. this new woman has showed up and pretty much made the classes about her... she hasn't shut up since coming in telling everyone abour her messed up life... Thanks Sands.. I appreciate your comments buddy !! its going to be tough this weekend with Valenitines day not looking forward to being alone... :lmao::lmao: Cut her some slack Skin for you were once her and know where she's coming from! As a matter of fact, do her the favor of letting her know about LS so that she may be helped as well! Link to post Share on other sites
peteyj Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Valentines day doesn't really mean crap to me. All it ever was since I started dating and then got married and so on is me buying somebody a gift and me taking them out to dinner or on a special romantic day. I never received anything really. I never wanted anything but still this will be my first valentines day alone I think since I was like 22 years old. Either I had a gf, was dating, or was married over the past 10 years. This year I'm not doing a damn thing. It's a long 3 day weekend for me and I"m probably going to get some work done, get ready to move(i'm moving in with a new roomie.....finally getting away from ex-wife to be since she isn't ever going to move or look for a job or whatever) so I'll look forward to that in the coming weeks. I'd rather spend the day alone than with somebody using me for free food and a gift. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Just another day Skin. Valentines day was made up by Hallmark to sell cards, pretty brilliant if you ask me. I enjoyed Valentines when married. It was my favorite holiday in fact. Very intimate. Now, and since the divorce? Who cares. I gift the people I want to and don't worry about it. I'll be home watching the tube, or maybe I'll go to the multi and watch "Taken", people are telling me it's fun. Hmmm Taken, movie popcorn, fruit punch, and .... milk duds, Perfect. Yep LSD, us miltary types miss out on so many "special days" and holidays we soon learn that XMAS is just another day in Dec. Its only "special" if your in the middle of a combat zone and you were lucky enough to not have gotten your @zz zipped up in a body bag! Its all freaking "realitive! Its like the late~great Richard Pyror said when he went to Africa and saw a Giraffi attacked by a lion. His hind quarters half ripped off, walking off and away with an "attitude" "F**k it! I'm still alive!" There's only two things to worry about? Wheather your healthy or sick? If your healthy? You've nothing to worry about! If your sick? You've still only two things to worry about? Wheather your going to live or die? If you live? You've nothing to worry about! If you die? You've still only two things to worry about? Wheather your going to Heaven or Hell? If you go to Heaven? You've nothing to worry about! But if you've go to Hell you still have nothing to worry about because your going to be so busy saying Hello to all of your friends your not going to have time to worry about it! And I can promise you, that over the last several years when I came down sick with the flu, and was hurling my guts up in the toliet ~ not one damn time did the XHEX cross my mind! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 You all know this roller coaster ride of emotions and feelings really sucks A$$.... just when you think you are doing well something comes up and bites you in the butt..... I dropped off my daughter last night and found out the P.O.S. was out with her new man... Lying to the girls telling them she had to work... I guess when your screwing around you dont care who you lie to... Its sad in a sense that at one time she was such an honest and caring woman... I guess someone else's weanie can change all of that..... I dont know how to feel now about all of this... I guess a part of me wants to be sad but then again another part wants to see her for what she is a P.O.S ..... Then theres the part that wants to do other things but wont write about those at this time........... lol I hope this little episode is what I need to put me past the point of caring... I want that so bad I am tired of thinking about her and letting her get the best of my emotions at times...All of the wondering and imagining has taken its toll... I dont want to care anymore... I want to let go but cant........... Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 She wasn't honest and caring when you met her for if history recalls she was already married and cheated on her husband to be with you! The cycles of her life are so predictable her future can be charted on a graph. She's done it once and she's done it twice so what's to say that she won't do it thrice?!! I'd have a sit down with the step daughter and explain to her the birds and the bees for I believe she's old enough to comprehend the totality of this situation by revealing the circumstances on how you entered her mother's life and the adultery she's commiting now. You also need to apologize to your step daughter's dad and tell anyone and everyone with an eye to see, ear to hear, and a mind to understand about the infidelity your stbx is engaging in so that she has nowhere to run to hide the shame of her behavior! Maybe then she'll reflect on her current actions and resolve to get counseling for her broken psyche's damage and the carnage left in it's wake throughout her life. The lie shall flee to darkness should the truth seek to destroy it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 She wasn't honest and caring when you met her for if history recalls she was already married and cheated on her husband to be with you! The cycles of her life are so predictable her future can be charted on a graph. She's done it once and she's done it twice so what's to say that she won't do it thrice?!! Its funny you mention this PP.. I just got off the phone with her and she said almost the exact same thing about us dating when she was married... Asked me what the difference was... I said none it wasnt right then just as it isnt right now... that pissed her off... I tried something I have read about when they go off on you.. She was yelling and carrying on and I agreed with everything she said.. I could tell it took her by surprise.. she shut up almost immediately and her tone changed to almost pleasant....... I dont know... maybe I am finally learning !! Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Its funny you mention this PP.. I just got off the phone with her and she said almost the exact same thing about us dating when she was married... Asked me what the difference was... I said none it wasnt right then just as it isnt right now... that pissed her off... I tried something I have read about when they go off on you.. She was yelling and carrying on and I agreed with everything she said.. I could tell it took her by surprise.. she shut up almost immediately and her tone changed to almost pleasant....... I dont know... maybe I am finally learning !! Or reality is setting in for her. She knows she's "screwed the pooch" and lost her dominant position in the relationship. You are not the whipped poodle you were just a few short months ago. While not attaining pit bull status, you have become a cocker spaniel, who snaps back when threatened. That's a good thing. When folks lose something (in her case dominance) it's natural for them to want it back. She may make moves in that direction. Just remember the cost to you, if you allow it, you become a poodle again, as sure as gawd made apples and oranges. You know who she is now. She's a poodle master. Who are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 Or reality is setting in for her. She knows she's "screwed the pooch" and lost her dominant position in the relationship. You are not the whipped poodle you were just a few short months ago. While not attaining pit bull status, you have become a cocker spaniel, who snaps back when threatened. That's a good thing. When folks lose something (in her case dominance) it's natural for them to want it back. She may make moves in that direction. Just remember the cost to you, if you allow it, you become a poodle again, as sure as gawd made apples and oranges. You know who she is now. She's a poodle master. Who are you? well now that you mention it she threatened court with me... I said fine !!! i figured all along that this would be the way it goes.. I said my lawyerknows your lawyer and I will have him contact yours... She got all quite and said so you do have a lawyer I said yes I have spoken with one because I knew how you were and I wasnt going to be threatened by you again.. well she back peddled and said well you know I dont want to go to court I would rather work it out... I think she knows now that I have taken more of her poop and not going to take anymore..... felt good LD.. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 well now that you mention it she threatened court with me... I said fine !!! i figured all along that this would be the way it goes.. I said my lawyerknows your lawyer and I will have him contact yours... She got all quite and said so you do have a lawyer I said yes I have spoken with one because I knew how you were and I wasnt going to be threatened by you again.. well she back peddled and said well you know I dont want to go to court I would rather work it out... I think she knows now that I have taken more of her poop and not going to take anymore..... felt good LD.. I love it !! She figured her poodle would roll over and piddle when she threatened you with a "lawyer". It must be pretty nice for you to be able to stand up to her BS at last. Congratulations. What are you gonna do? Is it finally cut ties, and start living again time? You might find you like running your own life again Skin. In the words of Virginia Slim... You've come a long way baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Or reality is setting in for her. She knows she's "screwed the pooch" and lost her dominant position in the relationship. You are not the whipped poodle you were just a few short months ago. While not attaining pit bull status, you have become a cocker spaniel, who snaps back when threatened. That's a good thing. When folks lose something (in her case dominance) it's natural for them to want it back. She may make moves in that direction. Just remember the cost to you, if you allow it, you become a poodle again, as sure as gawd made apples and oranges. You know who she is now. She's a poodle master. Who are you? :lmao::lmao::lmao: Love it! Ooooooraaaahhhhh! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 I love it !! She figured her poodle would roll over and piddle when she threatened you with a "lawyer". It must be pretty nice for you to be able to stand up to her BS at last. Congratulations. What are you gonna do? Is it finally cut ties, and start living again time? You might find you like running your own life again Skin. In the words of Virginia Slim... You've come a long way baby. Thanks LD... I appreciate that coming from you friend !! you have been my biggest instigator during all of this and your pushing has made me see the light buddy... And to be honest I am enjoying living my own life .. I have taken off a week in March and will be heading out to California to visit some friends and do some traveling... I had to get some information from her about some tickets we canceled and I needed the number. I told her I was going away for my 44th birthday and her first ? was where are you going ?. I said someplace warm... she then asked well who are you going with ? I said no one... doing it alone.. she got all pissy and said well you never do anything alone....... I said I do alot of things alone now... As for cutting the ties I guess I have no ther choice LD... she refuses to try and I am done trying...... Probably always care for her some but the marriage is indeed a DEAD one............. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 If she does try it isn't because she wants back, it will be because her fairy tail land isn't what she thought it was..... Just watch & see if she makes changes, that will really tell you if she is serious...... Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Thanks LD... I appreciate that coming from you friend !! you have been my biggest instigator during all of this and your pushing has made me see the light buddy... And to be honest I am enjoying living my own life .. I have taken off a week in March and will be heading out to California to visit some friends and do some traveling... I had to get some information from her about some tickets we canceled and I needed the number. I told her I was going away for my 44th birthday and her first ? was where are you going ?. I said someplace warm... she then asked well who are you going with ? I said no one... doing it alone.. she got all pissy and said well you never do anything alone....... I said I do alot of things alone now... As for cutting the ties I guess I have no ther choice LD... she refuses to try and I am done trying...... Probably always care for her some but the marriage is indeed a DEAD one............. You have choices, just try to make them good ones. And... it's not that she is refusing to try Skin. No refusal on her part at all, she just DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN about you, or your marriage. As for alway caring? Don't count on it. It took me about 2 years after a 25 year marriage I thought was "forever" thought was a great marriage, loved her heart and soul to discover I didn't give a tinkers damn if she lived or died, literally. Now I don't think of her at all unless she emails about one of the children. If she emailed about anything else she knows I'd tell her to fornicate off and die. Link to post Share on other sites
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