pelicanpreacher Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 If she has the paperwork, the records, the receipts, and does it before skinman, then yes, she can file HoH. Both can file HoH as long as both fall under the criteria listed, in fact that would be mutually beneficial, provided they can agree on the specifics. Split 6 months of custody and housing costs, essentially. However, she can still contest any money he recieves during the process of divorce, regardless of what he claims. Until a legal separation or divorce that money is up in the air. Lawyers are going to have to hash this out unless skin either gets to the lawyers first, or works it out with his STBXW. My suggestion would be tell your wife she can work with you to file separately; obtaining a filing status agreement to everyone's mutual benefit. Otherwise, she can kiss your ass and you both file separately and let Uncle Sam make out like a bandit on both of you. The choice is yours. Keep in mind, I'm not a lawyer. I do taxes for my organization pro bono. Skin, are you reading this?!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I dont get it, why dont you just file seperately and stop worrying about what is she gonna do? Who F-ing cares she should have thought about that before she cheated and left you. That's her problem. You need to get a lawyer on retainer and file for divorce. Or do you need to be seperated a year before filing? Why are you putting up with her nonsense. Just tell her if it aint about the kid or finances dont call you. You need to just move on and let her stew in her own stupidity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 Skin, are you reading this?!!! Yes I am reading this... the only problem is.. she doesn't pay taxes during the year like she is supposed to.. instead she pays it all at the end.. If i file with her i will most liekely end up paying between 5-6000$ maybe more. If i file separatley i will only pay anout 1500$... But she is the type of woman that will delay the house sale until we have been separated a year in October... so its either pay the taxes and try and sell the house in june or be a dick and have her end up screwing me with the sale of the house........ Thats my delimma... I could give a **** about her finances at this point but she is so hell bent on screwing me one way or the other which is in my best interest...... ? thats where my problem lies... Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Skin, grip thyself. She's going to screw you on the house if she can regardless of what she does April 15th. You know, and can predict what she's going to do with 90% certainty. Try not to clash head on. When you know what your enemy is going to do, don't be there when they do it. IF it's in your best interests to file now, do it. Like I said she's going to screw you down the road anyway if she can. Stop thinking (you are not good at it) and begin doing. The worst decisions are the ones we DON'T make. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 No,no,no,no,no,no! The financial pressure of the IRS breathing down her neck will make her panic enough to mad dash the sale of the house if she believes she can get reprieve or respite from their omnipotent hold on her! I certainly wouldn't be above implying that, should she not cooperate, a little birdy might anonymously tweet tweet in their ear the fact that a certain person (namely her) may be trying to defraud them to trigger an audit if she ddn't get that house sold or bend over to take it for the team on any other demand you might have! What's important is that you make her believe that you'd get more satisfaction in putting her butt in hot water than you are in making a profit on your home's sale. As a matter of fact, it is a bargaining chip that you can play to force her to sell the home back to you "on the cheap" if you're willing to eat your Wheaties! If somebody's out to get me then it becomes a game of who gets who first or worst! When I get a boot on your neck I won't let up on the pressure until I make you howl like a pig! Sometimes you've got to go a little Michael Corleone to right the wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 No,no,no,no,no,no! The financial pressure of the IRS breathing down her neck will make her panic enough to mad dash the sale of the house if she believes she can get reprieve or respite from their omnipotent hold on her! I certainly wouldn't be above implying that, should she not cooperate, a little birdy might anonymously tweet tweet in their ear the fact that a certain person (namely her) may be trying to defraud them to trigger an audit if she ddn't get that house sold or bend over to take it for the team on any other demand you might have! What's important is that you make her believe that you'd get more satisfaction in putting her butt in hot water than you are in making a profit on your home's sale. As a matter of fact, it is a bargaining chip that you can play to force her to sell the home back to you "on the cheap" if you're willing to eat your Wheaties! If somebody's out to get me then it becomes a game of who gets who first or worst! When I get a boot on your neck I won't let up on the pressure until I make you howl like a pig! Sometimes you've got to go a little Michael Corleone to right the wrong. LMA@boot to the neck! Hey if it works right? Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 skinman, for once you got her over the barrel. time to use that to your advantage. give her a taste of the real world. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Hey Skinman, I finally read your whole thread last weekend I think it was. I subscribed to your thread & have been keeping up with your status since then. Some of this has been said by others but I'm going to tell you my thoughts on this anyway: You said the POS wants to file taxes joint & that you think the crap will hit the fan when you tell her you plan on filing separate. You think that will make her worse in the sale of the house. Her pattern so far shows she screws you over regardless of if you have her best interest in mind. Why would she change that pattern once you file a joint return? Answer: She won't. My story isn't quite the same because my H & I don't own a home. However, he was contracted with a job where he was supposed to pay his own taxes. (Not working there anymore) He just ignored it starting in '05. He made good money too. He is the kind of guy who purchased "toys" as soon as he had a check & worried about paying bills later. I always struggled with my smaller paychecks to pay the bills & keep food on the table. I couldn't take it no more & he betrayed me in a severe way (not cheating btw) & I kicked him out in the summer of '06. I was stressing & worried because he had not done our taxes since '04. He would mention from time to time that we needed to file our taxes and that the IRS will come after me for his debt since we are married. I finally went to a professional in '07 and filed separately. I never told him I was doing this & in fact didn't admit it to him for months after the fact. Being the lagger that he is, he never did file his & STILL hasn't. He has told me that he owes the IRS around 50k now with interest & penalties. They finally started taking around $1000.00 from his checks but that has now stopped because he got himself fired from that job. Sorry this is getting long. Here's what my tax guy did. He filed me "head of household". I can't remember atm if he did it for '05 when we did live the whole year together. But he filed that in '06 & put down that my H had abandoned myself & our kid. Yes, he said even though I kicked my H out that's what it is called. He also filed for me under "injured spouse" that protects me from being liable for my H debt. Google it if you've never heard of it. It's a way of protecting ppl like you & I where the spouse blows their $$ & ignores debts or they have investments & income that the "injured spouse" has no knowledge of. What you need to do is go to a good tax person and file ASAP. Don't tell the POS what you are doing. You can claim the children. I claimed our son which pissed off my H, & he claims he is going to claim him. (If he ever actually files one of these years.) Well, my tax guy told me if he claimed our son that it would get kicked back denied because I have all ready claimed him. Do some research and find a good tax place that knows what they are doing. I found a company that has over 30 years experience in the business. And the head guy used to work for the IRS so he knows how they work & think. At this point you need to really think of how you can cover & protect yourself. The POS has showed she has no qualms about f***ing you over. I wish you well. =^-^= Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Skin, grip thyself. She's going to screw you on the house if she can regardless of what she does April 15th. You know, and can predict what she's going to do with 90% certainty. Try not to clash head on. When you know what your enemy is going to do, don't be there when they do it. IF it's in your best interests to file now, do it. Like I said she's going to screw you down the road anyway if she can. Stop thinking (you are not good at it) and begin doing. The worst decisions are the ones we DON'T make. I'm with LSD here. Look man, like Ms. Red I've read your entire thread. You have been extended boatloads of sympathy by the posters here, and rightfully so (at least for the first 3 months or so). But what I see is you soaking up that sympathy like a sponge and taking insufficient action that is of real benefit to you. So f*cking well gird up your loins and start actively protecting yourself financially, emotionally and physically. You're getting alot of good advice here regarding your tax filing. Take it. And for God's sake quit wallowing in your grief. You're mourning your relationship (at least your impression of your relationship), not her. F*ck her and do what you need to do for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 I'm with LSD here. Look man, like Ms. Red I've read your entire thread. You have been extended boatloads of sympathy by the posters here, and rightfully so (at least for the first 3 months or so). But what I see is you soaking up that sympathy like a sponge and taking insufficient action that is of real benefit to you. So f*cking well gird up your loins and start actively protecting yourself financially, emotionally and physically. You're getting alot of good advice here regarding your tax filing. Take it. And for God's sake quit wallowing in your grief. You're mourning your relationship (at least your impression of your relationship), not her. F*ck her and do what you need to do for you. Thanks GT and Ms. Red... I appreciate you following this disaster that was thrust upon me... no beating around the bush for you friend... to be honest lately i have felt good with regards to the emotions and the accepting the end of my marriage... it is what it is and theres nothing I can do about it... I actually got an email today from the POS... she has contacted a real estate agent and is getting info on the house.... So if I play my cards right and get the house on the market before April 15th (usually a 90 day listing) I can blindside her and let her know that I have already filed... I still have time so hopefully we can get the ball rolling on the house... I appreciate all of the advice from everyone who has followed me... Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I can blindside her _________ Do it. The reality of the situation, at least for the time being, is that your relationship with the stbxw consists of a series of ambushes in-depth. Make sure you're the one laying down fire instead of being the recipient. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 I can blindside her _________ Do it. The reality of the situation, at least for the time being, is that your relationship with the stbxw consists of a series of ambushes in-depth. Make sure you're the one laying down fire instead of being the recipient. Amen to that... I let her know in so many unfriendly words yesterday that I didnt appreciate her having her friend over my house and "playing house" !!! so hopefully that got her more motivated to get it sold... Link to post Share on other sites
SRV Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Amen to that... I let her know in so many unfriendly words yesterday that I didnt appreciate her having her friend over my house and "playing house" !!! so hopefully that got her more motivated to get it sold... She wins, and you are letting her see it clearly as light of day, that she still has that effect on you. Skin, you cannot control and tell her what, where, how she can do and who to do it with. Those days are long gone, to be precise in October. The sooner you accept it, the better it will be for you mentally and emotionally. So long as your daughters are safe, what she does should be the least of your concerns. You need to seperate that emotional side and deal with her from a business-like perspective. Looking out only for you and your daughters best interests. The sooner you do this, the better off you will be in the long-run. Forget telling her off and whatever else, she is gone, long gone. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Actions. That's it. Right now you should be preparing for a divorce. No matter what happens, you need to be the one moving the ball. Move that ball and cry your eyes out in private. Who cares as long as when the time comes, you are protected financially, emotionally, mentally. Communication with the wife should be civil and pleasant. No remarks on her relationship. Your feelings. Her feelings. Screw that. Get your ducks in a row and smile the whole time. This is a game that you have to play for your own sake. By now you should have realized that you can't trust this woman. How many times will you allow her to cull you into a sense of vulnerability? How many times will you allow her to draw you into conflict? How many times will you allow her the satisfaction of knowing she has your heart and soul at her every whim. I'm not trying to be hurtful. I'm trying to slap you awake. Wake up, bud! Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Divorce is going to cost you a lot of money no matter what you do so except that I start moving forward to the best way it will benefit you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 How come all of you can see it so clearly.... yet I find it so difficult to see or understand....I want to do whats best for my girls but I also want to have money left over to buy another house.......I didnt bust my ass for 15 years to live in a basement....... Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Skin, are you getting a sense of the change in temperment regarding your friends on the board? You are not some kind of "test tube baby" so you must relinquish all naivete' and start getting with the program. Your continued indulgence in your emotions may be wearing thin so time is no longer on your side. Get on board with the "Big Win" and begin putting this ordeal to rest!!! You're a seasoned veteran now so put away childish things away and join the ranks of those who can help versus those who need it! Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Understand that this is a test of character. It is a challenge. Each time you sink back to emotional LaLa land, tell yourself 'I shall not allow her to press my buttons', 'she no longer has the privilege of my caring', 'There is noting she can do to rattle me', 'I am indifferent to her actions'. Now this is a bit of self-cognitive therapy...it works if you really work hard at reconfiguring the way you think. Reconceptualise the situation! As far as living in a basement is concerned, tell yourself, 'I would rather live in a basement, than be with P.O.S, the thought of being with her is nauseating', 'When you think of her, think of wanting to puke'. Man up! She is a hoe! Things will get better! Take care Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
SRV Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Skin, I think it would it be beneficial if you had the kids dropped off at a mutually agreed third party's place. This will miminize your interractions with her to your benefit; out of sight, out of mind. This would be beneficial to you so that you can start totally separating emotionally from her. You seem to regress everytime you see her and she knows it too, so she is manipulating the whole situation to her benefit and totally justifying(read-control -your rants to her about her boytoy and playing house)/minimizing what she did to you in a sick perverted way. This will allow you to ready yourself for the battle ahead where you will really need to have your head screwed on right and your emotions totally in check for you to emerge on the other end less scarred. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 What do you do when someone cheats on you? What do you do if someone emotionally or physically abuses or neglects you? Is that simple enough? Now react accordingly. If someone is going to do those things to you, why should you believe them, trust them, and negotiate with them. You want love? Love yourself. You want trust. Trust yourself. You want happiness. Give yourself happiness. Stop relying on others. Those who act, decide their fate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 What do you do when someone cheats on you? What do you do if someone emotionally or physically abuses or neglects you? Is that simple enough? Now react accordingly. If someone is going to do those things to you, why should you believe them, trust them, and negotiate with them. You want love? Love yourself. You want trust. Trust yourself. You want happiness. Give yourself happiness. Stop relying on others. Those who act, decide their fate. Thanks again TIY.... as always your advice is direct and to the point.. I emailed her today and told her we would only deal through email regarding my daughter... I dont want to see her or even talk with her at this point like you said she has cheated on me and taken every opportunity to screw me one way or the other.... thanks TIY.. I will be making an appointment with an attorney next week before my vacation...... PP... your are right my friend I have given this woman enough of my power over my emotions I have seen her for what she is a P.O.S. now its time to do something about it...... hopefully by not seeing her or talking with her I will heal faster... my vacation soon will be a good break in the ole routine and keep my mind off of her.... I should have made it sooner..... Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 It is quite remarkable how we can gain certain responses by holding ourselves emotionally accountable. If we are in control of our feelings, we tend to get controlled responses. Not necessarily right away, but soon enough. Its that ol' law of "You get what you give." You keep giving her earfuls, she will see you as emotionally incompetent and take advantage of you. If you are cool, calm and collected she will eventually see you need to be talked to as such. Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Amen to that... I let her know in so many unfriendly words yesterday that I didnt appreciate her having her friend over my house and "playing house" !!! so hopefully that got her more motivated to get it sold... Why is it your business who she has over at the house? Don't tell me it affects your kids - that is relevant only if there is clear evidence of abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
cyabye Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Why is it relevent? Because I want to know who my kids are interacting with. I don't want there to be any possiblity for abuse because her dumb arse cannot make appropriate decisions. For me, I am indifferent now. I can care less who or what she does in any new relationship. All I ask is that she does it when my kids are not around. It confuses the kids when it happens too soon and just proves how truly selfish she is. Now if he only wants to know who's over there because he's curious as to who she is with etc. etc. blah, blah, well then he needs to get over that because eventually it's going to happen. Skin, You NEED to move on. PERIOD. This is one of the longest post I've seen on LS and EVERYONE is giving you solid advice w/o emotion. Emotions will mess you up big time. GET IT? You NEED to get SELFISH, ANGRY, INDIFFERENT, ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY. You need to put things into a realistic perspective. Your heart and emotions are deceiving you right now. MAN UP. Keep some of your pride and start putting the trash where it belongs. You busted your arse for 15 yrs right? Remember that when it comes to dealing with her. SELF PRESERVATION. Only you can do it. Hope this helps, cyabye Is it time to lock the thread? Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Because I want to know who my kids are interacting with. I don't want there to be any possiblity for abuse because her dumb arse cannot make appropriate decisions. That's a futile issue to focus on except if there is clear evidence of abuse. It is an emotional and legal black hole which will accomplish zilch. Link to post Share on other sites
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