Author skinman Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Skin, I'm happy for you. You got one of the things you wanted a "warm and fuzzy" conversation where you heard that you were not completely at fault. In the parlance of the betrayed... she threw you a bone. Take it home, chew it, heck, make soup out of it. At this point I'm all for anything that moves you farther from the "Land of a Thousand Wuzzies". If you pass Neverland on the way back to the real world give my regards to Peter, and don't forget to check out Tink, she's a dish. Use it as a stepping stone Skin. Make it the first place you put your foot on your way to freedom and happiness. Thanks LD... you know buddy I was waiting for your response... And you know you are right... I know it wasnt all my fault but it was nice to hear her finally take some of the blame...whether or not she threw me a bone doesn't matter...I will use this to move on and learn from what she said... I do know that she was correct with regards to some of My issues... I will give her that... As for moving on thats all I can do... Look out babes the Skin is back in business... LD.. I will keep in touch.. looking forward to chilling with you sometime by the lake !! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Who knew that the Arch Angel to finally release you from your pain would be your stbx. (Circa. Jacob's Ladder, 1990) Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Who knew that the Arch Angel to finally release you from your pain would be your stbx. (Circa. Jacob's Ladder, 1990) thanks PP, The past few days have been good ones for me... I haven't had any contact with her since Monday.. Which has helped some hopefully it will get easier. I still think of her and wonder what she is doing. I guess those thoughts will be around for a while longer... Who knows I hope they go away soon... I have gotten involved in a ballroom dance class... Thanks to Gunny's advice so who knows..I might meet some nice new people to hang with.... If nothing else it will get me out of the house 1 night each week until spring.. Some days are better than others... lets hope tonight will be a sleep filled night.......... Link to post Share on other sites
Mountains10 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 thanks PP, The past few days have been good ones for me... I haven't had any contact with her since Monday.. Which has helped some hopefully it will get easier. I still think of her and wonder what she is doing. I guess those thoughts will be around for a while longer... Who knows I hope they go away soon... I have gotten involved in a ballroom dance class... Thanks to Gunny's advice so who knows..I might meet some nice new people to hang with.... If nothing else it will get me out of the house 1 night each week until spring.. Some days are better than others... lets hope tonight will be a sleep filled night.......... I'm with you on this skin, sounds like a plan. I have been a homebody for too long. My goal is to definitely sign up for the gym by next week. It's time to start making myself over for the future. Let us know how those classes go, you'll be fighting the ladies off with a stick once you're a professional! Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I have gotten involved in a ballroom dance class... Nice going Skin. Way to dig yourself out. A good friend of mine would say this whenever a good looking woman walked by: Boy would I like to trip and fall on her! I hope you trip and fall all over your dance partners--multiple times! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Nice going Skin. Way to dig yourself out. A good friend of mine would say this whenever a good looking woman walked by: Boy would I like to trip and fall on her! I hope you trip and fall all over your dance partners--multiple times! Thanks Sands_of_Time, I had to do something to get out of the house.. This working all the time and not doing anything fun is for the birds... I figure this way there might be a chance to meet some new people and maybe someone to take out to dinner on ocassion... Its not much but its a start... The past few days have been good for me. Not many thoughts at all of the P.O.S. thats what I refer to her as.... No more stbxw or ex or wife but good ole P.O.S. Something funny happened this wekend while texting back and forth with the P.O.S when I dropped my daughter off on Sunday the P.O.S came down in a towel to have me sign over a title to a car I gave my stepdaughter.. I have to say she looked good but didnt think anything of it... So later that day after having a few beers watching the game, I texted her and asked if she would send me a picture of herself in the towel... man you would have thought I asked her to chop off an arm... she called me up saying you sick M-fer.. do you think I am crazy... I was rolling on the couch. I figured it would piss her off but she went ballistic... Telling me never to speak with her again... well I havent spoken with her but everytime I think of that I get a good chuckle out of it... I have seen this woman naked for over 16 years... you think she'd give a guy a break... LOL.. Well here to better days for all of us... I do believe the fog is lifting... Link to post Share on other sites
Mountains10 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Nice going Skin. Way to dig yourself out. A good friend of mine would say this whenever a good looking woman walked by: Boy would I like to trip and fall on her! I hope you trip and fall all over your dance partners--multiple times! That cracked me up Sands! Link to post Share on other sites
Mountains10 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks Sands_of_Time, I had to do something to get out of the house.. This working all the time and not doing anything fun is for the birds... I figure this way there might be a chance to meet some new people and maybe someone to take out to dinner on ocassion... Its not much but its a start... The past few days have been good for me. Not many thoughts at all of the P.O.S. thats what I refer to her as.... No more stbxw or ex or wife but good ole P.O.S. Something funny happened this wekend while texting back and forth with the P.O.S when I dropped my daughter off on Sunday the P.O.S came down in a towel to have me sign over a title to a car I gave my stepdaughter.. I have to say she looked good but didnt think anything of it... So later that day after having a few beers watching the game, I texted her and asked if she would send me a picture of herself in the towel... man you would have thought I asked her to chop off an arm... she called me up saying you sick M-fer.. do you think I am crazy... I was rolling on the couch. I figured it would piss her off but she went ballistic... Telling me never to speak with her again... well I havent spoken with her but everytime I think of that I get a good chuckle out of it... I have seen this woman naked for over 16 years... you think she'd give a guy a break... LOL.. Well here to better days for all of us... I do believe the fog is lifting... Haha, I asked mine something along those lines recently too, don't want to post it publicly, in case she might come across here some reason. I got just about the same response, except she didn't get mad, she just laughed and told me no. I don't get it either, the same person I've seen naked a gazillion times, and... yeah, you know the rest. Strange, strange behavior. Glad you're doing ok skin, was starting to worry about you there for a while, ready to go drink a couple and do some fishing? Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 That cracked me up Sands! Ha! Humor doesn't poke it's head out in the beginning too much. But afterwhile things start to return to normal. More days like this please! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Ha! Humor doesn't poke it's head out in the beginning too much. But afterwhile things start to return to normal. More days like this please! I second that... more days like the past few.. the dreams returned again last night.. just when I thought they had left. they returned... Long night to say the least hope it starts getting easier soon.... I look forward to the day when a thought of the P.O.S will not bother me at all...... Give us strength.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 today was good except for the fact that the P.O.S. invited me to my stepdaughters Birhday party in the beginning of February.. Still undecided whether or not I Will go... I would much rather go and take my stepdaughter myself... any opinions ?? Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 that's a tough call, can't figure out why she even invited you, since she never wanted to speak to you again after your last comment(which i loved)hell play it by ear till then. Link to post Share on other sites
Mountains10 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 today was good except for the fact that the P.O.S. invited me to my stepdaughters Birhday party in the beginning of February.. Still undecided whether or not I Will go... I would much rather go and take my stepdaughter myself... any opinions ?? Remember when you thought you were strong enough, and you said everything was good, then you remember what happened the next day when you posted on here? Just make sure you can handle it mentally before you try it again, that's all I was going to say. Don't want to see you get depressed all over again, you're too good for that. Link to post Share on other sites
confused71 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 today was good except for the fact that the P.O.S. invited me to my stepdaughters Birhday party in the beginning of February.. Still undecided whether or not I Will go... I would much rather go and take my stepdaughter myself... any opinions ?? I struggled with the dilemma of spending Xmas at the house with the stbx and stepdaughter.I went and completely regreted it later. If I were you I would arrange a fun day out with your stepdaughter,just you and her,I garantee she will remember this more then you just being at her party feeling awkward. I was told by stbxw that my stepdaughter will forget me easily.But after spending some time on my own with her I realise she really misses me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 I think you guys are right.. I would much rather spend a day alone with my stepdaughter than having to face the P.O.S. and her family at a party..I think that would show my step that I care more about her.. Besides I dont think I am anywhere ready to be "buddies" with the P.O.S. just yet... That time might come in the future but now its still to painfull to even see her.. The past few days have been good ones for me not many down moments at all which is good. I have been going out more with friends trying to get out of the house. If it wasn't so cold here this weekend I would go do some hiking but its only in the teens today.... BRRRR.. I think now me and a friend are going to do a lttlle hunting try and fill the freezer with some venison !! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 Well today the P.O.S. sought me out when I picked up my daughter for the afternoon... She came out and laid into me about something I said to my daughter on Friday.... You all tell me if this is wrong.. my daughter called and said she didnt want to come over on saturday that she was spending the night with a friend... I said thats fine and she said it sounds like it hurt my feelings.. I told her it did but that I understood that she wanted to see her friends and as she gets older she will want to spend more time with them than me and I was ok with that.. Well not sure exactly what she told the P.O.S. but she was fired up... she was still pisssed about the towel picture I asked for .. she said she showed it to all of her friends and they said I was obsessed !!! who gives a crap what her friends think... not me...they are a bunch of old divorced has beens just like her... well she has threatened court action and all kinds of other threats... Man what a bitch !!! then she accused me of trying to avoid her by not coming in the house... I said well yes I didnt want to see you or talk with you.. that pissed her off even more... Damn am I glad to have that psycho out of my daily life...... looks like 5 more years of hell with this one !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Well today the P.O.S. sought me out when I picked up my daughter for the afternoon... She came out and laid into me about something I said to my daughter on Friday.... Skin--it has to be tough when she is still in the background like that flapping her gums. One of the things that is so evident in all our cases is the gaslighting and anger coming from these WS's. Just like Sumdude said in an earlier post..it's a playbook that they are dealing with. We are not going to be able to predict every play they are going to make but it seems they keep running the same play over and over--it's the anger and hostility play. It's like they are just handing off to the fullback and running it right up the gut 3 out of 4 downs (sorry..watching the Cards beat Philly right now). The good news is that we can use that to our advantage--knowing that they are going to run the anger and hostility play gives us knowledge. If we know their playbook we can prepare ahead of time. I.E. Everytime she runs the anger play, identify it when it happens, then run your "Disarming" defense. Disarm the hell out of her by staying calm in the face of the devil. You'll have to fight the initial reaction at first (if you are like me your initial reaction is to take an eye for an eye) but the more you do it the easier it becomes. Fight the initial urge to bite back when she's puts on her horns and tail. I remember reading one of your posts a few weeks ago and you did this very thing to her! Stay calm in the face of adversity and you will prosper. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Skin--it has to be tough when she is still in the background like that flapping her gums. I remember reading one of your posts a few weeks ago and you did this very thing to her! Stay calm in the face of adversity and you will prosper. Sands, your right man but she caught me off guard. When she walked out she had a bunch of stuff she was giving me that I didnt ask for and the next thing I know she flying off the handle.. Pissed me off.. for the life of me I cannot see what in the hell I ever saw in that P.O.S. ....she is one nasty , angry and bitter woman !!! I feel for the poor sucker she gets stuck with later in life or now... I thank the lord each morning that she has freed me from the misery that I lived daily but was to blind to see.. My eyes have been opened to what a low life she really is. I hate to say that about my daughters mother but when this is all said and done there will only be one person alive that I can honestly say that I hate !!! my ex P.O.S. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 But in the end you've got to let all that anger, hate, bitterness go ~ not for her sake ~ but for own personal well being. It will consume you, it will become you. Over the course of the years. Whenever the stbx gets all flakey on you and starts going off on you, here's what you do. Simply look at, pause for a second or two, smile (always smile, doesn't have to be a "toothy smile" ~ just a lip-smile, and say "I understand" Regardless of what she says, how irate she gets, how mad she ges you just smile and say, "I understand" And that's all you say, even if you say it over and over again. Don't apolgize, don't argue, just say over and over "I understand" I learned it when in sales. And it really works. In my studies of PUA's (Pick Up Artist) I found it again. It dis-engages them, and after several times of hearing, "I understand" they realize that you're not going to play thier game by their rules or their terms. Anyone getting a divorce and getting back into the "Game" I would really recommend "Selling For Dummies" and "Sales Prospecting For Dummies" The item your selling is yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Simply look at, pause for a second or two, smile (always smile, doesn't have to be a "toothy smile" ~ just a lip-smile, and say "I understand" Regardless of what she says, how irate she gets, how mad she ges you just smile and say, "I understand" And that's all you say, even if you say it over and over again. Don't apolgize, don't argue, just say over and over "I understand". Thanks Gunny... you know if I do this it will drive her insane... I might even be able to get her to assault me while I am at it... Your the man Guns... I was thinking the same thing last night but she attacked while I was unprepared !! She is a sneaky P.O.S......... next time I will be prepared..... For whatever she may throw at me....which just might be something........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 20, 2009 Author Share Posted January 20, 2009 Heres an update for you folks... the week has gone well I started a Divorcecare class on Monday which wasnt so bad... The thoughts of the P.O.S. have been to a minimum... we traded a few emails today regarding a separation agreement I am trying to get worked up with her.. We will see how that goes... she is paranoid as heck.. refused to write out any ideas we have to discuss them and then write them out...... not sure how that will go.. I will have to summon strength from all of you on the day I meet with her.. You all know... Confused9 told me a while back that I would be thankfull oneday that she left me or asked me to leave........ And you all know something I believe she was right... She did me a favor... Not my problem anymore........... Link to post Share on other sites
Mountains10 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Heres an update for you folks... the week has gone well I started a Divorcecare class on Monday which wasnt so bad... The thoughts of the P.O.S. have been to a minimum... we traded a few emails today regarding a separation agreement I am trying to get worked up with her.. We will see how that goes... she is paranoid as heck.. refused to write out any ideas we have to discuss them and then write them out...... not sure how that will go.. I will have to summon strength from all of you on the day I meet with her.. You all know... Confused9 told me a while back that I would be thankfull oneday that she left me or asked me to leave........ And you all know something I believe she was right... She did me a favor... Not my problem anymore........... That's great that you started the DCare classes. Keep us updated on how it goes for you. I thought about doing that at one time, but I just don't have the time to do it, unless it was on the weekends. I think I will just get to working out and learning to be more independent, that would probably help me most. Then again, I wasn't in a marriage near as long as you and I don't have any kids, so our situations are different in those respects. Stay strong my friend, you seem to still be doing much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 That's great that you started the DCare classes. Keep us updated on how it goes for you. I thought about doing that at one time, but I just don't have the time to do it, unless it was on the weekends. I think I will just get to working out and learning to be more independent, that would probably help me most. Then again, I wasn't in a marriage near as long as you and I don't have any kids, so our situations are different in those respects. Stay strong my friend, you seem to still be doing much better. Thanks M10, I was doing better until this evening.. I dropped of my daughter at home and went in and spoke with my step.. asked her about school and all ,how the car was running I gave her last week the usual stuff... Well I then told her I wouldn't be coming to her birthday party next month that I would rather take her out for the day to dinner and a movie... Well she flipped out saying she wanted her family at her party even though me and her mom weren't getting along... the next thing I know she is screaming at me to get out of "her" house and that I am crazy and to just f-ing leave... A damn 17 year old talking to me like this.. I was floored I have done nothing but been there for her when her dad abandoned her... The P.O.S. is now corrupting the kids... At least my daughter still loves me and wants to spend time with me... Makes me wonder how long before the P.O.S. gets to her and corrupts her thinking....... it seems the more you do for F-ing people the more you get screwed !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Thanks M10, I was doing better until this evening.. I dropped of my daughter at home and went in and spoke with my step.. asked her about school and all ,how the car was running I gave her last week the usual stuff... Well I then told her I wouldn't be coming to her birthday party next month that I would rather take her out for the day to dinner and a movie... Well she flipped out saying she wanted her family at her party even though me and her mom weren't getting along... the next thing I know she is screaming at me to get out of "her" house and that I am crazy and to just f-ing leave... A damn 17 year old talking to me like this.. I was floored I have done nothing but been there for her when her dad abandoned her... The P.O.S. is now corrupting the kids... At least my daughter still loves me and wants to spend time with me... Makes me wonder how long before the P.O.S. gets to her and corrupts her thinking....... it seems the more you do for F-ing people the more you get screwed !!! Jesus..now two women on the attack. Go home Skin and put on another coat of armor. You don't deserve that. She is 17 and she doesn't understand the pain of divorce. Stay strong and stay calm when someone doesn't understand the walk you are walking. It's 17 year old ignorance. Rise above this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Searching49 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Jesus..now two women on the attack. Go home Skin and put on another coat of armor. You don't deserve that. She is 17 and she doesn't understand the pain of divorce. Stay strong and stay calm when someone doesn't understand the walk you are walking. It's 17 year old ignorance. Rise above this one. I don't really know anything because I don't have kids myself yet, but I have to agree with Sands. Don't worry skinman, just keep doing what you can for her and she'll apologize for lashing out at you one day. Maybe you could stop by the party just to give her a present, tell her you love her, and then be on your way. You have to decide how strong you can be, and whether or not you can do that without breaking down. My advice is throw on the extra chain mail, stop by for some cake, wish her a happy birthday, and take off. Make it an hour tops. She'll one day realize the sacrifice you made to do that for her. She's just as confused and hurt right now and unfortunately she only knows to respond with anger. She's really just scared that she's losing another dad. At least that is what I gather from your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
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