Author skinman Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Or they're a selfish, self-centered, mean-hearted (and generally weak-minded) hard-hearted, un-forgiving, narcistic, out-for-themselves only POS! :mad: Well you described her to a tee Gunny.... I watched her during the day to see how her emotions were holding up.. well I wasnt surprised to see that she was hanging with all her divorced work friends laughing it up and having a good ole time while the rest of her family was sad and in tears... there was a point when she cried but it was when our daughters were reading a poem they had written their grandmother... it was sad but the more I looked at her the happier I am to be away from her... she has issues and they will always be there. At least I am doing things to try and make myself better by reading and working on what I know went wrong... I looked for her friend but there were quite a few people I didnt know.. I would have liked to see him and shake his hand to thank him... Link to post Share on other sites
QueenVictoria Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 The guilt is setting in -- Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 The guilt is setting in -- I dont want to be bitter but I hope so... She ruined a perfectly good marriage and family for her new toy..... The longer I can go without seeing her or really talking with her the better.... I feel her grip on me slowly receding.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 Last night was a difficult night... beside fighting the Flu I was up most of the night with thought of her going through my mind.. I guess seeing her yesterday affeceted me more than I thought it would. I dont know just when you think you are heading in the right direction something will trigger a thought or memory that takes me back to when it started. For the most part I have been able to keep her off my mind but lately nothing I do has helped... It seemed so easy for her yesterday to ignore me like I wasnt even there...I am glad I went for her mom and the rest of the family but for my sake It wasnt a good idea..maybe today will be better. Link to post Share on other sites
Mountains10 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Last night was a difficult night... beside fighting the Flu I was up most of the night with thought of her going through my mind.. I guess seeing her yesterday affeceted me more than I thought it would. I dont know just when you think you are heading in the right direction something will trigger a thought or memory that takes me back to when it started. For the most part I have been able to keep her off my mind but lately nothing I do has helped... It seemed so easy for her yesterday to ignore me like I wasnt even there...I am glad I went for her mom and the rest of the family but for my sake It wasnt a good idea..maybe today will be better. Skin, I found 2 weeks ago when I was sick, it was much harder as well. Glad you held up ok at the funeral. Take my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 When you regain your health, invite them to a sporting event that you're into away from WW. Buy the first set of drinks and thank them for their support. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 that's probale why she was hanging around divorced friends at funeral, so they can all justify their actions.pretty sad that she didn't hang w/ her own family, gives you some insight to the quality of woman she really is. the getting together w/ her family after you're feeling better does sound like a great idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 that's probale why she was hanging around divorced friends at funeral, so they can all justify their actions.pretty sad that she didn't hang w/ her own family, gives you some insight to the quality of woman she really is. the getting together w/ her family after you're feeling better does sound like a great idea. Actually I will be going to see her one brother for the Super Bowl on Sunday... Should be fun it will be nice to just get out after the past few days.... I have seen lately the kind of woman my P.O.S. is after all these years... but why do I still think about her... why do I want what we had years ago even though I know someone in the future will most likely make me alot happier... Is it my family that I miss ? the comfort of always coming home and knowing someone was waiting to greet me... The past few days have been rough and i mean rough...... maybe its the flu thats not helping things being stuck in the house here while the snow and freezing rain comes down... the lonliness of it all... I dont know but I am looking forward to the day when she will not cross my mind like she has..... thanks guys.... Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 skinman, man after all those yrs. together, it's natural to miss her, no matter what she did it's human nature. coming home at the end of the day w/ her there was your safety zone. and now it's broken.i'm sure seeing her didn't help matters either.chin up, and i hope your health improves. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Actually I will be going to see her one brother for the Super Bowl on Sunday... Should be fun it will be nice to just get out after the past few days.... I have seen lately the kind of woman my P.O.S. is after all these years... but why do I still think about her... why do I want what we had years ago even though I know someone in the future will most likely make me alot happier... Is it my family that I miss ? the comfort of always coming home and knowing someone was waiting to greet me... The past few days have been rough and i mean rough...... maybe its the flu thats not helping things being stuck in the house here while the snow and freezing rain comes down... the lonliness of it all... I dont know but I am looking forward to the day when she will not cross my mind like she has..... thanks guys.... You big dummy! Your sick with the flu! That combined with everything else? Your in need of being nutured and cared for! LOL! You need a hug! And so thoughts go to your most recent source! The XHEX! But she's gone, and your left alone to nuture yourself! And that's what you've got to learn to do is nuture yourself, take care of yourself, and look after yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 You big dummy! Your sick with the flu! That combined with everything else? Your in need of being nutured and cared for! LOL! You need a hug! And so thoughts go to your most recent source! The XHEX! But she's gone, and your left alone to nuture yourself! And that's what you've got to learn to do is nuture yourself, take care of yourself, and look after yourself! thanks Gunny, and your right.. the last time I was sick was years ago and I guess then I had the P.O.S. to look after me.. Even though she wasn't always nurturing she was always there with a hug... Damn a hug would be nice about now.. I miss that from the P.O.S. when I hugged her at the funeral that was the first time in close to 4 months since she allowed me to hug her...Guess it was a sympathy hug sometimes there better than nothing... well I start my dance class tonight.. hopefully I will be able to make it and not miss the first one.. have to see how I feel... Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 We want what we cannot have. I would suggest dating and socializing with friends of the opposite sex. I read something here that stated, if you can not date without thinking of the ex or talking of the ex, you are not ready to date. I whole-heartedly disagree. Get out there. Make some mistakes. Laugh it up. It's all good. I think self exploration and learning are positive things to accomplish at this time. Plus you now have so much free time to do whatever you want, whenever you want to. Travel! Take risks! Do things you love! I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 We want what we cannot have. I would suggest dating and socializing with friends of the opposite sex. I read something here that stated, if you can not date without thinking of the ex or talking of the ex, you are not ready to date. I whole-heartedly disagree. Get out there. Make some mistakes. Laugh it up. It's all good. I think self exploration and learning are positive things to accomplish at this time. Plus you now have so much free time to do whatever you want, whenever you want to. Travel! Take risks! Do things you love! I wish you the best. Thanks TIY. as for the dating I am not sure I am ready for that.. It has been quite a few years since I have dated even though I know she is out there putting herself out it still doesnt feel right. I plan on going to California and visiting her Aunt and Uncle in March which will be a nice getaway.. They have been great to me during all of this and he loves to travel so we plan on heading to Death Valley and checking out the sights. The stbxw has even told me to date but I think thats more to relieve her guilt than actually wanting me to date... Soon I will know when I am ready... but as for doing things I enjoy I have been for the most part getting out of my box you could say... I have plans and ideas its just getting out and doing them that I am finding difficult at times.. thanks for the good wishes TIY.. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Thanks TIY. as for the dating I am not sure I am ready for that.. It has been quite a few years since I have dated even though I know she is out there putting herself out it still doesnt feel right. I plan on going to California and visiting her Aunt and Uncle in March which will be a nice getaway.. They have been great to me during all of this and he loves to travel so we plan on heading to Death Valley and checking out the sights. The stbxw has even told me to date but I think thats more to relieve her guilt than actually wanting me to date... Soon I will know when I am ready... but as for doing things I enjoy I have been for the most part getting out of my box you could say... I have plans and ideas its just getting out and doing them that I am finding difficult at times.. thanks for the good wishes TIY.. Who cares what she's doing? When will you ever truly be ready? Never. So the sooner or better. How do you think she will feel when you are out dating and putting yourself out there? You think she's going to be ecstatic. It generates emotions when the person you used to be married to, is out boinking others. You still associate with her family? Is that painful? I would constantly be thinking of my wife if I was hanging with her family. They may pity you, care about you, have concern for you, but in the end, it's on you to blaze new paths socially and romantically. Besides, you are too damn nice. Too caring in my opinion. You are stuck in that husband role that you find oh so damn comforting. Break free. Redefine yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 Besides, you are too damn nice. Too caring in my opinion. You are stuck in that husband role that you find oh so damn comforting. Break free. Redefine yourself. TIY, you know this really hit home.. you are so right Thats all I have been for close to 16 years is a husband and father... I do need to break free and figure out what I want. I have made goals for myself and I am starting to do more things for myself.. I guess dating would be nice to enjoy the company of a woman if only for dinner.. its going to take some time for me to get comfortable in my new found freedom.. each day it gets a little easier... at this point thats all i can ask for.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mountains10 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 TIY, you know this really hit home.. you are so right Thats all I have been for close to 16 years is a husband and father... I do need to break free and figure out what I want. I have made goals for myself and I am starting to do more things for myself.. I guess dating would be nice to enjoy the company of a woman if only for dinner.. its going to take some time for me to get comfortable in my new found freedom.. each day it gets a little easier... at this point thats all i can ask for.. He's right, you have to do what's right for you. You have to get out of the thinking of the 'husband role', that role is done for now. You have to get back to thinking how to be a good dad for your daughters and think of yourself as 'single' again. I know it's tough, but that's the transition you will have to make in your mind. Hope that helps skin. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Nah, don't date yet. You're not ready and last thing you want to do is hurt another woman when you're not into her. Sure, it would be great for your ego, but last thing you need to deal with is more crap on your plate. Now, what you CAN do which is fun, flirt while grocery shopping. It's fun to watch (saw this afew times) a guy look happy while shopping and be flirty/funny with the ladies in the store. Not 'in your face' flirty, but nice - Like if she drops something, pick it up and smile, wink and walk away..Stuff like that.. (Yeah reading this over now it sounds kind of stupid, but anyway..) .. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Nah, don't date yet. You're not ready and last thing you want to do is hurt another woman when you're not into her. Sure, it would be great for your ego, but last thing you need to deal with is more crap on your plate. Now, what you CAN do which is fun, flirt while grocery shopping. It's fun to watch (saw this afew times) a guy look happy while shopping and be flirty/funny with the ladies in the store. Not 'in your face' flirty, but nice - Like if she drops something, pick it up and smile, wink and walk away..Stuff like that.. (Yeah reading this over now it sounds kind of stupid, but anyway..) .. Yes, I agree. There is nothing wrong with dating. It's like hanging out, so I do not see how you can hurt anyone going into a date. You are not planning anything more than spending time with someone new. How can feelings be hurt unless you take it to the next step of being in a serious relationship. Get out there. Date. Go get some visibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Gowithflow Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Yes, I agree. There is nothing wrong with dating. It's like hanging out, so I do not see how you can hurt anyone going into a date. You are not planning anything more than spending time with someone new. How can feelings be hurt unless you take it to the next step of being in a serious relationship. Get out there. Date. Go get some visibility. Dating is good. Especially if you can be 100 percent honest about your situation and they don't mind. One thing I've noticed though is that you can still feel like you are doing something wrong. Like you're still hurting someone in some way. I believe this is in part due to the women you are dating. If they are the aggressor then things will be way more fun and lighthearted. If you are being relied upon to make all of the moves, then it may be a bit awkward, (the women I've been so far with have relied upon me to drive the romance part and I'm not really ready for all of that potential extra drama). I have a new one coming over on Saturday that seems very lighthearted and fun. We'll see how that goes. Looking forward to it!) Just say "I'm going through a divorce". If they ask what happened say "It was good...then it wasn't good". If they want more info then they will ask. If not, even better! I just talk about being a single dad. My 2c Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 29, 2009 Author Share Posted January 29, 2009 Thanks everyone, I agree I do need to get out and start dating just for the sake of meeting and hanging with girls again. Its been so long since I even had to date its pretty scary to think about.. Back when I was single I never had to look for dates they seemed to have a way of finding me.. Now that I am much older I can see that wont be the case, if I want a date I will need to search them out. I guess after all these years of being a dad and husband I have lost my game.... lost it big time but slowly my confidence and want are returning to me and maybe soon I will be ready... I dont know I guess I can only hope......... .. As my wife left she made sure that I was left a broken man... only time will help build my confidence to where it needs to be.......... Link to post Share on other sites
toddro Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Same Here, I have no clue how to date at this point...doesn't help the fact that I work all the time and never have a chance to go out. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 First step, stop someone attractive and tell them you are bothered by the way their hair looks. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 First work on over-coming your approach anxiety, "Your job Mr. Phelps should you decide to accept it, is to simply approach two different women you don't know, at the mall, on the sidewalk, in a store. Just walk up to them and simply say, "Hi! Exuse me, my watch has stopped do you have the time? (Don't have your cell phone hanging off your belt, and turned off so it won't go off ) or "Could tell me where _____________or How do I get to? Or, do you know where the nearest ATM is?:p" The purpose of this is simply to make the blind approach. And to take baby-steps in over-coming approach anxiety. Then you build your skill set from there. Some of them will strike up a conversation with you, and some you will strike up a conversation with. You've got to build first interest and then attraction. You absolutely cannot rush it. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 First work on over-coming your approach anxiety, "Your job Mr. Phelps should you decide to accept it, is to simply approach two different women you don't know, at the mall, on the sidewalk, in a store. Just walk up to them and simply say, "Hi! Exuse me, my watch has stopped do you have the time? (Don't have your cell phone hanging off your belt, and turned off so it won't go off ) or "Could tell me where _____________or How do I get to? Or, do you know where the nearest ATM is?:p" The purpose of this is simply to make the blind approach. And to take baby-steps in over-coming approach anxiety. Then you build your skill set from there. Some of them will strike up a conversation with you, and some you will strike up a conversation with. You've got to build first interest and then attraction. You absolutely cannot rush it. No hang the cellphone and let it go off or flaunt it. Make it flashy as well. Make it obvious you could get the time without having to ask. If she points to the phone, tell her it's your time travel piece and ask her if she'd like to go back to the stone ages. I have game, lol. Always have and always will, haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Hey skin, just be yourself and have no expectations. the rest will follow. Why not join a book club in your area? Do voluntary work one evening a week. Go with the flow! Be choosy though. It is easy to settle for someone who might not share the same interest as you. These things are obscured during the honeymoon period and six months down the line you start wondering 'do I really want to be with this woman?'. I agree with WWIU. Be frank about where you stand. People can get hurt. It is only human! Take care man.....and be patient. You will get there. Better wait for the right one though! Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
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