Author skinman Posted January 29, 2009 Author Share Posted January 29, 2009 Hey skin, just be yourself and have no expectations. the rest will follow. Why not join a book club in your area? Do voluntary work one evening a week. Go with the flow! Be choosy though. It is easy to settle for someone who might not share the same interest as you. These things are obscured during the honeymoon period and six months down the line you start wondering 'do I really want to be with this woman?'. I agree with WWIU. Be frank about where you stand. People can get hurt. It is only human! Take care man.....and be patient. You will get there. Better wait for the right one though! Nomad1 Thanks...Nomad1 I still have 9 months before we can even file for divorce.... I have been looking into other stuff but my hearts not yet in it... Pathetic me still cares for the P.O.S. that I married.... I know I need to so something the dance class got canceled last night because schools were out so have to wait until next week... my daughter will be spending time with me tonight... I have missed her for the past week.... maybe thats why I am in a funk and cant get her off my mind...... I know she has already found someone but that doesnt make it any easier or right in my mind... I just dont know anymore..... Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Thanks...Nomad1 I still have 9 months before we can even file for divorce.... I have been looking into other stuff but my hearts not yet in it... Pathetic me still cares for the P.O.S. that I married.... I know I need to so something the dance class got canceled last night because schools were out so have to wait until next week... my daughter will be spending time with me tonight... I have missed her for the past week.... maybe thats why I am in a funk and cant get her off my mind...... I know she has already found someone but that doesnt make it any easier or right in my mind... I just dont know anymore..... If you still care about and want her, stop being woe is me. Do something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 If you still care about and want her, stop being woe is me. Do something. What something to try and get her back ??? or just something in general... I have been doing things in general but have given up trying to get her back... I have a few things planned for the weekend to get out and watch a few bands play in town... Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 What something to try and get her back ??? or just something in general... I have been doing things in general but have given up trying to get her back... I have a few things planned for the weekend to get out and watch a few bands play in town... Give up and you know what to expect. Why have heartache, when you have decided personally what action you want and desire. Yeah, you are taking actions to move on. So yeah, follow through on your game plan. Do those things that open up your life and personality. But do not think that it's your wife that ended this, you decided just as she has, on what action suits your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Give up and you know what to expect. Why have heartache, when you have decided personally what action you want and desire. Yeah, you are taking actions to move on. So yeah, follow through on your game plan. Do those things that open up your life and personality. But do not think that it's your wife that ended this, you decided just as she has, on what action suits your situation. Well what would you suggest TIY ? she fights almost any attempt that I make.. I send her an occassional email giving her praise or thanking her for something. For the most part she ignores them and never replies but I know she reads them. I try and make small talk when I get my daughter... I show concern and sympathy towards her but I can only do so much with the limited time she allows me in her life at the moment... I have not caused any issues with her watched what i say.... I am asking for some help....... I dont want to give up like she has !! but I dont want to beat a dead horse either !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Skin--I hope you are doing well and staying strong. Three words to live by from this day forward: let her go. I know it's a beotch. This sounds cliche but you CAN do anything you set your mind to. Because you ARE the Skinman! Don't forget that. You ARE the Skinman. You kick a** in your own right. Remember Gunny's saying: I'm not perfect but there's parts of me that are pretty awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Skin--I hope you are doing well and staying strong. Three words to live by from this day forward: let her go. I know it's a beotch. This sounds cliche but you CAN do anything you set your mind to. Because you ARE the Skinman! Don't forget that. You ARE the Skinman. You kick a** in your own right. Remember Gunny's saying: I'm not perfect but there's parts of me that are pretty awesome. Thanks Sands.... this week was tough and the weekend got even tougher... man she is draining me for every last penny she can get... she has threatened to call child support enforcement on me and take me to court for not giving her enough money... I have really started to see her for the kind of woman she is ... I gave her everything in our marriage anything she wanted and we could afford I made sure she had...... Well its seems in separation she still wants more... It has been rough... sleep is something of the past these days... The thoughts of her and what is going on run through my head at the worse times right when I lay down... I got some of the melatonin that Gunny had mentioned and it didn't even help maybe tonight I will take 2 ........... Life is f-d up... I would do almost anything for her and what does she do... Craps on me for doing it........... Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 what are you doing, just handing her money when she asks? is there any court order yet for child support? if there isn't your not just handing her cash are you. check, money order something w/ a paper trail so she can't just say you've never gave her a dime. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 what are you doing, just handing her money when she asks? is there any court order yet for child support? if there isn't your not just handing her cash are you. check, money order something w/ a paper trail so she can't just say you've never gave her a dime. no I am giving her checks with what they are for written on them... its mostly for mortgage and insurance.... The messed up thing is if she goes to court for child support at this time I will be whiped out... I am paying half for my daughters braces, Tae Kwon Do and all of her other activities.. so there is no order and if there was I would be paying even more........ Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Funny how they are the ones that leave but expect to live at the same level as they did when they were married. I can't remember for sure, but DC class they said it is like 25% you have to cut back on. It won't be as easy as when you are married...... Sorry to hear you had a couple steps back, but that is expected, it happens but just learn from it. Figure out why it has bothered you again so much & maybe try & look at it in a different light. I wonder sometimes if that isn't why we step back, just giving us another chance to learn from it, maybe we didn't do it right the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Funny how they are the ones that leave but expect to live at the same level as they did when they were married. I can't remember for sure, but DC class they said it is like 25% you have to cut back on. It won't be as easy as when you are married...... Sorry to hear you had a couple steps back, but that is expected, it happens but just learn from it. Figure out why it has bothered you again so much & maybe try & look at it in a different light. I wonder sometimes if that isn't why we step back, just giving us another chance to learn from it, maybe we didn't do it right the first time. Thanks PWS, she has made life miserable friend... she feels I owe her so much its unreal what she still expects from me and could care less that I am broke.. she mentioned many times to suck it up and get a part time job... Heartless is all I can say...And to think I still care for her and she knows it.... The lenghths she has taken to break me financially, emotionally and spiritually... I never would have imagined all of this when I married her... Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Your best bet might just be child support for if it ends up being lower than your current outlay for the mortgage, braces, Tae Kwon Do, and etc.. then the reality of her financial predicament will finally have a chance to penetrate her dense skull and you can be the one to say "suck it up and get a part time job"! BTW, are you still aspiring to buy her out of the house when you get the divorce? If so, then that should be your motivation to get a part-time job instead of her notion of an additional revenue stream to comfortably support her fantasy of life as a single woman. Right now, all she's thinking about is how you jumped throught hoops financially in your first divorce and why you owe it to her to do the same in her divorce! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Your best bet might just be child support for if it ends up being lower than your current outlay for the mortgage, braces, Tae Kwon Do, and etc.. then the reality of her financial predicament will finally have a chance to penetrate her dense skull and you can be the one to say "suck it up and get a part time job"! BTW, are you still aspiring to buy her out of the house when you get the divorce? If so, then that should be your motivation to get a part-time job instead of her notion of an additional revenue stream to comfortably support her fantasy of life as a single woman. Right now, all she's thinking about is how you jumped throught hoops financially in your first divorce and why you owe it to her to do the same in her divorce! well that was the plan to buy her out but she has changed her mind...she doesnt want to see me turn around and sell it in a few years and make a lot of money of it....I dont inderstand her thinking...i could still buy a house and turn around and sell it.......she has lost it..only thing is my names still on the mortgage and she has threatened to stop paying it ruining both our credit and losing the house........pretty much stuck until i can sell it......... Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Skinman, Have you gotten a lawyer yet? Stop sending her money immediately. If you want to pay things directly for your kids fine - otherwise stop sending her money and instead give the money to a really good lawyer. She is showing every sign of becoming a gold-digging ex-wife but you still have not shifted gears to accept that she is your financial adversary, not your partner. Until you shift gears you are extremely vulnerable for her to take advantage of you. Is the idea of moving cross-country a thing of the past now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Skinman, Have you gotten a lawyer yet? Stop sending her money immediately. If you want to pay things directly for your kids fine - otherwise stop sending her money and instead give the money to a really good lawyer. She is showing every sign of becoming a gold-digging ex-wife but you still have not shifted gears to accept that she is your financial adversary, not your partner. Until you shift gears you are extremely vulnerable for her to take advantage of you. Is the idea of moving cross-country a thing of the past now? spoke with one... he said there is nothing I can do to force her to sell the house yet and as long as my name is still on the mortgage I am responsible for half of it....at the moment I am only paying for half of her necessities and thats it.... I am paying less than I would if child support enforcement were involved..........Have to get her to agree before the year seapration is up... nothing I can do until she agrees....It would be the same if I was living in the house Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 spoke with one... he said there is nothing I can do to force her to sell the house yet and as long as my name is still on the mortgage I am responsible for half of it....at the moment I am only paying for half of her necessities and thats it.... I am paying less than I would if child support enforcement were involved..........Have to get her to agree before the year seapration is up... nothing I can do until she agrees....It would be the same if I was living in the house Skinman, If you want to pay a debt that is in your name fine- that is self-defense. But pay the debt directly, not to her. If you want to directly pay expense for you kids great - just do not pay her. There are no necessities for her. Repeat - NO neessities. She has her own life now. Let her figure out how to pay her bills, not you. As for paying less than child support would require, you may be in for a surprise Skinman. When she does eventually file for child support she may well be able to assess you for "arrears" retrospetively - and there is no reason for you to conclude that what you have paid so far will count toward those arrears. If she wants money now then let her file for child support now. In fact it might be better for you to do so in order for you to get credit for what you have paid so far for the kids' expenses. And retain a lawyer - NOW. You are being set up to be taken advantage of big time. Big time. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 just my 2 cents. but last 2 posts by n9688 made alot of sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 her. There are no necessities for her. Repeat - NO neessities. She has her own life now. Let her figure out how to pay her bills, I was refering to my daughters necessities her after school activitives, her braces we just got for her those things.. I am not paying a dime to my ex for anything or her things.. We sat yesterday and she showed me the bills she gets each month for my dauighter.. I pay half of them we signed an agreement between up spelling out what I will pay until the house is sold my lawyer said that would hold up if it comes down to it. Mt attorney has me writing all checks for everything and writing in the memo what exactly the checks are for. He said that will cover my butt... Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Waaaaaaaaait a minute! You're paying child support for both children? Your EX is definately living in a fantasy world if she honestly expects that arrangement to hold up in court unless you formally adopted her older child. If you have been paying the expenses of her older daughter up until now then you have been enabling her fantasy and crippling your own chances of penetrating her reality with the facts of life. I'd also suggest that you seek the council of another attorney for this one is not zealously protecting your interests! From here on out you give her older daughter what you want to give and that is it. You must upset your stbx's apple cart and stress her out with her own circumstances by getting your arms around the fact that she is truly limited in what she can or cannot expect! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Waaaaaaaaait a minute! You're paying child support for both children? Your EX is definately living in a fantasy world if she honestly expects that arrangement to hold up in court unless you formally adopted her older child. If you have been paying the expenses of her older daughter up until now then you have been enabling her fantasy and crippling your own chances of penetrating her reality with the facts of life. I'd also suggest that you seek the council of another attorney for this one is not zealously protecting your interests! From here on out you give her older daughter what you want to give and that is it. You must upset your stbx's apple cart and stress her out with her own circumstances by getting your arms around the fact that she is truly limited in what she can or cannot expect! no..... paying nothing on my stepdaughter... just mine ... I keep insurance on my step only because it doesnt cost me anymore than not having her on there....... thats it PP.... no other support except the occassional 20$ here and there for gas.......... Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I keep insurance on my step only because it doesnt cost me anymore than not having her on there....... thats it PP.... no other support except the occassional 20$ here and there for gas.......... You just don't get it skinman. You are giving your ex something of very substantial value (health insurance for her daughter) and asking for nothing in return. Get yourself a shark of a lawyer before you get eaten alive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 You just don't get it skinman. You are giving your ex something of very substantial value (health insurance for her daughter) and asking for nothing in return. Get yourself a shark of a lawyer before you get eaten alive. Well N9 I consider her my daughter.... I have raised her since she was 1 and I dont look at it as a benefit to my Ex... I look at it as taken care of someone I love and care about. No matter what happens between me and her mom she will always be thought of as mine whether she is or not and no child of mine will go without insurance as long as I can provide it... I see your point but thats not up for negotiation.... I will do what I feel is right and thats making sure my daughters and step daughter have insurance.... Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 I see your point but thats not up for negotiation.... I will do what I feel is right and thats making sure my daughters and step daughter have insurance.... That's fine but get something for it in return... and if you need to distance yourself then get an attorney to negotiate for you. Everything you say now and in the past tells me that you are not able to approach this in a business-like fashion; to the contrary, you are setting yourself up to be taken advantage of enormously. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 skinman, i think you've done a wonderful job of keeping your step- daughter on your insurance, just cause she's not legally yours, you did raise her,and you're doing the right thing.i'd really hate to see what would run through her head if you did otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Well N9 I consider her my daughter.... I have raised her since she was 1 and I dont look at it as a benefit to my Ex... I look at it as taken care of someone I love and care about. No matter what happens between me and her mom she will always be thought of as mine whether she is or not and no child of mine will go without insurance as long as I can provide it... I see your point but thats not up for negotiation.... I will do what I feel is right and thats making sure my daughters and step daughter have insurance.... Do what you feel is right in this situation, Skin. Your step-daughter did not ask for any of this. This is exactly what I was talking about earlier--this is what makes you The SKINMAN! Not everyone has what you have or would do what you are doing in this situation. If the risk gets too large later on (unforseen financial loss in your life, maybe) then you can always drop her from your insurance. Link to post Share on other sites
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