pelicanpreacher Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Atta boy! Keep that rubberband looped about your wrist though, for it will come in handy everytime your thoughts meander to your stbx and contemplations of the past. (The simplest things can work wonders if you use them consistently) Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 Atta boy! Keep that rubberband looped about your wrist though, for it will come in handy everytime your thoughts meander to your stbx and contemplations of the past. (The simplest things can work wonders if you use them consistently) fuuny you mention that.. I saw my therapist today and he asked what the rubber band was for..... I said each time I get a thought of the P.O.S. I snap it twice.... he got a big kick out of that and thought it was a great idea !!! I would have given you credit PP I wasnt sure how he would take hearing that PelicanPreacher suggested it..........lol Thanks friend.... I sincerely appreciate all of your help during this... I know I am still in for some rough days but I do believe the sun will shine again on me........... Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 Well the past few days have been outstanding.... that was until last night.. I had my daughter over spending the night watching movie and enjoying each others company... Well my cell rings.... I notice its the P.O.S. i ignore the call and go aboput making dinner with my girl... well she calls my daughters cell and asks to talk with me......... I take the call because i dont want my daughter to feel funny or akward about me talking with her mom.... So she ask me what time i will be dropping of my daughter in the morning... i tell her and she says cool asks to speak to my daughter.... Well she proceeds to rell her that they will go to a movie today and spend some time together...that made my daughter happy... Well come today i drop off my daughter at the time i said i would so they could have thier fun....Well i decided to go with my instincts and texted my daughter and asked her how the movie was... ? well she texted back that they never went and she was pretty upset.......... So being the instigator that i am i called the P.O.S. and asked what happened ??? well a lame ass excuse can out of her mouth before I gave her **** saying she never had intended to take her to the movies instead wanted to see what time she had to kick the OM out of the house.... What a bitch .. she proceeded to rehash all the same crap she has given me over the past 3 months.... I asked her.. ?? Do you think i deserved to be treated the way that you have treated me these past 3 months.... ??? she was quiet.... To be honest I think her conscience got to her for a minute..... then she proceeded to tell me again for the 123rd time it was my fault............Damn.. just when you think you are doing good this come up....... I have welts on my wrist from this rubber band.... thanks PP... Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Maybe next time, you tell her that you will drop your daugher off at her place at 10:00 am, but you show up at 8:00. That would bring some reality into your wife's life. You got to shame her. How much exposure have you done? Well, it might not be enough. Who's this guy that's sleeping with someone else's wife? Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I don't get it skinman.. you are separated. Who cares if she sleeps with the whole baseball team? The issue here instead is the interruption of your time when you are with your daughter - that in my view is the only issue to be concerned with. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I know you couldn't help yourself..And you assumed the worst of why they didn't go the movie. The thing is, as angry and upset as you are right now, you did kind of open a can of worms and your (ex)wife reacted with anger and venom.. Next time you feel yourself wanting to say something to her about whatever - POST here. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I don't fully understand the motivations of your stbx in hussling any time you have with your daughter(s) away from you if they truly enjoy your company. Is she so insecure in your relationship with them that she has to dangle carrots of enticement to bring them running home whenever they're in your stead after she's finished "doing what she does"? Is she so low and desperate that she'd resort to lying and manipulating them to keep them close?!! I'd advise that you push forward with your new efforts at social networking in the hope that you find a good woman for yourself someday so that you can reduce your stbx to being a stepmother to her own children. Throughout this ordeal, I believe that it is your strong relationship with your children that's proving to be the Achilles Heel to her mindset which must be protected if you want to force some reality into her perspective. Though you have absolutely no right to pry or impose your opinion on what she does with her life from now on you have plenty to say about any stress her manipulations are causing the children. I'd also say that you need to renegotiate for more structured custody with your children so that you can continue to re-enforce the bonds that you're building with them for when the ugly truth finally comes out regarding the complete lack of character your stbx espouses they will need to rely upon you as the rock that you are! As to the rehashing of the past your stbx is so often fond of doing you need to clip that by reminding her that she's been no picnic or bed of roses to live with either and has demonstrated as many or more faults than you ever did during the marriage. At the very least, you never stooped so low as to lie, cheat or steal as she's done so she doesn't have a leg to stand on when ultimately comparing her worthiness or integrity next to yours! The next time she resorts to digging at you by rehashing her perceived past grievances tell her that it is her failure as a person to walk with the dignity, grace, and morality of a fully actualized adult that killed the marriage so she needs to start owning that fact and stop trying to rewrite history for she is beginning to look like a fool, a slut, and a liar that no-one believes anymore!!! (click) Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I don't fully understand the motivations of your stbx in hussling any time you have with your daughter(s) away from you if they truly enjoy your company. Is she so insecure in your relationship with them that she has to dangle carrots of enticement to bring them running home whenever they're in your stead after she's finished "doing what she does"? Is she so low and desperate that she'd resort to lying and manipulating them to keep them close?!! I'd advise that you push forward with your new efforts at social networking in the hope that you find a good woman for yourself someday so that you can reduce your stbx to being a stepmother to her own children. Throughout this ordeal, I believe that it is your strong relationship with your children that's proving to be the Achilles Heel to her mindset which must be protected if you want to force some reality into her perspective. Though you have absolutely no right to pry or impose your opinion on what she does with her life from now on you have plenty to say about any stress her manipulations are causing the children. I'd also say that you need to renegotiate for more structured custody with your children so that you can continue to re-enforce the bonds that you're building with them for when the ugly truth finally comes out regarding the complete lack of character your stbx espouses they will need to rely upon you as the rock that you are! As to the rehashing of the past your stbx is so often fond of doing you need to clip that by reminding her that she's been no picnic or bed of roses to live with either and has demonstrated as many or more faults than you ever did during the marriage. At the very least, you never stooped so low as to lie, cheat or steal as she's done so she doesn't have a leg to stand on when ultimately comparing her worthiness or integrity next to yours! The next time she resorts to digging at you by rehashing her perceived past grievances tell her that it is her failure as a person to walk with the dignity, grace, and morality of a fully actualized adult that killed the marriage so she needs to start owning that fact and stop trying to rewrite history for she is beginning to look like a fool, a slut, and a liar that no-one believes anymore!!! (click) Listen to the Sermon Skin, there be's truth there. As to your STBXW, it's time you begin understanding the rules. The woman is going to do everything in her power to hurt and upset you. If she needs to use your chillins to accomplish causing you pain, she'll do that too. That's all she has left. It's time to take that away from her. You know all about faking it until you make it... remember? Now fake it when she pulls her crap. Trust me it'll only take a few incidents until you really don't give a damn anymore. Step outside your body and watch. You'll find that she's nothing more than a pathetic wretch, hardly worth your anger. My last advice? Don't engage. Treat her calmly and with civility as you would any other pathetic, helpless, inferior creature. While you may get angry with a cockroach in your kitchen you certainly don't discuss your feelings or state of mind with the insect. Do it dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 Thank you all for your comments... I have for the most part not been giving her any grief and just taking her verbal abuse but when she lied directly to my daughter that she was taking her to the movies that pissed me off and I had to say something....... I am to the point where I dont care if she lies to me because I see her for what she is but to do it do my daughters face was to much... I have really realized what a big mistake it was marrying this woman and I should have listened to my heart many years ago when it told me just that...... I guess this has all been a big learning experience and hopefully like PP said that oneday in the future I will find a nice woman to show me just how it feels to be appreciated.... There will be more animosity in the coming weeks I can tell you that.. for one she wants me to do my taxes with her and file jointly because she has her own business and is supposed to pay quaterrly .... well she hasnt paid and I know once I tell her I am filing separately the proverbial poop will hit the fan......... All along we have tried to do this without attorneys but sadly I can see now that I will be hiring one...... Wish me luck everyone this ride is going to get a lot bumpier Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 Maybe next time, you tell her that you will drop your daugher off at her place at 10:00 am, but you show up at 8:00. That would bring some reality into your wife's life. You got to shame her. How much exposure have you done? Well, it might not be enough. Who's this guy that's sleeping with someone else's wife? I have told all of her family about her lying and cheating.... they see it and she still denies it to them.... They all know what she is up to.......still the family for the most part is pretty dysfunctional in thier own sense.... I am kind of glad that I am out of thier lives........no real loss if you ask me..... Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Remember Skin, when she starts to get in your face on the phone just say; we have gone over this before & unless you have something important to say "I" am done. If she keeps going just HANG UP!!!!! Remember when it was going good, get yourself back to that place again. Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 There will be more animosity in the coming weeks I can tell you that.. for one she wants me to do my taxes with her and file jointly because she has her own business and is supposed to pay quaterrly .... well she hasnt paid and I know once I tell her I am filing separately the proverbial poop will hit the fan......... I am not sure who gets it less - you or her. You are separate people now. You are not friends. Do what is in your own best interest and the best interest of your children. Her emotional, financial, or physical welfare is simply not your concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 I am not sure who gets it less - you or her. You are separate people now. You are not friends. Do what is in your own best interest and the best interest of your children. Her emotional, financial, or physical welfare is simply not your concern. I realize that N9 but I know once I tell her that we are doing the taxes separately its going to get ugly... very ugly.. I am trying to keep this as civil as possible... I want to sell my house hopefully this summer but once this happens with the taxes who knows what she will do to spite me....... Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I realize that N9 but I know once I tell her that we are doing the taxes separately its going to get ugly... very ugly.. I am trying to keep this as civil as possible... I want to sell my house hopefully this summer but once this happens with the taxes who knows what she will do to spite me....... As far as "ugly" - who cares. Do what is best for you. As far as the taxes - if it is to her economic advantage for you to file jointly then do so - but be sure that in return you extract from her something to your own financial advantage. Don't repeat the mistake with health insurance of giving her something for free. She has told you that you have something of value to her. Great - now get something in return. Being afraid of "spite" is silly. She will be angry no matter what. Just look at the money and be an objective businessman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 As far as "ugly" - who cares. Do what is best for you. As far as the taxes - if it is to her economic advantage for you to file jointly then do so - but be sure that in return you extract from her something to your own financial advantage. Don't repeat the mistake with health insurance of giving her something for free. She has told you that you have something of value to her. Great - now get something in return. Being afraid of "spite" is silly. She will be angry no matter what. Just look at the money and be an objective businessman. well its to her advantage that I will end up paying more than if i file alone... she thinks that since we were together that its my responsibility to pay for half.... im not so sure about that !!! when most likely she had this planned all along ! Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 well its to her advantage that I will end up paying more than if i file alone... she thinks that since we were together that its my responsibility to pay for half.... im not so sure about that !!! when most likely she had this planned all along ! Of course you need not pay half. You are responsible only for what you would pay if you filed separately. If you file jointly, she must make up the difference. But actually it is more valuable than that. If she did not make estimated tax payments, then she may now owe a penalty if she files individually. Depending on your tax situation that penalty may not apply if you file jointly. If so, you now have something of value to her since you can reduce her tax penalty. In that case, you should get something in return from her. Again - stop thinking of her needs. Her needs are irrelevant. What is important now is solely your needs and those of your children. You should only do something for her if you get something in return and not for any other reason. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I am not sure who gets it less - you or her. You are separate people now. You are not friends. Do what is in your own best interest and the best interest of your children. Her emotional, financial, or physical welfare is simply not your concern. I wonder if Skin can file Single Head of Household due to being legally seperated but still technically married? If so, then Skin you must do it along with the Mortgage Interest Credit and anything else you can assume unto yourself without notification for if it is allowed it is the first person who files that gets the benefits while the other spouse gets screwed!!! You'd better believe she's eventually going to start thinking about it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I wonder if Skin can file Single Head of Household due to being legally seperated but still technically married? If so, then Skin you must do it along with the Mortgage Interest Credit and anything else you can assume unto yourself without notification for if it is allowed it is the first person who files that gets the benefits while the other spouse gets screwed!!! You'd better believe she's eventually going to start thinking about it!!! If he was legally married on the last day of the year, lived apart from his spouse for the last 6 months, and all of the following apply... 1) File a separate return 2) Pay more than half the costs of keeping up your home; occupied more than half the year by your child(ren), step-child, foster child who you are claiming as dependents Then, yes, he can file as head of household. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 If he was legally married on the last day of the year, lived apart from his spouse for the last 6 months, and all of the following apply... 1) File a separate return 2) Pay more than half the costs of keeping up your home; occupied more than half the year by your child(ren), step-child, foster child who you are claiming as dependents Then, yes, he can file as head of household. well we have only been apart since end of October... but I have been paying half the morgage the whole time I have been out of the house !! so what about the 6 months ??? Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 You can still file separately, however you are ineligible for head of household filing status, unless you meet that criteria. I'm a volunteer tax advisor, reading straight out of the publication 4012. 1) Married 2) Separated 6 months of 2008 3) Filing separately 4) Paid for 6 months or more on the home where your children lived for at least 6 months of 2008 That's the requirements for HoH filing status, however nothing is stopping you from filing Single. The only difference is you owe less tax to the government when you file HoH. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 You can still file separately, however you are ineligible for head of household filing status, unless you meet that criteria. I'm a volunteer tax advisor, reading straight out of the publication 4012. 1) Married 2) Separated 6 months of 2008 3) Filing separately 4) Paid for 6 months or more on the home where your children lived for at least 6 months of 2008 That's the requirements for HoH filing status, however nothing is stopping you from filing Single. The only difference is you owe less tax to the government when you file HoH. TIY, are all of these required ? or a combination of them to file HOH ? so she cant file HOH either can she ? how does that work ? Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Will the IRS require proof of a legal separation to entitle the filing spouse to claim HOH status? At the very least Skin you need to file separately and claim the Mortgage Interest Credit since your stbx is determined to finance this affair on your dime! Also, when its time to establish child support at the divorce settlement you need to obtain your "Cobra" requirement as proof of financial contribution for medical insurance in order to have that income reduced from your statutory obligation. Paper trail, paper trail, paper trail. Your marriage is construed as the dissolvement of a business in the eyes of the State so make sure you document all expenses, whether direct or indirect, to insure that your stbx doesn't walk away with any more than she's legally entitled to! If your stbx tries to play the emotional card remind her that this is strictly business and that she and her actions alone are totally responsible for the resulting financial state of affairs she is soon to find herself in!!! (Reality bites when the worm has turned) Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Will the IRS require proof of a legal separation to entitle the filing spouse to claim HOH status? At the very least Skin you need to file separately and claim the Mortgage Interest Credit since your stbx is determined to finance this affair on your dime! Also, when its time to establish child support at the divorce settlement you need to obtain your "Cobra" requirement as proof of financial contribution for medical insurance in order to have that income reduced from your statutory obligation. Paper trail, paper trail, paper trail. Your marriage is construed as the dissolvement of a business in the eyes of the State so make sure you document all expenses, whether direct or indirect, to insure that your stbx doesn't walk away with any more than she's legally entitled to! If your stbx tries to play the emotional card remind her that this is strictly business and that she and her actions alone are totally responsible for the resulting financial state of affairs she is soon to find herself in!!! (Reality bites when the worm has turned) No IRS doesn't need a legal separation in order to file HoH. As long as you fulfill the requirements above you can file HoH. All are required to file HoH, in a situation where you are married on the last day of last year. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Then she could theoretically provide a false early separation date and legally claim HOH status?! Where's the due dilligence here?!! Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 If she has the paperwork, the records, the receipts, and does it before skinman, then yes, she can file HoH. Both can file HoH as long as both fall under the criteria listed, in fact that would be mutually beneficial, provided they can agree on the specifics. Split 6 months of custody and housing costs, essentially. However, she can still contest any money he recieves during the process of divorce, regardless of what he claims. Until a legal separation or divorce that money is up in the air. Lawyers are going to have to hash this out unless skin either gets to the lawyers first, or works it out with his STBXW. My suggestion would be tell your wife she can work with you to file separately; obtaining a filing status agreement to everyone's mutual benefit. Otherwise, she can kiss your ass and you both file separately and let Uncle Sam make out like a bandit on both of you. The choice is yours. Keep in mind, I'm not a lawyer. I do taxes for my organization pro bono. Link to post Share on other sites
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