Author skinman Posted April 26, 2009 Author Share Posted April 26, 2009 Thanks LD... your right buddy I wasn't thinking about what i was doing.. I let my emotions get the best of me..... I guess i wasn't as ready as I thought when she finally admitted it... I thought i would have been stronger but I guess I wasnt... And the cold way in which she did it too made it all that more difficult..I hope your right that this will finally be what i need to get mad and move on... knowing that someone else will care about me oneday.... If not I will just have to be a great dad and granddad to my girls...... I appreciate your encouragement friend........ Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Your EX-POS is a well, you know the word that most women hate to use? Yup, that word. I know you're hurting and all, but keep remembering that even though you feel awful and are in pain, you have a WHOLE NEW life ahead, waiting for you..Please go see the Dr, even if tomorrow you feel alot better, you need to go deal with the negative thoughts and feelings quickly before it spins out of control. It's OK to have bad days, but never allow your mind to go to that dark place..It's just not worth thinking about. Here's afew hugs and remember we all do care about you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted April 26, 2009 Author Share Posted April 26, 2009 Your EX-POS is a well, you know the word that most women hate to use? Yup, that word. I know you're hurting and all, but keep remembering that even though you feel awful and are in pain, you have a WHOLE NEW life ahead, waiting for you..Please go see the Dr, even if tomorrow you feel alot better, you need to go deal with the negative thoughts and feelings quickly before it spins out of control. It's OK to have bad days, but never allow your mind to go to that dark place..It's just not worth thinking about. Here's afew hugs and remember we all do care about you! Thanks WWIU.. I could sure use a few hugs and agian thank you... I know I have my whole life ahead of me and its full of endless possibilities but its up to me to take that step in the right direction... You are right the Ex. POS is exactly what you said... I even told her and she didnt bat an eye... She even told me so you think i am W...... I said yes very much so anyone that will bring another man into my house and sleep with him likes its nothing is one in my book..... Ihope to feed off the anger and bitterness That I feel now and move forward... like LD said a while bavk...use it now to cut the cord but dont let it eat me up........ Good advice if you ask me....... wish I had listened months ago... Thanks for caring... Link to post Share on other sites
SRV Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Skin, hopefully you went to the Dr and are feeling much better today. Please muster the strength and stop engaging your stbx in conversations that are meaningless, i.e. not related to the kids, as they seem to be the source of your pain and to an extent your depression. Please lay off the booze too. The sooner you realize this, the better off you will be. Is there any way you could have a family member pick up/drop off the kids when you are meant to have them to totally minimize contact with your stbxw? Evidently, you have not accepted that she at some point would have someone in her life. That does not mean that you are replaced as the father to your daughters. The sooner you accept this and stop engaging your thoughts and conversations with her to nothing less than your daugthers well-being, the better off you will be. As an aside, I really pity her new squeeze, the way she is treating you now will be him down the road in a couple of years. We are rooting for you Skin, you need to be strong for both you and your daughters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 Skin, hopefully you went to the Dr and are feeling much better today. Please muster the strength and stop engaging your stbx in conversations that are meaningless, i.e. not related to the kids, as they seem to be the source of your pain and to an extent your depression. Please lay off the booze too. The sooner you realize this, the better off you will be. Is there any way you could have a family member pick up/drop off the kids when you are meant to have them to totally minimize contact with your stbxw? Evidently, you have not accepted that she at some point would have someone in her life. That does not mean that you are replaced as the father to your daughters. The sooner you accept this and stop engaging your thoughts and conversations with her to nothing less than your daugthers well-being, the better off you will be. As an aside, I really pity her new squeeze, the way she is treating you now will be him down the road in a couple of years. We are rooting for you Skin, you need to be strong for both you and your daughters. thanks SRV... actually I couldn't get into see the DR. today she is booked up for most of the week.. Instead I did the next best thing I made a date with a woman online.. We will be having dinner this evening...... First date since all this crap started wish me luck.. As for conversations with the POS I will be keeping those to a minimum... as for someone else getting my daughter thats pretty much impossible I only have my brother and he is usually out on the days I have her... I will just drop her off in the driveway and wont engage in any conversations for a while... Thanks again SRV... I appreciate the vote of confidence Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Skin, I think if you'd harken back to the days when you first took up with your wife you'll remember the way she treated her then EX and its effect on him as she kicked him to the curb in favor of you. I believe that at that time your mind's eye saw the future but, for whatever reason, you chose to ignore the foreboding omens hidden within those signs. Shape your perspective to encompass the entirety of all you know then you'll see that, not only are you better off now without her but, was even better off never knowing her at all! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Skin, I think if you'd harken back to the days when you first took up with your wife you'll remember the way she treated her then EX and its effect on him as she kicked him to the curb in favor of you. I believe that at that time your mind's eye saw the future but, for whatever reason, you chose to ignore the foreboding omens hidden within those signs. Shape your perspective to encompass the entirety of all you know then you'll see that, not only are you better off now without her but, was even better off never knowing her at all! So elequantly put PP... and your so right my friend... Just got back from dinner with a very nice woman... It was refreshing to be able to sit at dinner and enjoy the conversation and laugh and carry on...Something that hardly ever happened with the POS.... I do regret ever allowing her back into my life PP.. but she has blessed me with such a wonderfull daughter that I would go through it all again even knowing the results... She is a train wreck waiting to happen friend... I hope to have a track side view when it goes down........ Thanks for being there for me........ Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 So elequantly put PP... and your so right my friend... Just got back from dinner with a very nice woman... It was refreshing to be able to sit at dinner and enjoy the conversation and laugh and carry on...Something that hardly ever happened with the POS.... I do regret ever allowing her back into my life PP.. but she has blessed me with such a wonderfull daughter that I would go through it all again even knowing the results... She is a train wreck waiting to happen friend... I hope to have a track side view when it goes down........ Thanks for being there for me........ Bravo Skinman. Best of Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Gowithflow Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Skin, Just want to chime in here. I'm glad you didn't act on the urge. Hang in there buddy, for all the right reasons. GWF Link to post Share on other sites
Gowithflow Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Yo- You out there buddy? Feeling any better? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Yo- You out there buddy? Feeling any better? Hey GWTF... well that all depends... Yesterday was a good day and we will see what today brings.. for the most part yes.. I nearly have the Property settlement all agreed upon which will be nice to have done finally... As for everything else I have been taking it day by day...Thanks for checking in with me buddy... I appreciate it Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Skin, good to hearing things are looking better..... Just a heads up for you, each time you work on one of the processes of the divorce it will bring back memories, anger, etc.... I thought I had worked thru all the anger with the former wife but she brought up something yesterday that just got it all boiling again.....Luckily I saw my counselor last night at classes & he said that is normal..It will be so much better once everything is final, I do feel sorry for you because you have small children & you will have to communicate more then what I'll have to.... Keep moving forward, use all your energy for you & don't waste it on her with stinking thinking as my counselor calls it......Thoughts that you have no control over...This is a hard one for me. Have a great weekend my friend...... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Skin, good to hearing things are looking better..... Just a heads up for you, each time you work on one of the processes of the divorce it will bring back memories, anger, etc.... I thought I had worked thru all the anger with the former wife but she brought up something yesterday that just got it all boiling again.....Luckily I saw my counselor last night at classes & he said that is normal..It will be so much better once everything is final, I do feel sorry for you because you have small children & you will have to communicate more then what I'll have to.... Keep moving forward, use all your energy for you & don't waste it on her with stinking thinking as my counselor calls it......Thoughts that you have no control over...This is a hard one for me. Have a great weekend my friend...... that's awesome about the sate skin? hey pw what did the ex do to get you so enraged, isnt this the same woman that wanted you back? Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 that's awesome about the sate skin? hey pw what did the ex do to get you so enraged, isnt this the same woman that wanted you back? For some reason she thinks she gets the car. I had it for two months, then she has had it for two months & I figured we would just sell it & split the difference or she would buy me out of it, but no I get a power of attorney letter saying; I have to give over the title to her..... It wasn't going to be much but would have bought me a beater to get back & forth to work. When we separated we had two other cars as well & we both took one of those. My G/F & I talked about it & I don't think it is worth the stress to try & fight her for it, just one more thing I have to keep in contact with her & I would rather just move on....Less negative people such as the former wife in my life the happier I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Skin, good to hearing things are looking better..... Just a heads up for you, each time you work on one of the processes of the divorce it will bring back memories, anger, etc.... I thought I had worked thru all the anger with the former wife but she brought up something yesterday that just got it all boiling again.....Luckily I saw my counselor last night at classes & he said that is normal..It will be so much better once everything is final, I do feel sorry for you because you have small children & you will have to communicate more then what I'll have to.... Keep moving forward, use all your energy for you & don't waste it on her with stinking thinking as my counselor calls it......Thoughts that you have no control over...This is a hard one for me. Have a great weekend my friend...... Thanks PWS... I know what you mean about drumming up old feelings.. She gave my daughter a copy of the settlement agreement to give me last night to look over... I was hoping that she would be gone when i dropped her off and she was... wouldn't it figure as i am drivinig away I see her car pull into the subdivision... I used to look forward to seeing her on the road while she worked... well last night it messed with me some brought back the memories like you said... At least I havent seen her with him yet.. That will be something I hope happens much later when i feel so much better... Well after looking over her revisions I will most likely sign it on monday and get this over with... I have mixed emotions about it all... In a sense I hate to give up my house...but knowing that there would be to many memories there for me its good to be able to start over and have something of my own... Let her deal with the ghosts of our marriage... Well was supposed to have a date tonight but the woman blew me off..... no biggie I guess I will go and see the new Wolverine movie alone.... might do me good to hang by myself this evening..... Thanks for checking in guys... Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Skin! I just caught up with your thread. I haven't been able to keep up lately but I wanted to check back in and I am glad to see you are still around. But I am NOT glad about those few posts at the end of April. It looks like you are passed it now but I do not want to see you type that crap. You are the Skinman--remember that! We are on almost identical timelines. I know you have to communicate with the POS about your daughter but make yourself a promise: only talk about your daughter from here on out and ONLY when you have to. No snide remarks to her, no comments about her looks, no small talk, nothing. You can do all that when you get stronger. Eventually we'll be able to talk to them but it's going to take time. Stay strapped in and shine up that chain mail, Skin. The roller coaster is not done yet but the hills are going to get smaller... Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 Thanks Sands... I tried your suggestion today when we spoke but as usual I had to add a couple smart a$$ comments in.. She is such a f-ing liar that it gets me fired up and I cant not say something about how she is screwing around... Still to this day she has to lie and twist the truth around so much it pisses me off... Tomorrow i will be signing the property settlement that we agreed upon.. She added a few things that I can live with and hopefully it will be done and I will be able to save some money... Its amazing how she thinks... ahh it just pisses me off and the more I talk with her the better I feel about gettting her out of my life...she is such a loser and I cant wait to see her fail.... After tomorrow I will take your advice and not talk with her at all... She has blocked me from calling her cell, texting her and even blocked my email... never bothered to tell me so last week I emailed her about my Daughters Tykwondoe payment being due... she never replied but I assumed she got it well then i find out later she blocked me and the instructer was asking for her money... shows how responsible she is... Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Hi Richard, Did you see a doctor about starting on anti-depressants? You must be on guard, because the next time you get so low, you may do something bad. Did you get rid of the guns in your house? At least have someone you trust stash them away in their house for you. Remove any kind of weapon from your house. How are you feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 Hi Richard, Did you see a doctor about starting on anti-depressants? You must be on guard, because the next time you get so low, you may do something bad. Did you get rid of the guns in your house? At least have someone you trust stash them away in their house for you. Remove any kind of weapon from your house. How are you feeling? Thank you Athena for your concern... I appreciate it very much.. no I haven't seen the doc yet been putting it off with everything else.. Still have the guns in the house but thats not a problem anymore.. I have laid off the hard stuff since the incident.. I have a beer every now and then and I feel pretty good for the most part... As for being happy this weekend was good my oldest daughter turned 21 and I spent the day on Sunday with her and my grandaughter.. What I was thinking was stupid and selfish and there will never be another incident like that..i have to much to live for... have you seen the stock market lately my 401k has been doing great I am losing my house but making money for my retirement account... Thanks again Athena... I still have my moments of sadness and reflectiion but the more I see her and deal with her the better off in the future I will be... I am lonely now but that wont always be the case.... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Thank you Athena for your concern... I appreciate it very much.. no I haven't seen the doc yet been putting it off with everything else.. Still have the guns in the house but thats not a problem anymore.. I have laid off the hard stuff since the incident.. I have a beer every now and then and I feel pretty good for the most part... As for being happy this weekend was good my oldest daughter turned 21 and I spent the day on Sunday with her and my grandaughter.. What I was thinking was stupid and selfish and there will never be another incident like that..i have to much to live for... have you seen the stock market lately my 401k has been doing great I am losing my house but making money for my retirement account... Thanks again Athena... I still have my moments of sadness and reflectiion but the more I see her and deal with her the better off in the future I will be... I am lonely now but that wont always be the case.... LOL at least you didnt loose alot when you divorced. you still got money! I've seen alot of divorces where the man looses even the 401k. and trust you get a new car, buy some new clothes, you'll be feeling like a million dollars. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted May 5, 2009 Author Share Posted May 5, 2009 LOL at least you didnt loose alot when you divorced. you still got money! I've seen alot of divorces where the man looses even the 401k. and trust you get a new car, buy some new clothes, you'll be feeling like a million dollars. Well Chrome....... I still have 6 months to go before the divorce friend...but yes your right I will have money to leave my daughters... To be honest I know that I will not survive until retirement age.... Now dont everyone get thier panties up in a bunch... I was just refering to life itself... I will be around as long as the lord see fit........ Thank You PelicanPreacher.....I will not not be doing anything stupid..... I have had yaers to do the stupid stuff.. its about time it caught uo with me......... God Bless you all.......... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Athena, you might not want to use skin's real name... Skin, don't project into the future..Especially about death. You've come a long way and really, it's barely been 6 months so I think you're doing really well! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted May 5, 2009 Author Share Posted May 5, 2009 Athena, you might not want to use skin's real name... Skin, don't project into the future..Especially about death. You've come a long way and really, it's barely been 6 months so I think you're doing really well! Thank you WWIU..... I appreciate that very much... as for death it doesn't frighten me anymore... after suffering my heart attack 7 years ago every day above ground is a blessing to me.. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 skinman, so nice to see that your atidudes improved in that last week. keep on chugging along buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted May 5, 2009 Author Share Posted May 5, 2009 skinman, so nice to see that your atidudes improved in that last week. keep on chugging along buddy. Thanks Mark982.... been feeling good Man..... not going to let her bring me down anymore....Its almost like one of LakesideDreams moment of clarity...I dont care what she does.. who she does or anything about her....I am signing away the house tonight no longer will I have to think about that... Link to post Share on other sites
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