pelicanpreacher Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 This is the first time you've espoused any ire on your situation. Hmmmmm, I do believe the wound is healing! Link to post Share on other sites
LostHusband Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 You will definitely be a better man because of all of this. That's one thing she can't take away from you, only you can take that away from yourself. You know in your heart this is not what you wanted, and that you would never have hurt your wife and family in this way. Hold your head up high in that knowledge and know that you are a better person than her. You may feel really down now, but you won't have to suffer living with guilt and regret later on down the road. You will eventually feel great and she will be the one left feeling sorry for what she did. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 There is an upside to any situation. There is always hope! You can grow from this experience! You have to choose to make lemonade from poop. It's not easy. In fact it's impossible. It's still poop! But smiling as you drink it makes life fun. Drink that poop! Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 That's brutal and depressing to say the least! You should change your name from "lakesidedream" to "doom and gloom". Skin- The worst is not ahead. Ask anyone who's been kicked in the balls. It gets better. You will dread the ex and she will be tormented. Goflow, I see from your post count that you are a newbie. I reccomend you read oh... 3 or 4 hundred posts very similar to this one. It does get worse. Skin is in the early stages of seperation. He has lots of trials ahead that he is going to be forced to face head on, there are children involved. Neither participant has taken the gloves off yet. He is still trying to believe there is a possibility for a happy ending where none is exists. "I need Space" are the three most disgusting, vile, deceiteful words in the English language. Those three words never have anything to do with having "space" to collect their thoughts, or regain their balance. We here at LS know what they mean 95% of the time. Why is it not better to tell people what's coming? There was no LS for me, or many others "back in the day". We woke up praying that things would improve, that some miracle would occur that would ease the pain, and were dissappointed and more hurt when it didn't happen. It would have been much easier for me if someone would have been kind enough to tell me what I was really facing. If you wan't namby-pamby watch Oprah or Phil. If you want opinions on what's really happening, keep reading LS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 This is the first time you've espoused any ire on your situation. Hmmmmm, I do believe the wound is healing! Thanks PP... I do believe I am feeling a little better I am not going to be taking the victim mentality anymore.. this is an opportunity !!.. skins Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 You will definitely be a better man because of all of this. That's one thing she can't take away from you, only you can take that away from yourself. You know in your heart this is not what you wanted, and that you would never have hurt your wife and family in this way. Hold your head up high in that knowledge and know that you are a better person than her. You may feel really down now, but you won't have to suffer living with guilt and regret later on down the road. You will eventually feel great and she will be the one left feeling sorry for what she did. Thank you LH.. I have read your story and I feel for you my friend.. its sad that this is happening to so many good people.. this society of throw away everything... I worked my a$$ off for my wife and fanily so that we could have everything that they have ever wanted or needed... I have taken my family on 3 cross country trips for 3 weeks at a time in the past five years... now how many other men would do that for their family to show them the country and what else is out there... We have always taken at least 2 vacations a year and now lets see how many she will be taking....... Me I will be taking just as manya s I always have.. this time around I wont have to do what she wants.... its all me and my girls... Thanks again Lh... my best wishes to you friend !! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 There is an upside to any situation. There is always hope! You can grow from this experience! You have to choose to make lemonade from poop. It's not easy. In fact it's impossible. It's still poop! But smiling as you drink it makes life fun. Drink that poop! Thanks TIY.... made me laugh there buddy.. always a word of wisdom from you my friend... thanks for hanging around with me on this journey called Divorce........ skin Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 Thanks Lakesidedream but I do know that its going to get a lot uglier my friend... You see this wife was around in the begining when my first ex wife was hauling my butt into court every year or so to raise CS. thinking that I got another raise........ So she remembers well what the #1 ex put me through and she has never forgotten or forgiven...it will get ugly.. just wait for tax season... she is self employed and I dont believe has been paying her quarterly taxes... I always took out the maximum amout of taxes to offsett what she owed........ Well this year she will be screwed... I am filing alone and it will be nice to get a refund after all these years...... who knows.. maybe thats just what I will use for my retainer.... because I am making her sell the house when our separation is up...... she wont like that either but F-her.... Thanks guys for getting me fired up tonight........ maybe just maybe tonight there will be no dreams !!! And you know the more I think about it....... if there is someone else.......... heck let him have her he has no idea what he's getting himslef into..... .. I will admit I still love her..... but after tonight I will never take her back.... hopefully this will last until tomorrow to ..... lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 You will eventually feel great and she will be the one left feeling sorry for what she did. Do they ever really feel sorry for the pain and suffering that they have caused...with all the hurtfull things she has said in the past month I could never believe that she would feel sorry for any of it... and you know... the worse thing I have ever called her was a "Fat A$$" thats the last hurtfull thing I said as she was telling me how much she hated me and could never spread her legs for me again... That I was reason she was like she is was because of me.... And the only thing I said was you Fat A$$.....If I had only known then how much she was going to change I would have tried to come up with something better...... but honestly.... That was always my go to phrase..... I knew it would cut the deepest !! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 because I am making her sell the house when our separation is up...... she wont like that either but F-her.... Or your other option is, get the house assessed and let her buy you out. She can get a loan from the bank. Just a thought.. She won't feel bad for a long time - Maybe she'll end up regretting her choices but she'll have noone to blame but herself as she's the one who wants out and doesn't want to try to make the marriage better. HER LOSS, not yours, even if right now it doesn't feel that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 Or your other option is, get the house assessed and let her buy you out. She can get a loan from the bank. Just a thought.. She won't feel bad for a long time - Maybe she'll end up regretting her choices but she'll have noone to blame but herself as she's the one who wants out and doesn't want to try to make the marriage better. HER LOSS, not yours, even if right now it doesn't feel that way. Thanks WWIU.. she wont be able to qualify for a loan.. it was me that got us that house... But thank you ... it is her loss... I would have done anything for her to make her and my family happy....... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Lakeside and I have been thorough the mud, the blood and tha' beer, along with the horse maure in the streets! We know what its like to try and stuff one of our best men's/friends/brothers intenstines back into their stomach's. Hold thier dying hand. shead a tear as they cross over! He and I know how to shead a tear! OoooRaahhh! SemperF! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 well last night you guys had me fired up and feeling good about everything... Today is another story.. the dreams returned again and sleep was minimal.... I wish they would stop soon. I can almost control my thoughts during the day but at night I have no control... they are wearing me down with lack of sleep.... I hope tonight will be better........ Link to post Share on other sites
Flame84 Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 well last night you guys had me fired up and feeling good about everything... Today is another story.. the dreams returned again and sleep was minimal.... I wish they would stop soon. I can almost control my thoughts during the day but at night I have no control... they are wearing me down with lack of sleep.... I hope tonight will be better........ I Go through the same thing. try working out , or going for very long Jogs or walks.you have to make your body really tierd.you will eventually sleep. I wish for me and you that time will bring somthing better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 I wish for me and you that time will bring somthing better. Thanks Flame84.... I wish the same for us my friend... stay strong !! Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 You need to expect that you are going to be up and down skin. Take a deep breath and prepare yourself for this awful ride. All you can do is try and get through these days and if at all possible try and laugh and make the best of the moments of clarity. There were times I was sitting on the couch enjoying myself watching a movie and then BAM it hit me...somethign reminded me of him and what he had done and I would become so upset and sad and mad and feel worthless all over again. Then I would beat myself up becasue I wasn't 'over it' but you know what...we need to give ourselves a break and allow ourselves some time to heal. Should we wollow in pity? No. But, we aren't magicians and can't glue our hearts back together and cause ourselves to get over it immediately. It's sad but I think a lot has to do with the fact that it's so sudden for us and the cheating spouse is so wrapped up in their new life and treat us so poorly that they seem to not give a cr@p so we are extremely hurt, confused and sad and then feel worthles becasue they seem to not give a sh*t about us and all the years we spent together and they are 'over it' before they even got the words 'I don't think I love you anymore' or whatever out of their mouths. You are so hard on yourself when you have bad moments but you can't be. Right now YOU are all YOU have. You have to be your best friend. Not saying you don't have friends or family, etc but only you control how you feel - so you have to do the work to try and feel better. This situations s*cks - no one is going to tell you otherwise, but you can make the best of what you have at the moment. It's hard...but it can be done. Try and go to the gym if you can - working out makes me feel so much better and I am sure most others will agree. It really lifts your spirits up and gives you a sense of accomplishment. You will get through this Skin. You need to remain positive...it's goign to help you get through. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 Thank you Confused9, and your so right.. things will be going fine and then all of a sudden a memory will pop into my head and its everything I can to not let my emotions get the best of me.. I was fine a few minutes ago and now i am readu to burst into tears... I have tried to remain positive and even get a little angry over what has happened and how uncaring and selfish she has become.. I also try to understand how she feels and what made her do this.. I know it seems easy for her but I am sure it wasn't a easy decision... So I know it will get easier and i need to be less hard on myself.. I am trying its a work in progress... Last night I felt great but I was also angry as anything... which I dont want to be... Thanks confused9....... I always enjoy reading your words of encouragement... If anyone has made me feel better through all of this it has been you....... Thank you for coming into my life at this most difficult time... and helping me through all of this........ Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Or you could take a cue from gowiththeflow by seeing a therapist who might be able to recommend a pharmacutical option that's non-addictive that will help you to sleep the night. You're right about needing your sleep for without it you will get worn down. Once your healing is done and your full confidence is back then immediately wean yourself off them for you never want to become even psychologically dependent on sedatives. Actually, this may be the perfect solution for it allows you take on the more adult stance against the raging of your inner child while awake but still allow your inner child to tantrum while you sleep! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 Or you could take a cue from gowiththeflow by seeing a therapist who might be able to recommend a pharmacutical option that's non-addictive that will help you to sleep the night. You're right about needing your sleep for without it you will get worn down. Once your healing is done and your full confidence is back then immediately wean yourself off them for you never want to become even psychologically dependent on sedatives. thanks PP... I need something.. it seems as soon as a lay down the head starts thinking.. now matter how tired I was before I got into bed... it wearing me down and making me tired... I have been up since 2:30 this morning... here at work since 4:00....... Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Skin, I have always had issues sleeping and Gunny actually recommended something called Melatonin and the first night I tried it I didn't really like it but after that it has been a miracle for me (thanks Gunny!!!) and it is not something you can become addicted to. You can get it at Walmart or CVS or something like that. It works wonders for me and I can't take Tylenol PM and tried Ambien and hated it. I have the worst insomnia EVER. Sleeping is literally a chore but it has been much better since Melatonin. I don't take it everynight...maybe once a week if that. Try it out. I do think you should get in to therapy too. I just started and wished I started sooner. It really helped me a lot. Having someone out side of my circle being able to give me sound advice. Maybe you should look in to that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 " I do think you should get in to therapy too. I just started and wished I started sooner. It really helped me a lot. Having someone out side of my circle being able to give me sound advice. Maybe you should look in to that? thanks ... sadly I am in therapy and still look how messed up I am.. I go once a week and have been before all of this started.. He isn't a shrink but a therapist and i dont belive he can write prescriptions... Even beer hasn't helped much I can be falling asleep on the couch but as soon as i get into bed... Walla .. the eyes are wide open and the mind is racing... Link to post Share on other sites
Gowithflow Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 I can't take Tylenol PM and tried Ambien and hated it. I have the worst insomnia EVER. Sleeping is literally a chore but it has been much better since Melatonin. I don't take it everynight...maybe once a week if that. quote] The melatonin works great. Take it with a big glass of whole milk before bed. Ambien knocks you out then you wake up 3 hours later. Valium in small doses as needed helps with the anxiety. Good tool to use until the dust settles and you settle in to how life will be from now on. Time to start looking into other women, platonic or otherwise. Direct them to your thread here. Maybe they have a need to share stories as well. Make a date to see a show or cofee. Meet someone opposite of the STBXW. just a thought to occupy the mind with excitement instead of gloom. I still say it gets better not worse. Maybe not on LS, but in the real world it does if you let it and don't dwell on the loss. Hell, I could be wrong but I choose the optomistic route. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 I still say it gets better not worse. Maybe not on LS, but in the real world it does if you let it and don't dwell on the loss. Hell, I could be wrong but I choose the optomistic route. Thanks Go... I am starting to feel a little more optomistic myself...I know I need to keep the thoughts of my wife out of my mind for my own well being....... I find it extremely difficult to do... I have thought of her everyday for 15 years and was happy with the thoughts....now after 5 weeks everytime I think of her it brings me only pain and sorrow... This is almost as bad as quitting smoking... I was able to do that for a while before this all began...... This is much more difficult.... I had to talk with her about my daughter coming over tonight and on the way to get her I passed her in the car... I noticed her but she didnt see me...She looked good.... So stupid me had to text her and tell she looked nice.... Well a couple hours later... still waiting for a reply..... why do I feel the need to contact her even though I know its only going to hurt me..... What is it with the mind that when you cant have something you want it even more.....I know WWIU and Confused9 andso many others have told me to not contact her... you would think I coud get it through my fat head that she doesnt want you.... Doesnt need you or want to have anything to do with you.... I tell myself that conctantly but it does no good..... I am a Glutten for punishment... Saturday my daughter has a test for her next belt in Tye Kwon Do.... my wife will be there and I know that will be difficult time for me...... give me the strength lord.... Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 What state do you live in? I have an idea to help you to disconnect from your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted December 3, 2008 Author Share Posted December 3, 2008 What state do you live in? I have an idea to help you to disconnect from your wife. I live in Virginia.... We have kids together... but I am up for any advice or suggestions... Link to post Share on other sites
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