Virgin

[Donnie]

I have been with this girl for almost two years. She is 18 years old and im 20. She is a wonderful girl!!! The relationship is really good and we both love each other. She is a virgin and says she is waiting until marriage to have sex which is perfectly ok with me because i understand and respect that of her even though im not a virgin. She gets really shy and nervous when we are alone and we are close together. I can since her being nervous and really shy when we alone and close. She has only been kissed once by a guy, (me) and when I kissed her, i could tell she was really scared. It was a VERY short peck on the lips. I have tried again and she turns her head and says she is not ready for that yet. My question is, even after 2 years of dating, is this normal for someone like her?

[Tony T]

It is obviously normal for her...but it is not normal in the human population.

 

This girl is a scared pup. She was obviously raised in an abusive environment where there was little or no expression of affection. Fear ruled her household. I am not just talking emotional abuse here. I think it is abusive when parents promote harsh religious beliefs that preclude normal social development in young people.

 

Her mother and father obviously were not affectionate toward each other. You need to ask her some questions about this. My guess is that she is absolutely starved for affection and wants to do more. However, after two years, even the most abused person would losen up unless her case was severe. You have a complex problem here and a serious one.

 

I know of no religion that says a good, quality kiss will get you to hell. Maybe she is terrified her inexperience will turn you off. If that's the case, assure her that you are a couple and you want to work on that together.

 

If it's a religious problem, take her to a minister who will let her know kissing is a wonderful experience between two people who care about each other.

 

If you can't get much more than a slight peck of a kiss after dating two years (most people do better than that on the first date), your wedding night and many nights thereafter are likely to be a non-event. You can bet she is absolutely mortified of having an encounter involving intercourse.

 

You are NOT getting what you need from this gal. If she can't come around after intense discussion and assurance from you, you then have to decide if you want to continue this type of affectionless relationship for many years to come.

 

You may love her now but if you have no outlet to express it to her, you will ultimately find an outlet elsewhere.

[Holly]

The other respondant said basically gave you what advice I had to give. However, I would like to commend you for your patience and respect. As a twenty year old virgin, I know how hard it is to find someone with your values. I've been lucky enough to find a few, but men (and women) with that sort of depth deserve to be commended. Kudos to you!