Jay34 Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 we are long distance, the cheating happened before we ever met in person, but we were committed, talked hours on end she wound up kissing another guy, and we broke up for awhile, we got back together and things have been up and down, but i noticed that this guy is still friends with her on myspace, now she never talks to him and told me she would delete him, well 2 days later she still hasn't, i have stopped answering all of her calls, i mean she had added new friends, she knew it bothered me but could care less to delete him, i mean she has been a flake at times, but it seems suspicious to me, am i right in not talking to her for awhile ? or should i just spell it out next time she calls, the things is she told me she was going to delete him, i never asked and she reassured me she hasn't talked to him and he hasn't been online since july. i think it more she wasn't thinking about it, but still to me it spells out that she could care less about my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
lamaman3 Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Have you ever met this girl in real life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 14, 2008 Author Share Posted November 14, 2008 yes we have, on several occasions Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Always remember the following saying: "You judge a person by their actions and not by their words." If you remember this saying it will always tell you what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 15, 2008 Author Share Posted November 15, 2008 after ignoring her calls all day for 2 days, i finally decided to answer, she said where have u been? anything wrong, i said you should know whats wrong, she didn't until after awhile and she responded by saying i was immature, after that i kind of exploded though in a controlled way, telling her she never follows through and that she didn't have 10 seconds to click a delete button and basically that she didn't care very much for my feelings, she got defensive again, saying she has been so excited to see me, idk why you are acting like this, and basically i told her because i know if i never reminded her it would be there forever, i mean it is pretty insulting to have some guy your girl cheated on you with right on her friends page, she is very flakey in that sense and has a hard time seeing other peoples feelings, i've basically had enough and to top it off she hung up on me. to be honest i'm not upset though because i shouldn't be feeding into her every whim, its so damn insulting though to hear all these false promises, and i even called her a lier, because in a sense you tell someone you will do something and don't that makes you a lier. i know i'm overreacting but the bottom line is its more than she didn't have the time, its that nothing popped up in her head oh yea i ttold him i would delete it or he's right i shouldnt even make him worry. its pathetic Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 The cheating happened before you even met this girl in person. How the heck does that work? If I were talking to a girl online or whatever and we never met... I'd still play the field. I'm not attacking you here, but how do people become bf/gf without ever meeting eachother? She probably thinks you're a psycho now. Had you two established that you would be exclusive? Seems like an odd situation to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 16, 2008 Author Share Posted November 16, 2008 i understand that but the fact is we knew eachother for nearly 9 months and we talked about everything, we bother understood we were committed, i know its not the smartest idea but still Link to post Share on other sites
cashley Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 so she 'kissed' a guy BEFORE you met, and this upsets you?? HUH? You need to forget the past and move on. If shes still friends with him, shes certainly not hiding anything. Maybe he is a friend. You dont want to be a controlling type do you?? dont have long distance relationships!!! it seems to be a bit hard if theres already paranoia going on. Find someone new, in person. Internet relationships dont translate well into real life... JMHO, and experience. i see you said you were BOTH commited..she wasnt as commited as you. IF after you met, everything is okay, leave it be. For your own sanity. G luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 16, 2008 Author Share Posted November 16, 2008 i called her about it today, i think i overreacted quite a bit i know, but it had more to do with respecting me, all i wanted was her to follow through, i ended up breaking up with her, though i didn't really quite say it like that, i really didn't want to end it, it was just hurtful that she didn't really care, this is tough because we already planned her next visit and the ticket is payed for and everything, i mean all i wanted was her to show some sympathy, she said when it happened she was suprised i even forgave her months ago, but the main thing was when i mentioned it she acted like it was nothing, not the act itself, she has also not treated me the greatest in the past few months, i don't think this is the end and i really hope its not, i kind of lost my cool but i just wanted her to see it from my point of view, and she wasn't able to, she is starting to go clubbing and she never seems to hide anything from me, i think maybe after we cool down we just need a good talk, its not worth losing everything over, and discuss some of the issues. Link to post Share on other sites
In Like Flynn Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 How young are you guys??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 16, 2008 Author Share Posted November 16, 2008 she is 19 and i am 20, we are both fairly young Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 It is an unfortunate fact of life that our ex-dating partners, our ex-spouses, and our ex-FWBs just don't die and fall off the face of the earth. You need to get used to the idea that ANY girl you date will very likely see guys around that she has kissed and even, gasp, had sex with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 16, 2008 Author Share Posted November 16, 2008 It is an unfortunate fact of life that our ex-dating partners, our ex-spouses, and our ex-FWBs just don't die and fall off the face of the earth. You need to get used to the idea that ANY girl you date will very likely see guys around that she has kissed and even, gasp, had sex with. lol what does this haave to do with anything, it is true though Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Taking it to the next step, actual contact Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 lol what does this haave to do with anything, it is true though What does this have to do with anything??!?? You are pitching a hissy fit because she hasn't banished some guy from her life at the ripe old age of 19 that she merely kissed before she had ever met her, ahem, LD internet BF. You are being jealous and controlling. A guy who "explodes" over something this trivial is a guy that most girls will try to escape from. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 What does this have to do with anything??!?? You are pitching a hissy fit because she hasn't banished some guy from her life at the ripe old age of 19 that she merely kissed before she had ever met her, ahem, LD internet BF. You are being jealous and controlling. A guy who "explodes" over something this trivial is a guy that most girls will try to escape from. Come on! I know their relationship isn't normal but if they agreed not to see other people and she hooked up with the guy; he has the right to ask her to delete him. This wasn't a exbf this was a guy she cheated with. Look, I don't agree with meeting people online but if you do the same rules should apply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 i understand the relationship isn't normal but the fact is i am over the fact that she kissed some guy, i wasn't thrilled with how she just thew my feelings aside, even acted defensive after telling me she was going to delete it, i hope its not the last time we talk, i doubt it, but i need her to respect me just as i respect her. Link to post Share on other sites
lamaman3 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 i understand that but the fact is we knew eachother for nearly 9 months and we talked about everything, we bother understood we were committed, i know its not the smartest idea but still If you really believe that this was the only guy this 19 year old "kissed" while you were chat buddies for 9 months then I think you may be in for an unpleasant introduction to the real world at some point in your future. And for the record - you cant have both "understood" you were "committed." Either monogamy is clearly spelled out or it isnt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 it was said and spelled out, we both considered ourselves in a relationship. we said i love you every night. so i don't think im confusing it Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 we are long distance, the cheating happened before we ever met in person, but we were committed, talked hours on end she wound up kissing another guy, and we broke up for awhile, we got back together and things have been up and down, but i noticed that this guy is still friends with her on myspace, now she never talks to him and told me she would delete him, It is unacceptable for her to expect to keep him as a friend and think you should be ok with it. You think she'd be ok with you having a girl as a friend after you made out with her? I don't think so. well 2 days later she still hasn't, i have stopped answering all of her calls good for you, keep it that way. i mean she had added new friends, she knew it bothered me but could care less to delete him, i mean she has been a flake at times, but it seems suspicious to me, am i right in not talking to her for awhile ? for a while? try permanently. Any girl that thinks she can cheat on you with another guy and keep that guy as a friend is seriously #$%$#^ in the head. Move on. or should i just spell it out next time she calls Yes, this. Spell it out, then cut her out. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 it was said and spelled out, we both considered ourselves in a relationship. we said i love you every night. so i don't think im confusing it You are not confusing it. if you had an understanding, then thats all there is to it. don't let anyone tell you that you are being controlling. You have a right not to be ok with a girlfriend cheating on you and then expecting to remain friends with the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 thanks dexter, i agree with your advice 100%, she deleted him since i haven't been taking her calls, but she was still so insensitive, i don't think i will take her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 thanks dexter, i agree with your advice 100%, she deleted him since i haven't been taking her calls, but she was still so insensitive, i don't think i will take her back. Being insensitive in the face of being cheated on is a red flag. She should want delete him as a friend because she cares about you, not because she feels like she is being controlled. Funny how being uncomfortable with a significant other staying friends with someone they recently boned is seen as being controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 18, 2008 Author Share Posted November 18, 2008 yea i was in no way controlling, she offered to delete it, thats what made it an issue, i have stopped all contact and will until i get a full apology and if its somewhat emotional i may consider taking her back, i did have a trip planned for her in January that we both planned and already bought the ticket, so i just want to see how things go Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay34 Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 she deleted him as a friend yesterday but has still not contacted me since saturday, we have been broken up since saturday, i said it was over in a fit of rage. i don't think i should contact her though since i feel she owes me an apology and she knows how to call me. i know i overreacted by yelling but the fact is she was extremely rude. i figure if she is really truly sorry she will contact me and apologize. we have broken up once before and she couldnt go much more than a week without talking to me the only thing is is i want her back with conditions, she really has done nothing to regain my trust, i mean i never read anywhere you regain trust by clubbing, dancing with other guys while i'm gone, though when i told her she said she wouldn't do it again and by not deleting guys you cheated on me with, i mean that doesn't seem to be a way to regain trust. how can i convey to her how it has to be if we do in fact get back together, i realize we are far away right now but if i consider myself in a relationship, i respect my partners feeling whether they would be there or not Link to post Share on other sites
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