Im moving in with my Fiance but I cheated

[amerikajin]

Help! I am so confused and dont know what to do. Ive been with my Fiance for 1 yr and Im moving in with him in a couple of weeks. Marriage is postponed for maybe a couple of years because Im going to college, work full time, and I have 2 kids. By the way he has two of his own.

 

My Fiance is a wonderful man he has pampered me, my family likes him, and most importantly I can trust him with my kids.

 

Anyways, their is this guy that had caught my attention before i even met my Fiance. I knew this guy was married so I never thought about the possability of getting to meet him....but...just a few days ago we saw each other and began a healthy conversation that ended by switching phone #s. He told me that he is no longer with his wife and that he had been attracted to me too! At first I though to myself why now when Im engaged and just about to move in. THIS IS A TEST!!! THE TEMPTATION!!! Damn Im so very weak like much of us...one thing let to another. I met this guy at a place and we made out, it was wonderful. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED! But, he did shake my lil heart.

 

Here is where I need help...I dont know if I should also postpone moving in and think things thoroughly. My kids are very excited about moving in and so is my fiance. Im scared that i will fail as a bride to be.

 

I have always been attracted to the bad guys, now that I have the best I dont know if I should just move in with my fiance and see what happens.

 

Remember I have two kids...I want the best for my children too!

 

This was not just a simple mistake. This was premeditated. You switched phone numbers and deliberately set up a time to meet and make out. Even if nothing else happened, you still crossed the line. I'm not trying to lecture or say you're a bad person, but that's what happened.

 

I think you first need to take some time to decide just how much your fiance means to you. Think hard about your behavior and what it really means. Definitely do not do this again. As for what to tell him, I don't know if I would, but with some people you might be better off telling him. That's a question nobody can answer for you.

[Javelin]

Bonita, my reputation on this forum is a bit low towards cheaters, but I'm going to be very blunt to you.

 

1) There is no generalization of cheating- if you cheat in anyway, you are a cheater, period!

2) There is no excuse for cheating, period!

 

Let's face it though, you're a coward and you have single handedly contradicted everything that you've so righteously claimed to stand for. I'm also going to go ahead and say that I truly disagree with Angel in every sense of this thread and completely agree with Dexter. Angel's advice will only steer you down a road similar to this in the future and karma will catch up to you. Dexter has shown a rough path, it will be hard, but the end will be more rewarding. I urge you to highly consider what Dexter has suggested.

 

Furthermore, you say that you care about this man, but you're selfishly leading him along with a dull beacon of light and that's not right. That's a horrible thing to do and it does make you a lesser person! You may not feel that way now, but then why keep it a secret from your family? Are you afraid of what they might label you? Are you scared of word getting back to your man friend?

 

What's sad is that you have no remorse for what you've done and single handled ignored the fact that by not telling him about the other guy, it's the only reason why he is still pursuing you at this moment.

 

Let's be honest here Bonita, I know deep down inside that you know what's right and what's wrong, but you have chosen to ignore the fact. You're not protecting him, you're protecting yourself. That said, the only person that you care about is yourself. You want to create this false sense of hope to make yourself feel better about everything. You keep it up and it'll all come back to you. It may not be today and it may not be tomorrow... Hell, it may not be for several years, but it'll come back very hard.

 

No one here can tell you what to do Bonita. We can only show you routes to take, but it's up to you to acknowledge them and walk on your own two feet. I hope you make the right decision, for your own sake.

[Spectre]

I guess I forgot to say that it is difficult to leave him now beacuse he does not have a family to be with during the holidays, I do. The only person Im thinking of now is him.

 

I love how now you're thinking of him. How about before you fooled around with another guy? Why not think of him then?

 

Do you really believe that I should just tell him to go to hell and that would make me a better person? No way!

 

Simply tell him the truth. Nothing you do is going to make you a better person, sorry honey.

 

I know who I am, and Im not a heartless person as many of you might think. I care for him, and I would have loved to have fallen head over heels for him, but I don't possess that kind of magic.

 

You don't cheat on people you care about, bottom line. You don't need magical powers to be civil and decent towards people. Well, maybe YOU do, but most people don't.

 

You only know my side of the story, where I could have painter myself as the victim and made him seem like an awful person, but their is no need for that.

 

If he was such a horrible person, then you leave him. If he was such a horrible person, you wouldn't want that around your children. So if you did post saying such things..you'd come off as looking foolish.

 

The mistake of kissing another guy does not make me a lesser woman, I wasn't a saint after all, non of us are.

 

Please don't hide behind this cliche. Next you're gonna start spouting that "everybody makes mistakes" garbage. I don't think one single person in this thread said that anybody is a saint. Thing is, I know plenty of people who, while they aren't saints..they aren't cheaters either. You don't get to hide behind the old "we're all not saints" line.

 

It also does make you a lesser woman, especially if you've cheated on the father of your children? That's pretty damn sad. I wonder how your kids would feel if they found out. You think they'd still respect you if they could understand what you did?

 

 

Will I learn from that mistake...heck yeah!

 

Only if you're honest about what you did. Otherwise you're basically just burying the truth and hoping it doesn't happen again.

 

It's already obvious that you aren't going to tell him, but let me give you a bit of advice: what goes around comes around. It ALWAYS comes around in one way or another. You have the opporunity to control this by you being the one to tell him, if he finds out in a different manner it's going to make things 10 times as bad.