ImLoveStoned Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Hey I really need some help.. At first I wasn't interested in her but when I got to know her I began to like her, she is going out with my friend who I have known since we were younger. She tells me whenever he does something to upset her and they hav broke up a lot but I know she loves him, im not sure he loves her though he says he does but he recently dumped her for someone else but then he wanted her back after ages she took him back and now im begining to have feelings for her, but if i tell her we wont be best friends if she dont feel the same way because thats what happened to me before.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Safest and wisest policy is this: Best friends' partners are off limits. OFF LIMITS, no questions asked, no romantic feelings entertained. That is the safest and the wisest, IMO. But you are, of course, free to choose something else. As for her using you as one of her sounding boards for her relationship problems, maybe you want to reconsider putting yourself in that position -- not only to distance from her but also cos it is kind of a betrayal of your mate's trust in you, too -- that you would listen to someone kvetch about his shortcomings without at least putting in a good word for him, I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Yeah, probably a good idea to resist triangulation. I've made exceptions in the case of long-time friends (decades long friendships) but it's still emotionally very stressful, for me anyway. As Ronni mentioned, if you value the friendship, any and all romantic/sexual feelings should be suppressed/diverted. OP, was she attractive to you before you began to become her sounding board? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Yeah, probably a good idea to resist triangulation. Hey carhill, how's it going? Never thought of that -- it could be triangulation (emotional 3-ways.) I was just reading into it a romantic/sexual thing, which of course just becomes cheating/betrayal when it goes 3 ways. OP, if it's more along emotional lines...without notions of romance/sex, then if you can learn from carhill's experience...you will owe him one! Link to post Share on other sites
IAmWhoIAm Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Wow, that's a tough one to deal with in a way. I mean, more feelings can develop from being around someone enough if you already find them attractive. In my experience, dating your friend's ex (or them dating yours) can possibly lead to a lot of stepped-on toes and ill feelings. Tread carefully here. If you must go ahead I suggest you discuss this with your friend, not so much to get "permission" as just to open up the person to the idea of it because you never know, you could be ruining your friendship with your friend by dating this other person they went out with so take that into consideration, and if it's a really good friend it's good to be able to be honest and straightforward with each other. Also keep in mind that unless you are a very secure person you might likely be worried about interactions between your new partner and your friend/their ex or be wondering if they are really over them (either one). Even if nothing is going on really, projection can be a funny (not funny haha either) thing... Good luck to you whatever you do! Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Stay away from her (and start dating other girls) until your feelings subside. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Well the only reason you really know her is because of your friend. You should have been building an emotional baracade from the momement she became your friends gf. You don't want to be the guy who does this kind of thing I mean you could lose an entire circle of friends and have to start over from scratch. Believe me there are plenty of girls out there you don't need to trick yourself into thinking your in love with some girl you truelly don't know except as a friend of her bf Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 im begining to have feelings for her That's a long way from loving your best friend's girl! You're developing feelings because you're often around her and she talks to you like a friend. She's not threatening or intimidating, she's easy to know because neither of you are flirting with each other. You're friends, and your entire relationship is based on your respective relationships with your best friend/her bf. Get to know another girl. Stop spending so much time with this one. You try to get her, and you'll only end up ruining both of your friendships, with him and her. Link to post Share on other sites
stayin' alive Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 There is a reason the song goes "My best friend's girl...she used to be mine". Don't go there. It will never end up well. I promise you. Link to post Share on other sites
casanovacorner Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 I agree with everyone. Me and my friend have 1 rule about women. If it is or has ever been a main girl, its off limits. We don't even hold conversations if we bump into each other. We say wassup and keep walking. On the other hand, if its random girls we meet while we're out one night, we don't care one way or the other. I'll NEVER date a girl he casually sleeps with, and the same goes for him. Do you really want your friend to be able to say that he banged your girl? Link to post Share on other sites
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