Ex Problems

[confuser]

I just recently got dumped by my boyfriend of 1 year and I am going out on a date tomorrow with a guy I have known for a long time but never really talked to.

 

My ex told me yesterday that he wants me back eventually and he told me not to see anyone else or have sex or even kiss anyone. He seems to change his thoughts about me everyday.

 

I love him with all my heart and I would take him back but I am starting to see another guy, that I think I culd be very happy with and I don't want to pass up the chance of being happy. But if I do go go with this guy then I will never be with my ex again.

 

I really don't know what to do...should I sit and wait for my ex to take me back? Or what if that doesn't happen? Would I regret not being with this other guy? I do love my ex so much and we have been through a lot in this past year but I am so confused...HELP!

[Tony T]

In all the months I have been following the posts here, I have never, ever seen anything which indicates such a violent desire on the part of a man to control another human being as I have seen in your post. Here is your quote:

 

"My ex told me yesterday that he wants me back eventually and he told me not to see anyone else or have sex or even kiss anyone. He seems to change his thoughts about me everyday"

 

Oh, so he wants you back "eventually" but in the meantime you have to buckle to his wishes. I want to barf!!!

 

NEVER, EVER let any human being to whom you are not in a comitted relationship with tell you who you can see, have sex with or kiss. Never let anyone under any circumstances attempt to control your life in such a vicious manner. If your ex actually said this to you, it is certainly grounds to dismiss him from your life immediately.

 

You obviously do not see the controlling nature of his personality. Do you understand what he's doing. He is wanting his space and is taking advantage of your fondness for him by keeping you on standby until he is "ready" for you. I am sick to my stomach.

 

Dump this ex from your mind, your life and in all other ways as soon as you can. If you were to embark on life's journey with him, you would be the most miserable lady on the planet.

 

If you love your ex, you should examine just how much you love yourself. Why would you be willing to give up your God-given freedom as a human being and as an American citizen to do what you want in favor of giving in to his demands of you. The nerve of this guy. If I knew where he was, I would tell him off. I am actually upset nowso very sorry.

 

Please give your attention to this new guy you want to see and, if it doesn't work out, there are so many terrific guys who will not control your life.

 

God, I don't know if I can go to sleep tonight. Promise me you will NEVER, EVER LET ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING ATTEMPT TO CONTROL YOUR LIFE LIKE THIS AGAIN.....PLEASE PROMISE!!!

 

To quote you again:

 

"I do love my ex so much and we have been through a lot in this past year but I am so confused...HELP!"

 

You have been through a lot in this past year because he is a complete, total, CERTIFIED JERK. You are confused because he has got some indescribeable spell on you. Stay away from him!!! You'll NEVER thank yourself enough.

[Marcella]

Should you sit and wait for your ex to take you back? As if you've done something horribly wrong that he needs to forgive you for!! That's absolutely absurd. Your ex obviously wants to "have his cake and eat it to". He doesn't want to be with you right now (chances are he's either seeing someone else already or is interested in someone else), but wants you to wait around for him; JUST IN CASE he suddenly decides that you're the one he wants.

 

Think about this. I think you answered your own question when you said that you don't want to pass up a chance to be happy. This ex may NEVER want to get back together with you, and even if he does, is this REALLY the kind of guy you want to be with?! Making these demands on you, while he is free to do whatever he chooses!

 

I know it's easy for me to sit here and give this advice, and much more difficult to act on it when your heart is involved. But, please, take a step back and look at this. If this guy truly loved you, he would want to be with you and would want you to be happy. He is a control-freak who is only interested in his well-being.

 

I hope that one day he does decide he wants you back, and you can say "thanks, but no thanks". You deserve better. Go out with this other guy and have fun. There is no reason to allow precious time pass waiting for something that may never be, nor do I think it's something worth waiting for. Let him control somebody else. Best of luck to you.

I just recently got dumped by my boyfriend of 1 year and I am going out on a date tomorrow with a guy I have known for a long time but never really talked to. My ex told me yesterday that he wants me back eventually and he told me not to see anyone else or have sex or even kiss anyone. He seems to change his thoughts about me everyday. I love him with all my heart and I would take him back but I am starting to see another guy, that I think I culd be very happy with and I don't want to pass up the chance of being happy. But if I do go go with this guy then I will never be with my ex again. I really don't know what to do...should I sit and wait for my ex to take me back? Or what if that doesn't happen? Would I regret not being with this other guy? I do love my ex so much and we have been through a lot in this past year but I am so confused...HELP!

[Bliss]

He's just trying to blackmail you into thinking that he won't take you back if you date other guys. Don't you believe it! I just had this happen to me (he just didn't say it outright like in your situation).

 

GUYS ONLY WANT YOU MORE WHEN YOU ARE SEEING SOMEONE ELSE.

 

So have a good time in the knowledge that it will drive this guy crazy (if that is what you so desire - revenge is sweet) and this new guy may even be so nice you will forget all about this loser. Good luck!