can an adult legally run away?

[zigy again]

i'm so fed up with this crap that is going on with my daughter and my boyfriend.

she is now about three months pregnant, claiming to be "sick" alot of the times so she cannot work for him even though she just works out of her apartment.

 

he just bought her a car for $500.00 that was his nieces car and runs great, but she is to work it off for him.

 

since she has had the car she has either been too busy doing other things or too sick to do much work.

 

yesterday she was too pick up an important package for him but did not do it, and now he has to run way out there to get it himself, and it needed to be turned in today.

 

she also has a computer, fax and desk she was/is working off for him as well, but little effort on her part is being made to do much work.

 

so now he calls me today and yells at me, putting her down to me, telling me how lazy she is, how she don't want to work, how she can't hold on to a job even if she did one, she don't have any job etiquette..on and on and on he went.

 

i finally told him, i did not want to listen to him putting her down, even if i agree with him, he would not want to sit and listen to me put down his gramma or mom, neither do i want to listen to hm putting her down either.

 

though i am thinking the whole arrangement was a mistake, does not mean i want to hear how he thinks and feels about her.

 

she does not want this pregnancy now, so she is upset about that. she was going to have an abortion and the father was going to pay for it, but she didn't want one then, now she's changed her mind and he know longer has the money.

 

she seems fine most days, fine enough to run around to her friends and for appt.s but not fine enough to get out of bed and work for him to work off the car, etc.

 

so i am so sick of all this crap between them. on top of that we have a new puppy for the last week who has done nothing but torment my poor cats, and chased them around endlessly to the point that i am afraid they will be tramatized.

 

i am giving him one more week to chill with the cats or he is going in foster care for adoption, i wont take him to a shelter.

 

this morning my boyfriend told me he cannot relax at night because the dog is always climbing all over him, and or licking him, neither of which he likes at all.

 

he does not share my love of dogs obviously but puts up with it for me. but he does not like being licked or climbed over.

 

the pup just wants his attention, he is a very social creature, and lets you know he wants your attention.

 

he is a good dog other then chasing my cats! i don't know, i feel like literally running away from everything. i can't deal with all this anymore, nor do i want to.

 

i dont know what to do, any suggestions here/.

[moimeme]

You don't have to 'run' away. You can move away. Far away. You can suggest they go see a counsellor rather than whining to you. You can tell them you don't want to get involved in their drama, turn off your phone ringer, and screen your calls. They are adults and should not be running to mama to solve their problems but they will as long as you let them. When either calls, just say 'I'm not getting involved; see a therapist or work this out for yourself" over and over until they quit calling.

 

You have to lie down to be a doormat.

[zingy again]

the daughter i can turn off my phone too, but her phone was disconnected yesterday. the other is MY boyfriend that i live with and have for years now. it is not her and her boyfrined it is her, my daughter and him my boyfriend.

[moimeme]

Why are you keeping the boyfriend?

[km82794]

As a Mom myself, I know how irresponsible kids can be at times. You don't know how many times I have heard the "Oh, if you do this for me, I'll help you blah, blah, blah, yeah right.

 

Please don't take that personal, it's just the way they are sometimes. There's always something that will stand in the way and permit them from fufilling their promises.

 

I don't know how old she is, but I think you need to explain to her, that when you tell someone something, you should back up what you say.

 

Maybe YOU should have the talk with her and tell her to get off her butt and help work off the car. After all, how many boyfriends buy their SO's kid a car? Not many!!

 

If the talk gets you nowhere, my suggestion would be for you to simply say "Sorry Honey, but I'm not getting in the middle of it, Please don't involve me", to both of them.

 

As far as the puppy goes, could you block access to whatever room your boyfriend is relaxing in until the pup gets a little older, and understands what "get down" means?

 

I have the same problem with my puppy and my cat. After yelling so much, I finally blocked off a room with a baby gate so the cat feels she has a "safe place".

 

Believe it or not, they will get used to each other. My cat has finally shown my sixty lb. puppy who's the Queen of the house. All she had to do was swat her across the nose about 100 times, lol.

[zingy again]

okay here is a recap of a typical day in the life of zingy:

 

me: get up around 7:00 shower, feed pets, take out dog, eat.

he: get up around 7:30, come into kitchen, kiss g'morning.

me: cheery morning person that i am! says something like "honey when can we go to home depot?

he: NOT being the cheery morning but a cranky one, snaps at me saying "i just woke up, havent even had my coffee yet, and you are already hassling me about going somewhere". (said in crabby snotty tone).

me: feeling wounded and hurt in defense tells him i am NOT hassling you, i simply asked you a question!

he: "i'm barely even awake yet, and you start in on me".

me: sulking off to the computer room, hurt and wounded and angry!!

he: (from kitchen) do you want an omelette?

me: trying and wanting to keep peace, says yes thankyou.

he: when i come in to eat, we sit down he reads from the daily scripture book. we eat and chat.

me: still feeling slighted and hurt and not very receptive towards him but still trying at least not to start an arguement about earlier.

he: goes to gym.

me: gets ready for work, he is gone now. and i sit here angry and hurt still wondering why on earth i put up with his crap like this. little voices in my head telling me that i should leave, yeah, just leave, leave now, you don't need to feel to feel this pain, you don't need to hurt like this. other voices saying how good he treats me, dispite this, how much it hurts to leave him, my heart breaking with pain, my heart and my mind now in arguements about why and why not i should leave/stay. all the reasons i should stay; i'm just too sensititve, i should be more thoughtfull when he just wakes up, knowing how he is in the morning, look at all he does for you, look at the new clothes he just bought you from losing all that weight, look at how much he spend on all those caps for you, look at how he bought daughter car so she could work it off for him so she could have a car for her and the baby, look at how much he does for you, then you want to leave him because of some words?

me still: feeling guilty and like crap now for feeling like i did.

still feeling hurt and angry though, wanting to punch something, so maybe i hit the door in frustration, i already put a hole in one door from the door knob, broke a light switch plate, broke a phone or two, from frustration of the feelings that go back an forth in my mind and my heart.

 

he: calling me later in the day when i get home from work:

he: can you pull a credit report for me:

me: still mad at him, saying "i guess so" in not so friendly a tone.

he: angry, never mind i'll do it myself.

me: feeling guilty flash back of all he does for me, says "i said i'll do it".

he: i'll fax it over.

both: bye.

 

6:30 p.m. he comes home from work, walks in singing lyrics to shania twains song "honey i'm home and i had a hard day".

hunts me down in computer room, kisses me, and i do not want to drag this on anymore so i try to let it go.

 

during the evening we watch t.v. cuddle, chat, make dinner, maybe go out to the store or video store, or to eat if we don't make dinner instead.

both happy relaxing, the days events forgotten now.

 

all is well, i am happy again, and wondering why i ever wanted to leave him this morning because of his outburst. hmmm, maybe i am just too sensitive afterall, afterall who leaves their spouse over some harsh words?

 

me: discounting it all now cause i want to feel happy again.

 

after all i have my moods and annoyances as well and he does not think about leaving me everytime they come up.

 

then i lecture myself for having been so selfish in my thoughts and haste to leave him that morning.

 

so paul...do you see why i have the constant struggle, the on-going debate, the endless chatter and indiciveness in my head and my heart?

 

so do you see why i have not been able to leave? how hard it is to walk away when things are going well, how easy it is to WANT to walk away when things hurt and dont feel good.

 

maybe i just can't deal with rejection and when he yells at me or snaps at me it is rejection.

 

maybe this helps you to see why i am still here...it is so hard to leave..when things are good they are great but when they are bad they really hurt.

and thus why i find myself in a constant struggle....sigh

[cindy0039]

TMI