jalexy Posted September 5, 2003 Posted September 5, 2003 I have a great boyfriend that I have been with just for a little while. He has a great body and personality and treats me wonderfully. but i hate hate hate his fashion sometimes. he lets his hair get long and he wont do anything with it, he will just wake up somedays and leave his hair the way it was when he woke up, for all day. somedays i have no idea what he was thinknig when he puts clothes on- yesterday was a charlie brown t-shirt and a john deer hat. its weird because he works out and has a nice body but when it comes to the other parts of physical appearance, he doesnt pay attention or seem to care. this bothers me and i feel like hes embarassing himself and sometimes i feel embarassed when i am out with him as well- i normally dress nice- nice jeans, nice top, some accessories and some heeled sandals. He is 22 and a college student and i am 21...you would have thought he would know how to dress by now. somedays he dresses really well and others, it just looks awful. so how can i get him to regularly take care of his hair (get a regular hair cut) and take some pride in his clothing?? ive become a nag the past few days cause im on my last nerve about this.
HokeyReligions Posted September 5, 2003 Posted September 5, 2003 If you are embarassed by him - the problem is yours and not his. You can't change him, don't bother trying. If you need him to change, then you don't need him. What was he wearing when you met? Having said that, I'll say this. My husband will sometimes wear these horrid torn T's and not brush his hair, etc. I will tell him to change his shirt or brush his hair before we go out. He doesn't care what he looks like, he never has. Most of the time I don't care either. The only times I do tell him to change, is when we are meeting someone I work with or going to a company function, because his appearance has a direct reflection on how I am perceived at work. Sad, but true. So we "dress for success" But if we are going out for fun or whatever and he doesn't care how he looks - then I don't either and I'll just consider that he make me look even better by comparison! Now, if its cleanliness then that is a whole different issue. My husbands ragged T's and holey jeans are clean and he doesn't smell! If you talk to your bf, be prepared to answer "why is it so important to you" how he looks in public? Suppose he told you that he's embarassed by how put-together you always are and wishes you would loosen up some. Maybe he tells you that his friends and family perceive you as stuck-up because of the way you dress, or he can't feel himself and be relaxed around you if you won't let go and be sloppy sometimes. How would that make you feel?
jalexy Posted September 5, 2003 Posted September 5, 2003 thank you for your perspective. actually, when we met he wore the worst outfit i think ive ever seen. but i gave him a chance cause hes a nice guy. i see your side but i guess im wondering why it bugs me about him. who knows.
HokeyReligions Posted September 5, 2003 Posted September 5, 2003 I got to thinking about it, and why should it bother me that my hubby dresses like a slob in front of my employer? Because the perception is that a slob is less intelligent maybe? Less capable? Maybe I'm ashamed or embarassed because it looks like he/we couldn't be very successful if he has to dress in "rags"? If I'm not embarassed by my husband any other time, why then am I in front of my employer? I'm trying to impress my employer, I want my employer to have more respect for me, give me more opportunities, give me a raise, etc. and I know I have to play that game. In a social setting I can see where it might be perceived that if you are cleaned up and show up with someone who is "unkempt" people might think "she can do better." People who brush their hair, wear nice clothes (not designer, just not sloppy looking and mis-matched) are treated better, more respectfully. You could approach him this way - the next time you go out and his hair and clothes are messy tell him that you would appreciate if he would neaten up a little because you find it disrespectful of you - you went to the effort to look nice for him and you would appreciate it if he did the same. Everyone likes to look at nice things!
jalexy Posted September 5, 2003 Posted September 5, 2003 you hit it right on the head, hokey. from what you were saying- i want people to get the right perceptions about him, because hes a very smart, intelligent human being and by the way he dresses sometimes people wouldnt know. thats all, thank you for your advice, i will do so.
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