Rebounding after a marriage

[S]

I am currently ending a 10 year relationship in which 3 years we were married. It is was mutual at first that we should separate and see how things go after that. I am not sure if she regrets it now. I travel a lot and met a woman who on a trip who I find has a lot of things that I would like in someone. We met when her relationship was dissolving and after my wife and I had agreed to separate and see other people. She does not necessarily have the things that my wife did not have, but different things about her that I find attractive and comforting. She is also coming out of a marriage of about 5 years. We both live in separate states, but are able to see each other because of different projects at work. We have kept in touch and communicated that we are interested in the other, but are afraid of taking things to fast. We don't want the other to be the rebound. It helps being 1,000 miles apart. But as I see it we have some problems. One, we are both new out of a relationship. Although we both knew the relationships were pretty much over a while ago, we are now "officially" single again. Two, we live a long way apart. From what I know and heard long distances are hard to keep going. But, like I have said, it helps being apart because we still have to confront the loss by ourself instead of running to someone for that support or quick emotional charge you might get from sex. (Yes we have had sex and it is fantastic.)

 

My question is: Is the next person you see always the rebound? If so, is there a way to prevent that from happening? My quick answer to myself is that I need to date some other women and she has to date other men. We both agreed that was what we might need to do that. Or are we just screwed and got unlucky we met at this time because we will never know what we really are to each other?

 

She means a lot to me. But I don't either of us to get hurt down the road. She is seeing a counselor as will I after I get back from another trip.

[Nicky]

I am currently ending a 10 year relationship in which 3 years we were married. It is was mutual at first that we should separate and see how things go after that. I am not sure if she regrets it now. I travel a lot and met a woman who on a trip who I find has a lot of things that I would like in someone. We met when her relationship was dissolving and after my wife and I had agreed to separate and see other people. She does not necessarily have the things that my wife did not have, but different things about her that I find attractive and comforting. She is also coming out of a marriage of about 5 years. We both live in separate states, but are able to see each other because of different projects at work. We have kept in touch and communicated that we are interested in the other, but are afraid of taking things to fast. We don't want the other to be the rebound. It helps being 1,000 miles apart. But as I see it we have some problems. One, we are both new out of a relationship. Although we both knew the relationships were pretty much over a while ago, we are now "officially" single again. Two, we live a long way apart. From what I know and heard long distances are hard to keep going. But, like I have said, it helps being apart because we still have to confront the loss by ourself instead of running to someone for that support or quick emotional charge you might get from sex. (Yes we have had sex and it is fantastic.) My question is: Is the next person you see always the rebound? If so, is there a way to prevent that from happening? My quick answer to myself is that I need to date some other women and she has to date other men. We both agreed that was what we might need to do that. Or are we just screwed and got unlucky we met at this time because we will never know what we really are to each other? She means a lot to me. But I don't either of us to get hurt down the road. She is seeing a counselor as will I after I get back from another trip.

Hi!

 

rebound relationships tend to be those, were you literally go from one relationship right into another. You may well be slightly on the rebound. Fortunately the two of you are both in the same situation, and I suspect can provide each other with a bit of warmth and support which is what I imagine you could both do with right now.

 

After relationships end, it's usually healthier to have a bit of a "mourning period", getting in touch with your feelings, and trying to get your life back together again.

 

Long-distance relationships can be immensely difficult: namely becuase needs we have cannot always be met long-distance.

 

However, I think in your situation it's probably not such a bad thing. You both will have a certain degree of space to acclimatize to your new situations. I would be wary though of moving the relationship too fast, and making commitments to each other at this stage.

 

But otherwise, so long as you are both happy, I say go with the flow. Good luck!