I can't lose her...

[KissTheRain]

Its been about close to a month now for my break up and initially it was really bad for me.

We lived together for over 2 years. She was/is a college student and I am a Techi.

The first time we met eachother we were head over heels in love and moved in together almost

instantly. And since then we shared everything together. She travelled with me and met my family

we had a lot of good times together. Both our parents and entire family lived out of town,

so for the past 2 years and eachother wasall we had.

 

We built our little home together, and it was very nice. We switched apartments, etc. Her Family was

not aware that she lived with me, they knew we are seeing eachother, as she is from a more consertive family, and maybe her being only 21 could be another reason. I am 27, my family supported us whenever we needed it in every which way and we were happy.

 

I am not saying that it was smooth sailing through out out 2 years, but yes we had our share of fights and differences and we always made up and things were great. In July/August she got into another school for MBA in the same city and I we were happy that we could continue this. More so I believe I was also some part of the reason she chose to continue studying in this city or could be just she wanted to away from family as well. Her parents are going thru a divorce or unsettlement right now and I dont feel they are the best influence on her either. She is the only child and I have seen the toll it takes on her, while she was with me.

 

The one day in August she told me her Mom is moving back and she needs to live with her as she doesnt have a choice. She is too young and cant support herself and was underpressure. Initially I could not understand this and told her this would not work out if it is going to be that way. Yes I know I was being unreasonable. Then she found a house close to where I stayed she told me so that it is easier for us to meet, or maybe cause it was a better part of the town I dont know now.

 

Then before her Mom even moved in she started wanting to spend her time there than at 'Our'. Which ofcourse I failed to understand, and could never comprehend her choices. She would just say it is closer to her college.

 

EveryNight she spent away killed me slowly by slowly I cried all the nights and whenever I woke up alone.

I could just not stand that. She told me she needed some space and time and had a lot on her mind with

College, her Mom moving back and her Family separating.

 

Then following one saturday night we went out together to a friends place. I think Oct 18th or so.

And the she again insisted that I drop her to her place instead of going to 'Ours'. By then I knew she has no college the next day and I couldnt quite understand her decission. So I dropped her back to her place and I didnt want to go home to our place where there will be no one and I would just sit and cry alone on her decission, so I went back to the party. And then after an hour or so I got a call from her saying that she was at our place and she didnt want to be with me.

 

In the next few days her Mom moved in as she said she would. I tried calling her she would speak to me but didnt want to really talk about anything. And kept asking me to move on. Kept telling me to leave her be and didnt want to do anything together anymore.

 

The next weekend I was going away on Vacation for a week to meet my family.

I told her I needed to see her and talk to her before I felt, as I really missed her, that week as far as I remember I cried all day and couldnt even come to work most days I know I was doing the worst things possible.

I would try calling her till she got fed up and answered. I begged her to see me and threw my self to the ground for her but she didnt respond. Then the night before I was to leave she finally decided to see me and come over for a while.

 

We spent the entire evening quite nicly, until it was time for her to leave. I broke down, I mean literally,

I howled to her and and begged her for a chance I did all I could it was horrible. She promised to see me the next day if I stopped and if I took a hold of myself, she would drop me off to the station and miss her morning lecture.The next day I bought some flowers and met her in the morning, she was late but thats ok she was there atleast. We went out to lunch it was nice, and we had some decent conversation. We went home kissed a bit and hugged alot and nothing more.

 

I went home a week went we spoke on the phone at times. But now she started taking my phone calls as stalking her !! And said to me she doesnt want to talk to me and that it is over between us. I could not understand the change of behaviour again. She said to me I scared her away last weekend when I broke down and begged her and she didnt want myself to physically hurt myself or kill myself or something thats why she helped me over the weekend and dropped me off till I got home. Then one day she told me not to call her at all.

 

I came back on 2nd November. Spoke to her and said she would take time out for me and meet me for dinner.

When the time came she was already out with her mom and asked to meet me the next day.

The next day came I called and asked for 15 mins for coffee and she said she was too busy,

but finally came for a few minutes. We had coffee and it was a bit emotional, we didnt really speak much

more as if I dint have much to say. She had a huge smile when she walked in and was actually happy to see me but I guess this time I wanted some answers to questions I didnt know. She left and after that whenever I have called she said to me she need time and space for herself. And that we had nothing left to talk about. I still kept trying to get in touch with her, I sent flowers, and emailed her each day cause I really did miss her. I kept trying to get thru inside to this girl I shared everything with but now it started to look harder and harder eachday.

 

She didnt see me that entire week. She told me her exams are coming and she has no time.

We would talk but now I could feel she was just trying to make convesration as she knew else I would simply call back or something. Then on the 8th Nov we were to go for a common friends wedding. I sent her an SMS asking her if she could come as it would mean a lot to the friend, and I will not talk about us or anything and would keep the event really short. She replied she is not too well and would like to study. I was fine with that I didnt go either then. I went out with some friends, then to a club to grab a beer. I was there for about 2 hours after which she shows up there!! I have no clue with whom either. At first we have a decent converstaion but she was with someone else, I mean having a conversation.But after the other guy left I dont know what happened to me. I am not the kind of guy who blows his top of but this time I for once got angry at her for lieing to me she could have just told me she didn't want to see me, or wanted to somewhere else. I got quite mad and walked out the bar.

 

We ofcourse had a big fight over the phone then, she said she could be out with whoever she wants etc and I have no right to ask her where she is or anything. Infact she doesnt even have to tell me any truth if she doesnt want to. Then finally she called the next evening (Sunday 9th Nov) and said she didnt want to end things on a bad note and explained to me who that guy was etc and that she needed time and had exams and that she would talk to next Tuesday as she had exams till then.

 

That was the last conversation I had with her. After which she put her phone off till a few days ago.

I emailed her thruought the week, and in vain till on thrusday when she replied:

"read some of ur messages. they're really sweet. i am not angry or hate you. exams are on. am busy. take care"

 

After which I emailed her saying

 

"I hope you are fine and your exams are going good.

As far as I go you can imagine how I am, I was quite shattered but now

slowly have gathered the pieces I guess and am learning to live without you.

Though it is still hard and often I am thinking about you, but thats life I just feel that

I have woken up from a bad nightmare or something. And I simply have to carry on.

I am sure with time it will all be over and we would have drifted away like so many people who

loose love, and will again live to find it one day............."

 

I have not gotten anything back nor have I emailed her after that.

 

I went to another city this weekend to meet some friends so that I dont think of her and for

counselling. I have not spoken to her now for over a week or so..And I do not have the courage to go thru any more phone calls where she will tell me anything rude or anything that will bring more hurt.

Today is when her exams are to be over and tomorrow I am going travelling again to a National Park with Family all so that I can keep my mind off her for another. I dont know what to do I have half dialed her number a few times but can't gather the courage.

 

As in this city all I knew was her I met her when I just came so she was my everything, She lived here before

so maybe it is easier for her she has friends, and now fsome family too. TO me I feel lost.

She is in a new place where nothng reminds her of me, a new huse, to me I am still in the home that she help me build. I try to spend as much time in office or at the gym,

but I try to even stay awa from my own home.

I dont know what to do..

PLease tell me what is going thru her mind...

If there is more to write about I will keep addin. I just dont want to lose her.

No it is not a question of getting other girls, I am not wanting that I want her,

so please help me figure out what she is going thru,

or help me figure out what I am going thru...

[Geishawhelk]

*off-Topic*...

 

Wow, Thomas....I prefer your front to KMT's back.......!!

 

OK - *back to topic - !!*

[Geishawhelk]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t170426/

[Geishawhelk]

Nanu, I know it's desperately painful, but the worst thing you can do is to let your thoughts pervade your every waking moment and take over your life.......

Difficult as it may be to do, you must allow yourself to move on, and concentrate on keeping yourself well.

if you find yourself dwelling on it, ask yourself rsndom questions, like - if she were a tree, whicjh one would she be?

Then elaborate on what we use trees for....

drift away from the main focus.

 

When (a long time ago!) a boyfriend I would gladly have lain across railtracks for, dumped me whilst we were on holiday together (nice, huh?) I had to come home, on my own, on the train..... I was sobbing my heart out, and a lady across from me, leant over and said -

"You look as if you've just had your heart broken.

here, help me with these."

And gave me a sheet of maths problems to do.

I suck at maths, but I did them.

 

She'd only given them to me to take my mind off things.

And it worked.

 

After that, if ever I found myself getting maudlin, I'd do some long multiplication.....

Keeps your mind lively.

In more ways than one.

[KissTheRain]

Thanks Thomas for replying...

I have taken your suggestion and started a blog, I had one previously, I will write in it every time I miss her and let me feelings out on it.

Today she had said she would call me but I guess she has her own reasons for keeping her phone off. I have to confess I tried calling her today.

Tomorrow I go on vacation till Monday. I don't know how I will manage.

I hope to keep myself busy.

 

Yes Thomas even I don't know what is harder waking up or coming home to an empty house, with only our cat. Its been almost a month and its nothing to be proud of but I have shed a tear for her everyday till now. I miss her so bad I feel I am going crazy. There were times initially I had suicidal thoughts but they have subsided now, those were before I left for home for a week when she came and dropped me off. Going home I realized that I had a lot more to live for like my Mom, Dad and Sister they expected a lot more from me to simply die off. I couldn't stand thinking what my Mom would have gone thru. So all that is behind me now.

 

But each day I waste my time endlessly thinking what can I do to make things better. I was strong till today as she said she would speak to me today but to me today only has hurt.

 

I have very few friends here in this city and for the past 2 years it was all her. She was my friend, my companion we made this house into a home together, and now when she is gone it really haunts me. I hate waking up each morning just to live another lonely day. And I am not going to say that it gets easier on me as each day passes or as each day of NC. I am not in NC because of choice. I am in NC cause I have no other choice.

What can I do to get thru to her? I am helpless I know.

[KissTheRain]

can the admins please take out the Blognames and only keep the following instead: n28181.blogspot.com

Thank you. I cant seem to edit the post so can you please do this for me...

Thank you.

[KissTheRain]

...OK She so there is no update.

I had a few bad dreams and was very weak in the morning regarding her.

I wrote a bit on my blog. I am going on vacation till Monday so I sent her an email, I don't know if its the best thing to do but I nonetheless did, I wanted her to know that I am there for her even though all this has happened, and if she ever needs to talk to me in the future I will more than glad to take her call or to hear from her.

 

But from now on its NC even if I do want to talk to her or whatever urge get I will try to be strong. I hope this helps me sooner than later as till now it doesn't even feel like its been over a month she claims to have left me, and I haven't moved much emotionally since then. I still miss her all day long but with your help I will be fine sooner than later...

 

I just hope that one day she calls, as I really don't want to lose her. Even if we could be in touch it would be enough for me, I just need to know for some reason that she is fine and is doing ok. I just need to know that she is truly happier without me, as even when she left she seemed very unsure of it all. I just hope her Ego doesn't come in between and I hope she has her reasons for putting me thru this.

 

I can forgive her for everything all the pain of the break up everything, atleast I feel that way now, but I know in a while I will never want to be with her for putting me thru it in the first place.

I know I am full of contradictions..

[sad&lonely]

This is how i feel as well in my situation if not worse then you.. but just remeber you cant and you wont go back to someone who put you through this hell because if they did it now, they will do it again in the future. I have tried being friends with my ex girl but i see im just hurting myself like everyone says here no contact is the only way to truly heal.. im slowly after 1month starting to believe this.. just be strong and know it wont be like this forever thats the only thing keeping me going at thsi time..

[KissTheRain]

...Ok I got back from vacation. I was on NC and when I get back and check my

e-mail there is a short & sweet mail from her. She had actually sent it on the

day I was leaving. It was a e-mail telling me she missed us (me and the

pets.) and she told me how busy she had been with her exams and stuff.

She wanted to know about me, where I went what I was up to. And thanked me for my previous

mails saying they were sweet..

 

Now I dont know what to do. Or think abuot this mail. I know she has really moved on.

And so should I.

 

I have come back, and yes I did miss her a lot and thought about her all the time.

Even so much so that somehow I hoped she would see me somewhere at the airport.

Ofcourse it wasn't so. Some part of me didnt even want to come back to this town as I knew

I would start to miss her like hell again. And it started before the flight even landed...

 

Anyhow, it was nice to get a mail from her. NOw I dont know what to do so I ask you guys for help.

As whatever I have done seems to push her further. Its nice to know that she atleast thought of me.

No there is nothing in the mail suggesting that she would like to ever meet or anything.

I dont know what to do, I want to write back to her, but dont know what to say.

I even want to send her flowers and wish her luck for her exams, but I dont know if that might

be a bit too much. Should I give it a few more days? She knew I am out of town and its been 5 days now.

So what to do..

 

In all honesty whatever she did, I am sure she had her reasons and if she ever wants me back I am willing to

look past all the pain she gave me. I just hope it is not too late for eitherof us by then..

[Sysyphus28]

Its been about close to a month now for my break up and initially it was really bad for me.

We lived together for over 2 years. She was/is a college student and I am a Techi.

The first time we met eachother we were head over heels in love and moved in together almost

instantly. And since then we shared everything together. She travelled with me and met my family

we had a lot of good times together. Both our parents and entire family lived out of town,

so for the past 2 years and eachother wasall we had.

 

We built our little home together, and it was very nice. We switched apartments, etc. Her Family was

not aware that she lived with me, they knew we are seeing eachother, as she is from a more consertive family, and maybe her being only 21 could be another reason. I am 27, my family supported us whenever we needed it in every which way and we were happy.

 

I am not saying that it was smooth sailing through out out 2 years, but yes we had our share of fights and differences and we always made up and things were great. In July/August she got into another school for MBA in the same city and I we were happy that we could continue this. More so I believe I was also some part of the reason she chose to continue studying in this city or could be just she wanted to away from family as well. Her parents are going thru a divorce or unsettlement right now and I dont feel they are the best influence on her either. She is the only child and I have seen the toll it takes on her, while she was with me.

 

The one day in August she told me her Mom is moving back and she needs to live with her as she doesnt have a choice. She is too young and cant support herself and was underpressure. Initially I could not understand this and told her this would not work out if it is going to be that way. Yes I know I was being unreasonable. Then she found a house close to where I stayed she told me so that it is easier for us to meet, or maybe cause it was a better part of the town I dont know now.

 

Then before her Mom even moved in she started wanting to spend her time there than at 'Our'. Which ofcourse I failed to understand, and could never comprehend her choices. She would just say it is closer to her college.

 

EveryNight she spent away killed me slowly by slowly I cried all the nights and whenever I woke up alone.

I could just not stand that. She told me she needed some space and time and had a lot on her mind with

College, her Mom moving back and her Family separating.

 

Then following one saturday night we went out together to a friends place. I think Oct 18th or so.

And the she again insisted that I drop her to her place instead of going to 'Ours'. By then I knew she has no college the next day and I couldnt quite understand her decission. So I dropped her back to her place and I didnt want to go home to our place where there will be no one and I would just sit and cry alone on her decission, so I went back to the party. And then after an hour or so I got a call from her saying that she was at our place and she didnt want to be with me.

 

In the next few days her Mom moved in as she said she would. I tried calling her she would speak to me but didnt want to really talk about anything. And kept asking me to move on. Kept telling me to leave her be and didnt want to do anything together anymore.

 

The next weekend I was going away on Vacation for a week to meet my family.

I told her I needed to see her and talk to her before I felt, as I really missed her, that week as far as I remember I cried all day and couldnt even come to work most days I know I was doing the worst things possible.

I would try calling her till she got fed up and answered. I begged her to see me and threw my self to the ground for her but she didnt respond. Then the night before I was to leave she finally decided to see me and come over for a while.

 

We spent the entire evening quite nicly, until it was time for her to leave. I broke down, I mean literally,

I howled to her and and begged her for a chance I did all I could it was horrible. She promised to see me the next day if I stopped and if I took a hold of myself, she would drop me off to the station and miss her morning lecture.The next day I bought some flowers and met her in the morning, she was late but thats ok she was there atleast. We went out to lunch it was nice, and we had some decent conversation. We went home kissed a bit and hugged alot and nothing more.

 

I went home a week went we spoke on the phone at times. But now she started taking my phone calls as stalking her !! And said to me she doesnt want to talk to me and that it is over between us. I could not understand the change of behaviour again. She said to me I scared her away last weekend when I broke down and begged her and she didnt want myself to physically hurt myself or kill myself or something thats why she helped me over the weekend and dropped me off till I got home. Then one day she told me not to call her at all.

 

I came back on 2nd November. Spoke to her and said she would take time out for me and meet me for dinner.

When the time came she was already out with her mom and asked to meet me the next day.

The next day came I called and asked for 15 mins for coffee and she said she was too busy,

but finally came for a few minutes. We had coffee and it was a bit emotional, we didnt really speak much

more as if I dint have much to say. She had a huge smile when she walked in and was actually happy to see me but I guess this time I wanted some answers to questions I didnt know. She left and after that whenever I have called she said to me she need time and space for herself. And that we had nothing left to talk about. I still kept trying to get in touch with her, I sent flowers, and emailed her each day cause I really did miss her. I kept trying to get thru inside to this girl I shared everything with but now it started to look harder and harder eachday.

 

She didnt see me that entire week. She told me her exams are coming and she has no time.

We would talk but now I could feel she was just trying to make convesration as she knew else I would simply call back or something. Then on the 8th Nov we were to go for a common friends wedding. I sent her an SMS asking her if she could come as it would mean a lot to the friend, and I will not talk about us or anything and would keep the event really short. She replied she is not too well and would like to study. I was fine with that I didnt go either then. I went out with some friends, then to a club to grab a beer. I was there for about 2 hours after which she shows up there!! I have no clue with whom either. At first we have a decent converstaion but she was with someone else, I mean having a conversation.But after the other guy left I dont know what happened to me. I am not the kind of guy who blows his top of but this time I for once got angry at her for lieing to me she could have just told me she didn't want to see me, or wanted to somewhere else. I got quite mad and walked out the bar.

 

We ofcourse had a big fight over the phone then, she said she could be out with whoever she wants etc and I have no right to ask her where she is or anything. Infact she doesnt even have to tell me any truth if she doesnt want to. Then finally she called the next evening (Sunday 9th Nov) and said she didnt want to end things on a bad note and explained to me who that guy was etc and that she needed time and had exams and that she would talk to next Tuesday as she had exams till then.

 

That was the last conversation I had with her. After which she put her phone off till a few days ago.

I emailed her thruought the week, and in vain till on thrusday when she replied:

"read some of ur messages. they're really sweet. i am not angry or hate you. exams are on. am busy. take care"

 

After which I emailed her saying

 

"I hope you are fine and your exams are going good.

As far as I go you can imagine how I am, I was quite shattered but now

slowly have gathered the pieces I guess and am learning to live without you.

Though it is still hard and often I am thinking about you, but thats life I just feel that

I have woken up from a bad nightmare or something. And I simply have to carry on.

I am sure with time it will all be over and we would have drifted away like so many people who

loose love, and will again live to find it one day............."

 

I have not gotten anything back nor have I emailed her after that.

 

I went to another city this weekend to meet some friends so that I dont think of her and for

counselling. I have not spoken to her now for over a week or so..And I do not have the courage to go thru any more phone calls where she will tell me anything rude or anything that will bring more hurt.

Today is when her exams are to be over and tomorrow I am going travelling again to a National Park with Family all so that I can keep my mind off her for another. I dont know what to do I have half dialed her number a few times but can't gather the courage.

 

As in this city all I knew was her I met her when I just came so she was my everything, She lived here before

so maybe it is easier for her she has friends, and now fsome family too. TO me I feel lost.

She is in a new place where nothng reminds her of me, a new huse, to me I am still in the home that she help me build. I try to spend as much time in office or at the gym,

but I try to even stay awa from my own home.

I dont know what to do..

PLease tell me what is going thru her mind...

If there is more to write about I will keep addin. I just dont want to lose her.

No it is not a question of getting other girls, I am not wanting that I want her,

so please help me figure out what she is going thru,

or help me figure out what I am going thru...

 

"She is too young and cant support herself and was underpressure."

 

That is what stood out for me. Man, I was 28 and she was 21. We lived to gether for a year and a half, even moved to a new state together.

She completely pulled away, said she was too young and couldn't support herself, and moved to a safe place under mommy's wing(credit card).

 

DUDE, you ae 27. I am 28. We are in different mental places than a 21 year old woman. Her mom has definetely had a hand in your inevitable ending. Don't think she has not. You represented some kind of future and stability to her at first. You met her when she was 18-19, and you were an older guy and she thought "Hey this is what I want", "He is mature and working and experienced, etc". She is 21 now. She doesn't want the responsibility of a serious relationship with an older man.

 

She wants to goof off and F up on her own. I know this doesn't make you feel better. But this is the truth. READY! You had an adult love for a young woman who was not mentally capable of reciprocating that mature pragmatic adult love.

 

No need to blame yourself. She was probably beautiful and fun and made you feel great! Now you are thinking, "Holy sh**, this sucks without you!!"

It sucked for me too. For a while. I cried to her, and completely turned her off after she clowned me and left me in my Apt all alone. What a shi*** feeling to not have her warm body thier and see her cute smile!

 

Then, I started dating women. 23-30. Woman that were out of school, woman that had real jobs, woman that had a car, woman that were not children. I got thier perspectives and what they were looking for, I felt engaged and excited by not being the Older person who is supposed to know things. I don't know sh**, and it was awesome because they didn't either.

 

You have to let this young woman be young. Remember when you were 21, seriously.............what if you were dating this older woman with a 9-5 job.....and you were living in a dorm. It would be fun, but eventually the college lifestyle would create a rift in your relationship.

 

*** I scared my EX away too by begging and crying. It was really lame of me, but I felt like my heart was breaking with her sitting in front of me. It was breaking and I was breaking down with it........

Blubbering and crying, begging and pleading.......making a complete A** out of myself!!!!!!

The result: I WAS STILL DUMPED. SHE HAD MOVED ON. SHE WAS NOT IN LOVE WITH ME ANYMORE.

 

A young girls mechanism of defense when she has her older ex boyfreind blubbering after is going to be a mix of indifference and saying that she is "busy".

 

Dude, she didn't know how to end it because she is a little girl.

Find a woman, or pine after this child who moved back with her mommy.

 

I know your relationship was real, so was mine. BUT, where is your head at?! Marriage, long term love, etc. She is 21 dude. Alot happens with a woman between 21-27. ALOT!!

 

My ex dropped me like a bad habit. As of late I have chosen to stay the Fu** out her life. I won't be spending Thanksgiving with our mutual friends. I won't be answering her phone calls. I won't be wishing her a merry xmas. I won't be in her life. She has ejected me from hers.

 

Don't settle for mediocrity and some immature love.

[IcemanJB]

I know this will sound counter-intuitive, but if you really truly don't want to lose something, the best thing to do is LET GO. I'm going to be very honest with you here: I think you doomed any chance of reconciliation with your incessant begging and phone calls. She even said you scared her off.

 

In response to your thread title, YES YOU CAN LOSE HER. You DO NOT need her. The guy she fell in love with was probably a confident, classy, non-needy guy. You need to get back to that position. She has mostly moved on, and you need to as well.

 

I recently broke up with my ex who is 19 (I'm 22). I'm graduating in May, and possibly going to officer school for the Air Force, but otherwise getting a real job; she'll still be in school for at least 1.5 more years. It was AWESOME when I was with her, and we still, without a doubt, have a ton of feelings for each other. The fact is, there is a good chance I won't be in this city at this time next year. We let go of each other when there was still something there; which means it is still open for the future. She's young and wants to make mistakes, and I'm at that pivotal stage where my future is decided in the next few months. I miss her like crazy, but I know the best thing to do is not talk to her. I told her over the weekend to not contact me anymore (she has been quite frequently). The point I'm trying to make is she and I are only 3 years apart, but you're 7 years apart...that is a pretty big deal considering she's 21.

 

You gotta get out there and rebuild your life. Please keep us updated on how things are going.

[KissTheRain]

...yes as far as the title of the thread goes,

Yes I have lost her. And in the process lost a lot of myself.

Even after her mail I have not replied back. Though it is hard I have to accept we maybe were not meant to be.

 

Yes I can tell she has moved on for sure, yes I am 27 and you guys are right a lot happens to a girl from 21 to 27, I guess I have no other choice but to let go. And find adult love like someone I deserve. I have come to understand that she does need different things now.

 

The worst part of it all is how I feel, and we had such a great time together, she may be 21 but she doesn't seem that way at all. But I guess maybe I was blind in love not to see us going no where..

But what ever I type that does not still stop me from wanting her back though she has put me thru this. I miss her and I wish we could make things better. I dont know what even better is though.

 

I wish her the best in life...thats all I can do.

And yes work on myself, to what I was before, the same person she fell in love with, and if it is not her then so be it, it will be someone else...

I cared for her and I really did, but I have to let go, I have no other choice...

 

Thanks for the help,

:-(

 

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=O-86nvBVjaY

[IcemanJB]

Just accept that you're probably going to feel pretty crappy for awhile. Any time you have an urge to call her or whatever, come post in here!

[KissTheRain]

BUT, where is your head at?! Marriage, long term love, etc. She is 21 dude. Alot happens with a woman between 21-27. ALOT!!

 

Yes a lot does happen, no marriage could wait and yes we had a lot in common to keep us going for a long long time.

She was much more mature than a 21 year old, and me I dont even feel 27, yes I have a fancy car and a good job,

but no I dnt have any plans of marriage yet or for the next 5 years. She has made many mistakes already and was quite mature about it

all when we met, the lesser said the better about her mistakes in the past, With me she changed ways (Yes you can imagine the worst when a 19 year old stay on her own in a big city d***s etc were a part of her life ) She changed everything, quite it all, started to study and now got into MBA, all this only after she moved in, No I never asked her to stop or change but she did cause she saw me not being that way. I believe she saw something positive thats why she left her old way. She even told m she wanted to marry me when the time came and asked me never to leave her about a month before she broke up...now all this is confusing...

I really want her still though...I feel like a skitzo trying to control my feelings in one post and pouring my self out in the other...

[KissTheRain]

...anyhow should i reply to that email she had sent before I left for vacation?

She wants to know how I am, where I have been, what I have been up to and says she misses us. I have just replied a ":( I Miss you" smily yet. and nothing much, I really have nothing left to say to her.

any suggestions..

BTW. whenever I do feel the need to call her I write in my blog as someone mentioned to do so here..

[KissTheRain]

Hi Gurus,

I still need help. After her email I havent mailed her or called her or anything.

I have just been doing my things, getting back in shape and back to my hobbies,

going for long drives whilst listening to music. I miss her but now I am concentrating on me.

Then yesterday, when I got home there was a call from her on the land line,

I wasnt there to take it as I had not gotten back home by then. And I thought to myself

if she really did want to get in touch she has my cell number. So I didnt call back.

Then later in the evening when I was out at the gym, she left me a msg saying she missed me,

and dreamt about me, on my instant messenger but I haven't replied to it either.

 

In all honesty I dont know what to do or what to reply to her.

I mean I feel if I do talk I will expect a lot more, and I am sure that is not what she has in store for me

right now. And I feel I am just gonna be putting myself thru more hurt.

If she really had something to say or really wanted to rachout, she knows my numbers

I just don't know what to think of it all now. I want to talk to her, but I have not much to say...

She is trying to reach out in some why but its not really enough, I guess she is afraid too maybe as to how I will react,

I dont know.

 

I need somoene's prespective as to what she might be thinking or what might be going on in her head.

And what should I be doing..

Thanks a lot for the help, I am confused...

[Geishawhelk]

Continue with NC.

Do not bite the bait.

let her know by not responding that you have moved on.

What she chooses to do about this is her problem, but you need to look after yourself, and that means deleting, erasing, blocking and refusing all attempts on her part to contact you.

[KissTheRain]

...Thats fine with me for now,

But I don't want to lose her I mean I already have but I would want to make things better. So how do I do that.

 

I am sure to bump into her at a bar this weekend. I have some other dates planned ofcourse (nothing serious, but some good company), as I don't want to sit all alone on the weekend nights when I know she is probably out there having a great time too anyway. If I do bump into her, I plan on just maybe acknowledging her presence and walking on with my life. No small talk or anything, if she needs to talk to me she can take time out for me, instead of beating about the bush. But could it be that she doesn't know either what to say as she is the one who pulled the plug.

 

Still curious to know why she wants to get in touch when she told me "Get a Life" and that "I don't want to keep in touch."

This just makes NC harder I feel. But in some strange way gives me strength that atleast now she is thinking of me, and not being as cold as she was.

 

But really if she really wants to make contact she has all the means of doing so I guess you are right I should just focus on myself.

 

Thanks anyway for the help lets see how it goes from here...

[Geishawhelk]

...Thats fine with me for now,

....but I would want to make things better. So how do I do that.

 

What 'things'?

"better", how? Surely, that's her job?

You have nothing to make better.

You're out of the picture. Stay there.

If she wants to make things better and draw you back in, that's for her to do.

[KissTheRain]

..ok last 2 days I have really missed her.

I dont know why if its the weekend or what. I did go out met a few nice girls etc but it just made me miss her more for some reason. I have been continuously praying and hoping she would maybe call or something even though its been close to 3 weeks of NC. She last left me a msg on GoogleTalk saying she missed me to which I haven't yet replied.

Her exams start tomorrow, I feel like sending her a few flower and a card wishing her good luck for her exams or that I miss her too.

Please guys give me strength to maybe not break NC, or just tell me if it is ok to send her card and flowers, I dont really want to call her as I dont have anything to say really. I just miss her lost and just want her to know that.

what do I do...?

[DarkFlame1979]

I am in the beginning of your situation of No contact, but when furniture and things are concerned it skews everything, I'm starting NC today (at least until she contacts me to get her stuff moved out) but I am not contacting her until she contacts me to get her stuff...........i know its hard but i think its up to THEM to make amends THEY broke YOUR heart and stuffed everything up and as much as you want to CHANGE the past to fix the future we are at a crossroads, I know its hard my hearts breaking too, I feel your pain, be strong, I'm doing the same thing!! If shes the one she will come to you and make amends! at least thats what im hoping for............but in the meantime, keep busy, dont focus on the negatives, try and not dwell on the past!

 

To fill you in heres my dlemma, welcome your advice too!!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t171430/

[EmperorR]

..ok last 2 days I have really missed her.

I dont know why if its the weekend or what. I did go out met a few nice girls etc but it just made me miss her more for some reason. I have been continuously praying and hoping she would maybe call or something even though its been close to 3 weeks of NC. She last left me a msg on GoogleTalk saying she missed me to which I haven't yet replied.

Her exams start tomorrow, I feel like sending her a few flower and a card wishing her good luck for her exams or that I miss her too.

Please guys give me strength to maybe not break NC, or just tell me if it is ok to send her card and flowers, I dont really want to call her as I dont have anything to say really. I just miss her lost and just want her to know that.

what do I do...?

 

If she missed you, she would have at least called, a half ass im on google talk? just delete that crap.

 

Don't send her anything, she dumped you don't feed to her breadcrumbs, sneding her a flower and a card wishing her good look is only going to make you feel worse all she will say is thanks and that's it. DON'T BREAK NC, I've been there it just sets you back, your number is the name email everything if she wants to get ahold of you she can.

 

The person you miss is gone, its like a robot that looks like her. Stay STRONG, I've been there and still dealing with this every day

[KissTheRain]

If she missed you, she would have at least called, a half ass im on google talk? just delete that crap.

 

Don't send her anything, she dumped you don't feed to her breadcrumbs, sneding her a flower and a card wishing her good look is only going to make you feel worse all she will say is thanks and that's it. DON'T BREAK NC, I've been there it just sets you back, your number is the name email everything if she wants to get ahold of you she can.

 

The person you miss is gone, its like a robot that looks like her. Stay STRONG, I've been there and still dealing with this every day

 

 

I am sorry again too late I already emailed her back, so I am back to Square one I am sure of that. She is not gonna reply or anything. But I dont understand why even send me that message is she didn't really care?

Then why again would she not make more of an effort if she really had to make contact?

I am still shocked to realise this is the same person who cried for me like 2 weeks before walking out on me, and swore to never leave me? How can it all change so very fast?

[KissTheRain]

...OK to my surprise, She emailed me back.

Honestly I didn't believe it when I saw an email in my inbox, but it was there and I am glad she emailed me. Well no I am not hurt or anything I am just glad she replied, she asked a lot of questions about me and how my life had been. The main 2 sentences were: "....forget about everything that happened between us. lets start afresh as friends :-)", Also she mentioned, "...will tell you when I meet you.."

 

Now I don't know how to reply to her, more like I don't know what to reply to her.

This doesn't change the fact that she dumped me, and she caused a lot of pain.

And I dont expect this to go very far either as I don't really think I am comfortable with being friends when we shared so much more, but atleast she is reponding now and positive about seeing me. No in none of my mails did I ever ask her to meet, but she herself mention it now.

Am I over analyzing?

PLease help me someone...I really want her back in my life.

[Cub]

Tell her exactly how you feel. If you don't want to be just friends with her, then tell her that you need your space and time to move on, then you might be able to move past what happened. No point in suffering through a false friendship when you want more.