I can't lose her...

[KissTheRain]

Yes I agree with what you are saying.

But I feel it is already very clear to her that I love her, and that it is not possible for us to be 'Friends', we were never really friends we started seeing eachother the minute we met.

 

But what else can she write, she can't possibly write 'she loves me',

or that she wants to get back together, this would go against all that she has said to me and against all that she is trying to support. Her friends and Familys support, she can never write that to me and tell me that, cause since she left me she has been trying to push me away too. If I was in her place even I would never be able to probably admit it to even myself, that I still love the person I just dumped.

What can she write to start communicating? She is also confused thats what I feel.

 

I feel that her writing back to me or even communicating is a step forward, forward to maybe meeting one day; forward to maybe end things in a better way if it has to be that. Or forward to even meeting eachother and seeing if we still want the other person. Forward to seeing if we both can actually forgive and forget the bad times between us. I dont know I feel it is a step forward.

She knows how I feel about her, she is not communicating to be friends, she doesn't need me as a friend, I feel she is communicating to test the waters to see if there is anything left. To see if I make her feel comfortable, and to see if all the pain and anger has subsided so we can start afresh. Friends we cant really be as we have already shared a lot more.

[KissTheRain]

Thanks for replying. :-)

I really liked your mail, but I don't have the strength in me to send it right away I am gonna wait on this one and reply in a day or so.

 

You know I was wondering, even if she did want it all back, lets say by chance, what could she possibly do now? She can't go back on her words and nor can she go back on whatever happened? This is the least she can do. Is to try and make peace.

If I was in her shoes and had left me, and wanted it back now I really would not know what to reply and maybe she is just testing the waters again to see after we meet up how it feels to see me or to be with me or spend some time with me.

 

If I send her your mail she has no choice but to never even test the water. If you know what I mean.

 

In all honesty even I would like to first meet her and spend some time now before giving her all my life and love again. I love her but this break-up has made me realize that I too am somebody. And somebody special, and I am not sure if I too can love her endlessly like I did, only after spending some time with her will I too know. I love her but now she is also the same person who cause me a lot of pain. I mean yes I can look past it all, but she has to be very sure about herself this time around.

 

At the end of it all I am not doing anything for now and just letting things be for a day or two until I can't take it any more. Or maybe I rather be the one pondering what to reply than waiting for her reply.

 

God I haven't thought about anyone or anything for this long in my life. Its getting close to 2 months since our break up and I still miss her.

[IcemanJB]

NaNu, I'm at about 2 months since my breakup as well. I've also never constantly thought about someone before like this. I still miss her like crazy.

 

I'd just like to throw in that I'd rather be the one pondering what to write than the one waiting for a reply. Since my breakup, she's always initiated (minus a couple times), and she's always said the last word. I think I would have gone crazy if I had always said the last word.

[KissTheRain]

...Humm, now its been a day, and I have gotten so much different advice.

 

So much so that a friend (a neutral girls prespective) said I should just go and see her with flowers and just say I want you back. I wish it was that simple though.

 

I haven't replied as I don't know what to reply. I am just trying to figure out what I really want from her in the first place.

 

Any help people would be nice..

 

Last night it rain and it really really poured. I went on to the terrace and played the song "Kiss the rain" and just stood there in the rain and got soaked, it felt so good to just love someone even though she is no where around and doesn't even know I am thinking of her. She knew how much I loved the rain so I am happy if she even spared me a though. Anyhow I just loved it there...

[KissTheRain]

help me with the rely please...

[KissTheRain]

..Thanks Jeff.

I have written a similar version of your letter.

More stressing to the fact that I can't just be friends if we need to move on, that will prolong it for either of us. If you don't want to love me then leave me be, cause I really love you. And I will be just more hurt when I am next to you and I love you and you act indifferent.

I haven't sent it yet though, just thinking about it.

[KissTheRain]

..Anyone any help or comment.

I have sent a similar letter and I don't know her response.

And some please comment. I would like to know what she is thinking, I don't expect her to reply any time soon as I took a good 2-3 days to reply and to think of what I wanted to reply to her. So I feel she will only reply to me by Sunday or so as I am gonna be away form the net for till then from tomorrow.

I hope it is positive and I have not blown up all my chances.

Today I just can't seem to stop thinking of her.

Someone here said:

"Its not how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit."

I am waiting to see that now...

[KissTheRain]

Update:

 

I don't know if I should be happy or sad.On Thrusday she Sent me a msg on IM, I didnt reply for a while, and then I finally did, and then our conversation went from one thing to the other. At first it was really awkard and I wasn't letting out anything but we spoke for almost an hour or so then, and she seemed to be very interested. Then we planned to meet.

I met her outside the cafe after work. She saw me and came into the cry gave me a huge hug and didn't let go for a while, she had tears in her eyes, and said it had been too long. We drove around a bit, kissed and then I dropped her off, and planned to meet next day after her exam for lunch.

 

We met for lunch, had a nice time, and she even said she is really glad things are back to how they were or atleast now they can be atleast.

I picked her up after her exam, she just said to her friends I had come to get her. They were surprised, we went out to lunch, she came by for a bit to our place to meet her cat etc. Then I was leaving for the weekend to go out of town and went away. We spoke on the weekend, and she said maybe we could do dinner on Monday, I was fine with that. She said she would call and we could fix a plan.

 

Now the problem is that that is supposed to be yesterday. No I got no call, I mean her phone is again off again cause I finally tried to call in the evening to see whats going on. After this was the case I went out with other friends for a movie and had my dinner etc and was done with the day.

Now I dont know what to do or what to think? I mean "WHAT THE HELL??"

[KissTheRain]

..I feel what you wrote is correct.

 

Update:

I finally spoke to her. And she told me she got busy on Monday and when she didn't see my call, she didn't call as she thought I must have been busy. What a joke I feel. She knew very well that I would have been back etc. And yes she did seem a bit eager to meet me yesterday and I told her I was out somewhere so I would se her in a few hours. A few hours after her call I went and met her and we drove around. I just wanted to know I guess what she had in mind. When asked what I did instead, I told her the truth which was I was out to a movie with some (girl)-friends.

 

At the end of it all this is what I gather from her. I asked her what she wanted and expected from us, as this is really hurting me, as I still love her a lot, and I was confused as to what she wanted. She told me she first wanted us to be friends, she wants to hold me, kiss me and meet me and spend time with me and but she wanted to get in touch as she really missed me, and that she could not take not knowing what I was up to, and said she couldnt deal with not knowing anything about someone she shared everything with for over 2 years.

 

If asked if she loved me, then she simply said if not why would she come to see me, and ofcourse she did a bit but not like before. She wanted me to be ok, and not be obsessed with her and to not be depressed about the whole thing that had happened between us first, and not to ever look sad to her. She said she doesn't want flowers or gifts or to be shown how much I love her but wants me to be just normal, to be just there for her, she said she knew what she meant to me. She said how can she want everything back she cut me off too for over a month completely, and I replied if you didn't why would you hold me and cry on friday. She had no reply but tears in her eyes, and simply asked me to drop her off.

 

I told her being friends like this is just going to push moving on for us further, and we should not really meet if she never wants to be with me. She simply said, I never said never ! I dont want it right now.

After which she had to leave, we discussed us a bit more, and she said, I will get everything I want just to give it time and to not ask for it. And then she gave me a big kiss like everything was great and ran off.

 

I feel, she misses me and thats why she called. But she is not ready to get back together. Hell ! How can she be ready for it when she put me thru it all. She is going thru some amount of guilt or feeling bad about the whole thing, I suspect that 'cause she wants to clarify stuff between us about the times when I got angry or the times when things went wrong, after the break up. She wants me to be ok with the whole thing as if she is justified in her decision of leaving me maybe. She wants her distance as well, because she doesn't give me her new number, but at the same time she wants me to be just there hanging cause she does make some effort to come out and meet me.

 

She told me she will call me the next day and maybe we can have dinner together with her Mom, lets see if she even calls. I dont know what to do, I mean what can I do? I think I will just see where it goes, she knows very clearly what my intentions are somehow I feel she just needs time to come around....

[Mikey Action]

Dude.

 

Stop talking to her.

Tell her you are going to focus on you and who knows what will happen in the future. Then do it. If you call her, she'll know your full of it. It's okay to be sad, and even weak every now and then. But eventually you gotta say it and mean it. Women know when you don't mean it.

 

Word will get back. Some friend will see you and tell her you looked good and seemed cool. That you had some new clothes and looked like you have been going to the gym.

 

The facts are simple. Right around the 2 year mark, one person starts to get ansy. Two years is right around when relationships that are serious get REALLY serious. Most people I know who are married stated to talk about it around two years.

 

She is young. She is in school. She wants to have fun. I dated women who were in school while I was working and dated women who were working while I was in school. It's tough.

 

Fact is, if she still talks to you when you call her at all, there is something still there. You know when its really over?

1-they change their number and email address

2-they stop talking to you altogether. They don't return you calls. They run the other way when you call them (lotsa folks on here can attest to that)

3-their friends stop talking to you

 

You know what women find sexy? When they dump a guy and he cowboys up and shrugs his shoulders and says "oh well". The key is making sure they're still around to see you do it. it drives them nuts. When they play games and don't make dates? who cares? I went to the club with my boys, no skin off my nose.

 

For some reason, women love these kind of guys. Heck, even if you broke down with her, she knows who you are, just be you. Do you. She liked you before right? well. be you. and she will again.

 

You've still in the game. Just play it right.

 

Sad thing is, it really is a game. A zero sum game. someone wins. and someone loses. and time is the only way to tell.

[KissTheRain]

Dude.

She already did the following and then finally gave in to NC and contacted me and met me.

 

She did: 1-they change their number and email address

She did for over a month : 2-they stop talking to you altogether. They don't return you calls. They run the other way when you call them (lotsa folks on here can attest to that)

I dont talk to her friends anyway : 3-their friends stop talking to you

 

She still says she loves me, but doesn't want to be in a relation, I guess you are right it is time for us to think of longer terms, but I feel she is scared of just that. She is afraid of commiting her self to me as she is still young, and she knows I am really serious about her. She even tells me that it is not that she NEVER wants to be with me its just that right now, she thinks she can't take it.

 

Today I am doing things my way, going for a hard day at the gym again and getting back the focus on me. If she calls well and good I will decide what to do then.

If she doesn't which I am sure she won't I am just gonna go out and spend my evening with someone else who maybe wants to be with me instead of her.

[KissTheRain]

UPDATE:

Thruday, 11 Dec.

She called me over for dinner. I took some flowers for her mom and went there. Things at first were wierd for me, but soon enough I became comfortable and so did she. We had a nice time, we went out for a drive kissed a few times, came back and stay together till late nite and it was really nice. I really did have a great evening. And she we made plans to meet the next day.

 

Friday 12 Dec.

Called her in the evening. She said she would meet me where ever I was at. We met and She came with her roommate (She her mom and a room mate stay together) and her roommates new guy. And I was there with a few friends. Whow She had completly changed. Yes she did look really nice, but changed not in that way, but in her attitude towards me. I mean she couldn't care less if I was there or not. She was completly indifferent. She then wanted to go home, and didn't really want to even talk much. On the drive home, When I spoke about us, she just mad at me and threw a tantrum. Why does she do that when all she has to do is communicate? She said maybe it was a bad idea to even meet again cause she really doesn't want love at all. She wants me as a friend. She started to cry and simply siad: "See what you do to me.." What did I do, I just said I loved her. Wasn't she the one who cried in my arms a few days back?

 

Saturday 13 Dec.

We spoke in the evening, and she said to call her when I was leaving and tell her where I was going so that if SHE felt like seeing me she would come there. She knew where I was going anyway. I didn't call her. I went there with my friends (a few girls) and she came there with her friends. She came and said Hi and that is quite all we spoke about. She was around but we didnt speak, I was not sure if she wanted to at all after the previous night. Before leaving I just said "Bye" and left.

 

And today I get a message saying nope she now doesn't want to keep in touch again cause I was immature, and was angry at her. Whilst in all honesty I felt she didn't want to be with me. Or really talk or anything. I was never angry I simply said "Bye."

 

NOw what? I am going NC again I feel, thats all I got to do for my sanity, this girl will drive me crazy.

Please comment...

[hereandnow]

Ouch. Man, I'm 27 too and all of that stuff would seriously f*** me up! I just went back to school and since my breakup have started thinking about asking out some of the girls at the university. But after reading your thread...

 

I feel for you man. I wish I could offer some original advice but you seem to be doing the best you can. That whole part about you being immature and angry at her. WTF were you supposed to do? Run up to her and confront her in front of her friends? Make idle BS conversation? I probably would have gone the same route you did.

 

My situation is similar to yours in some aspects, only thank God my ex is 33 and isn't actively engaging me as much as yours. But we're in a similar place when it comes to the actual "status" of the relationship.

 

Hope you keep your head up and your mind off her!

[KissTheRain]

Dude,

Atleast she is 33, and knows what she wants maybe. Here it is an ongoing rollercoster ride till eternity, as she is 22 and is so so confused I feel.

 

I mean one day when I am with her she tells me she needs space and stuff and acts cold towards me.

So when I give her, her space and leave her be in a similar situation as before, she turns around and says I didn't treat her right? And I acted indifferent. I mean what do I do?

If I come near her then I am taking her space and if I don't then I am being rude or not nice.

 

As far as I can see she just wants me around cause she misses me when I am not there, but when I am she doesn't know what to say or react.

More like somedays she says things like she doesn't care what her friends think of her now after she meets me as she doesn't care as long as she is happy then the next she doesn't want to be seen around me. This is very screwed up.

She tells me she loves me but doesn't want to love again because she says loves doesn't get anyone anywhere (Her parents are separating so she has lost all faith, I guess)

 

I really need someone help. Experts here please help me out, this girl is breaking me over and over again.

[hereandnow]

I'm nowhere near an expert, but I don't see this rollercoaster stopping. So either you keep riding it or get off. As I'm starting to realize, when it comes to the end of a relationship, you're kind of d***ed if you do, d***ed of you don't. The pain is gonna be there. I'm probably headed down the route of causing myself more pain than I need to by holding onto hope, but I'm not sure how not to. Hope springs eternal. Maybe that means whether we want it to or not!

[KissTheRain]

>..Com'on Guys I listen to your advice. I really do, Jeff I even sent that email and then she wnated to see me.

 

But yes, Now I think it is best to go NC, she is now blaming me for being mad at her and being with other girls on Saturday night, while she is the one who demanded space!! I mean this is a bit crazy, and I am really going NC. I will post here my feelings, so till then please give me support thanks a lot.

[dns502475]

I thought about posting something earlier, but to be honest...I kinda agree with GuitarJeff here about this.

 

It didn't seem as if you were ready to hear the only real option you had in this situation. And I definitely didn't want to say anything to make you feel any worse.

 

The romantic relationship you had with this particular person is really over and has been for sometime now. She still has an emotional "use" for you, and for her, it's necessary, but it's nothing long term, and it's just using you up in the end.

 

Really, it's time to completely move on and put NaNu's emotional needs and mental health first at this point.

[KissTheRain]

Thanks guys,

OK Just one question. I agree with what you guys wrote, totally and I am going NC for my own good.

 

But really "How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? How can start over when the fight never ends?" -Thats Michael Bolton and a song but isnt it a bit true?

 

Even if she does want me, she is right now afraid of the bad break up we went thru. It can be that she is reaching out to me but is afraid that I will get that obsessed, possessive again, or in depression without her, cause these are her words, she said once she doesn't want all of that, she loves me still, but wants me to be normal and better. If I don't see her and spend time with her now and then, then how will she ever see the change? Or how will she know if thru this break up we can still work it out. Or if we are still good together, and have over come the hurting inside, which we both were. She says to me she wants no one, she even says if she ever did want anyone and if anyone it would be me since she has shared so much with me but its not right now.

 

But also at the same time if I keep being there how will she also know my value. She would always make me the tampon till someone better came along eventually. I agree she is trying to bake her cake and eat it too. And no I really dont want to be in love with someone who I have to keep bending over for (No I am not Gay) And for some reason I have been swallowing my Pride for this girl. Really I feel NC is the only option for her eyes to open, and for me to heal.

 

This is very very screwed up. I ahve travelled the entire globe, and have had Girlfriends for over 2 years a couple of more times, but those break ups were easy compared to this as then I simply left the country and gave me no choice but NC, or maybe they were all mutual. But this time this girl lives 10 mins away form me!! thats what sucks. And is making this whole thing much harder.

 

Another thing I would like to look into is what she said:

"Nanu I know you love me more than you love yourself. But look see my parents, they were so in love and now I can see where love will get me."

 

Her parents are separated but Mom sits on the couch and the Dad works his ass of in a different city to support the her and her Mom. And she is the only chile stuck in middle where each one of the parents talk bad to her. When she lived with me she would cry many nights cause of this and I know it has accefted her badly, thats why I feel at times she really cares a lot but is really really afraid or commiting anything and thats why she is so focused on getting her MBA done and career causse I feel she doesnt want to see her going thru what her Mom is ever in the future. I dont know I try to understand her. Thats why I feel right now all I can do is really just be there for her till she needs me. Cause for the past 2 years she lied to them and took me and my as her only family, She loved speaking to my Mom and Dad and loved to go visit them. I dont know maybe I am blind in love. I dont know. But at the same time she doesn't even give me her phone number and says I can call on her rommies if needed and tells me she doesn't want to keep in touch. So I really think I am blind, or I need a rude awakening that this girl is not what I think. I dont know either I am a skitzo or she is.

 

Not to be materialistic but when I went to her place for dinner the other night and saw where her Mom and she were living now and how her place, I could easily tell she was much happier and comfortable in everyway at our place. I am not saying that it wasn't a home, but she herself would tell me how much better it was. I mean here she had everything, every luxary she could think off. I felt bad that she is living there, cause I would never live there.

 

Anyway what to do, doing NC but it hurts and kills me...

She is the girl with a broken smile and I miss her dearly.

I leave it up to you guys for advice. GUys/Girls I want Honest advice let it hurt I believe I have already gone thru the most painful part whilst on vacation now it hurts but no I am not killing myself but am hitting the gym harder.

Thanks alot till now.

[dns502475]

Thanks guys,

OK Just one question. I agree with what you guys wrote, totally and I am going NC for my own good.

 

But really "How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? How can start over when the fight never ends?" -Thats Michael Bolton and a song but isnt it a bit true?

 

Even if she does want me, she is right now afraid of the bad break up we went thru. It can be that she is reaching out to me but is afraid that I will get that obsessed, possessive again, or in depression without her, cause these are her words, she said once she doesn't want all of that, she loves me still, but wants me to be normal and better. If I don't see her and spend time with her now and then, then how will she ever see the change? Or how will she know if thru this break up we can still work it out. Or if we are still good together, and have over come the hurting inside, which we both were. She says to me she wants no one, she even says if she ever did want anyone and if anyone it would be me since she has shared so much with me but its not right now.

 

But also at the same time if I keep being there how will she also know my value. She would always make me the tampon till someone better came along eventually. I agree she is trying to bake her cake and eat it too. And no I really dont want to be in love with someone who I have to keep bending over for (No I am not Gay) And for some reason I have been swallowing my Pride for this girl. Really I feel NC is the only option for her eyes to open, and for me to heal.

 

This is very very screwed up. I ahve travelled the entire globe, and have had Girlfriends for over 2 years a couple of more times, but those break ups were easy compared to this as then I simply left the country and gave me no choice but NC, or maybe they were all mutual. But this time this girl lives 10 mins away form me!! thats what sucks. And is making this whole thing much harder.

 

Another thing I would like to look into is what she said:

"Nanu I know you love me more than you love yourself. But look see my parents, they were so in love and now I can see where love will get me."

 

Her parents are separated but Mom sits on the couch and the Dad works his ass of in a different city to support the her and her Mom. And she is the only chile stuck in middle where each one of the parents talk bad to her. When she lived with me she would cry many nights cause of this and I know it has accefted her badly, thats why I feel at times she really cares a lot but is really really afraid or commiting anything and thats why she is so focused on getting her MBA done and career causse I feel she doesnt want to see her going thru what her Mom is ever in the future. I dont know I try to understand her. Thats why I feel right now all I can do is really just be there for her till she needs me. Cause for the past 2 years she lied to them and took me and my as her only family, She loved speaking to my Mom and Dad and loved to go visit them. I dont know maybe I am blind in love. I dont know.

 

Not to be materialistic but when I went to her place for dinner the other night and saw where her Mom and she were living now and how her place, I could easily tell she was much happier and comfortable in everyway at our place. I am not saying that it wasn't a home, but she herself would tell me how much better it was. I mean here she had everything, every luxary she could think off. I felt bad that she is living there, cause I would never live there.

 

Anyway what to do, doing NC but it hurts and kills me...

She is the girl with a broken smile and I miss her dearly.

I leave it up to you guys for advice.

Thanks alot till now.

 

 

NaNu...

 

I can tell that you're going through an extraordinarily tough time right now. I can practically almost "hear it" in your posts.

 

You don't use NC as some kind of attempt to demonstrate to your ex that "you've changed". You don't use NC to demonstrate ANYTHING to your ex at all, for that matter.

 

You've made this young woman responsible for your happiness. No one wants that kind of pressure, NaNu. It's a major turn-off.

 

And unfortunately, you're really not listening to her. You're taking what she's saying and hearing what you want to hear in it.

 

"Nanu I know you love me more than you love yourself."

You're in denial, and for some reason, you're having a difficult time bringing yourself to accept the fact that she's made her decision to leave the relationship.

 

You won't begin to get better until you admit to yourself that this relationship is over and that in time, you'll find love with someone else. Please use this period of No Contact to take some time to begin regaining yourself, and letting go, NaNu.

[dns502475]

...if she loves you in a real, marriage kind of way, you'll be the first to know.

 

 

Do you think this kind of statement is capable of giving someone a sense of false hope?

 

I've agreed with pretty much everything you've had to say.

 

(sidebar: "emotional tampon"...instant classic sir.)

 

To me, this young lady seems to know, without a doubt, that she wants out of this relationship and she's concerned for NaNu's well-being, so she's trying to let him down easy by giving him these little nuggets of "maybe, someday".

 

To me, NaNu, she sounds absolutely done.

[KissTheRain]

Thanks a lot guys this is really a reality check for me. But in reality I am going thru hell.

Before you read further and say I am not taking any advice, and going against it, that is not the case, this happened after I wrote my last post so I didn't read your replies.

We met briefly last night, more like bumped into each other, please believe me. She had emailed me during the day how mad she was mad at me and stuff, right.

 

So when I saw her I apologised, but I didnt even know for what. She was having dinner at the food court with her roomie, I asked if she I could stay a while, she said sure. I sat till she finished dinner, for least 20 mins she kept being mad at me and said she never wanted to be in touch, raised her voice and all tantrums etc. I excused myself for a few minutes and let her eat in peace with her roommate, cause this was getting no where I didnt even know why she was mad at me. I didn t know what to say or what she wanted to hear. Maybe to even gather my thoughts and maybe for to gather hers.

 

Then I went back she was still mad, but now I guess tired of shouting at me. I just asked her to clam down. Then we started to speak about normal things and stuff, and I agreed to not meeting her after today, or not calling her. I told her that she was mad at me cause of a big mis-understanding, and that we need to first heal and only then we can really be friends.

 

Then after that we went for a little walk, chatted, she left her rommie and walked with me so we could talk. She now was clam and smiling atleast. She walked around, I bought her a few small things, I know the things she loves so that wasn't an issue and it was nice to see her happy. Then we kept window shopping. Another friend of hers came who she planned on meeting but she just let her roomie and her friend on their own and still spent time with me. Now for almost an hour an a half. Things felt much better, I mean she seemed genuinenly happy. She told me what she had been up to and asked about me. And we spoke about normal things how we used to after a very long time. Yes there was some amount of pain, I dont know for her but for me, there was some amount I guess you all know why. We walked around, and stuff she showed me things she thought would look nice on me and what I should get, and we looked for stuff for her. Then it started to get late so I suggested I should leave. We had just spent a nice evening together and I didnt know what to say, I didnt know if she would ever even want to meet again. I dropped her to her friends and said bye. It was almost she had some more to say, I know her expression, not fooling myself. And I left.

 

But still she will not give me her number cause I harrow her by calling all the time, but I can call on her rommies number when I wanted to talk. !!??!!??!! I didnt ask for her number, but it came up in the conversation, when we said we would meet again to do more shopping or more normal stuff.

 

But really I am really really tired of these games she is playing. Like you guys wrote NC for me, and if she wants to reach out, she will break every wall, else I am sure someone else is out there for me who will. :-)

 

This is just an update.

[KissTheRain]

..OK now my plan of action.

I really liked your advice, you guys are right I need to stop analyzing her and need to maybe get my own head checked for chasing ghosts, when this is not the kinda love I have ever wanted. Last night I went out with a bunch of girls and yes there are many out there who can keep me happy, though it will never be the same, but it will only be better.

 

Really if she needs to reach out to me she will in time, I am just glad this time she is not mad at me and that this time she was happy and smiling when I left her. I am doing NC even though she has told me that I can reach her on her roomies phone whenever I want to meet or hang out. But really I don't want to force myself any more on her, this is not love this is like I am caging her. If she really meant that she would have given me her number.

 

Seriously more than anything, I am tired. I am tired of all this. Exhausted mentally I guess. Its like I am no longer even normal around her. I feel, now its been way too long that I have just thought of her, blogged abut her wrote to her, but now I am tired. All this has gotten me no where but more exhausted, and even now she is just playing around with my emotions. So seriously I am going NC for my sanity and not to play any more games.

 

Thanks a lot guys for all the help and support and really putting it right for me.

[KissTheRain]

Jeff,

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate you writing so much to help me out.

In all honesty, today has been a very different day for me, I mean for some reason I feel for myself that I no longer know if "I" want to be with her.

Infact I will tell you more:

 

I write a blog to let my feelings out, and on Nov 28th I had written about what it would maybe take for me to forget all the pain and simply accept her. and on Dec 8 the entry was excatly what I had expected on 28th Nov. But now when I thnnk what would it take for me to accept her I have no answer. Really I dont know if I can EVER accept her or even believe that she really cares.

If she did she would NEVER put me thru this in the firts place, I mean she can see me suffering and that should be enough if she cared.

 

BTW. I also went out with a lot of new girls :-) now a few times and they have also made me believe that if she really cared she would be there , else I have a lot of people who care for me so I rather keep them happy than someone who doesn't really care. I mean they are friends and I can't help if most of mine are of the opposite sex in the city.

 

The worst thing she could have ever said to me was that she kissed me the first few days cause she thought that else I would be hurt, when she knew very well, that I came to meet her in the first place cause she wanted me to. And hurt, I rather not talk about what a refused kiss is compared to letting me down after all the time I spent with her. AAAAAAAhhhh!! this just get me full of anger fo her, and its better that way atleast I have no motivation to call her.

 

I mean look at me, I am running behind someone who doesn't even care about me when there are a million others who are wanting to spend time with me. I have realiesed that there are many out there with a broken smile and many others out there who would appriciate me and what I have to offer.

 

I mean no one, really no one raises her voice at me, or anyone in public. Thats just not approproiate mature behaviour. I would not take that from anyone. And after all that I still sat there and listened to her ****. That is something I won't do for anyone.

(all this while I met her for dinner)

 

Anyhow thanks a lot Jeff thats a long post and really I am going NC. If there is any other update I will post it up. Now back to the heavy weights, and partying like an animal. Thanks again.

[BCCA]

Here's my honest take...

 

She was obviously slowly pulling away, hence the moving out and staying alone at night instead of with you. This was also probably so she wouldn't sleep with you, or feel obligated to. Can I take a guess that your sex life went into the toilet the last couple of months you were together?

 

Women are different than us. Guys are reactionary, we make decisions on the spot. She probably knew 4-6 months ago that she wasnt into making this work, but didnt want to just go on with nothing or nobody. So she probably kept you around for attention or until she had her eyes on someone else (even if it went nowhere). As soon as she felt strong enough to walk alone, you were old news, and it was probably WAY too late for you to do anything.

 

See, she gave you little breadcrumbs here and there because she knew it would keep you on the hook, but in the future - a girlfriend of 2 years chosing to sleep alone rather than in a bed with you is a red flag. Sure, everyone needs some space, but if she never wants to sleepover/have you sleepover all of a sudden, the writing is on the wall.

 

Sorry bro, but it sounds like her heart gave up on you and the relationship long ago, and she was just working up the nerve to call it off. Same thing happened to a lot of us. Don't ever call or respond to anything from her again that doesnt start with "i made a huge mistake and Im so sorry" I'll be blunt, youll probably never get that message, so let this one die, and focus on yourself.

[mcson]

Dear all,

 

I have actually read all the messages and I totally understand how exactly NaNu feels right now. I am passing through a similar term of my life. So believe me NANu I really feel the pain you feel.

 

I agree with what people are saying and advicing to you . Especially I think Jeff is totally right by saying ‘’ If she loved you Nanu, you would be the first to know, and there would be no mistaking it.’’. I believe you are doing the right thing by going for NC but it seems to me that you really need to let her know that you are doing it for your sanity and need to get apart from her nicely. Again Jeff set out the most suitable formula for you.

 

You did not actually ask for my advice but I feel that I need to say something as I am feeling the same way you do at the moment.

 

First of all, as opposed to others’ thoughts, I do not really think age really matters in your situation. I am also 27 and I’ve had enough experience to realise that women are way more realistic than men in relations and when it comes to the decision making, they really think with their Mind ,instead we listen to our heart!! So I really believe that men are more emotional! In that sense, believe me She is really mature enough to analyze her feeling, thoughts and your relation. So she will definitely come running back to you if she figures out that she loves you and she wants to spend her time with you.

 

As I previously stated, I am passing through the same hard way with you at the moment. We have been together for 2 years. Even though it is a long distance relationship, we really made it possible to see each other quite often. It was a month ago I asked her to take our relation one step further and then she said she did not know how she felt towards me anymore, she asked for time and space. So right after that I unfortunately did begging, pleading, chasing, manipulating kinda stuff. At that time I did not really realise I was pushing her further away, it was a week after the breakup I noticed that I was pushing her further away and I started to contact her very little. First did not contact for 2 weeks and after that I contacted her which I should not have done I believe. Very similar to your case, having had a contact with her did only make her happy about me that I was ok! Apart from that nothing went further! After that I did not speak to her like a week more and she then sent me a sms ‘’ How are you, have you decided not to communicate with me at all?’’ I waited like half a day and answered ‘’ I am not great but ok, how are you?’’. It was the next day she was supposed to go to2 weeks of vacation to Italy (BTW she lives in Russia, I am in Turkey) and she did go. I was not really sure whether to use NC or say her something..then I just could not stop and said ; How are you? She goes ; ‘’ All iis fine. Unfortunately the weather is horrible. How r u?

I believe I again made a mistake and said ‘’ I am good, I am not going to deny that I was thinking of you’’. Obviously she did not reply on that and after a few days she again says ‘’ How are you , What are you doing’’ It was that time really I almost decided to apply NC rule. I replied to her message like that ‘’ I am good, doing well. Reading on something now. How are you indeed? She replied as ‘’ I am good. Was thinking what you were doing, we are playing cards with friends.’’ . You see!!! She really has the power to play her game with me!!! Having said that ‘’ she was thinking what I was doing’’ she tricked my mind which made me think ‘’ she was may be thinking of me ‘’ !!

It was not much longer I sent her sms again and said ‘’ How are you ‘’?? That was lat Saturday (13. December 2008). She replied a few hours later ‘’ I am good. Going home from clubbing. How are you??’’ …guess what I said …’’ I am good and I was clubbing as well.’’ That’s it…I had kept up with many topics on the forum and I read many many advices and thoughts…and really her message made me realise that I was following the wrong path!!! Right after that message of her I definitely decided to go for NC rule and I am doing so now!!

 

Why did I tell you that?? There are some similarities between the ladies we loved/still love (as for myself at least). They know how to play man!!! Believe me…women, as an instinct, know how to deal with men!! Whether she is 20 or 40…so I cannot agree more that ‘’You Should Not Contact’’

 

You know what I will do? She asked for time until she is back from vacation which is this upcoming Sunday. So I will wait her to go back to Russia and contact me..if not I will not contact her ever and Let her go!!! I am already focusing on my self…if she contacts with the same kind of such BS message like ‘’ How are you what are you doing’’ I will answer the same….I will let her realise that I am falling apart and I am really focusing on my self. I was going to call her when she is back from vacation but I am not going to do that anymore. She was the one who left, who asked for space..she exactly knows how I feel towards her!! So She Has To Come Back!!!! I should not be chasing her…She may be really confused though but still she is the one who needs to be talking about her problems at first…without me asking

 

You and I, NaNu, we have already had enough of suffering ,pain and depression my friend. I have even had some kind of stress and depression disease appeared in my hands… my palms are like fully red and my skin is getting off now…you see how such ‘’Addiction to Love’’ can even affect our physical health!

 

Jeff,

 

I just do not know how to thank you for this;

 

‘’If she loved you Nanu, you would be the first to know, and there would be no mistaking it. As you said in your last post, going any further is just you investing more emotion and that means more pain for you. There is no need for you to invest any more pain here. In a way, if she's not the woman that's supposed to grow old with you, then you are cheating on the real one who is out there and who will come in to your life when the time is right. Nanu, you won't have to analyze or force the right woman when she comes along my friend. It will be as natural as nature itself.’’

 

That is it MAN!!! No need for further statements!!

 

I still LOVE HER like crazy but also I need to love myself and need to know is she is the ONE!! SO I let her free….’’ She wanted to go, I let her go finally…if she is the real ‘’One’’ she will definitely realise that and come back to me..and I will then Love her during my life and hold on tight to her…if not, I will be already done with her…I will think that she was probably the right one…’’

Obviously…my feelings towards her will not change for a while…whenever I remember her face, her smell, her touch, her everything….I miss her to death!! But I need to take care of myself man! I have already been in deep Sh.t. and she probably did not care about that!

 

I want to put an end to this pain so I believe I am doing the right thing by applying NC and focusing on myself.

 

NaNu, I think you understand me as far as I understand you!!! It is burning like hell inside…you know what happened? When women got the string in their hands and started to control us, everything went collapsed. We need to be the confident and strong MEN they loved at first. You Focus on that! Even if they do not come back….we will have learnt quite much of this and I am sure we are not going to fall back in to the old patterns again anymore!

 

Share your thoughts with me please.

 

I wish you best of the luck my friend!!

 

BTW sorry for my English, as I am not a native speaker…this is the best I can express my thoughts