I can't lose her...

[KissTheRain]

Thanks BCCA and Mcson,

 

YES NC for me yippie!! more like this morning was horrible but lets not talk about it, I mean I was a but depressed but I have been that way for a while so it no big deal.

 

Really there have been so many instances that I dont feel like writing any more, I can now see much clearly that love is really blind, and all this while she is just using me for her needs. And yes she did want ou of it a while back, I just got confused again when she met me.

 

I need to be selfish now and think of me, this has been going on way too long and taking a big toll on me. I rather invest this energy on something better something more honest and truthful.

 

More like since yesterday I have been feeling Exhausted emotionally, I mean for how long can I just be throwing stones on a wall when it wont budge? I really give up it NC for me for my sanity.

 

Thanks a lot guys.

[KissTheRain]

whaaaaa!! Who says its not okay to cry ?

I think it started in the morning, I think I woke up wrongly, you know. Maybe its the early morning when you first wake up and see no one next to you. I mean for some reason just before I woke up, don't know if it was a dream or what I thought she was there, I know it was my mind playing games but it felt real.

 

I sometimes feel as though I am going a bit crazy, as I feel at times my mind is just playing with me. I mean how great it would be that I suddenly wake up one day and find out all this break up was a bad nightmare. You guys know the feeling, of waking up in the middle of nightmare and realizing it was just that for me thought there is no waking up from this one.

 

Tell me if I am thinking crazy too, I want to shift houses, as everything in this one reminds me of her. We found this one together and like I said both our families lived far away so we really made this house our home together, even till now the things she has placed are exactly they way they were. I still come home and wonder when I would get my little kiss or when those days would ever come again. When I am leaving the house I still look back and it brings a tear cause for over 2 years she would get up only to say bye to me.

 

Once I got a better job offer in the city where my family lived, and everyone wanted me to come back home, as it would have been so much better for me and for my family. But she had her final exams 10 days after they day I was to join there. You can simply imagine the rest, that I am still with my old Job. I gave it all up so that we did not have to part. But this really sucks though.

 

Really in all honesty I am doing NC because there is nothing else I CAN do for her or for myself. The more I try to reach out to her the more she will run, in one week of NC last time, when she left me helpless, she messaged to meet. But this time I am not hoping for a call or meeting, but hoping to heal. Cause really now, if she has something to say it should start with 'Sorry, I made a mistake.'!!

 

You guys have no clue as to how much I want to call her on her rommies phone cause she asked to do so anytime, but I am not a dog on a leash and if she wants to talk to me then she will find her own resources to do so.

[hereandnow]

I do know how much you want to call her man! I feel the same way. Now I'm at a place where I'm a little bit scared to call her! Isn't that f***ing hilarious. I see my ex out and about a lot as we run in the same circles, but I haven't really had a phone conversation with her in, well, over a month now. (Breakup was about 2 months ago.) We traded voicemails last week but I never called her back.

 

I wish you luck with NC. If you're still on I'm pulling an all nighter so keep posting if you want to vent, discuss something, whatever.

[KissTheRain]

Exactly, I know the "Fear" you are talking about.

I am actually much happier with this NC, because the last time I left her she was at least smiling at me and not shouting. And it ended nicely at least where she asked me to call her on her rommies' phone if I ever wanted. But still didnt give me her number :-(

 

Any how, I rather have it done this way, I am scared to call thinking it might end badly again if I call, so I rather let it be. And other reasons are stated above why I rather not call, but not calling and not wanting to call are different things.

 

I am NOT calling, but I keep swinging between Wanting to call and NOT Wanting to call, but I have to be strong cause this girl will keep bending me over every time she wishes, and I am not the bender, but a shafter !! And calling her will only make me bend over again!! I am happy now atleast there is some amount of anger in me towards her thats what keeps me from calling her I guess.

[hereandnow]

Yeah, it's very strange what keeps you from calling them, isn't it. I am actually trying LC with my ex, as I tend to bump into her regardless of what I do, Yeah, I could completely change my routine and avoid her, which I tried for over a couple weeks, but I wasn't seeing my friends as much, having to call them after events to see where they were going, it just got to feel silly.

 

I've been on this kind of streak though where I keep saying "I'm going to call her tomorrow", and that really is what I plan on doing, but I just end up saying the same thing the next day.

 

I support you with the No Contact though, definitely.

 

Are you bound to run into her, or do you two tread separate "pastures." Hey, I was born and raised in Texas!

[mcson]

NaNu,

 

I feel the same you do Man!! Crying..waking up in the middle of the night..

Even dreaming about her...Missing her every second..

 

But I think, it was good that your final talk was positive and you left her with a smile on her face..

 

SO I really support you in NC because I need that support too!!! I am doing NC at the moment and it really feels burning inside but I need to go for NC ..No way Out!!!

 

Like you say, '' She should be the one coming back and say '' I Am Sorry''

In my case, she really hurt me...as in your case...

She may or may not know the fact that I am really suffering to death she should still realise somehow that it was really carelesswhat she did!!

 

So, I wait!!

 

Crying, dreaming, nightmares, missing...whatever it is I feel....I wait bro!!

I have to NC and care for myself...

 

Please update us with your feelings...

[KissTheRain]

...My feelings? I am a skitzo I feel. read the 2 paras and you will know what I mean:

 

I want to call her. Oh so bad I want to talk to her. I know she will nevercall right now cause of how she is. She has told me if I ever wanted to meet or to be in touch I can call her on her rommies' phone. I have looked at my phone quite a few times and I know by the time I am going to bed I will make that call. I dont want to but I am weak. Its like a drug addiction where one knows its bad for you and is killing you, but one keeps going back for more. Its the same for me, it kills me to see her, it kills me when she shows indifference but I still want her around.

 

No I am not going to call her. Why would I ? She is the one who left me, and cause me all this pain and anger in the first place. Why should I want all of that back again happeneing to me? I too am a human and I too have feelings which she has so easily forgotten why should I call her? She is someone who kisses me and then turns around and says they were to not hurt you. Really I dont want to be loved by someone who cloves me cause I might do something crazy otherwise, and does not love me cause for me. I dont want that. I am not calling her cause I am sick of being her Emotional Tampoon, and sick of her tearing my life apart.

 

More on my feelings, you know its like deep inside you where the solar plexes are its as though there is osme funny chemical radiating out form there that makes my whole body quiver with pain its not a physical pain but it is close to it., It is that pain that has no cure, sometimes it is so overwhelming that I cant even seem to get out of bed, or even start the day, but I just lay in one corner of it looking at the place where she used to sleep, and then I close my eyes and fall into a dream land. God I miss her so much, but what can I do? You know whatever she wants I can get her really, but if she would only ask. I have never felt so so helpless in my life. I mean I am willng to do anything really to have things back how they were but that power is not in my hands but Gods'.

 

She always WANTED to marry me and I seemed unsure, but what would I do now if she ever asked me that again. I am sure you guys can imagine what I would do. Its really sad how quickly the things change and how quickly some people can act indifferent.

 

How do I do NC, when I am dieing to talk to her?

[hereandnow]

Distract yourself man. I mean, you have to call her roommate's phone. Think about that brother. You're better than that! Don't buy into that.

 

When my ex broke up with me she said I could call her if I was feeling low about the breakup. Why would I call the person who hurt me and have her console me? Don't get me wrong, I love and care about my ex a lot but that's just weird. So is calling her roommate's phone.

 

I'm starting to believe that if, and I believe it's a big if, a second chance is going to happen in any relationship, it will probably happen only after the dumper stops seeing you as someone to pity. "Oh poor Jim, I really hurt him. Look at him cry. Look how he does nothing with his life. I have crushed him under the sole of my boot." A woman doesn't want to be with someone they can break. Sure, you're going to be heartbroken and do some stupid things at first. I did! But the proof is in how you pull yourself back up and do the d*** thing. Act as if. Act as if it doesn't matter much anymore. I think that will at least bring you two to the point where you can talk without all of this madness and emotion hanging around. She needs to see that you're not going to freak out on her, and you can't convince her by telling her.

 

Just my two cents, I'm not much farther along than you, keep posting!

[mcson]

...My feelings? I am a skitzo I feel. read the 2 paras and you will know what I mean:

 

I want to call her. Oh so bad I want to talk to her. I know she will nevercall right now cause of how she is. She has told me if I ever wanted to meet or to be in touch I can call her on her rommies' phone. I have looked at my phone quite a few times and I know by the time I am going to bed I will make that call. I dont want to but I am weak. Its like a drug addiction where one knows its bad for you and is killing you, but one keeps going back for more. Its the same for me, it kills me to see her, it kills me when she shows indifference but I still want her around.

 

No I am not going to call her. Why would I ? She is the one who left me, and cause me all this pain and anger in the first place. Why should I want all of that back again happeneing to me? I too am a human and I too have feelings which she has so easily forgotten why should I call her? She is someone who kisses me and then turns around and says they were to not hurt you. Really I dont want to be loved by someone who cloves me cause I might do something crazy otherwise, and does not love me cause for me. I dont want that. I am not calling her cause I am sick of being her Emotional Tampoon, and sick of her tearing my life apart.

 

More on my feelings, you know its like deep inside you where the solar plexes are its as though there is osme funny chemical radiating out form there that makes my whole body quiver with pain its not a physical pain but it is close to it., It is that pain that has no cure, sometimes it is so overwhelming that I cant even seem to get out of bed, or even start the day, but I just lay in one corner of it looking at the place where she used to sleep, and then I close my eyes and fall into a dream land. God I miss her so much, but what can I do? You know whatever she wants I can get her really, but if she would only ask. I have never felt so so helpless in my life. I mean I am willng to do anything really to have things back how they were but that power is not in my hands but Gods'.

 

She always WANTED to marry me and I seemed unsure, but what would I do now if she ever asked me that again. I am sure you guys can imagine what I would do. Its really sad how quickly the things change and how quickly some people can act indifferent.

 

How do I do NC, when I am dieing to talk to her?

 

NaNu,

 

Everytime I read your messages..it reminds me myself..

I am also dieing to talk to her no matter it is a good or bad talk..

I miss her deeply and I want everything to be as before..

However, as you said, the power is not in our hands but God's

So at least we need to take some power back we have lost during the relation..it is the Mental power!! We really loved them so much even more than ourselves...but I think wee need to learn how to love ourselves again!

 

You know what...whatever we think, feel and believe that we can change..is not really in our hands as far as the relationship is concerned..Now that we have lost our Power, Ladies have the capability to turn everything back..They know we are desperate, down, needy etc. They know we wand and need them desperately..They know we can do whatever is needed to be with them again...but I have realised that as long as we keed doing the the things we did wrong in the relation, they will never come back!!

 

NaNu, we have to show them that we have changed!! We no longer love them more than ourselves! No women like a man who loves her more than everything and everybody in his life! and Women feel it!!

 

Yes we are the ones who want the relation and our lost love back but they should be the one who will act by seeing that we are changed!!

Do you see the point there? We want them back..so they should act!! Why not we act? We are acting by focusing on ourselves, letting them know that we are changing..we are strong and confident and we can really move on!

 

Don't you think that you have done many mistakes in your relationship? I personally think I have done. Such as; paying too much attention to her when no there is no need, giving up with my hobbies in order to be with her all the time, changing my life in accordance with her desires, even changing my preferences, hobbies, apetite just because I loved her..

Man!! I now realise that all was soooo wrong!!

 

Now I have to stay and say'' Hey this is me, I like watching football, I love eating meat, I have my own hobbies and I also need my space'' !! You can give many different examples but do you see the point? So how can we show them that we are really changing and being back again the man they loved? There is only one way, you call it NC or ignore or whatever you want to call, that will proove them that we are not that men anymore who was crying and begging. We are the Men who are desired for many other women as we are strong, confident, healthy, decisive and even Macho!!

 

It was not so long ago she used to tell me '' I love you soo much, I can do anything for you ''. Even when she made some mistakes and I took it easy and calm...she used to say '' I am sorry for my hot temper, I love you so much''. It was just 2 months ago!!! So what has changed her mind? My behaviour changed her mind!!

 

So my friend, believe me I am suffering as much as you suffer...and it took me 1 Month to realise that I am totally wrong in my approach!! I called her, sent text messages, sent letter..what happened then? I semmed more and more needy...did it work? Not really!! Everythime I pushed, she pulled!!!

 

I am still somehow confused how to approach and react but I am not going to do something unless I am 100 % sure and confident by doing it!! So best way to stay away in order not to make things worse!!

 

Stay Away Man!!! Because you do not know what to do, what to say, how to act...you are not sure in anything!!! Right??

 

I will give you an example; imagine you are going on a Hunt in the forest!! You know tehre are many kinds of animals in there and you just need to find their exact location to shoot!! Would you just pull your gun and shoot aroun without even targeting your hunt?? What would it do? It would obviously scare the animals away and you would loose your every chance to shoot at least one of them!!

 

But you first look around, search for the hunt, see it, target it, and Bang..!!! Hit!!!

 

Going back to the relation stuff, '' you want to shoot your ex back''

'' you know where she is''

but you do not know how she thinks, where she hides her thought and you would not hit again unless she appears with all her thoughts cleared up and she seems she is ready for shot!!

 

Otherwise, you would try to shoot and she would run...you shoot..she runs..you shoot ..she runs...at the end?? She disappears...No more chances of shooting!!

 

Do you see the pattern?? Let's give them time to clear their mind up and get back to the communication. They may either say they do not love us anymore and want to end all, or they may cry and say Sorry!! No other option mate!!!

So then you will know whether she loves you or not!!!

As for now, me myself, are'nt really sure if she loves me or not!!

So I have to give her time to understand and come back with a bright-clear mind. If she does not come back...the answer is simple...No Love

 

Please update me with your thoughts

[mcson]

Distract yourself man. I mean, you have to call her roommate's phone. Think about that brother. You're better than that! Don't buy into that.

 

When my ex broke up with me she said I could call her if I was feeling low about the breakup. Why would I call the person who hurt me and have her console me? Don't get me wrong, I love and care about my ex a lot but that's just weird. So is calling her roommate's phone.

 

I'm starting to believe that if, and I believe it's a big if, a second chance is going to happen in any relationship, it will probably happen only after the dumper stops seeing you as someone to pity. "Oh poor Jim, I really hurt him. Look at him cry. Look how he does nothing with his life. I have crushed him under the sole of my boot." A woman doesn't want to be with someone they can break. Sure, you're going to be heartbroken and do some stupid things at first. I did! But the proof is in how you pull yourself back up and do the d*** thing. Act as if. Act as if it doesn't matter much anymore. I think that will at least bring you two to the point where you can talk without all of this madness and emotion hanging around. She needs to see that you're not going to freak out on her, and you can't convince her by telling her.

 

Just my two cents, I'm not much farther along than you, keep posting!

 

Dear Hereandnow,

 

Thank you for your message!!! That is what I wanted to say!! ''A woman doesn't want to be with someone they can break. ''

I cannot agree more!!!

 

So I am trying to be that man she wants. Strong-confident- alittle bit careless- decisive etc.

 

We are in teh same ship guys...Please keep posting!!

[KissTheRain]

OK, I get home, and was taking a nap cause I was really depressed, and a bit of rest before the gym. I was logged on GTalk and guess what? She left me the following:

how r u

all good wit me

am not mad at you so plz no more sorries

i guess u busy

take care

 

Now I haven't replied or anything. Yes my first thought was to get to the phone and call her, but my I guess now my head comes before my heart. Now what next..?

Continue NC I guess, this is nothing. She is replying to my mails which I sent her before meeting her in context to the sorry. Forget it though, I ain't replying.

[mcson]

OK, I get home, and was taking a nap cause I was really depressed, and a bit of rest before the gym. I was logged on GTalk and guess what? She left me the following:

how r u

all good wit me

am not mad at you so plz no more sorries

i guess u busy

take care

 

Now I haven't replied or anything. Yes my first thought was to get to the phone and call her, but my I guess now my head comes before my heart. Now what next..?

Continue NC I guess, this is nothing. She is replying to my mails which I sent her before meeting her in context to the sorry. Forget it though, I ain't replying.

 

NaNU!!

 

Do you see that NC ha salready done its magic ???

 

She said herself '' No more Sorries''!!! As I previously stated, you should not be sorry so much...just be sorry when it is needed..otherwise women would think that you are so weak and needy!!! Do you understand?

I think she thought the same!!!

she is ok man!!! and now you have to show her that you are even better, confident and strong!!!

 

My suggestion is that; I received that kind of message from my ex as well and I replied like this;

 

I am fine, doing well. I am doing this and that (just say something you are doing in your life at the moment...reading, exercising, enjoying your friends presence, going out, studying etc).

 

and Leave it there!!! and keep up with NC!!!!

 

Thats is how I reacted to my ex's message really!!!

 

But take your time to reply!!! Do not hurry!! She will then get curious about what you are doing!! Normally she would expect you to reply right after..but do not do that!! thats how you can attract attention!!

 

Of course, these are my thought!! What I suggested just now is what I recently did to my ex!!! You are free to do whatever you want but PLEASE!! and PLEASE!!! consider the consequences!!!

 

Let me know bro.

[hereandnow]

'' you want to shoot your ex back''

'' you know where she is''

but you do not know how she thinks, where she hides her thought and you would not hit again unless she appears with all her thoughts cleared up and she seems she is ready for shot!!

 

Otherwise, you would try to shoot and she would run...you shoot..she runs..you shoot ..she runs...at the end?? She disappears...No more chances of shooting!!

 

Hunting the ex! There's an idea!

[KissTheRain]

Hunting the ex! There's an idea!

 

All's fair in Love and War.

 

Well I dont want to say NC is working or no. But you know what I am quite sure that if I would have called her roomie like I wanted to instead of not calling she would have not even spoken to me. So yes this is better.

 

But wait, I am NOT replying. Wierd thing is I don't want to. She has my number and she has a phone, so if she really has something worthwhile to say she would use it for me and not for other so called friends.

 

Anyway tomorrow is friday. Yippie!! I can't wait for to see which other ladies I will meet. :-) I know I can go Friday with NC for sure that will be kick ass, and she would certainly not expect that. She expects me to call her and tell her where I would be going but really whats the point? She really cares, she has my friends numbers to find out, so NC rules :-)

[mcson]

All's fair in Love and War.

 

Well I dont want to say NC is working or no. But you know what I am quite sure that if I would have called her roomie like I wanted to instead of not calling she would have not even spoken to me. So yes this is better.

 

But wait, I am NOT replying. Wierd thing is I don't want to. She has my number and she has a phone, so if she really has something worthwhile to say she would use it for me and not for other so called friends.

 

Anyway tomorrow is friday. Yippie!! I can't wait for to see which other ladies I will meet. :-) I know I can go Friday with NC for sure that will be kick ass, and she would certainly not expect that. She expects me to call her and tell her where I would be going but really whats the point? She really cares, she has my friends numbers to find out, so NC rules :-)

 

 

NANu

 

I think you are doing good!!! Just keep doing it!!

[tomwiz]

keep up the NC man. I was in a similiar situation, college aged, somewhat immature girl. we broke up shortly after our senior college year in august. We remained relatively friendly...however almost no contact, an occasional friendly IM every month or so.

 

I recieved a phone call from her christmas eve, saying that she missed us and wished things could workout. It was a friendly phone call but nothing came of it, i had moved on and didn't expect it to. I got myself into shape, made myself all around better. Dated a fair amount of other girls, had a short relationship. Then it dawned on me, I was over the resentment, the anger, the hurt and frustration.

 

Went out for St Pattys day, and by chance saw the ex. We talked casually and I left. We met by chance 3 hours later, we got to talking, things were going great. After taking it real slow, we got back together in april and have been doing better than before ever since.

 

The moral is, work on yourself and only when you are at peace with everything is it going to work again. But don't depend on it working out.

[againstallodds]

Nanu,

 

My situation is similar to yours but a little more complicated. My ex is 22 and I am 34. We've been living together for 1 1/2 year and know each other a year before that as friend. She left her husband and I was separated with my wife that was how we got together. Your ex is young and so is mine. Someone here said that from 18 to 27 they go through a lot of changes and I believe that. I am sure you are a great guy and got a good career on your shoulder but women at this age will not able to deal with relationship problems. Basically you have to put them on the pedestal or you lose them. Either way it's a lose lose situation. They have to go out there and explore and be on their own and one day when they mature up and realized what they are missing and appreciate what we have to offer then they'll comeback. Two of my exes regretted leaving me but at that time it was too late. Either I no longer have feeling for them or I found someone else better.

 

I broke up with my current ex 5 months ago. I haven't talk to her in 4 months. This is the first time I ever do NC and let me tell you it's the best thing you can do for yourself. Think about it, everytime you try to break NC or even have the thought of breaking it you will get hurt and think about her more so why do it. This will just set you back.

 

Nanu, what you need is a career woman. Someone who is mature and understand life. Living alone it's lonely sometime. I live on my own too. Try to go out and workout as much as you can and keep yourself busy. Exercise is the natural antidepressant and make you look good at the same time. I worked out everyday which I never did in years. Work on yourself and I can guarantee you one day the right girl will come along when you least expect.

[mcson]

Nanu,

 

My situation is similar to yours but a little more complicated. My ex is 22 and I am 34. We've been living together for 1 1/2 year and know each other a year before that as friend. She left her husband and I was separated with my wife that was how we got together. Your ex is young and so is mine. Someone here said that from 18 to 27 they go through a lot of changes and I believe that. I am sure you are a great guy and got a good career on your shoulder but women at this age will not able to deal with relationship problems. Basically you have to put them on the pedestal or you lose them. Either way it's a lose lose situation. They have to go out there and explore and be on their own and one day when they mature up and realized what they are missing and appreciate what we have to offer then they'll comeback. Two of my exes regretted leaving me but at that time it was too late. Either I no longer have feeling for them or I found someone else better.

 

I broke up with my current ex 5 months ago. I haven't talk to her in 4 months. This is the first time I ever do NC and let me tell you it's the best thing you can do for yourself. Think about it, everytime you try to break NC or even have the thought of breaking it you will get hurt and think about her more so why do it. This will just set you back.

 

Nanu, what you need is a career woman. Someone who is mature and understand life. Living alone it's lonely sometime. I live on my own too. Try to go out and workout as much as you can and keep yourself busy. Exercise is the natural antidepressant and make you look good at the same time. I worked out everyday which I never did in years. Work on yourself and I can guarantee you one day the right girl will come along when you least expect.

 

Dear againstall,

 

In my case my ex is a career women at the age of 26 but still doing similar things as NaNU's ex does. So I do not really believe age between 20-30 really affects women behavior and the way they think. Obviously the way they think changes in years but they way their instincts work still stays the same untill they get married or get a child!

 

It is not their age talking, it is their women instinct talking

 

But like you say, exercise, self care and NC are the only things we can do...they will only come back when they want!!

 

Thank you guys...

 

Please keep posting

[KissTheRain]

Hi,

Humm, an update, nothing really. I guess I was looking for another msg on my GTalk or something, but no that wont happen I should realize it is Friday night for her too so she is probably making other plans than sending a msg to me. Which is what I should be doing too.

 

Well we go to the same bars and I guess she ecpects me to be there this weekend as well as last. Till afternoon I thought I would go there, and maybe bump into her to see what happens, but no after my gym, I am in no mood to see her face. LOL.

The working out is really an anti-depressant.

 

I all I have to say is today is day 3 for NC for me. And yes I was very depressed today before going to the gym, I had a few tears, even in the gym for the entire warm up I couldnt get her out of my mind. But I just forced myself harder on the weights and forgot about her and now when I am home, no I dont want to see her but rather go out with other girls.

 

How can I ever love her again as much as I did after she has caused me all this pain is the question that is helping me with this NC.

[mcson]

Hi,

Humm, an update, nothing really. I guess I was looking for another msg on my GTalk or something, but no that wont happen I should realize it is Friday night for her too so she is probably making other plans than sending a msg to me. Which is what I should be doing too.

 

Well we go to the same bars and I guess she ecpects me to be there this weekend as well as last. Till afternoon I thought I would go there, and maybe bump into her to see what happens, but no after my gym, I am in no mood to see her face. LOL.

The working out is really an anti-depressant.

 

I all I have to say is today is day 3 for NC for me. And yes I was very depressed today before going to the gym, I had a few tears, even in the gym for the entire warm up I couldnt get her out of my mind. But I just forced myself harder on the weights and forgot about her and now when I am home, no I dont want to see her but rather go out with other girls.

 

How can I ever love her again as much as I did after she has caused me all this pain is the question that is helping me with this NC.

 

NaNu,

 

Obviously most relations may sound similar but I really take your case very similar to mine.

 

It has been over a mont..I exactly did what you did at the beginning and now going for NC. Tomorrow is gonna be 7th day of NC. But like you, I also cry sometimes and get really depressed. I need to work on myself to get rid of such feelings really.

 

For your case, I think if you see her today, it will be very hard for you my friend! You will most probably loose your confidence and she will sense that!

 

So I think what you have already decided to do is better than the other option, going out with other girls!

 

Your last sentence is also helping me with is NC. She has really left me in a deep depression and sorrow and she did not care for it. At the beginning of the break up, I told her how it hurts and she said she knew!! Huh!! That is even more careless! Don't you think so?

 

So I am doing NC for myself only!!! I have to learn how to care about myself..how to heal myself

 

One way or another, I have to learn it!!

[againstallodds]

Here's what I would do.

 

I would email her back and say that you had been out with friends and met a couple new girls because you are trying to move on in your life. Then tell her that you think it would be just too much on you to try and be friends.

 

Here is what i wold say, feel free to copy it and alter it as you wish.

 

Hi Blank.

 

I had been busy for a few days and that's why i didn't answer your first couple callsback. I am simply trying to move on and start fresh. I went out on the weekend and net some friends and talked with a couple girls and enjoyed the companionship.

 

Blank, I don't hold any negative feelings towards you. I know that our age is different and you are young and will probably go through many changes in your life before you get to my age.

 

I was hurt and I still am trying to recover and get myself back to normal. I have been hurt before so that makes it easier this time and I realize that I just have to get out there and enjoy myself and forget about what we went through. That doesn't mean I am angry at you for anything. People change and that's normal life. I enjoyed our time together and will always have great memories to think of. You had told me not to contact you and I was respecting that decision, and really, I think that's the best way for me to move on. If something changes inside you and you feel like we should be together fully, then please let me know as that would be a reason for us to make more decisions about the future. If you don't want a love relationship with me then i think it's best not to attempt to be just friends. You want to be able to talk about your relationship with other friends and such and i just don't feel like it would be good for me to hear about people you are dating and I wouldn't feel good about talking to you about my dating and such. Again, this is just me trying to move on like you wanted me to do. If your feelings have changed and you need to tell me about it thenby all means, I want to know because you mean very much to me. I just don't want to get caught up in he friends thing because that will make for probably more pain for me, and you too as far as that goes.

 

I know you are starting your exams and you sure don't need any heavy emotional stuff going on in your life right now. Just concentrate on your studies because that's your future. You will do fine and I have great confidence in you.

 

As for me I just need to get out and in to the world again and someday the woman of my life will come in to my world when she is supposed to. I just didn't want you to think I was mad at you ar anything like that, this is just me trying to move forward and get involved with friends and doing stuff to make myself happy.

 

Again, if your feelings change and you feel that you want us to be together again, then that's important and I would want to know that because that would possibly mean something special for a future together. But contacting each other just as friends will probably only prolong the pain and the ability to move forward for myself and possibly you too.

 

I will never forget your smile, your eyes, the things we talked about. those things were there own reward and I will cherish those memories. Don't think for a second that I didn't love you and want to share my life with you. You know how I felt about you and how deep it was. This now is about me taking care of myself and trying to get some activities in my life with friends and maybe dating again.

 

Take care of yourself and it's fine to let me know how you are doing from time to time in a email. Jst concentrate on your self and your studies right now, nothing else matters more than that. I'll be doing the same.

 

Love

 

Your name.

 

Alter it as needed, but that's how I would put things.

 

 

Hi Guitarjeff,

 

 

Please read my thread and give me some advice.

 

 

Thanks

[KissTheRain]

ok..now she msged me on GTalk again..

 

She kept it simple, How are you? HOw have you been ? you at home ? etc etc.

I simply replied: "I am going out for some work you can call if you want to talk... bye"

Ofcourse she didn't call back...Not that I expected.

 

And now I am getting ready to go out and party.

I just want some advice from gurus. how to react if I see her. I mean should I even say hello or anything? Really I don't even feel like saying hello, as really there is nothing left to say.

[againstallodds]

Nanu,

 

 

I think you are wasting your time. I can sense that she got a lot of power over you. I think she's in control of the whole situation. I bet she was the dominance one in this relationship. I've been there. I played all kind of games to get the girl back but in the end I was just wasting my time. You got to get that power back and the only way is to get over her.

 

When I broke up with my ex. I didn't talk to her for a few days. She txt me said she missed me and all that but when I said let talk about it she said I am not comfortable talking right now wtf.

 

She know she got you where she want you. I can sense that and I am sure she know you well being with you for 2 years. The only way to get her back now is let her go and work on yourself. I can see you are weak now you will mess up if you talk to her and will push her further away.

 

If she doesn't contact you and said she made a mistake and want you back then you are really wasting your time.

[dns502475]

Dude...the ONLY advice that's going to help you is the advice you've repeatedly been given but don't want to take.

 

You DON'T go on GTalk looking for messages. You block her from all of your IMs. You block her emails. You remove her from your phone. You don't take calls. You TELL her that "since you don't want the SAME KIND OF RELATIONSHIP that I want, I need you not to contact me ANY FURTHER"

 

You want to keep holding on.

 

There comes a point in time where you have to do the "MAN-UP" thing, NaNu.

 

Can't say it any plainer than that.

[mcson]

Nanu,

 

How is it going?

 

I am keeping up with the NC and it has been 9 days. She is now back from vacation and if she contacts me, I am going to ask he rif she has cleared her mind up, and if she is ready for a committed relationship. I will let her know that I am really going on with my life and I am moving on.

 

I have to know what she really feels and thinks as she never said a break up but it sounded like a break up notice. She said she needed time and all would be fine after the vacation.

 

Anyway, I am not going to break NC unless she contacts me. If she contacts, I have to know what she thinks in order for me to be unregretfull in the future. If she wants a break up..then NC for me forever..

 

What are you up to NaNu? Did you see her at the weekend?

 

Please supply us with recent news.

 

Take care