I can't lose her...

[KissTheRain]

Nope I haven't seen her and it is sadly NC and no contact from her :-(

 

On Saturday Night I bumped into her roomie we had a little chat but nothing about my ex I didnt even want to bring it up. The roomie would have mentioned if she was around.

 

On Sunday night we were at the same place by coincidence really I was with a good friend of hers, but we didn't see each other and really I didn't care looking either, I know this as I met her roomie again.

 

Well today was a very hard day I missed her, but really I am getting sick of myself for even thinking of her these days. I mean enough is enough, I need something better to waste my time and energy on.

[mcson]

Nope I haven't seen her and it is sadly NC and no contact from her :-(

 

On Saturday Night I bumped into her roomie we had a little chat but nothing about my ex I didnt even want to bring it up. The roomie would have mentioned if she was around.

 

On Sunday night we were at the same place by coincidence really I was with a good friend of hers, but we didn't see each other and really I didn't care looking either, I know this as I met her roomie again.

 

Well today was a very hard day I missed her, but really I am getting sick of myself for even thinking of her these days. I mean enough is enough, I need something better to waste my time and energy on.

 

 

I see..the situation is similar with you...I actually think it is better for you not to see her as that will realy tear you apart once again...You are also in a very hard term of your life and I totally feel your pain..

 

I am also getting sick of myself for thinking over and over her every second...In order for me to finish up...I need to talk to her really...She owes me a Closure!! But I do not want to break NC and I want her to contact me....I just hope she does then I will tell her whatever I have inside and let her go....forever....I am dieing little by little inside...and I wish from God no one ever gets such pain...when there is still love in me, whatever I tell to myself, does not really help...I look at it from a realistic point of view sometimes but soon after clouds of misery settle down again...

 

I know she is the who left, she did not want me...so I should not be devoting so much of my feelings to her really ... but nothing helps...I have to stop my mind ticking about her somehow....

 

Like you say; ''I need something better to waste my time and energy on''

[againstallodds]

Mcson and Nanu,

 

 

NC take a lot of time. You guys are not doing serious NC yet. NC mean no contact meaning you don't talk to or deal with anyone that associate with the ex i.e roomate etc. Try that for a few months and you will see result. I did 4 months NC. I feel a lot better than I did the first few months. You don't get better over night but it will get easier if you do NC seriously.

 

We are all in the same boat here. We want our ex back badly but it's not good reaching out to them and act desperate. I've been there before and all i get is disappointment. If she really want you back she'll let you know either through friend, relative or contact you directly.

[mcson]

Mcson and Nanu,

 

 

NC take a lot of time. You guys are not doing serious NC yet. NC mean no contact meaning you don't talk to or deal with anyone that associate with the ex i.e roomate etc. Try that for a few months and you will see result. I did 4 months NC. I feel a lot better than I did the first few months. You don't get better over night but it will get easier if you do NC seriously.

 

We are all in the same boat here. We want our ex back badly but it's not good reaching out to them and act desperate. I've been there before and all i get is disappointment. If she really want you back she'll let you know either through friend, relative or contact you directly.

 

Dear againstallodds,

 

Thank you for your advice. I have also read through your own post where you stated ''I am moving on but I felt that I have no closure. I still felt that there's a chance between us to work things out. Maybe it's false hope but I need to have that one last talk with her to have a piece of mind. Now that the dust settle after 5 months. Should I contact her? ''

 

You are 100% eight by saying we are all in teh same boat. Especially in my case as I stated previously, I need a Closure!!! I need one last talk to have a piece of mind!!

And I think you understand that perfectly!!!

 

YEs It has been 1.5 months since the break up and 10 days since NC, a strict NC really. I do not talk to her, do nothing..really nothing...just deleted her from my life...and really as I see that it has been 5 months you have not talked to her, you still have urge to talk to her!! That is because you need a closure and piece of mind!!

 

So it seems that my case will be similar even if 5 months passes...

 

I really do not want to be in sorrow and misery in 5 months time mate!!

 

And I am hoping that she contacts me earlier

 

Thanks for your support

 

Please keep posting

[againstallodds]

Mcson,

 

Closure is just an excuse to reachout and contact them for another chance. I know she owes you an explanation but anything that she tell you would it be good enough for you? My ex blames me for everything when we broke up which I know they were not my fault.

 

I try to reach out because i was hitting my low but I snap out of it. I've been there, the only way that she'll contact you is if there's a problem with the new guy if there is one or if she really think she made a mistake.

 

I dumped one of my previous ex and she was begging me to take her back but I didn't because I had a gf at the time. The only reason I contacted my ex was because sometime I have an argument with my gf but doesn't mean I want the ex back. After I broke up with my current gf I contacted the ex to see if I can get back with her but I don't feel a connection, I felt that she didn't change personality wise so I stopped contacting her.

 

We all broke up for a reason and I am sure when I dumped my ex I should give her a reason why but I didn't because it will only made her hate me more and will make her beg me for another chance which I will not give her. So what's the point for an explanation, it's just make me feel guilty.

 

Now you see the side of the dumper. I am sure she feel sad too but because she know what she tell you will only make you ask her for another chance and she is not willing to give you so why bother explaning.

[mcson]

Mcson,

 

Closure is just an excuse to reachout and contact them for another chance. I know she owes you an explanation but anything that she tell you would it be good enough for you? My ex blames me for everything when we broke up which I know they were not my fault.

 

I try to reach out because i was hitting my low but I snap out of it. I've been there, the only way that she'll contact you is if there's a problem with the new guy if there is one or if she really think she made a mistake.

 

I dumped one of my previous ex and she was begging me to take her back but I didn't because I had a gf at the time. The only reason I contacted my ex was because sometime I have an argument with my gf but doesn't mean I want the ex back. After I broke up with my current gf I contacted the ex to see if I can get back with her but I don't feel a connection, I felt that she didn't change personality wise so I stopped contacting her.

 

We all broke up for a reason and I am sure when I dumped my ex I should give her a reason why but I didn't because it will only made her hate me more and will make her beg me for another chance which I will not give her. So what's the point for an explanation, it's just make me feel guilty.

 

Now you see the side of the dumper. I am sure she feel sad too but because she know what she tell you will only make you ask her for another chance and she is not willing to give you so why bother explaning.

 

Dear againstallodds,

 

You may be right bay saying that Closure is aan excuse to reach out to her. However, personally, inside I feel that if I do not tell her that I am moving on and I really thought serious about our relatipnship...I wanted to move our realation to an upper level, I will always feel REGRET. Which is not really good for me.

 

Your example is a good one. I experienced the same..with my previoys ex, I felt the same way around...I did not give her excuse as I did not want her to talk and ask for another chance...but still I told her that we should break up and I am not into this relation anymore...

 

So that sis what I am asking from my ex really....I want her to know my all feelings and whats inside of me...and whatever she says..which will most probably be a '' I dont know, I dont'feel'' ...I still want to hear that to move on...really confused my friend...

 

In relatively thinking, I should actually do what you are suggesting..I should not interact..I should not be telling her anything...but at he same time I did not talk to her for 2 weeks after break up and I sent her a letter which was basicall saying '' I agree with your decision to break up. I saw it comig for a while. I am sorry that I pushed on you and behaved desperatey, you must have felt frustrated. I think we both need some space right now. Love to fill you in..but in the future''

 

So having sent that letter, do you think that I made a mistake and she might be thinking that I do not care about her??

 

When I remembered that letter today, I really thought that I should tell her everything I want to say and then let it go...forever...move on

 

What do you think my friend?

 

Shall I call her one last time...tell her everything and move on...

 

Tell me what I do??

 

Thank you so much

[againstallodds]

I think you should go on with NC, whatever you say will not help at all trust me. When I dumbed my ex she called me once in a bluemoon to talk and ask me to go out with her but I always refused. Sometime I call her too to check up on her but I do not want to get back with her. One reason is I had a gf and the other is I don't want to give her false hope which only hurt her more.

 

If she really want you back like I said the only reason would be if she think that the problem can be worked out or if she broke up with the other guy. I don't like the latter.

 

 

You don't know how many time I want to write a letter and try to explain and want closure but I know I'll be disappointed. Like I said in a few more months of NC you will feel a lot better and can control yourself not to write anything. And you know when the new girl come along you'll thanks the ex for letting you go.

 

Right now you still have feeling for the ex and want to reach out your emotion is clouding your judgement. It remind me of a final scene from Indiana jone the last crusade, when Jone try to reach out and grab the cup from the pit his father tell him to let go of it but he is so confident that he can get the cup. He could fall into the pit and died but listen to his father advice to let it go.

 

My ex is young and hot, she's a model. Sometime you got to let go what you desired the most and I think if you can let go what you desired it will make you stronger.

 

I hope you'll feel better soon. Be strong.

[dns502475]

All of the time spent writing these posts and analyzing these situations with your various exes and looking for "closure" and maintaining these emotional ties is time that could have spent on you.

 

Guys, a breakup is what it is. The other person is gone and they're NOT coming back. At least not anytime soon.

 

It's not the end of the world. And while it may feel like it at times, it isn't.

 

You want any REAL shot at getting your ex back?

 

LEAVE HER ALONE.

GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

STOP MAKING HER THE CENTRAL FOCUS OF YOUR LIFE.

 

MOST IMPORTANTLY...IMPROVE YOURSELF!

 

If you can get back to being a new and improved version of the original confident, cool & funny person that she first fell for, then you'll have a chance at getting back together.

 

But you gotta get yourself back to normal, first!

[Joker77]

All of the time spent writing these posts and analyzing these situations with your various exes and looking for "closure" and maintaining these emotional ties is time that could have spent on you.

 

Guys, a breakup is what it is. The other person is gone and they're NOT coming back. At least not anytime soon.

 

It's not the end of the world. And while it may feel like it at times, it isn't.

 

You want any REAL shot at getting your ex back?

 

LEAVE HER ALONE.

GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

STOP MAKING HER THE CENTRAL FOCUS OF YOUR LIFE.

 

MOST IMPORTANTLY...IMPROVE YOURSELF!

 

If you can get back to being a new and improved version of the original confident, cool & funny person that she first fell for, then you'll have a chance at getting back together.

 

But you gotta get yourself back to normal, first!

 

Well said. I have had some rough moments in the past three weeks since my break up and other than one hiccup two weeks ago where I texted her, I have had NC since she texted me happy birthday on Saturday. Since the break up I have....

 

-joined a gym and have been working out there at least three times a week

 

-applied for a higher position within my company

 

Whether or not I'll get the job, remains to be seen, but at least I'm taking steps to improve myself since this stuff went down. If she wants to ever consider us again, I'll be willing to listen. If not, oh well. But I'm not going to beg someone to come back who felt that the relationship was too much to handle. The ball is in her court but I'm keeping the power so to speak.

[dns502475]

I'm taking steps to improve myself since this stuff went down. If she wants to ever consider us again, I'll be willing to listen. If not, oh well.

 

But I'm not going to beg someone to come back who felt that the relationship was too much to handle.

 

The ball is in her court but I'm keeping the power so to speak.

 

EXACTLY, Joker!

 

Look, a breakup can be the BEST thing to ever happen to you if you let it! This goes for men and women alike!

 

What do you think your ex will be more impressed by if she were to find out?

 

a) That you were writing and obsessively analyzing every little thing that took place during or after the break-up on an internet forum, while looking into any and every thing to see if it was as a sign that she was coming back?

 

OR

 

b) That you got back on your feet, used the pain as motivation and got over her. And during that time, she never heard from you. And not only that, but you improved your financial situation, started a successful business, got into great shape, was having a great time meeting new women, or developed one of your hidden talents?

 

Seriously guys...put all of this energy into yourselves!

 

Following my second major break-up I MADE IT A POINT TO CHANGE MY WHOLE LIFE!

I made it MY PURPOSE IN LIFE to improve myself to such a degree that if she saw me, she would absolutely and completely regret the decision to leave me.

 

IN THE BEGINNING, REALLY TRY TO USE YOUR ANGER & OBSESSING TO YOUR BENEFIT!

 

DISCLAIMER: Now, it's not healthy to HOLD ON to this kind of thinking throughout your recovery, but the first couple of months after a major breakup, you're most likely going to be in denial about the breakup and obsess about the person non-stop. You'll also be very angry, so instead of letting it tear you down, use it as the motivation needed to build you up and overcome the breakup!

 

what did i do, exactly? Well...

 

I LIVED IN THE GYM! Seriously, for about 6 months straight, I was spending about 4 to 5 hours a day in the gym.

 

-I woke up at 6:00AM and went to the gym every single morning.

 

-I started with about 20 minutes of stretching, and immediately following, I do an hour of cardio. (it was very hard at first, just fast-walking on the treadmill at an incline initially).

 

-By the end of the 4th month, I was running 7 minute miles and doing anywhere from 3 to 5 miles, doing the stairmaster for 15 minutes at high intensity, and following that with a 10 minutes circuit of "burpees" and jumping rope for 10 minutes.

 

8:00AM: I got showered, dressed for work, and went to breakfast at a little diner near my job. There, I read over my goals and to-do's for the day. I always made sure to read very positive things during those times. I read stuff like "rich dad, poor dad", "think and grow rich" and fitness magazines and stuff.

 

From 9:00AM to 6:00PM: I would work on building my business. DURING THIS TIME I BUILT A VERY SUCCESSFUL FINANCE & ACCOUNTING CONSULTING BUSINESS THAT I STILL OPERATE TO THIS DAY.

 

(My income this one year increased to the most I had ever made out of college. I earned a 5 time increase in income from the previous year!)

 

6:00PM: I called it quits for the day, and then guess what came after that?...THE GYM AGAIN!

 

6:30PM: I would get into the gym, and have a very quick pre-workout meal and then I hit the weights. I did ABS and pull-ups every day I lifted.

 

8:00PM, I would get done with the weights, and go to a Boston Market around the corner and eat dinner.

 

9:00 PM, I would GO BACK TO THE GYM and did my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu workout. This consisted of a lot of jumping-rope, burpees, "shadow-sparring", rolls, and the like.

 

I would do this until the gym closed at 11:00PM. Needless to say, I would be pretty wiped by now, so I took longer rest breaks, so that's why it would take about 2 hours.

 

I would go home, get my stuff ready for the next day and would literally be knocked out by midnight.

 

On the weekends, I would make it a point to go to bookstores, or hang out with a couple of friends, or my brother. The only time I would break the schedule is when I had a BJJ class which was twice a week.

 

As I mentioned, I had started taking Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu classes to stay active, and let me tell you...I was NO FUN to grapple with in those first few months. I mean, during the sparring sessions I made it a point to take my anger from the break-up out on those poor guys in my same grade, lol.

 

At the end of the period, I was ABSOLUTELY RIPPED!

 

I'm 6'2 and at the beginning, I weighed about 230lbs. At the end, I was 175lbs and my bodyfat percentage fell from about 20% to 7%.

 

I had the whole package, a very well defined six-pack and chest, added about 2 inches to the arms, and a great back. Not only did I look good, but I was in incredible physical condition as well.

 

I'm not a flashy, or materialistic guy by any means, but with the additional income, and new body, I invested a lot in my wardrobe, and when my lease ended, I moved into a better place. I also bought a new car (nothing too flashy, but it was the kind I had always wanted and it made me feel good to buy it.)

 

Needless to say, when I came up from my self-imposed underground living, I was getting more attention from women than I could have ever imagined. And I was completely over her.

 

It wasn't easy and I had many hard nights and days during this period, but I knew I couldn't let it go down like it did following my first breakup.

[KissTheRain]

"NC take a lot of time. You guys are not doing serious NC yet. NC mean no contact meaning you don't talk to or deal with anyone that associate with the ex i.e roomate etc. Try that for a few months and you will see result."

 

Well, I can't help it if this is a small city or more like 5 decent bars/night clubs, I chose the ones where I wouldn't bump into my ex and so we never did. Her roomie saw me with my friends at the bar and came and simply said Hello, obviously I don't have anything against her and I am not rude to simply walk away, so I was being polite, I dont know why I mentioned it here. Anyhow, leave that be, I am not bumping into anyone anytime soon I am going on a New Year break soon enough.

 

"Look, a breakup can be the BEST thing to ever happen to you if you let it!"

 

Really, I liked your post dns, this is my second serious break up too. The first cause we left for countries and couldn't do the long distance thingy after a while, and that was kinda mutual. This one though is worse as she lives 5 mins away and almost everyone around knows us and stuff, but now it is getting better I must say and it is only cause I decided to work on me and not work on getting her back. I started to believe that if not her there is Someone out there and I needed to be better for her.

 

I realised that no matter what I do for her she is not coming back, I mean getting her back is really not in my control, for her to love me is not in my control. But what is in my control is how I can become better, or I can imrpove and how I can learn from this and become more mature emotionally and how I control myself, I now take it as time for me to learn myself.

[KissTheRain]

Hi,

Today will be Xmas eve. And for me the day started out bad, first I just didn't want to get out of bed. I kept thinking of her, and really wanted to be with her. I thought of the last 2 Christmas and what we did. We spent it with each other in our little home together, the first year we went driving around and saw the city lights and had a romantic dinner as far as I remember. The next year we went to a place called Goa, India. And it was awesome, this was a super holiday, we went there quite a few times in fact and it is a lovely old beach town. And yes I am really missing her today.

 

But today its still NC, I really want to send a card at least. Com'on she has been leaving me msgs on GTalk at least so I know she too at least thinks of me.she has now given me her number too, left it on GTalk and has said that I can call anytime I would like to talk or something (But she will never call ??!!??). As for me there is not much to say I still love her nonetheless. I was thinking if I should/could send an Xmas and New Year card and/or chocolates for her and the family, just a friendly one nothing to heavy and stuff. Nothing suggesting I want her back or anything, I mean we cared about each other for a long time. And though we are not 'together' the caring I feel doesn't really stop. And I am leaving for a week on Vacation on Boxing day so there is complete NC then again and she knows that through common friends.

 

Anyhow please suggest or help and advice.

I want to break NC, but I am not really breaking NC. I am just sending a card to her and the family that was once a very big part of my life. I dont know what to do.

[mcson]

Hi,

Today will be Xmas eve. And for me the day started out bad, first I just didn't want to get out of bed. I kept thinking of her, and really wanted to be with her. I thought of the last 2 Christmas and what we did. We spent it with each other in our little home together, the first year we went driving around and saw the city lights and had a romantic dinner as far as I remember. The next year we went to a place called Goa, India. And it was awesome, this was a super holiday, we went there quite a few times in fact and it is a lovely old beach town. And yes I am really missing her today.

 

But today its still NC, I really want to send a card at least. Com'on she has been leaving me msgs on GTalk at least so I know she too at least thinks of me.she has now given me her number too, left it on GTalk and has said that I can call anytime I would like to talk or something (But she will never call ??!!??). As for me there is not much to say I still love her nonetheless. I was thinking if I should/could send an Xmas and New Year card and/or chocolates for her and the family, just a friendly one nothing to heavy and stuff. Nothing suggesting I want her back or anything, I mean we cared about each other for a long time. And though we are not 'together' the caring I feel doesn't really stop. And I am leaving for a week on Vacation on Boxing day so there is complete NC then again and she knows that through common friends.

 

Anyhow please suggest or help and advice.

I want to break NC, but I am not really breaking NC. I am just sending a card to her and the family that was once a very big part of my life. I dont know what to do.

 

NaNu,

 

We are all good humanbeings my friend. I always believe in one thing;

'' Do good, whatever the outcome is, you be good, don't care about the ress''

 

YEs, you might have been broken, may be she does not deserve anything anymore...but you my friend, by sending a normal Christmas card not including any love text, will be doing a good thing.

 

You said that,those people has been a very big part of your life and they did they did not do anything wrong to you, so for the sake of humanity and your good past days, I would send that card only...

 

Because the good things you do will always be appreciated, if not now, then in teh future. They will always be remembered as good memories.

 

We live with Love and this old planet is based on Love...You do not have to be ashamed of that feeling...let her be ashamed...I am not saying that you give all your heart to her again and say whatever you want to say in the card...do not be over nice...just a simple card...when everything is forgotten, that card will be remembered..

 

I believe you are a good person with positive and pure deeds. and do not forget, it is always good to be remembered my friend. Whatever it was, happened between you and your ex, should not really affect your good relations with people.

 

You be good...not a lover...just a good Man to her parents...They will always remember you as a good man...This is a mortal World...memories live at the end!! and good memories!!

 

This is what I can say

[KissTheRain]

Yes, she has hurt me, and she still does. But you know whatever has happened, and No she doesn't want to be with me, but that does't change the fact that she did love me once. And I know she did love me a lot more than I could even imagine.

 

She lived with me for 2 years when she was so young in India where it is a taboo to have live-in relation so she did give up a lot for me. And so I know she did love me. I also believe that love is an emoton that doesn't disappear from the Dumper or Dumpee in a day or in a month or in weeks, sometimes not even in years.

 

I am only sending it as I have fond memories of her and of our Christmas's together, and though she is not with me and she chosen to leave me she still shared alot.

 

But at the end of the day, I love her and I know that she loved me too. I am not even going to mention love or anything in the card, it will simply be what it is just a holiday card. And no I am not looking for anything in return, this is simply from my side to maybe even say thank you for wonderful memories.

 

Really I am no longer angry at her for her decision I guess, more disappointed I guess. Maybe I am trying to understand her, Maybe subconsiously I am trying to leave things on a better note for someday in the future God knows.

 

I dont know I feel it is fine to send a card not much of a deal, its only up to her to look at it either way. And anyway then in a day I will be leaving town so it will be fine, she will get NC from me again anyway...

[RnRigney22]

Thanks a lot guys this is really a reality check for me. But in reality I am going thru hell.

Before you read further and say I am not taking any advice, and going against it, that is not the case, this happened after I wrote my last post so I didn't read your replies.

We met briefly last night, more like bumped into each other, please believe me. She had emailed me during the day how mad she was mad at me and stuff, right.

 

So when I saw her I apologised, but I didnt even know for what. She was having dinner at the food court with her roomie, I asked if she I could stay a while, she said sure. I sat till she finished dinner, for least 20 mins she kept being mad at me and said she never wanted to be in touch, raised her voice and all tantrums etc. I excused myself for a few minutes and let her eat in peace with her roommate, cause this was getting no where I didnt even know why she was mad at me. I didn t know what to say or what she wanted to hear. Maybe to even gather my thoughts and maybe for to gather hers.

 

Then I went back she was still mad, but now I guess tired of shouting at me. I just asked her to clam down. Then we started to speak about normal things and stuff, and I agreed to not meeting her after today, or not calling her. I told her that she was mad at me cause of a big mis-understanding, and that we need to first heal and only then we can really be friends.

 

Then after that we went for a little walk, chatted, she left her rommie and walked with me so we could talk. She now was clam and smiling atleast. She walked around, I bought her a few small things, I know the things she loves so that wasn't an issue and it was nice to see her happy. Then we kept window shopping. Another friend of hers came who she planned on meeting but she just let her roomie and her friend on their own and still spent time with me. Now for almost an hour an a half. Things felt much better, I mean she seemed genuinenly happy. She told me what she had been up to and asked about me. And we spoke about normal things how we used to after a very long time. Yes there was some amount of pain, I dont know for her but for me, there was some amount I guess you all know why. We walked around, and stuff she showed me things she thought would look nice on me and what I should get, and we looked for stuff for her. Then it started to get late so I suggested I should leave. We had just spent a nice evening together and I didnt know what to say, I didnt know if she would ever even want to meet again. I dropped her to her friends and said bye. It was almost she had some more to say, I know her expression, not fooling myself. And I left.

 

But still she will not give me her number cause I harrow her by calling all the time, but I can call on her rommies number when I wanted to talk. !!??!!??!! I didnt ask for her number, but it came up in the conversation, when we said we would meet again to do more shopping or more normal stuff.

 

But really I am really really tired of these games she is playing. Like you guys wrote NC for me, and if she wants to reach out, she will break every wall, else I am sure someone else is out there for me who will. :-)

 

This is just an update.

 

 

 

It seems that you have a very good grasp of reality. Girls tend to play these games because they love attention. They love to feel admired and almost feed upon it at times. I hope the best for your situation and hope this issue ends up in a happy ending.

 

[KissTheRain]

Rigney, read somewhere you are an expert at people getting their ex back, what do you suggest I do next? and what do you suggest about the Xmas card?

[stray_cat]

no amount of effort on your part can make her recommit in your relationship if she does not want to be in it anymore. its tough but thats the reality. the more you try desperately the more she will run away. she already accused of stalking her right? and that u already frightened her? if she wants to come back then be it the reason that she wants to, not because u convinced her to. show her that if she wants to go then she can go, but u wont be sitting around waiting for her to come back. maintain your dignity and self respect. i know it hurts and its alot easier said than done but what else can u do really?. if only we can just erase them completely we would. but reading at your post, it looks like ur ex is just dragging you coz ur taking the bait and she knows u desperately want her back. maybe you should try focusing ur energy on getting ur self better and try to be stronger coz judging from the way u respond to her, thats where ur lacking at.

[againstallodds]

no amount of effort on your part can make her recommit in your relationship if she does not want to be in it anymore. its tough but thats the reality. the more you try desperately the more she will run away. she already accused of stalking her right? and that u already frightened her? if she wants to come back then be it the reason that she wants to, not because u convinced her to. show her that if she wants to go then she can go, but u wont be sitting around waiting for her to come back. maintain your dignity and self respect. i know it hurts and its alot easier said than done but what else can u do really?. if only we can just erase them completely we would. but reading at your post, it looks like ur ex is just dragging you coz ur taking the bait and she knows u desperately want her back. maybe you should try focusing ur energy on getting ur self better and try to be stronger coz judging from the way u respond to her, thats where ur lacking at.

 

Twice I was the dumper. The first time I dumb the girl because I was busy with school, she cry a lot and I feel sorry for her but I didn't take her back and no explanation neither. The second time I was on and off with her until I found a new girl and dumped her. She begged and cry and want me back but I didn't work neither, she try all kind of stuff too to manipulate me back, buying me gifts, give me money etc...

 

It doesn't matter what the reason is once the dumper made the decision to leave it's final, begging them won't help. It's up to them to call you if they want to, you don't have to do anything. They know you love them and want them since they are the one who left.

 

I actually called one of my ex up (the one that I dumped) after I got dumped to see how she's doing. I didn't call her for over a year. As a matter of fact she asked me out for a drink yesterday but I haven't accepted yet. She still called me once in a bluemoon to check up on me but to take her back I doubted.

 

The dumper know that they are in total control and they won't hurt one bit if you don't call them neither.

 

My point is move on and don't waste your time with the ex. What once was gold has now tarnished and it will not be the same. And if you really have time to waste then just sit and around and wait she'll call you one day but may be one year, two years who knows and maybe never.

 

I hope you all get my point and don't dwell too much on the ex and go out enjoy yourself. Merry Christmas to all.

[mcson]

no amount of effort on your part can make her recommit in your relationship if she does not want to be in it anymore. its tough but thats the reality. the more you try desperately the more she will run away. she already accused of stalking her right? and that u already frightened her? if she wants to come back then be it the reason that she wants to, not because u convinced her to. show her that if she wants to go then she can go, but u wont be sitting around waiting for her to come back. maintain your dignity and self respect. i know it hurts and its alot easier said than done but what else can u do really?. if only we can just erase them completely we would. but reading at your post, it looks like ur ex is just dragging you coz ur taking the bait and she knows u desperately want her back. maybe you should try focusing ur energy on getting ur self better and try to be stronger coz judging from the way u respond to her, thats where ur lacking at.

 

Dear Stray Cat,

 

I dont know if you know about my case but here is what I did yesterday finally;

 

 

First, briefly what happened between me and my ex;

She asked for space. Having begged and pleaded at the beginning. I then gave her the space. She said all would be fine after vacation. She went on vacation, came back and sent me one of those BS sms ''Hi, how are you?'' which was not replied by me!

 

During this NC period, I made up my mind and finally yesterday I called her and I said exactly this;

 

''Listen, you asked for time and I believe I gave you enough, I would be glad to listen if you have cleared your mind up and solved your problems''

 

She goes; I am sorry that I made you feel bad. I am not ready for a serious relationship, kind of family life or sth for 1-2 years at least.

 

I say ; You know I never pushed on you to go for a family life, besides I am not ready for that yet either. I think we are not really getting somewhere, I wanted to say that I am already focusing on my own and I am moving on. That is not becauseI hate you or I am mad at you, because I do not want emotional breakdowns in my life anymore and I need to take care of myself.

 

I will always remember the good days with you and I feel lucky have shared. I hope you find what you are looking for in life.

Good Luck...Bye

 

You know how difficult to make this conversation? But I had to do...for my own sanity. In order to be able to go for compelete NC and forget. Having said all such thigs did not help me feeling sorrow and pain but I believe I did the right thing! I gave her my closure as she could not do it. I did not let the relationship hanging on somewhere without answers.

 

Moreover, I believe I did most appropriate speech as it could be expected from me. I ended it nicely...with no hatred or madness left ...and I said everything I wanted to say..

 

Now going for complete NC forever...not because I like this NC thing...because I have nothing left to say....

 

I will be sad but with myself...she will never know

I will cry, miss her, think about her ......she will never know

 

Finally, I need to learn how to use my feelings for better!!!

[KissTheRain]

Update.

 

She broke my NC :-( I did not reply to her msgs or anything for the last I dont remember how many days, and Christmas Eve came and went, and on Christmas day while I was hung over my phone rang and I just answered it without looking, as I was half asleep.

She said Merry Christmas and wanted to know where all I went and who all, and had to tell me exactly what she did and where she went and with whom. Honestly I didnt really care about where she went and with who etc really for once I was thinking to me whats the worst she can do? I mean she has already hurt me so much, now it doesnt really matter where she is and with who. Then later that evenoing she logged on Gtalk and again left me msgs.

I am not doing anything in return I feel foolish to have ever answered her call, and answered to her where all I went, and with which women. I feel this is immature on her part whats the use I mean if she doesnt want to be with me why ask me at all where I was and with who and where I went all week etc.

Anyway I am leaving for vacation tomorrow, and there I am not in contact thru any means, so that will give me a break form all of this whether I want it or not.

[mcson]

Update.

 

I mean if she doesnt want to be with me why ask me at all where I was and with who and where I went all week etc.

.

 

NaNu,

 

You know that I have been having the same thing. What the hell she wants to know how I Am, how my work is going, hpw my family are, if she does not want to be with me. So as I said, I made up my mind clearly, got my confidence and called her and said what I wante dto say and I put an end to this BS. I made the action she seemed to be doing so as she could not do, I did!!

 

I know why she is doing such things to you!! I can even imagine her voice on the phone, let me guess; happy, cheerful, positive

 

She is checking on you if you have moved on, she wants to know if you still think about her, because that is the food for her!! She need attraction eventhough she lost attraction to you probably, as a woman, she still needs attraction somehow.

 

When you do not give her what she wants, she comes back to ask for it!!!

 

Another thing is, by behaving like that she wants to feel that she is not totally a jerk..She at least wants to feel that she has been nice to you eventually and she cared about you...

 

My ex was the same mate!! SO I really put an end to it...I said to her that I was moving on...I am not going to interact with such things anymore...I'm not going to analyze her thoughts, what she wants etc.

I have to find what I want so I will work for it...

 

Let her finds what she wants as well my friends....this was my last sentence to her practically...

 

''I hope you find what you are looking for in life''

 

Take care my friend

[KissTheRain]

10 Days NC from my side,

and I feel so much better I no longer want to be with her,

maybe I have realized there are many others who have much more to offer.

or maybe I have realized the she can never love me the way I want.

Anyhow I felt like posting here because it has been long, and we have been in NC except for a brief New Years text.

 

Yes I have lost her, maybe for the better.

Thank you for helping me out so far guys..

[mcson]

10 Days NC from my side,

and I feel so much better I no longer want to be with her,

maybe I have realized there are many others who have much more to offer.

or maybe I have realized the she can never love me the way I want.

Anyhow I felt like posting here because it has been long, and we have been in NC except for a brief New Years text.

 

Yes I have lost her, maybe for the better.

Thank you for helping me out so far guys..

 

NaNu,

It has been 10 days with strict NC for me as well and like you I also feel much better. I am starting to notice out women around.

However, she posted a New Years celebration on my facebook on 31 December and I did not reply on that. And on 03 January, she sent me a sms asking why I have not replied to her NEw Year message, How I am doing and what I am up to?

 

I did not respond to that sms. I want to keep NC untill I feel healty enough to talk to her again.

[KissTheRain]

NaNu,

It has been 10 days with strict NC for me as well and like you I also feel much better. I am starting to notice out women around.

However, she posted a New Years celebration on my facebook on 31 December and I did not reply on that. And on 03 January, she sent me a sms asking why I have not replied to her NEw Year message, How I am doing and what I am up to?

 

I did not respond to that sms. I want to keep NC untill I feel healty enough to talk to her again.

 

I dont know if I am doing better or worse actually, I am missing her nonetheless.

[mcson]

I dont know if I am doing better or worse actually, I am missing her nonetheless.

Exactly my friend!!

 

I am at the same state of mind!! I miss her so much but I really do not want to contact her unless I think rational about the relation again!