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I can't lose her...


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How is it going?

Its been like what 10 days without posting here. Seems like a while. How are you guys getting along ? Phew doesn't it feel good to go this long without finding the need to post or vent here? No honestly I havent been great but it is ok, I am better than last month and much better than the month before that so I know I will be doing much better next month.

 

ok I will write an update. Firstly I would like to believe I am cursed, or blessed with pain or something of that sort. I have been following NC as much as I could, except for on Wednesday the 14 night. It was mid week driving back home from a friends place late at night after drinking a bit I bumped into her coming out a Cafe', I stopped the car and we chatted for a bit, and and then I left, it was nothing much to write about so I didn't.

 

Then the weekend came and went, on Sunday night I met her again, and this time, I guess we both have the same favourite watering hole. When first saw it eachother it was a simple Hi. And then we went our separate ways, she was with her friends and me with mine s it didn't really matter.

 

Yes I acted very normal, and did not show any interest in her, and went on my way and was chillin with my friends. Then after a while, when I was crossing her she called me, and gave me a hug and a small kiss (It seemed more natural than anything), and asked if I was mad at her. I simply asked her if I had a reason to, and told her I wasn't. Then we simply spoke and chatted for while, the evening went by and we spoke about random things, and whenever the conversation started to get wierd we both decided to change the topic. Infact she even showed me her new phone etc, but wouldnt give me her number, no I didn't even ask as I knew it would make her feel wierd again and she would never give it to me.

 

She introduced me to her new friends, and I could tell they felt a bit wierd about me being there, which she told me too later on. When I asked her if I should go or if it was ok for me to be spending time with her, she simply said, "If it wasn't I would have asked you to leave long ago." I feel it was us hugging or kissing that made her new friends feel uncomfortable cause I guess some might be interested in her.

 

She told me about how her MBA was going and how everything was back home. She told me how her Mom's opinion about me had changed so much since we had parted and now she her Mom really likes me instead, and now her Mom feels we should just get married. But that is of little importance right now as I feel she herself doesn't feel this way.

 

We walked around, went to another bar and came back. Chatted, had a few drinks, and that was it. Then she gave me a lift back home, as I had come with my friends and had not gotten my car. We didn't make a plan to meet again, as I didn't want to ask her for anything I was just happy this evening went off fine. I simply said to her if she ever wanted to talk or meet she could call me.

 

I then walked to the door of our house more like which was our, and had tears. No it wasn't cause I was missing her, or cause she said something. They came out on their own I guess they did cause I still love her nonetheless. Maybe I had tears cause I know I still want to spend the rest of my life with her sould we be ever given a chance. I never believe it is too late, but I am not going to be the one to wait either. I am gonna leave it for Destiny or fate or whatever the term is. As there are somethings that really are not in my control, sometimes we have to leave things be. What is in my control is for me to take really good care of me.

 

Well all said and done, this is how I feel:

 

Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows ? only time.

And who can say if your love grows as your heart chose ? only time.

Who can say why your heart sighs as your love flies ? only time.

And who can say why your heart cries when your love lies? only time.

 

Who can say when the roads meet that love might be in your heart ?

And who can say when the day sleeps if the night keeps all your heart ?

 

Who can say if your love grows as your heart chose ? only time.

And who can say where the road goes where the day flows? only time.

 

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=fTaofo8gx7o

 

 

...At the end of it, I can't push time or destiny or anything I can only make the best use of the time I have to make myself better, better for whoever may come along.

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