I can't lose her...

[againstallodds]

You will not feel better if she keep contacting you. You'll feel good at that time because she fed your addiction to her but after that you'll feel worse and think more about her. What ever she tell you will make you think and analyze. I suggest tell her not to contact you anymore otherwise it will just set you back from your healing.

[KissTheRain]

OK this is getting from stupid to redicilous.

She caught me on Gtalk again, this time seemed so cold and told me I made her that way. I just poured my heart to her and she simply acted indifferent, she told me she misses me alot and stuff at the same time but doesnt want to even try to get back.

 

She even tells me she has a crush on someone else but thats not gonna work cause he is not even in the city. But at the same time she tells me she will call me sometime, which is false hope I am sure.

 

I mean why msg me at all if you dont really care. She fainally asked me what I wanted and I simply replied I wanted her, she said she is sorry, and that I still dont understand her and what she wants.

 

This is getting hopeless, and yes I am ashamed of myself for even pouring my heart out to such a cold heartless bitch.

[againstallodds]

You will not feel better if she keep contacting you. You'll feel good at that time because she fed your addiction to her but after that you'll feel worse and think more about her. What ever she tell you will make you think and analyze. I suggest tell her not to contact you anymore otherwise it will just set you back from your healing.

 

 

Nanu,

 

Sorry to hear buddy, she just want to reassure herself that she did the right thing leaving you and pouring your heart out showing her that she still can have you. You'll push her further away by keeping contact.

 

You got a chance of getting back with her since she still contact you but you can't play it right because you're weak and she knows it. You got to play it cool like you don't need her anymore but unfortunately my friend I know you can't do it. So it's better to go NC and heal yourself. Showing your weakness will only push her away further. Been there done that and let me tell you it's just a waste of time.

[RM0123]

Dude,

 

 

As far as I can see she just wants me around cause she misses me when I am not there, but when I am she doesn't know what to say or react.

.

 

Nanu: I just started reading your thread today and every post. Wow what a complicated story. It is hard from me to imagine a girl doing this because usually for me it is a guy doing it. But I guess it really doesn't matter the gender, there are people out there who are going to do it.

 

My thoughts on this quote are; that she wants you around because she still wants to have control. She wants to know what you are doing and when you are doing it. She doesn't want to be with you but she doesn't want you to be with anyone else either. "We want what we can't have, but when we have it, we don't want it"

 

 

If you are interested you can read my current situation: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t175265/

 

I am going through so much pain right now as well. I feel like I want closure so I can go NC but he won't give it to me. UGH!

[KissTheRain]

Just Venting:

 

I should be sick of myself for being such a sore loser.

I should be sick of myself for loving someone who calls me a stalker, and a psycho.

I should be sick of myself for loving somoene who tells me she likes someone else.

I should be sick of myself for chasing after her, when she doesn't want after this long.

I should be sick of myself for begging someone for her love.

I should be sick of being rejected by now.

I should be sick of being told off.

I should be sick of all the lies I have been told.

I should be sick of the fact that this girl doesn't even want to give me her number.

I should be sick of the fact that she is out travelling and living with other men.

I should be sick of myself for trusting her when she herself tells me she is lieing.

I should be sick of listening to **** for the world about her.

I should be sick of trusting her blindly.

I should be sick of crying for so long.

I should be sick of writing mails that mean nothing to her.

I should be sick of thinking of her.

I should be sick of praying for her and us.

I should be sick of thinking there can be an us.

I should be sick of having her on my mind.

I should be sick of not being able to move on till now.

I should be sick of this pain.

I should be sick of being depressed.

I should be sick of her.

I should be sick of myself.

[Ezekiel1337]

What im learning.... is that you cant do anything about it. If she's gone... she's gone. And you just have to learn how handle your life without her. IF you want things to get slightly better... stop talking to her. People have been telling me that since i joined... But it's true... it just pushes them further away. Hit the gym mah man. It will help.

[KissTheRain]

Yes I feel either me or her, one of us is insane:

 

Update:

 

Now I was in office and she logged on to Gtalk, she knew I would online in the office I guess. Right off the bat she starts off with reference to yesterdays conversation, this time for the first time she tells me the following:

 

She tells me, what should she have expected in our relation when I was not even serious, when I didnt even want to marry her, when I didnot even work hard to get another Job or a better pay for us both. She said she left me cause I could not afford to pay for us both. She wanted to marry me, but for how long could she wait till I could sustain her?

 

Well she is right. I never told her I would marry her as I never knew what she wanted. I thought that thought would scare her away rather than scare me away. I never worked harder, as there is enough family business running to support me all my life and those accounts would sustain me, but she never understood that.

 

She said I never made her feel secure while she was with me, and not secure about the future, she simply said to me, that I could not support her yet and thats why we have come so far apart. And she had to break up with me as I never accepted being in a relation with her whilst she didnt live with me.

 

She tells me I never made her feel that I wanted to marry her, where as she wanted to and she thought she better walk out rather than tag along till something better came for me.

 

Then she simply said never to mail her and that she is blocking me from Gtalk as well??? Well she logged on and msged??

 

Now I am totally oconfused,

 

I wrote an email against her wishes, explaining to her that I always wanted to marry her but was afraid that it would scare her away as she was too young.

If I want serious about her I would not have found a house together and would not have spend 2 years libving with her sharing all the jobs and sorrows.

I would hav never taken her to meet my family etc. And just tried to reason it out, and simply tell her and remind her of the things we did together to indicate we were serious or not, like spending holiday together with eachother and not family. Exp[lained to her that she was my only family. And told her that I still would given a chance.

 

I dont know what the F!!! this girl wants, either she is looking for reasons and excuses for the break up, else she is just trying to see where I stand.

I need some help, as this is making me go crazy...

[mcson]

Dear NaNu,

 

I will tell you from my own experience!!

You know I am also going for NC and it has been 2 weeks since I do not contact with her at all.

Let me tell you how we broke up;

She first said that I was not serious, I did not do anything for her..etc.

Having heard such comments from her, I thought may be she was expecting me to marry her or at least show her that I was serious.

Accordingly, when I started to be serious and told her actually what I did for her...like '' asking a spare flat of my parents to give us, looking a job for her..etc.etc.'' I was even to buy a ring and propose...but when I told her about my serious thoughts and wishes; she just fell apart...she even said '' I hope you are not going to propose to me''!!!!

 

when I was not serious, she was asking me why I was not serious..When I was serious she was scared away...she even told me '' she did not want a serious relationship, like a marriage kind of thing''

 

Do you see the pattern????

 

I understand you perfectly!!! and I have really learnt not to listen what women say!! I prefer to see what they do, how they act!!

 

I am in the same confusion...I do not know how to act so I keep NC...I am trying to heal...and I take everything easy now!!

I am calmed down and cool...

However, when I feel ready, I will let her feel or know that I am not really taking everything seriously and I would like a relationship where there are no pressure from both side..

 

I have been talking to my close friends about my situation quite a long now...and really we could not be able to guess what she tries to do and what she thinks...so I let her go...if she needs time..here it is...if she needs to go...she can

 

Additionally, I see that you have not done strict NC!!!

I also use Gtalk but I have not logged in since I started NC

I have facebook and she is there, but I do not log in untill I feel healthy!! She even sends me messages sometimes but I do not reply!!

Because I feel that she cannot think properly yet...she does not know what she is doing..

 

Therefore, I think you cannot do a think unless your ex GF thinks properly and healthy again!! She is not healthy either my friend!! She does not know what she is saying..she is just lost...so let her make up her mind and come back to you

 

Do not log in to Gtalk, do not talk to her!!!

 

But let her know that you would like a committed relationship and she can contact you when she is ready for that'' TEll this nicely to her!!

Do not open your heart out!!! Just be cool on the phone!! Sound cheeful, confient and happy....Throw the ball to her side and let her think!!

 

But BE CAREFUL!!! All these things I am suggesting are well based on your mood!! You have to do these things if you really feel to do!!

Do not play games!!! Do not pretend!!!

 

Just take a break first, heal, start thinking rational again...make up your mind...take the things easier...be cool...and having feel like this...you will obviously call her and say

'' Hey, I want to be honest with you, I am not mad at you or hate you, I am just looking for a committed relationship, I would be glad to listen to you when you are redy for such relation. All is enough for me and I am not going to suffer anymore, I only want someone who wants me and who can share a committed relationship with me. Call me when you are ready''

 

or sth like that....but It has to be coming from your HEart!! You have to feel what you say!!! Do not play games!!!

Take care of your self and heal...then you will have such a conversation without any hassle and hesitation!! Believe me!!

 

Keep posting mate

[againstallodds]

Nanu,

 

I wish you luck. We gave you advice of no contact but you keep talking to her and keep analyzing thing. It will make you go crazy. You brought this onto yourself buddy. Even if you get back with her now, think about it, she put you through so much pain do you think it will work out in the long term.

 

Maybe you're not working hard enough, she probably feel insecure because you depend on the family business and not try to build something on your own. Can you change that? She'll keep blaming you for the breakup man. I've been there, my ex blamed me for everything so I cut her off and went NC.

 

When a girl loves you she'll accept everything. She did for two years didn't she? She already made up her mind that's why all these blames. Maybe all of these are excuses but why waste your time analyzing this and experience unnecessary pain.

[mcson]

Nanu,

 

When a girl loves you she'll accept everything.

 

Fully agreed!!

 

IF there is truly love, she will accept everything!! As in my case, all she is telling is nonsense!! She could have told these things earlier!!! So as I said, she does not know what she thinks, what she wants, what she feels!!

It is the same in my case...sometimes women give just BS to make your mind more complicated I think....

 

I have been sick of it already....and I know you are being sick as well...do not let your mind shuffle around trying to analyse her thoughts!!

I DID!!! yes I DID!!! What did I get then??? Nothing but confusion and pain

 

So Do not fall in to that trap my friend!!

[Eyeofthoth]

What I relate to in your story is this:

 

When someone is conflicted and both wants the relationship and doesn't want the relationship -- that is when they can really tear the other person apart if the other person lets them.

 

My ex told me he didn't feel as though I really loved him. I asked him what I could do to convince him: "Nothing."

 

Later I said that maybe I loved him more than he loved me. He said, "Maybe that's true." I cried and cried, and I told him I would be completely devastated if we broke up. He said, "I still want to be friends and you are making too much out of having a boyfriend." This infuriated me no end, since at the time he said it, he actually had two girlfriends available -- me, and his ex who was waiting in the wings to see if we were going to break up. Plus, he really thought that he could start dating his ex again and keep me as a friend, and that this offer of continued friendship should be some kind of consolation to me. As if I could be friends with him while he did that!

 

I calmed down and talked to him rationally and in a very supportive and friendly way. He said, "See. You are not really that upset. That proves that you don't really love me."

 

I was heartbroken, so heartbroken that I was alternating between unbearable pain and numbness and shock.

 

Sorry for rambling on . . . everything I post seems to turn into a rant about my horrifying experience, but what I am trying to say is:

 

This kind of double-talk will drive a person crazy. I believe it happens when someone still wants your love but needs their freedom more --- for whatever reason. It leads to irrational thinking and ill thought out behavior. There is no reasoning with this. The only thing that can help is SPACE and TIME.

 

All of our conversations were pointless, because the bottom line was that he needed to leave. That was all there was to it. He was trying to talk himself out of loving me, trying to find an excuse to leave, because he needed to leave the relationship.

 

He also still needed me to love him, but he needed to leave more.

 

He felt trapped in our relationship and that feeling of being trapped was causing him to invent reasons that he needed to get out. The reason he invented was that he needed to revisit things with his ex. But I know that when he was with her, he felt trapped in that relationsip too. He has a very big problem with feeling trapped, which relates mainly to what happened in his very bad first marriage.

 

Your ex probably felt trapped too, just because she was so young and not really ready to settle down yet.

 

Now that I have been through this, I really think that the more easily you let them go, the more likely they will realize that they are acting crazy and will come back.

 

He messed me up though by making me think that it was all about me proving that I loved him.

 

And maybe in a way it was. So I am proving it now by forgiving him and not bothering him and telling myself that if he is really happier without me, then that is that and I wish him well. I know he feels guilty about leaving me. I know he still wants to talk to me, but as long as he is seeing his ex, there is nothing else for us to talk about.

 

Maybe someday he will see that he was acting like a complete idiot. Maybe someday he will realize that he lost the best thing he ever had.

 

If not, then at least eventually I will have my sanity back.

 

I hope

[Eyeofthoth]

P.S.

 

I am coming up on three months of NC and it does help. I don't love him any less, and I still miss him every day. However, it has really helped me clear my head and realize that he was acting crazy and that I needed to get away from him -- at least for awhile.

 

I am also better able to concentrate on other things in my life now -- and to make sure that there are other things in my life.

[KissTheRain]

I believe it happens when someone still wants your love but needs their freedom more --- for whatever reason. It leads to irrational thinking and ill thought out behavior. There is no reasoning with this. The only thing that can help is SPACE and TIME.

I believe this is true, and this is what she is going thru, she tells me she misses me and stuff, but at the same time I feel she wants her freedom as welland now she is just finding reasons to justify her decision of leaving me, she tells me she is not happywith her life either, but what else can she do.Her emotional ride will kill my sanity it has already killed my pride dignity and self esteem. I mean I am being treated like a dog, on a leash begging for food or something.At the end of it I must think for myself if I even want to be in a relation such as this where I am always threatened? How will I ever feel secure in this? Do I really want this at the end of it all?

[mcson]

I believe it happens when someone still wants your love but needs their freedom more --- for whatever reason. It leads to irrational thinking and ill thought out behavior. There is no reasoning with this. The only thing that can help is SPACE and TIME.

 

Thank you for a good clarification of the situation Eyeofthoth.

That is exactly what happenig in my situation as well. She wants her freedom more than the relation at the moment.

 

NaNu....just pick up the pieces of your heart shattered around...You do not deserve to be treated that way really.

 

Do whatever is necessary to be able to feel better and confident again. Confidence and coolness is the key here my friend!! only When you reach to that point, you will be able to talk to her rationally again..

 

I am working to improve my emotional strength and confidence. I still miss her, love her so much but I am also learning from this break up. So far;

 

I have learnt that I was not that strong enough

I have learnt that my life was depending on her

I have learnt that I was too emotional

I have learnt that I was pushy sometimes

I have lerant that I should have given her freedom when she asked

...

...

...

 

 

I believe by listening to myself and working to improve, I will learn much more from the outcome of this break up.

 

You should do the same mate!!! Stop analysinh her thoughts!!!

 

Analyse your own feelings and thoughts!!!

 

Do you know what you want?

 

There is the question!!

[againstallodds]

The only chance you have for reconciliation is when you have a clear head and that's when you heal. If you keep contacting her it will only make both of you upset and blow up and cause more damage and you'll never get back together.

 

This is the first time I ever did NC. I always sort of on and off with my previous exes and in the end never worked out. Second chances sux.

 

My first ex is kind of like yours Nanu, she loved me, and missed me but her family didn't approve of me. There was also this other guy who chased her and he is very closed to the family. She didn't love him but she can't go for me neither because of the family. Everytime she wanted to see me she got to lie to her family.

 

One time I went out with a friend (a girl). Her brother saw me and he said I went out with a hot chick, she panicked and call me and want to see me like crazy. This is when we already broken up. We met and I did have sex with her but it didn't change anything.

 

My point is if she want to be back with you it got to be on her own free will. She got to accept you for who you are. Manipulation only get her back for a short time but you will end up breaking up again.

 

I am more mature now. Game and manipulation is when you're young and didn't know any better. I am glad that I found this website. It helped me alot with the recent breakup. No contact is the only solution.

[KissTheRain]

what do I do? Really what do I do?

For sometime I become OK, and start the gym, and get on with my life. But ever since I have come back from vacation, it has just become worse. Maybe subconsciously I know now that she is gone, maybe I was in denial till now for some reason and did not accept that she is moving on. I mean she thought about the break up way before it happened, so she ought to move on by now. But I don't know why all of a sudden I have started to feel like **** again and again normal day to day things have become harder to do.

 

Maybe it is the sense of giving up, I mean I have done all I could, all that is said NOT to be done on the forums too, written endless letters, spoken to her, went out for dinner to her place when she invited me, taken all her lies and shattered myself respect and dignity for her, not questioned her on the break up, sent flowers etc all this after the break up. And some days she was loving and some days indifferent, and most days simply too cold for me to even converse. So really I am upset cause I am giving up I guess.

[mcson]

what do I do? Really what do I do?

...I am upset cause I am giving up I guess.

 

Dear NaNu,

 

I only quoted two parts of your message and combined them...please read

 

Yes my friend, you are giving up!!! and I am giving up as well!!!

 

If there is truly love you are feeling deep in your heart, it is really hard to apply NC. Why? Because you want to tell her how you love her, you want her to feel like you, you want to tell her , tell her and tell her..millions of things!! So NC becomes really hard in such a case!!

 

On the other hand, YES forum advices strict NC but I believe that is applicable only when you have already decided to move on and take care of yourself. Then NC helps you to heal!!! Really works!!

 

I am in the same situation with you and I have treid everything with her...did not work..that was obvious...but at least I do not regret man!!!

There lies the point ''No Regret'' !!! Do whatever you want to do, NC, talk,message, see, meeting if you feel that you will not REGRET!!

 

My friend, I listed what I have learnt and keep learning in my previous Post...let me tell you one more thing for which I am really glad that I have realised!!

 

'' I have learnt ; People who know what they can control and whet they cannot, will achive''

 

Now I know that whatever I do, I cannot control HER feelings and thoughts. At least I have learnt that!!!

 

I believe you feel better in sometime..I still miss her so much and I am upset too but I have to realise that I still exist and I need to live and move on!!

 

I think pains we face in life make us to ''Stop'' ''Have a Break'' and think!!

Then obviously '' LEarn'' and the outcome should be a stronger person!!!

 

We need to use this pain as a stimulator to be a better person!!!

[againstallodds]

what do I do? Really what do I do?

For sometime I become OK, and start the gym, and get on with my life. But ever since I have come back from vacation, it has just become worse. Maybe subconsciously I know now that she is gone, maybe I was in denial till now for some reason and did not accept that she is moving on. I mean she thought about the break up way before it happened, so she ought to move on by now. But I don't know why all of a sudden I have started to feel like **** again and again normal day to day things have become harder to do.

 

Maybe it is the sense of giving up, I mean I have done all I could, all that is said NOT to be done on the forums too, written endless letters, spoken to her, went out for dinner to her place when she invited me, taken all her lies and shattered myself respect and dignity for her, not questioned her on the break up, sent flowers etc all this after the break up. And some days she was loving and some days indifferent, and most days simply too cold for me to even converse. So really I am upset cause I am giving up I guess.

 

 

After 2 months when I broke up with my ex. I took a month vacation half way around the world. I shut her off for that period and enjoyed my vacation. Basically when you're that far away your mind is forced to think differently. But when I came back from vacation the urge was crazy too and I basically trying to contact her calling and stuff but fortunately she already changed her number lol. Although I know where she work but I got the strength not to go there to see her. So I end up didn't make an ass of myself.

 

 

Unfortunately for you, she keep contacting you and cause you pain and you keep letting her do it.

[againstallodds]

Nanu,

 

 

I don't think you can avoid the pain of breakup, you can mask it and cover it up. If you have a pile of sh*t and keep covering it up one day you'll smell the sh*t. You'll have to deal with the pain one way or another. It sux I know but accept it for what it is and you'll recover quicker instead of contacting the ex. Contacting the ex only make you happy for a short moment but the pain will come back and hit you again.

[mcson]

Nanu,

 

 

I don't think you can avoid the pain of breakup, you can mask it and cover it up but eventually you'll have to face the pain one way or another. It sux I know but accept it for what it is and you'll recover quicker instead of contacting the ex. Contacting the ex only make you happy for a short moment but the pain will come back and hit you again.

 

I agree with that to the all extend!!

 

If you try to ignore and cover the pain hardly, you will eventually feel that is something like an artificial healing . You need to feel your pain, live with theam and learn from them. However, you shpuld never be under control of your PAINS instead you should learn how to Control them!

 

As Againstallodds states;

 

Contacting the ex only make you happy for a short moment but the pain will come back and hit you again

 

I have experineced that several times and finally I stopped contacting her!! BecauseI do not wanna suffer further!! Yes when I contacted her, I felt happy and relieved but then short after that conversation again solution, BREAK-UP is still there...and I started suffering again...this is like a roller coaster...like Deja-Vu

 

You should care about yourself my friend...

[KissTheRain]

You know what, sometimes we humans are crazy I feel, or atleast I am crazy I feel. I feel I am addicted to being depressed, and addicted to be thrown to the ground, and addicted to remorse in sefl pity, addicted to being given this pain by her. I am not here today to write and ask for help or suggestions. I am here to maybe help others who read my story and please for all the good in the world stop chasing ghosts, and go NC as soon as you notice the lightest indifference.

 

OK so here is my story, I dont want anyone to feel bad for me, as I brought this over me. The last night she messages me now on facebook, I have deleted her but one can still send messages. So a few messages go back and foreth.Then she says can I come to the cafe' and ofcourse I was glad to cause I am a weak ass for her love at the time. So I go fetch her, we drive around keep the conversation light etc and are having a nice time, then she says she is hungry, so I ask her where she would like to go I can afford her dinner I said, she asked me to suggest a place, and I replied she can suggest the best place she wants to go to cause now since I am her ex, she shouldn't really worry about making me bankrupt. So we go to this fancy place we always wanted to go to but never had.

 

We keep the conversation light, and I let her do most of the talking, I was just happy to see her smile, and happy to see her talking to me, and she seemed happy to be with me for whatever time it was. Whenever the conversation came to us, we both said lets not talk about it, as we both knew it wont be a good conversation. Then she asked me what I wanted with us, now that all this had happened, I simply told her, I am happy just to see her at times and maybe go out for dinner like this, and to have a conversation with her. Though in my heart ofcourse I had a lot more to say, but I knew I couldn't ask for more. Well, I knew it is not going to be a great evening, so here it goes then, she tells me, that she met somoene for 2 days while on vacation, she really likes him, he is from another city and now wants to move here, and they kissed on the beach and she was very happy. Well, really at this point I just wanted to get up and leave, but I didn't. Pain went thru me, and I guess she saw that but I teird to to be clam, and ask more about him, which she told me a bit more. Well, we spoke a bit more, and I asked if she even knew when we broke up, and she said, she had no clue, as to when or how it happened. Then we spoke a bit more, but it was hard for me to converse after what she had told me, dinner eneded and we walked out.

 

On the stairs, Then I told her that for once I was happy in a wierd way, cause for the first time, knowing that it would hurt me she told me the truth. Knowing that I might get really really angry, she atleast told me the truth, and that if we ever had to be friends we had to start with the truth.

She simply hugged me. We drove back, and on the way back, I told her that now that she is telling me the truth, she could also tell me if she had a new phone and had not been using the phone number she gave me. Yes said yes I am right, she doesnt want me to have her number. I asked if her new friend calls her on it, and she said yes he does, and that she knew my number so if needed she would call. Then she told me, she missed me at times, but she never called cause she pictured me as being upset and angry at her, but now after seeing that I was ok, and not that upset she would call me whenever she missed me. Then before leaving she told me a bit more about the new guy, and how it might not work out between them etc, and that she was drunk when she kissed him, and that I am taking it the wrong way, and that he was not even half as good looking. She told he they talk often though and she really loves him, but also inthe same sentence says how can I love someone I met for 2 days? She get back in the car, gives me another hug, and runs away. Says she would msg or call me on monday or something, and that her college is starting.

 

Again I am not here for advice. I know my advice 8-9 pages, and over 120 posts have told me what to do. I can say it or type it, I am not even going to say I am going NC. I am just NUMB now, I feel nothing for her. NUMB. I dont have questions for her, or for God, I have given this relationship more than I would have done for myself. But last night, onwards I ahve just had a headache, no tears, some anger, no regrets, numb with pain yes that I am. BUt now there is no lookng back.

 

I know my worth, I know who I am. I know I am an honest and loving human being. I know I never try to hurt anyone, and I know my feelings dont come and go like the tide. I know I dont try to hurt anyone, and I know I am not prefect either, I know I am spoilt, and stubborn. But at the end of it all I am not anybodys second choice. And especially not hers. I have a lot to offer, and I know now that when someone who appriciates me comes along, I will never let her down.

 

I would like to thank all the people who post here on LS. and not only in my threads but on various others I have browsed. Thanks a lot. I would also like to thank some of my friends who are not on the forums cause the get my constant calls day and night talking about her, and I know they too are fed up.

Whats it been now like ? in her words she says 6 months, though I know its 3 if its 6 for her then I guess its been 6 months for me as well, enough time has passed that I get a LIFE.

[mcson]

Dear NaNu,

 

I have read your honest words coming from your heart.

 

That is the point we eventually reach after a Break - Up....''NUMB''

 

I will reach to that point someday soon I think but the problem here in such painful relations and break-ups is that they really affect the way we feel and think. That will obviously make us over think about any relation we may come across. I am only concerned about that issue at the moment. I also read and sense similar feelings from your last post as well.

When a beautiful and commited relationship ends with too much pain and suffer, we as human beings, go crazy and start seeing every possible relation we might have, in the same way. Having learnt from our pains, we then tend to preserve ourselves, not give what we can offer and start changing our views about women.

 

I know that will inevitable and I will also think that way sometimes but the critical point is that not to miss the right person when she comes along. Basically, we should not really compare our ex relation with the possible new relations. At the end of the day, we have learnt from our pains and we have to know how to act in order not to suffer again.

 

Yes like you said, people are addicted to pain and desperation and I feel myself like that sometimes too. We love to suffer!! That is true!! If we are such person, then we need to learn how to be happy and Love to be happy!!

 

I am not going to comment on your last meet up as you are alredy aware of all the contrast and clues. You know what you need to do...Having shared the same pain and suffer , I personally will not let myself depend on a woman anymore. I want to love and share again but I do not want my life to depend on a woman in all aspects.

 

''I know my worth, I know who I am. I know I am an honest and loving human being. I know I never try to hurt anyone, and I know my feelings dont come and go like the tide. I know I dont try to hurt anyone, and I know I am not prefect either, I know I am spoilt, and stubborn. But at the end of it all I am not anybodys second choice. And especially not hers. I have a lot to offer, and I know now that when someone who appriciates me comes along, I will never let her down.''

 

I love these words of you my friend...they are also like telling about me really...we have so much to offer and we should be looking for the rigth person who is worth for that...we will find her one day or another...we just need to try and learn..

 

Thank you too

[againstallodds]

Thanks Nanu for telling us your story. We could learn a lot from it. All breakups follow similar patterns. I am glad I didn't go through what you did. I have doubt about NC too at first because it's my first time doing NC.

 

From your story and others I think NC is only way to heal.

[againstallodds]

Yes like you said, people are addicted to pain and desperation and I feel myself like that sometimes too. We love to suffer!! That is true!! If we are such person, then we need to learn how to be happy and Love to be happy!!

 

Thank you too

 

 

I don't think we are addicted to pain. Most of us follow our hearts instead of our heads and sometime it's beyond our control. If people are addicted to pain then you would see alot of people on the street with bruises lol. You get my point.

[mcson]

I don't think we are addicted to pain. Most of us follow our hearts instead of our heads and sometime it's beyond our control. If people are addicted to pain then you would see alot of people on the street with bruises lol. You get my point.

 

I did not exactly intend to mean that everybody is addicted to pain! I wanted to say that some people are and somepeople not. However, it is obvious that if you feel the pain, live with teh pain and let the pain (your heart) control you, you will be addicted and you cannot even stop yourself missing the pain when it is gone. I hope it is clear now!

 

In regard with '' NC'', this is my first time doing NC as well. Like you, againstallodds, I am not sure if it is the best way but I believe it helps us heal! and we need to heal!