missdependant Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 This is long, so sorry in advance.. So when I met my boyfriend, I was sort of in the midst of casual dating with about three other guys. Nothing serious.. just some hand holding and a kiss at the end of the night sort of thing. Anyway, there was one guy in particular who I was interested in, David. So we started dating. I was still seeing the other guys, but only a couple times. One night I slept with one, didn't have sex.. we simply slept in the same bed because I wasn't sober enough to drive. I wasn't wasted to the point of vulnerability, but I certainly wasn't safe to drive. The next morning I got a call from the one who I was really interested in, David, asking me out to dinner at which point he asked me to be his girlfriend. So a relationship started, and I broke contact with the others that I was talking to. About a month after we started dating, I asked to use his phone because I wasn't getting signal where we were. I used it and ended up in his text box by accident.. In the subject lines I saw a text saying "wait come back and cuddle" and then another one saying "thank you so much for tonight but you need to go work things out with Sarah" (I'm sarah). So I confronted him. I left very angrily when he told me that he was at his exes the night before cuddling with her because she was sad about an abortion and some other bs drama. Anyway, he came into my work with some sappy ass story that he was ONLY cuddling with her; nothing else. We talked and made up and I didn't bring it up again until a few months later when he found out i was seeing some guys before we were OFFICIALLY in a relationship. I found out that day that he kissed the girl the night that he said they just cuddled. I was livid, but felt like since we'd been together for six months at that point, I really couldn't get too mad. A few months later? She sends him an e-mail which he leaves on my computer almost like he wanted me to read it. In the e-mail it talked about this hot night that "Sarah" (me) didn't know about and how she missed him and still loved him and a bunch of other CRAP! In his sent mail box he told her that he never wanted to speak with her again and to leave him alone. Anyway, I called her furiously asking her what happened between them. She told me they had sex. So I asked him what really happened VERY pissed off at this point and he said they fooled around. Nothing more than a "drunken mistake". To this day, I feel like more happened than just fooling around.. like he did have sex with her. Anyway, recently I've started getting very pissed at the fact that he watches porn. I don't orgasm when we have sex and he obviously knows it. Everything is all about pleasing him. My computer history always has porn sites there are porn sites in my bookmarks which i KNOW i didn't put there. The porn really angers me, and I don't know why, or if these are even related. He always gets mad at me for getting mad at him. I really don't know why I get mad. But every time I see it in the history I get even more angry, because of the time that he spent with this girl, the time he doesn't spend pleasing me in bed and all of the time he spends sitting in front of a computer watching porn isntead of coming onto his girl; which he never does by the way. I innitiate any sort of physical romance.. I wouldn't say I'm gorgeous, but I think I am pretty, and when we do have sex I do EVERYTHING to please him, but never feel like I get anything in return. Half of the time he tells me to use a toy which leads me to.. Every time I see the porn in the history, and every time his ex girlfriend tries to hang out with him, I think to myself that I can do better. And I know that can't be good. I love the guy to death and I'm really attached to him, but I can't help but feel that, had I known that they FOOLED around that night and didn't JUST cuddle, I would have left him. Is it too late to leave him for something he did wrong almost 9 months ago? Has anyone else ever had similar problems to this? Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Several years ago I broke up with a girl because she kissed an ex about three months before, while we were dating... about 6 months in. So no, I don't think you are wrong to be mad... especially since yall were dating at the time. I know that from this point on, I won't get involved with a girl that is still hung up on her ex. Just doesn't work. I wouldn't worry too much about the porn. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyintights Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 This dude is untrustworthy. How do you know this aborted baby was not his?? She is obviously in love with him and he has feelings for her too. I see cuddling as even worse than a kiss- it shows a tight emotional bond to me. YES HE DID HAVE SEX WITH HER! COME on! You are here posting all of the text messages between them and you still are trying to delude yourself from comprehending the message? Link to post Share on other sites
Author missdependant Posted November 24, 2008 Author Share Posted November 24, 2008 I already know the aborted child was his, as that happened over a year before I started dating him and she made it a point to tell the ENTIRE WORLD about her dramatic experience (don't like 80% of women end up getting abortions before they're 40?).. the story was that she was sad about it, because it was the anniversary of her abortion (boo ****ing hoo) which also happened to be the 4th anniversary of his mother's death. They'd been broken up for a year when he cheated with her and we'd been together a month. I realize abortions are difficult.. But not to the point of slutting around with someone else's boyfriend. I realize the death of a parent is absolutely traumatic and an extremely horrible thing for someone his age to go through. But, I didn't know that was a reason to cheat on someone that you "care about". And now I'm finding out that he answered a personal ad from Craigslist; casual encounters (the one night stand section) during the SAME time he cheated on me. He said he never got a response and never followed through with it, but ouch. I was really that meaningless to him; probably nothing but a piece of ass that came over for a lay a couple times a week. I think I'm done. I am absolutely heartbroken about it and he appears to be too. But I'm so done with it all. I feel like if he was going to love me in this relationship, he should have loved me from the beginning and treated me with respect from the first day we ever said we were officially dating. I love him so much, but I can't stand feeling so paranoid, and I hate that our trust level is at zero. I don't have any idea how we can rebuild trust here, I don't know what do I'm simply at a loss. No matter how hard I try, I don't feel like I get an honest answer out of him, even if he is being honest. It feels to me, like the entire past eleven months were a lie and to him, the beginning meant absolutely nothing. I feel he didn't give a flying eff about anything until I finally brought it to his attention. Thanks for the advice here. Link to post Share on other sites
OnTheEdge Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 well if he is looking for one night stands on the internet then he obviously isnt satisfied by what u do even tho u do your best and he does nothing sexually for you..he sounds like a *******.. if my partner was on the internet looking for sex id definatly end the relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author missdependant Posted November 26, 2008 Author Share Posted November 26, 2008 Good call.. And that's what I did. Link to post Share on other sites
OnTheEdge Posted November 26, 2008 Share Posted November 26, 2008 no problem..what happened? Link to post Share on other sites
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