At what point do ex's regret ending it?

[lilmrcheerful]

Hi all,

 

Something that i've always been curious of. Say for example you've been with someone for a while, living with them and the works, say for a year, and then all of a sudden they break it off for their own reasons and no fault of your own, bear in mind the relationship had been great but perhaps they were confused and wanted to get back with an ex, at what point (if at all) would they regret their actions?

 

Thanks for reading.

[lofi_tokyo]

It depends on the person.

 

First of, some people probably don't regret dumping someone at all, so much as they regret having hurt the person.

 

As for the people who do feel pangs of "darn I shouldn't have left him/her", I think that really only happens when the dumper gets lonely, you know? When nostalgia has a chance to creep in and have its way with your mind. ;p

 

Generally, people break up because there is a solid reason to break up. Sometimes, after a few months, the dumper misses their ex and wants them back, but after a little while longer, they move on.

 

I don't know if people regret dumping their ex's so much as they begin to miss their company. They wouldn't want to go back to dating them, so they don't regret dumping them, but they do regret losing a friend.

[Tony T]

There may be no point where they regret their actions. Every case is different. However, there is a low percentage of relationships working the second time around since the same dynamics that ended the relationship the first time are still there. On the other hand, a person would have to have ZERO self respect to take somebody back who had left them for an ex. If somebody is that flakey, they aren't worthy of being in a relationship with another person.

 

A lot of people just can't stand to be alone so they just grab onto what may be out there. That's what would have caused a rebound relationship...the kind one would leave to go back to an ex.

[lilmrcheerful]

A couple of excellent responses thank you.

 

Thinking about this, the only reason of regret would be if the dumper realised that the relationship they were previously in was so much better than the one they had left them to get into, especially if it was with an ex who (no doubt) would have promised them that things wouldn't be the same as before and so on. I think ultimately regret kicks in when they realised how lovely they were treated in that previous relationship along with how nice and trustworthy that person was and then comparing it to the relationship they were currently in, if it didn't measure up then regret kicks in, especially if there was no real reason to end the original relationship in the first place other than something really silly so that it could be used as an excuse to get into the new relationship.

[SushiX]

Probably never unless you win the lottery and become a millionaire, then the ex might regret, otherwise NO. Change yourself for the better and you'll soon realize that you deserve better!

[SushiX]

A couple of excellent responses thank you.

 

Thinking about this, the only reason of regret would be if the dumper realised that the relationship they were previously in was so much better than the one they had left them to get into, especially if it was with an ex who (no doubt) would have promised them that things wouldn't be the same as before and so on. I think ultimately regret kicks in when they realised how lovely they were treated in that previous relationship along with how nice and trustworthy that person was and then comparing it to the relationship they were currently in, if it didn't measure up then regret kicks in, especially if there was no real reason to end the original relationship in the first place other than something really silly so that it could be used as an excuse to get into the new relationship.

 

Sorry but NO. I don't think anyone thinks this way. Maybe in rare instances. When I'm in a relationship with someone new I never compare it to previous relationships or even care about it because its over and done with. Why bother?

[Trialbyfire]

Exes usually come back after you've moved on, so hurry up and get there!

[movingonandon]

I'm struggling with the same question. I've pretty much moved on and dating, now my ex, who dumped me to essentially be in an absurd relationship with a by and large loser says she wants to come back. I miss her of course and all, but so far keep her at a major distance, simply because it's a 1) if she has true regrets, thats great, but on the other hand it's a no braniner that i'm so much better than that little loser (i.e. she gets no credit for realising that things were not all bad with me) 2) perhaps she's just feeling lonely etc. and misses the comfort, which is also not good enough, since I see no evidence of taking responsibility for her part and her actions. So basically seems like a pretty hopeless scenario to me, but you never know.

 

On a more general note, i think that breaking up for any reason (other than abuse and blatant disrespect) is irrational. Whatever problems you have in a relationship, you will have the exact same problems in the next relationship. So why not spare some grief to everybody involved and learn to deal with them in the current relationship, rather than start a new one and end up in a similar boat?

[reservoirdog1]

Exes usually come back after you've moved on, so hurry up and get there!

 

This is VERY true. When my XW sat me down after 7 years of marriage and said she'd been on-and-off unhappy the whole time, had screwed around several times and wanted out, and didn't want to try working on things, that to me was a pretty clear indication that she saw me as totally wrong for her, we never should have gotten married (both of which she stated), and that was that. We split up at her instigation and I moved out.

 

Long story short, but the first night out, I slept with somebody else. Admittedly it was mostly a revenge fyck... I didn't expect somebody to display interest in me that quickly, but when they did, with my self-confidence in the toilet, it was a shot in the arm right when I needed it most.

 

A week later, XW and I had a fight on the phone in which I told her I'd already been with somebody else. And guess what? Over the next few weeks, she made several attempts to get me to come back. This was five years ago now, we stayed apart (and now get along well), and objectively, I think she's much happier now.

 

From her perspective, I'd "moved on" and done so VERY quickly. Far quicker than she ever expected, I imagine.

 

In most cases, when an ex suddenly wants you back after you've turned your life around, it's because they're questioning all the reasons they'd ended it in the first place. We all want what we can't have (or can't have quite as easily as we thought we could). It's the principle of scarcity -- Economics 101.

 

But -- and this is the point -- I think once you've broken up, in most cases, it's not going to work out long term if you get back together. "It's called a breakup because it's broken."

 

Just my $0.02...

[axisdenied]

Exes usually come back after you've moved on, so hurry up and get there!

 

Hot damn! True dat!

[Love_Forest]

On a more general note, i think that breaking up for any reason (other than abuse and blatant disrespect) is irrational. Whatever problems you have in a relationship, you will have the exact same problems in the next relationship. So why not spare some grief to everybody involved and learn to deal with them in the current relationship, rather than start a new one and end up in a similar boat?

 

I agree wit you, the last 2 man i was dating had LTR and the reason for breaking it was the same but they did not work out on that in the previous relation the pattern was formed and when they were in the next relation meeting the same situation they went out before to try to make the things work just because the previous did not work.....