I had to push her away forever...

[Surfer Dude]

Hi guys

 

I have been a lurker for a while, but I decided to get registered here and share my story with you.

 

I don't wanna get into how my relationship with her was (it was great), I'd rather focus on the whole breakup matter and the pain of it.

 

I'll get straight to the point:

 

After we had been in LDR for a while, she decided to break it off. The whole reason was because she fell in love with another guy who lived in the same apartment building as her. It was painful as hell, especially because we were already engaged and were planning on getting married. Hell, I even started saving money and looking for loans from banks, so that we could start our life together in a while.

 

She said she needed freedom to enjoy her life more and to have someone to be with her on daily basis.

 

The only woman I ever loved with 100% of my heart decided to discard me like a piece of trash, with no remorse whatsoever. That was extremely hard on me, I just couldn't bear the the thought of being dumped by my beloved fiance. I couldn't breathe, sleep, eat, work and study for weeks.

 

But it got better. Until we started talking on MSN. She told me every little detail of her new love life, regardless of my wish not to hear about it. She told me about having sex with her new boyfriend. After a while she dumped him and went for another one. Every time we talked online I quietely listened to her, broken and crying inside, imagining every scenario of her having fun with guys (there wasn't much left to imagine, she pretty much told me everything).

 

I couldn't and still can't believe that someone who said they loved me, who wanted to have kids with me and spend her life with me, would intentionally be causing me so much pain and grief. That would be understandable, had I been the dumper and had she wanted revenge, but I was the one left bleeding and dying in extreme pain for weeks. Why did she want to cause even more anguish to me?

 

We both equally initiated contact, me usually trying to get her to like me, her needing some help or validation or emotional support.

 

After that I started NC, I read No Foolin's posts and figured out it was the only way to stay sane and go on with my life. The radio silence lasted for a while, until last week, when I got a text message on my phone, saying: "Hey <name here>, I'm so nervous and excited right now". I knew she was on a date because she mentioned a while back that she would meet a guy from another city on that day.

 

I started feeling broken again, as that was way too much info for me to handle.

 

Yesterday I got another text. She asked me to come online as it was very urgent. Going against my inner voice of reason, I unblocked her, readded her and went to see what she had to say. She asked me how I was, and she told me she needed help again. She got a new foreign boyfriend, whose native language is similar enough to a language I can understand (due to my ancestry) and she wanted me to talk to her on Skype and teach her some phrases so that she could surprise her bf.

 

This is where I drew the line. I told her that it was extremely hurtful what she was doing, I asked her why she was intentionally initiating contact every time just to tell me info about her love life, to make me jealous and hurt. She just replied "I don't love you".

 

I blocked her and deleted her for good. I sent her an angry email (all in caps lock to leave me alone, to never interrupt my life again, that she has no right to contact me after she destroyed every little brick of our relationship that we worked so hard to build. I called her a fcking slut and a whore who is putting out to every guy in the country. I explicitly let her know that she is NEVER to contact me again and interrupt my life again.

 

I feel much better throwing back just 10% of pain she ever caused me... It's painful to know I'm never going to see her or hear from again... but what I did was necessary and I had to protect myself. She was totally insane, why the hell did she want to hurt me by telling me about her new guys??! Is she a nutcase?

[2sure]

Yes, she is a nut case. The amount of attention she needs is unbelievable.

 

You, on the other hand..have/are handling things amazingly well. You have taken proactive steps to heal. To be honest, you are a young guy ...and Im impressed. You are emotionally strong and in your way to being healthy.

 

I know it doesnt help right now...but some woman is going to get a great guy.

[Peter_pan]

dude you did the right thing. she sounds crazy man. id never put up with any girl that treats me like that.

[LittleDove]

well done dude, now next time she sends a txt, delete it, DONT even read it.

shes not right in the head for being like this to you, shes knowingly hurting you- just like my X did, its as if they enjoy it.

 

NC all the way dude!!

[quankanne]

sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind ... in this case, the kindness is directed at you, and rightly so.

 

she's something else – takes a whole lot of chutzpah to string along a relationship with someone you dumped just because you need their help with your new lovers! My guess is that she does this because she's self-centered, and can't see past her own immediate needs to understand what her behavior is doing to you.

 

also, she doesn't seem to have a whole hell of a lot of respect for you, because a decent person would understand what's appropriate, and that this kind of behavior ISN'T appropriate.

[WiseOne1]

Yea you did the right thing, It seems that she wanted to torture you by telling you about her new BF.

You did nothing to deserve it, I can also understand if you had done something bad to her and she was trying to get revenge, but you did nothing.

 

Every chance she had she wanted to rub in your face on how she got another BF, also I don’t think she dumped the other dude, she’s trying to play it off the other dude probably slept with her and left her.

 

I had a ex that did the same thing, the only thing she wanted to do is talk about her new BF, so I went NC, and I haven’t talked to her in the last month even though she has been txting and calling.

But yea shes nuts, I would have told her to go tell her last ex bf about her new foreign bf, its because the last dude didn’t care, he got what he wanted and then left. I congratulate you on being able to get rid of

[Surfer Dude]

Thanks for your replies guys, I really needed to hear this so badly.

 

Yes 2sure, I'm young (in my early twenties).

 

The thought that I'm never gonna see her or talk to her again is a bit disturbing. I lost my love, my best friend of 2 years, the closest person to me... But she did it, not me. It's her who was the cause of this mess. I tried fixing things, while she kept on picking on me and taking out her frustrations on our relationship and friendship. I have nothing to regret really.

 

It also hurts to know that while I'm wallowing in misery, she's having the time of her life with her new boyfriend. This is the exact reason why I cut contact between us, so that I don't have to hear that kind of stuff constantly. I deserve better.

 

I'll be damned if I ever let anyone destroy my self esteem and mental health and sanity.

 

Why do people change so much... what causes them to change and become so disrespectful? Or are they like that all along, while hiding their true personality? I guess we'll never know.

[EmperorR]

I've been there, I know how it feels, when my ex cheated and dumped me, like a idiot I went on with the "friends" crap, every day she would msg me and ask me how doo you know if a guy likes me etc. , and how she had butterflies etc. for some new herb she just met. I drew the line there, no way will I continue to be disrespected and I cut that out. 60 days NC strong.

[Surfer Dude]

I just don't quite get what she wanted to achieve by contacting me all the time and harassing me with talks about her new guys. Some people say it's because she still loves me and wanted to see if I care (BS). I tend to think she was doing it solely to satisfy her ego, by seeing me being all broken about her. It is very satisfying for her to see people needing her and giving her attention.

 

If she had ANY respect for a man who was her fiance, who loved her with all his mind and soul, who considered her a perfect lady to spend life with..... she wouldn't be doing this. Clearly she has no respect or compassion whatsoever.

 

It was painful yelling at her in email, calling her whore and slut.. and telling her not to contact me again. But I needed to say those things so much. She crushed my heart and left me destroyed, and then indulged in it. I just wanted to have one small bit of satisfaction.

 

Once you dump someone for a new person, you simply lose the right and privilege to be a part of their life. It remains at their sole discretion to decide whether they want to keep you in their life or not. I strongly suggest to everyone who was cheated on and dumped by their love, to cut all contact immediately. People, don't be doormats for those psychos. They think they can do whatever they want to anyone, keep using them to satisfy their emotional needs and discard them when they don't need them anymore.

 

I really feel sorry for the chump she is dating right now. The guy has no idea what's waiting for him.

[Peter_pan]

Why do people change so much... what causes them to change and become so disrespectful? Or are they like that all along, while hiding their true personality? I guess we'll never know.

 

id also love to know. i think everyone has there own reasons. either way when you get left after a LTR with your partner, it is just soul destroying. me and my ex werent technically together, but she was seeing sum new guy without me knowing. so she may have slept with him then i dont and wont know.

 

also she said it was nothing serious between them but it was nice not knowing if it will lead to something more.

 

ugh

 

 

but yeah have nothing to do with your ex. easier said than done. at least you had your say, i never had a rant. when i called to speak to her i think she was afraid i was going to shout so she spoke and answered timidly, but i was nice.

 

 

maybe in the future she will look back and realize i wasnt so bad.

[Surfer Dude]

It's night here... and I'm alone. Memories have started to surface... I feel like crap.

 

I can't believe she is gone... I can't believe she changed so much, did so much damage to me that I had to tell her to get out of my life in the worst way possible. I don't feel bad for telling her to get lost, but rather for the insults I wrote in the mail. I wish I could take those nasty words back.

 

But I know that what I did was for the best. I don't regret it.

 

What I miss is not her... It's the memory of good moments spent with her. It's the mental image of her that I have. The image of a wonderful, great, smart, loving and caring girl. It's just a memory, she is no longer those things. I would never wanna spend my life with the true her.

 

Just gotta get out of this vicious cycle of memories and accept that she is gone.

 

I keep telling myself that more good moments (and women) in life will come, so that's keeping me alive right now.

[wowIlose]

Switch up your perspective a bit. Consider this as dodging the bullet. Had you married her and then seen her true colors it would have been worse because you would need to get divorced. Take it a step further, and imagine you had kids then saw the true colors... wow. See what I mean? Dodged a bullet my friend. Consider yourself lucky as your still young and will find someone better no doubt.

 

I often go read the divorce forums because it tends to make me feel lucky and of course I offer my support there as well.

 

Try not to get lost in nostalgia. I did that for a while and it took me a long time to get a grasp on the reality of things.

 

This girl is extremely disrespectful and you learned your lesson. Once shes your EX the contact must be severed. Its hard and brutal at times but its better then finding out about their new love affairs.

 

Live your life. Take time to heal, time to be angry and time to be sad but don't be a victim.

[TeaAbraham]

Dude! You are made of steel. I can't believe you were able to let her do that to you for so long. I understand exactly how you feel though. You wanted her to love you again, and you felt like if you were nice to her and talked to her and all that she would love you again. You must have cared about her very much. You are totally right, though. That person who you fell in love with is gone. Someone who loves you would never do this to you, and you aren't so desperate as to need the love of someone who cares so little about you. If you can love a woman who doesn't care about you as she has shown she does not, you can love a woman who does care about you, and that woman will be all over you for that. There are TONS of women who are out there yearning for a guy who is as caring as you seem to be. I am so sorry you lost what you two had together. It is sad to think that the person who you loved so much is gone. It's almost like they died or something like that. But no one is dead. Sounds like you were deceived by that woman. It is sad that that person is gone, but it also sounds like that person was never actually there. It's sad, but what's the point in letting this deceitful woman tear you apart?

 

You have proven yourself a strong dude if you can put up with all of her ****. You are definitely strong enough to get over what sounds like a crazy woman who doesn't respect you as you as so many others would be more than happy to do.

[sultry33]

hi op

the memories will be there but you have to remember that was whilst you was together.. now your not she is not the same person.

 

my ex was the greatest guy to me ..love of my lfe everything.. now he is just a painful memory

 

I feel like writing him an email infact i may do it:sick:

my advice is as KMT wrote

 

live your life and feel good that you missed the bullet

 

it gets better

[hereandnow]

Dude, that must've been so brutal. I had to e-mail my ex and tell her not to contact me unless she was thinking about getting back together. I did that after I overheard a guy talking about having gone to an art event with her and her friend. And that's all that I heard, and it tore me up.

 

The last time I hung out with her, a little over a week ago, I could see that she was looking at me like a friend now. And it's only been about 4 weeks today since we broke up. I don't get how they can just do that, after all that we shared. It's tough. I had to preemptively stop communication before I started hearing things like you have. I'm just hoping I can stick with it.

 

Wishing you well man. We'll get through this!

[Surfer Dude]

Dude, that must've been so brutal. I had to e-mail my ex and tell her not to contact me unless she was thinking about getting back together. I did that after I overheard a guy talking about having gone to an art event with her and her friend. And that's all that I heard, and it tore me up.

 

The last time I hung out with her, a little over a week ago, I could see that she was looking at me like a friend now. And it's only been about 4 weeks today since we broke up. I don't get how they can just do that, after all that we shared. It's tough. I had to preemptively stop communication before I started hearing things like you have. I'm just hoping I can stick with it.

 

Wishing you well man. We'll get through this!

 

You're gonna be fine bro. We all are.

 

I still keep having minor setbacks from time to time, but I know what what I did was really necessary and that I did a favor to both her and myself. She needs to stop doing this to people and hopefully she got a message, and I needed to get away from her and get on with my life.

 

In the past whenever I started NC, it felt alright but there was still a small bit of hope left there, since she didn't know I was doing NC, she just thought I was busy or something. This time though, when I sent her two explicit emails all in caps not to ever talk to me again, the hope has died. And it's a totally new feeling to me. She has blocked me and deleted me as well, and this girl can really hold grudges for a very long time even over some much smaller things. So she's gone for good.

 

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, realizing that she will never be back. Combine that feeling with poking around good old memories, and you're in for one hell of a painful time. But I taught myself to see my memories as something that is a part of me, something than can never be taken away, and that there's absolutely no reason to feel bad about anything. She messed up, not me, why should I feel bad? Because I lost something I had? No thanks, I will use this experience to define my character and become a better person, instead of wallowing in sorrow over love lost.

 

About them not feeling the same way we do and pretending nothing ever happened... who cares. They made a choice to kick us out of their lives. They are avoiding their demons by constantly jumping from one relationship to another, each failing in a worse way than the previous one. At the same time, we can use this CHANCE to decide who we are and who we want to be. Let's not let them define who we are! It's up to us to decide. This could be a character building experience.

 

All the anger comes from the sense of betrayal. I worked like crazy to save up money to see her often, to build a foundation for our future, I nearly worked myself to death, my grades at uni have become much worse, but I did it all for us. And then she just left as if our relationship was nothing, all the hard work we both invested was nothing. Imagine someone close to you asks you for a huge favor, you spend days and nights doing something for them and when you're done they just say "sorry, I decided I wanna do something else". Anger comes from a sense of being played and betrayed.

 

You should stay away from your ex and definitely and explicitly let her know that she should never try to contact you. You can't move on until they're gone. Do you really wanna spend your life with someone like that? Remember, it's not them you miss, it's memories of good times and your own mental projection of them, that was fulfilling some of your needs.

[EmperorR]

You're gonna be fine bro. We all are.

 

I still keep having minor setbacks from time to time, but I know what what I did was really necessary and that I did a favor to both her and myself. She needs to stop doing this to people and hopefully she got a message, and I needed to get away from her and get on with my life.

 

In the past whenever I started NC, it felt alright but there was still a small bit of hope left there, since she didn't know I was doing NC, she just thought I was busy or something. This time though, when I sent her two explicit emails all in caps not to ever talk to me again, the hope has died. And it's a totally new feeling to me. She has blocked me and deleted me as well, and this girl can really hold grudges for a very long time even over some much smaller things. So she's gone for good.

 

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, realizing that she will never be back. Combine that feeling with poking around good old memories, and you're in for one hell of a painful time. But I taught myself to see my memories as something that is a part of me, something than can never be taken away, and that there's absolutely no reason to feel bad about anything. She messed up, not me, why should I feel bad? Because I lost something I had? No thanks, I will use this experience to define my character and become a better person, instead of wallowing in sorrow over love lost.

 

About them not feeling the same way we do and pretending nothing ever happened... who cares. They made a choice to kick us out of their lives. They are avoiding their demons by constantly jumping from one relationship to another, each failing in a worse way than the previous one. At the same time, we can use this CHANCE to decide who we are and who we want to be. Let's not let them define who we are! It's up to us to decide. This could be a character building experience.

 

All the anger comes from the sense of betrayal. I worked like crazy to save up money to see her often, to build a foundation for our future, I nearly worked myself to death, my grades at uni have become much worse, but I did it all for us. And then she just left as if our relationship was nothing, all the hard work we both invested was nothing. Imagine someone close to you asks you for a huge favor, you spend days and nights doing something for them and when you're done they just say "sorry, I decided I wanna do something else". Anger comes from a sense of being played and betrayed.

 

You should stay away from your ex and definitely and explicitly let her know that she should never try to contact you. You can't move on until they're gone. Do you really wanna spend your life with someone like that? Remember, it's not them you miss, it's memories of good times and your own mental projection of them, that was fulfilling some of your needs.

 

Im in the same boat of you, ex fiance of 3 years, went away for 2 weeks and screwed basically the first guy she saw like 3 times, then she dumped me and me like a idiot was begging her to come back we can work on us etc., a week later first day back at school has butterflies for some new guy now their dating, iniated NC and no turning back so far 61 days.

 

And that what sucks is the betrayal, I sacrificed everything for my ex everything, if people knew they would probably laugh at me, and in the end I got tossed aside like a piece of dirt.

 

 

It's always funny to me how my ex used to tell me, I've had so many relationships and all were horrible but this is the best ever, and yet she throws it away

[Surfer Dude]

Im in the same boat of you, ex fiance of 3 years, went away for 2 weeks and screwed basically the first guy she saw like 3 times, then she dumped me and me like a idiot was begging her to come back we can work on us etc., a week later first day back at school has butterflies for some new guy now their dating, iniated NC and no turning back so far 61 days.

 

And that what sucks is the betrayal, I sacrificed everything for my ex everything, if people knew they would probably laugh at me, and in the end I got tossed aside like a piece of dirt.

 

 

It's always funny to me how my ex used to tell me, I've had so many relationships and all were horrible but this is the best ever, and yet she throws it away

 

Sometimes we invest everything, we give up all we have so that we could have a future with that "special one" and they discard all our mutual efforts, for what? Sleeping with some random people.

 

But like I said earlier, I will never lose faith in women. I know there are amazing ones out there. Just because my ex was a bitch doesn't mean they all are.

 

No point dwelling on what could have been. They are the ones who destroyed every chance for happiness, not us. Nothing we'd have to feel guilty about. The key to happiness is staying optimistic.

[hereandnow]

That's right. The future is wide open. Right now, though we may be grieving a loss, we shouldn't forget that now the possibilities are endless. In the relationship I projected a future with her and that was it. Now there's no telling what will happen. I can look at it either like I'm on the edge of a cliff with nowhere to go but back the way I came, or I can look at it like I'm taking my first step on a path that holds nothing but possibility. I'm a firm believer that we don't always know what's best for ourselves!

[inulg]

just wanted to say that reading your posts are very insperational. I feel like so many people beleive that there is one *right* person for them, when really its about finding someone with the same love, respect, and appreciation as you that makes love last. (then again, I guess that could be considered as finding 'the one' too) losing someone without any of those three factors I feel shows the other person has lost respect for others... And become selfish. Anyway! Sorry if that was kinda off topic, but yeah, I loved reading this thread

[Surfer Dude]

Hey guys.

 

I've been feeling much better. The pain seems to be going numb.

 

Today I've been feeling like forgiving her for everything. Not literally like sending her an email telling her that I forgive her, but rather releasing the anger and resentment that lives inside me.

 

However, I'm afraid that if I forgive her, that hate will go away and that I will forget all the bad things she did to me, and that I would start feelings thing for her again.

 

She has been nothing but terrible to me in the last 2 months. But I'm feeling really tired of hate and anger, I want them to go away. But at the same time I feel that hatred is the least she deserves from me. Basically, this hate is protecting me from feeling love again.

 

I should really start dealing with this whole thing, I can't let it poison me forever.

 

Now I'm at the point where I don't want her back, I don't grieve over her. I'm just trying to untangle this mess of emotions inside me. It seems I'm making a progress.

[TeaAbraham]

You're gonna be fine bro. We all are.

The last time I saw my ex she was dropping me off at my place. I had been at her apartment giving it to her and her new buttercups. I was upset. She told me I am going to be fine. Definitely a load of BS. "Sure you can say that, you have mr buttercups to run to when you feel down. What do I have? What do I have when I open this car door and go up those steps. I feel fine now because I love you, and just being with you and seeing you makes me feel well and strong. But when I open this door, pain, anguish, and despair will kick in, and I will not be okay. I will not be fine."

 

Reading what you said surfer dude does make me feel better, though. That we're all going to be fine. That there is something tormenting all of us that we care very much about, but we are going to be fine. That every one of us is going through pain, and that every one of us will feel better. We will be fine. I guess it's just helps me a lot to see everybody else here in the process of healing too. From her those words meant nothing, but from you they mean everything.

 

I am glad you're feeling better. I would say that the last thing she deserves is your forgiveness though, haha. I'm glad you're feeling it though. One night I felt the exact same way. I wanted to run over to her place and say, "You know what, I forgive you, and it's going to be okay. I am just so happy that you are alive, and that this wasn't so terrible a situation as you (or even him) dying. It was just a break up. I am so happy that you are alive and on this earth and I forgive you. Please be well." Feeling didn't last very long though. I was also being influenced by my first 420 experience too, which definitely made me more understanding.

 

I would be scared too about forgiving her and having that hate go away. I would definitely start having feelings for her again. No doubt. I would start needing her again. Because right now this hate is the only thing I've got. I would be wary about that.

 

You can hate / not forgive her for what she's done without it poisoning you though, right? You don't have to think about it every day, but if one day you saw her I feel like being too forgiving would make you care about her again. That's just me though.

 

So is it possible to hate the ex and not be a poisoned and hateful person?

[Surfer Dude]

The last time I saw my ex she was dropping me off at my place. I had been at her apartment giving it to her and her new buttercups. I was upset. She told me I am going to be fine. Definitely a load of BS. "Sure you can say that, you have mr buttercups to run to when you feel down. What do I have? What do I have when I open this car door and go up those steps. I feel fine now because I love you, and just being with you and seeing you makes me feel well and strong. But when I open this door, pain, anguish, and despair will kick in, and I will not be okay. I will not be fine."

 

I completely understand how you must have felt when she told you those things. It reminds me of what my ex told me shortly after break up.

ME: "I really can't live without you, you're my everything"

HER: "I can live without you"

ME: "I love you so much... how am I supposed to get over you? It hurts so much to know you're already sleeping with other guys"

HER: "Stop being a kid and stop clinging to the past. Grow up, past means nothing. Sleep with girls more and you're gonna feel better".

 

I felt like knocking the **** out of her when I heard that. Nearly two years of relationship, and it comes down to dealing with breakup by sleeping with people and going on rebounds. Unbelievable. That's how she sees things. And not to mention she as well had someone to run to in times of need. Several of them actually.

 

 

Reading what you said surfer dude does make me feel better, though. That we're all going to be fine. That there is something tormenting all of us that we care very much about, but we are going to be fine. That every one of us is going through pain, and that every one of us will feel better. We will be fine. I guess it's just helps me a lot to see everybody else here in the process of healing too. From her those words meant nothing, but from you they mean everything.

Believe me, we really are going to be fine. It's not just blind optimism, it's the reality of things. Trust me, positive energy attract positive energy. I've never seen anyone not healing. Some heal sooner, some heal later, but they all eventually do. It's just how it works. You can't be self destructive forever, it's not natural. Sure, some people cope with breakup even 10 years after, but it's pretty much self imposed state and condition. Nobody has to suffer forever, it's a matter of choice bro. We are all free to make that choice. I have decided to make a change 2.5 months after the breakup. Few more weeks, maybe a couple of months and I'll be like new.

 

I am glad you're feeling better. I would say that the last thing she deserves is your forgiveness though, haha. I'm glad you're feeling it though. One night I felt the exact same way. I wanted to run over to her place and say, "You know what, I forgive you, and it's going to be okay. I am just so happy that you are alive, and that this wasn't so terrible a situation as you (or even him) dying. It was just a break up. I am so happy that you are alive and on this earth and I forgive you. Please be well." Feeling didn't last very long though. I was also being influenced by my first 420 experience too, which definitely made me more understanding.

 

I would be scared too about forgiving her and having that hate go away. I would definitely start having feelings for her again. No doubt. I would start needing her again. Because right now this hate is the only thing I've got. I would be wary about that.

 

You can hate / not forgive her for what she's done without it poisoning you though, right? You don't have to think about it every day, but if one day you saw her I feel like being too forgiving would make you care about her again. That's just me though.

 

So is it possible to hate the ex and not be a poisoned and hateful person?

Hate is an extremely destructive and poisonous feeling. The sole reason why I'm allowing myself the feel it nowadays is because it has the role of keeping me in check, it is acting as a barrier between me and even more unhealthy feelings. Pure self preservation.

 

I'm totally willing to let it go in a while, when I'm certain that there are no feelings of attachment for her or any emotional bonds left. And what I'm doing these days is breaking bonds. And it seems I'm doing fine. Setbacks happen. But I'm dealing with them. Remember one of those old arcade games with mini bosses? Every setback is a miniboss we have to defeat. That's how I like to see it.

 

What matters is that all of us here have taken steps towards healing. Like I mentioned earlier, let's use this terrible time as a character building experience. I will not be remembered as a guy who became severely depressed and lost his will to live over some douche cheater.

 

When I get really down, I just realize that a great girl is waiting for me out there. Someone wonderful, who will be able to love me, with whom I will be able to experience far greater things than I ever experienced with my ex. I know that instead of being scarred, my heart has grown even bigger and more loving than ever before. I know that I can show an amazing world full of love to my next lady. It's just a matter of time

 

As for ex, I don't really give a damn what she does. With every new day, she's becoming just a stranger among other strangers. Someday I will stop caring altogether, because it's my decision to do so. I can decide and control how I'm going to feel and I am the creator of my life and destiny, not some cheating hoe. A whole amazing world of opportunities has opened up.

[TeaAbraham]

Remember one of those old arcade games with mini bosses? Every setback is a miniboss we have to defeat. That's how I like to see it.

Haha. It's kind of backwards though, because after all the mini bosses there is always the super boss, and for us we had to fight the super boss in the beginning when everything went down, and now all we are left with is all of these mini bosses. Or perhaps the super boss is just being totally over the situation. Regardless, the mini bosses are good practice I guess.

 

Damn your logic surfer dude! I was trying to rationalize hatred as a good thing. Definitely not a good thing though. I really would not be feeling as good now if I didn't feel that hatred for a while though. Now perhaps its just extreme dislike? I have the right to dislike! J'ai le droit!

[Sbrizio]

Ah, guys i relate with you... although my situation is far different than yours, i know what it feels like when you open your heart completely, you tell her how much you love her, that she is the most beautiful person you ever met and she simply reply that you should screw some other girls and "you will be better"... well.. at the beginning i though this was humiliating (and maybe it is...) Then i realized that i put (as you did, i see) all my energies and love and even pride for this girl..and she refused me (...after giving me mixed signals for months, and coming to me each time she was in the need of emotional support). Simply as it gets, she made the choice not to be part of my life...she put herself in the past. And in the past she has to stay.

 

Every day, every moment we spend pining for them is a damage we do to our future. Every relationship brings good things, but there will be a time to look at the relationship with a calm eye, without our feelings biasing our judgement. Today is not that time though, its the time to reaffirm that we are fully owners of our lifes...