The Old Flame - If she only knew what I was missing...

[Vivid_29]

She's a tattoo. She fades and I hardly think of her, but if I see a blond-haired woman laughing in a clothing store, or if I see an orange sunset on the horizon, on a cool September evening, there she is, right with me, like she never left.

 

We had many perfect months before our departure. I see her at work. She says, "Hi", and makes small talk, because she was never in love. In her presence, I fell a smug triumph as I carefully feel nothing for her, in my heart. "We're finally done", I think to myself, barely standing my ground while she rants on about road raging maniacs on the interstate. We say our goodbyes like best friends would -- take real good care, warm hug, quick peck on the cheek. Poof!!! She's gone. Days pass, even months, perhaps years -- Life whirls. Then I walk outside and see a dazzling sunset in the cool, September sky. She's back...

[Tony T]

So is posting on this site part of one of your creative writing classes? If so, I think the above is a B minus, which is pretty good. Sorry the forum doesn't enable me to mark it up. Good in some places, too vague in others.

 

Now if you're actually seeking advice, why don't you ask us for what you want?

[Vivid_29]

Actually - I find this site very liberating and when I'm hurting, I post, because it makes me feel good.

 

What you read are my feelings. If what I posted was non-ethical, then I apologize and will read over the forum rules one more time. If not, then I will continue to post what I feel or experience. That's what this site is for, right?

 

Actually, what I posted was probably a C-

 

If you want to see some creative writing, I will show you some creative writing.

 

You said that the post was pretty good, but also too vague. If you care to, read it again, slowly and maybe you'll understand. If it is still too vague for you, I could break it all down for you and then you'll see the big picture.

 

And no, I'm not asking for advice.

[midori]

Maybe Vivid_29 was just putting his feelings out there, maybe to see if others can relate with similar longing for lost loves. There is an implicit question, whether or not Vivid_29 was consciously asking it: "how/when does this stop? When will I be able to see a September sunset without thinking of her?"

 

Just my interpretation. I'd give it a B/B+ (which is to say, a B that's leaning a bit higher but in the end is still a B).

[yes]

i think Vivid should simply be made aware that if he's posting just to rant, and not asking for advice, he should do it in the "rants and confessions" section of the forum.

 

-yes

[Vivid_29]

Here we go my friend -

 

1) "She's a tattoo"

 

--Tattoos are permanent, so in other words, she always there, perhaps hidden somewhere in my heart.

 

2) "If I see a blond haired woman, laughing in a clothing store, or if I see an orange sunset on the horizon, on a cool, October evening, there she is, right with me, like she never left".

 

-- We've spent alot of time together; places we've been, things we've done. Whereever I look or whatever I do, she is there. She's been in my life for so long, that I can't remember anything else.

 

3) She's says, "Hi", and makes small talk, because she was never in love.

 

-- Whenever I still feel something for an ex, it hurts to talk to them, so I'd rather not.

She talks to me and is very stoic and may not be feeling what I'm feeling. Along the same lines as, "If we can't be lovers, we can't be friends".

 

4) In her presence, I always feel a smug triumph as I carefully feel nothing for her.

 

-- Even though we are done and put it all behind me, I'm trying to feel nothing for her.

 

5) Poof!!! She's gone. Days pass, even months, perhaps years. Life whirls.

 

-- It seems like an eternity until the next time I see her.

 

6) Then I walk outside and see a dazzling sunset in cool, September sky. She's back.

 

-- Like the aforementioned. So many things remind me of her. It's like she's always there.

 

Hope this helps.

 

[Vivid_29]

Thanks midori, you took the words right out of my mouth...

 

 

What I wrote is not just ranting. This actually happened yesterday evening being that my ex and I work for the same company.

 

 

Once again, I'm just expressing my what happened to me yesterday, because I am hurting.

 

If I posted this in the wrong section or if this is unethical, then I apologize and won't do it again.

 

I just wanted to share what I was feeling with other members who are in the same boat as I.

 

I apologize if I broke the rules or offended anyone.

[midori]

Some of us have a more florid, circumlocutory style, and may try to deal with their strong emotions by abstracting them; it can be less threatening and, to some, it actually seems less demanding (of others) than a straightforward question like, "why am I still thinking about my ex? What should I do?"

 

A straightforward question requires responses. A posting like the one that started this thread invites responses. I don't think one way is better than another. Why wouldn't one post something like this in "coping?" Even if the poster wasn't looking for any feedback at all, it might resonate with others who are struggling with the loss of love.

[Tony T]

No, I wouldn't say this is a rant. However, in your style of writing there is just so much room for mistakes in interpretation that I would not dare offer advice...especially since I was confused at the end when you wrote..."She's bacl."

 

Also, it is just fine to post this here. If moderators think it ought to be moved that will happen.

 

Meanwhile, I have decided to reconsider your grade and will, for the time being, render the composition an "incomplete." With a little tweaking, I think I can give you an "A" on this one but not just yet.

[moimeme]

Oh, goodness! Must we get our knickers in knots if some poor poster, faced with a number of inadequate choices, chooses one section over another? Really, the moderators are capable of shuffling if need be. We don't have a section for 'general silliness and tomfoolery', where many posts - Tony - could go. Nor is there a 'poetic reflections on one's life' section. Geez - get over it!

 

Vivid - I think it's lovely. A lot of people write utter dreck and call it 'poetry'. It's so nice to read something genuinely poetic for a change. Not only that, but you captured the feeling of lingering vestiges of nostalgia perfectly.

[Iamhappy]

because I think poetry comes from the soul.

 

I don't necessarily think Vivid is asking for advice - more like he wants to be heard.

 

His post reminds me of something Auden wrote:

 

Dear, though the night is gone the dream still haunts to-day....

 

O but what worm of guilt

Or what malignant doubt

Am I the victim of; That you then, unabashed,

Did what I never wished,

Confessed another love;

And I, submissive, felt

Unwanted and went out?

 

Let him speak who has something to say. That applies to everyone - advice givers and advice takers.

 

*Sorry* had to edit because I left out a couple of lines from the quote.

[Vivid_29]

Moimeme and Iamnotnothing -

 

Thanks for understanding me. You are right - I wasn't asking for any feedback. I was just simply expressing what had happened to me yesterday evening. I took all my thoughts and emotions and compiled them into something abstract and poetic. Since I'd never reveal what I was feeling yesterday, to my exgirlfriend, I thought I'd share it with you all, to let you know that I'm hurting with the rest of you and that you're not alone.

 

This forum has helped me immensely and the healing process would have been that much slower without it.

 

 

Once again, thanks for understanding and caring. You both made my day that much brighter.

 

 

 

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

[Sunshine29]

Hello all

My first post!

Just found this site and think it's great. Vivid's post reminds me of how I've been feeling today. I left an abusive relationship over 3 years ago now, but my ex still 'haunts' me when I least expect it. I've come so far and got my life back on track, but today when I was out in the (unusual!) London sunshine, having a great day, and feeling good, I bumped into an old friend who now works with my ex. And what do you know, he's back in my thoughts again!

It's hard to imagine that you can still love a man who treats you as badly as my ex did, and mosyly I've learned to cope. and to remind myself that that kind of life was no life at all.

 

But i still miss what were the good times, and I still wonder about him and whether losing me hurts him as much as it did (and does) continue to hurt me.

Sigh! Does it ever stop, that's what I wonder...will I ever hear about him and not hurt?

 

Thanks for reading this anyway. Feels good to have somewhere to talk about it...my friends and family listen but they hate him so much it's hard for them to hear. Glad I found this site!

 

Peace and love

Sunshine