Too Much Research?

[beautifulearth83]

Hey Everybody! I was just really thinking and had to write it.

 

I think that maybe I've been spending too much time researching everything. I'm always searching things online and reading self-help books and sitting in deep thought about everything, but I haven't been really spending any time enjoying the things I enjoy.

 

I do them, but I don't feel like I've really been experiencing things. I'm always weighing things out. If I have a good time, I'm thinking about how that good time applies to my life and my progress. If I have a bad time, I'm thinking about what I can do to improve, and I research and read and question and ponder and wonder.

 

That's all I do. I am a thinking machine.

 

It's just gotten so crazy and has made me feel so anxious and dull, if that makes sense. I don't feel like I'm enjoying who I am as a person. I don't feel like I'm putting my sense of humor to use, my charm and talents to use. Everything is just one big think-a-thon.

 

It's always why this and why not that and constant analyzing. I feel like every life experience I have is mentally googled and all the possibilities are there for me to compare and research.

 

I used to enjoy deep thought and wonderful thoughts about the universe and day-dreaming, but now it's enough to make me go nuts.

 

I just want to enjoy simple things and not feel like I have to be aware of every detail, not have to feel like I have to watch around every corner. I don't want to think about the past, unless it's good happy thoughts. I don't want to have to read a book and research a disorder in order to feel better.

 

I used to be way more laid back and easy-going and open-minded about things. But now I've tried so hard to force my mind open that I've let everything spill in, and I don't know what to do with it all. I used to be able to cry or get angry or get happy and not question it and just let it be as normal human emotions, part of life.

 

I have become afraid of being alone, afraid of going crazy, tired and jaded. I have read so much stuff about just about everything, but what does all that information really do? I've been happy in my life before without all this instant information and knowledge.

 

What says that I need self-help books and the internet in order to be myself? Is that what life is...you grow up as yourself, then you lose yourself, and you learn how to be yourself again?

Seriously, there is so much unnecessary stuff that goes on when I know inside that there is happiness waiting there every moment. I have been off medication for awhile too now and sometimes I wonder if that's a good or bad thing.

 

But why should I have to wonder that If I've lived without it before?

 

Now that I'm not taking medication I feel like my emotions run more free, which is hard to get used to again and feels intense at times, but it feels real. Other times when I'm really down in the dumps I feel like I should really consider going back on them.

I am not against them. I just have a lot of faith in people as they are, and I'm trying to have more faith in myself, as I am.

 

I know this might seem all over the place but maybe sometimes you just have to say it. I hold so much inside. Maybe talking to a psychologist would be a good idea.

 

But anyway, thanks for reading. I really really do wish from the bottom of my heart that other people out there going through any amount of trouble in life will pull through!

[Geishawhelk]

You could have just said:

 

"Over-analysis causes paralysis."

 

 

Seriously though - if your medication has been prescribed, have you discussed with your doctor the fact that you've come off them?

 

If you're Bi-polar or depressed, this is highly inadvisable.

Your doctor would be very happy for you to cease medication, but it should be done systematically and under supervision and guidance.

 

For answers to your questions, you could do worse than read a book called "The Healing Power of Mind".

 

Google it.

I'll say no more.

[beautifulearth83]

Hello Geisha and thank you for your response. I had not discussed my coming off the meds with my doctor. I've been off them for awhile. For the most part I've felt fine without them. Although it has been one rough year, I think there have been advantages. I kind of weened off of them myself. I probably didn't do it the way that most would say to do it though. I don't know...perhaps one day I will have to go on medication again. Either way, thanks again for your response and the book recommendation.

 

Take care