44, married and a pickup artist

[Reggie]

Where is that going?

 

James, you must be too young for that one. Sorry.

[JamesM]

James, you must be too young for that one. Sorry.

 

No, I think I know. It was another not so veiled insult.

[Reggie]

No, I think I know. It was another not so veiled insult.

 

Atta boy.

[pelicanpreacher]

One thing we all fail to remember is that in "nice guy" mode we can still fall into the trap of stagnation because we become too lazy or satisfied to make ourselves appealing or interesting romantically to our better halves. It is during these times that we tend to take our spouses for granted and go through the mechanical motions of intimacy to get our rocks off so that we can go back to indulging ourselves in our own little worlds while still believing that everything's right with the world. This is what I believe NK's wife meant regarding his lack of flair instead of the bad boy notion bandied about by other posters trying to make her look immature.

 

In my opinion NK's wife took a stand against it so NK threw his temper tantrum, picked up his toys, and went to play with someone else. Nk, in his sojourn into infidelity, has noticed his wife in a more sexy manner now and this is what she's currently and more positively responding to. This is also what he lacked doing during this rut in their relationship to make his wife feel like a woman in this marriage which was the core reason for her unhappiness. Flirting or commiting infidelity with other women, therefore, was never a solution to this problem for he could have just as easily pursued an affair with his wife and achieved the same results!

[NoIDidn't]

One thing we all fail to remember is that in "nice guy" mode we can still fall into the trap of stagnation because we become too lazy or satisfied to make ourselves appealing or interesting romantically to our better halves. It is during these times that we tend to take our spouses for granted and go through the mechanical motions of intimacy to get our rocks off so that we can go back to indulging ourselves in our own little worlds while still believing that everything's right with the world. This is what I believe NK's wife meant regarding his lack of flair instead of the bad boy notion bandied about by other posters trying to make her look immature.

 

In my opinion NK's wife took a stand against it so NK threw his temper tantrum, picked up his toys, and went to play with someone else. Nk, in his sojourn into infidelity, has noticed his wife in a more sexy manner now and this is what she's currently and more positively responding to. This is also what he lacked doing during this rut in their relationship to make his wife feel like a woman in this marriage which was the core reason for her unhappiness. Flirting or commiting infidelity with other women, therefore, was never a solution to this problem for he could have just as easily pursued an affair with his wife and achieved the same results!

 

I agree with this. I think his wife was well within her rights to tell him that he lacked something that she wanted.

 

No woman wants to be intimate with a man that makes her feel like its a mechanical transaction - no flirting, no communicating, nothing to make her feel alive like the sexual creature that she is.

[Curmudgeon]

If you don't believe me then go ahead and write me off as a troll and keep doing what you've been doing so far. Ask yourself how that's been working.

 

In fact, doing what I've been doing for the past 12 years has worked very well. I've been faithful to my wife and she's been faithful to me. We also love and value one another.

 

I'll take that any day over your lack of regard for and loyalty to your spouse.

[Yamaha]

People here are getting me wrong. In no way do I condone what he is doing or do I think it is right but his wife should have appreciated it when he was an honest and faithful man instead of resenting him for not being a bad boy. If I were him I would just leave because I have not time for a woman like that but as long as women rewarding men like this and keep punishing men who are true many men will continue to take the course that has the biggest payoff. .

 

Well said. People still don't appreciate a person who is there for them but like the ones that puts themselves first and you second.

[NoIDidn't]

In fact, doing what I've been doing for the past 12 years has worked very well. I've been faithful to my wife and she's been faithful to me. We also love and value one another.

 

I'll take that any day over your lack of regard for and loyalty to your spouse.

 

I wouldn't say this entirely is the case.

 

It seems like he wanted his W's attention but didn't want to put in the work to get it. His self-esteem was low and he was thinking that no woman wanted him. But then he found out that they did. And, he found out that his W actually did want him, just not the lazy, uninteresting version he kept offering.

 

But the hurt he will see in her eyes when she finds out will be enough to set him straight for this foolishness forever. Its easy to disrespect someone behind their back. Its a whole 'nother ball game once they know the truth and its out in the open.

 

But, I get your point. There is a lack of respect for his W, for now.

[RecordProducer]

Well said. People still don't appreciate a person who is there for them but like the ones that puts themselves first and you second.

Bingo! Very true.

 

In fact, doing what I've been doing for the past 12 years has worked very well. I've been faithful to my wife and she's been faithful to me. We also love and value one another.

 

I'll take that any day over your lack of regard for and loyalty to your spouse.

Curm, your wife didn't tell you that you lack something in your personality, and that's why she can't sleep with you. When your partner is not attracted enough to even sleep with you, what else is there? Friendship?

[Woggle]

This thread should be a lesson to women to appreciate an honest and faithful man. Men will not be faithful and reliable when it gets us nowhere when it comes to women and more often than not that is where it gets us these days. If an action generates a positive response a man will continue to do it.

[pelicanpreacher]

This thread should be a lesson to women to appreciate an honest and faithful man. Men will not be faithful and reliable when it gets us nowhere when it comes to women and more often than not that is where it gets us these days. If an action generates a positive response a man will continue to do it.

 

You've spoken this as Pavlov's pet for, though you can be as faithful as the family dog, that alone doesn't suffice for the emotional and spiritual connection that spouses require to maintain a relationship. If you will remember that when you look into the eyes of your spouse that you are seeing a human being that's enthralled, refreshed, and renewed through the exchange of love, intimancy and affection needed to bond a relationship then you'll finally understand the meaning of the phrase...

"Man doth not live by bread alone"!

[Dexter Morgan]

Ya, and would you be all a twitter with your wife and be hot for her if you knew she was seeking the attention of other men? Don't think so. I think we know how you'd feel if your wife was doing what this guy is based on your past posts.

 

Most women think very differently than men so you are comparing apples and oranges.

 

So basically you are saying that women don't have a right to complain in this situation, but a man would?

 

Thanks for clearing that up.

[Dexter Morgan]

If she wanted an honest and faithful man she should have rewarded that when she had it.

 

Come on Woggle. This is hypocritical coming from someone like you who is very anti-infidelity.

 

It would be like someone telling us that we pushed our SO's to cheat. Is that what it was? It would be like someone saying to you, "if you, Woggle, wanted an honest and faithful woman, you should have rewarded her."

 

I know you don't subscribe to that line of thinking. I think you are just taking another opportunity to bash a woman.

[Marteka]

Here's an idea. Could we perhaps look at this from another angle: NK is far happier than he was, W apparently is happier than she was. If that's all you knew, you would not wish them both anything but the best of luck.

I don't see that anyone is getting hurt here. I suppose I will be told, oh, but someone WILL get hurt, it's just a matter of time, etc.

When did we all get the ability to turn into soothsayers based on one e-mail written by someone we don't know? Well, since we're in the mood for hypothesising, how about this hypothesis: NK finishes his job, he and W move back to the States, he remembers his time in Zurich fondly, W remembers her time in the UK fondly (because she reconnected with her H in that wonderful place...gee, what a lovely time they had and all the rest of it), NK stops fooling around and they both grow old together. I bet lots of you don't like it, because the guy who's having a genuinely good time doesn't get caught in this version!!

My next two cents' worth: maybe it's not the nice guy vs "flair" guy thing. Maybe NK just learned how to listen to people, learned how to connect with people, learned what makes them tick and learned how to make them feel good about themselves. And that includes his W.

And, even more miraculously, probably did this all without investing in a single Chicken Soup for the Soul book!!!

[Reggie]

Could happen. But, again, what about the STD risk? She is unaware and cannot protect herself. Some take years to show up. Maybe "Chicken Soup for the Infected" might help.

[Owl]

Here's an idea. Could we perhaps look at this from another angle: NK is far happier than he was, W apparently is happier than she was. If that's all you knew, you would not wish them both anything but the best of luck.

I don't see that anyone is getting hurt here. I suppose I will be told, oh, but someone WILL get hurt, it's just a matter of time, etc.

When did we all get the ability to turn into soothsayers based on one e-mail written by someone we don't know? Well, since we're in the mood for hypothesising, how about this hypothesis: NK finishes his job, he and W move back to the States, he remembers his time in Zurich fondly, W remembers her time in the UK fondly (because she reconnected with her H in that wonderful place...gee, what a lovely time they had and all the rest of it), NK stops fooling around and they both grow old together. I bet lots of you don't like it, because the guy who's having a genuinely good time doesn't get caught in this version!!

My next two cents' worth: maybe it's not the nice guy vs "flair" guy thing. Maybe NK just learned how to listen to people, learned how to connect with people, learned what makes them tick and learned how to make them feel good about themselves. And that includes his W.

And, even more miraculously, probably did this all without investing in a single Chicken Soup for the Soul book!!!

 

 

Well, it doesn't take a mystical seer to tell me that I'm going to smash my thumb if I put my hand on the table and swing at it with a hammer, now does it?

 

If you're sooo convinced his wife won't be hurt by the source of his newfound "confidance"...why not convince him to TELL her the source?

 

If you're convinced that she'll never possibly find out...well...it's POSSIBLE...but again, in all the experience that I've had...it's clearly not PROBABLE.

 

All this is just drivel that NK is posting to rationalize and justify his actions. He's trying to convince himself of the good he's done by flirting (and ultimately sleeping with many) with other women.

 

This is like suggesting that a good way to build up your reflexes and speed is to spend your afternoons running back and forth across the interstate during rush hour traffic. It most certainly WILL build up those things...until the crash hits.

 

But hey...if you feel that this is all good...and it makes you feel better to think you're helping your spouse by sleeping around...I say go for it. Just don't be upset when the car DOES run you over.

[Reggie]

I don't know about getting caught. I've read stats that say the vast majority of affairs go undetected. Sounds like he is doing a lot of ONS with strangers and no emotional attachment. It is reprehensible, both morally and from a health risk standpoint. But, there is a very good likeliehood he won't get caught.

With this lifestyle, however, there is also a good chance that she will catch something infestious which could lead to discovery. He is playing Russian roulette with her life.

[Woggle]

I never said it was right but by rewarding this behavior and punishing honest and faithful men women are creating a monster.

[Dexter Morgan]

I never said it was right but by rewarding this behavior and punishing honest and faithful men women are creating a monster.

 

that would be the same if someone said you created your monster of an x-wife. that somehow you pushed her to do what she did.

 

I don't believe that Wogg, but that is the same principle.

[Woggle]

that would be the same if someone said you created your monster of an x-wife. that somehow you pushed her to do what she did.

 

I don't believe that Wogg, but that is the same principle.

 

I did not reward my ex for cheating on me, doing hard drugs and trying to shoot me while his wife is rewarding him for becoming a cheat. I also never rejected my ex and called her boring during the short time she was an honest and faithful women. If my ex was an honest and faithful woman all the time we would probably still be happily married while this guy's wife would have probably given him the I love you but I am not in love with you speech if he had stayed an honest and faithful man.

[Reggie]

I'd bet my bottom dollar there is much more to this story than his version that he was a caring, boring, faithful guy before his affair. I bet the lack of sex was not strictly his wife's idea and she was not as he protrays her. he needs to paint this picture and has already demonstrated he is not a reliable source of the truth. This is a guy that has put his wife's health at grave risk due to his conception of how she treated him. Not credible at all.

[JustBreathe]

Cheaters aren't satisfied with what they have at home. Ever. A woman could wear frilly garters to bed every night, cook like a French chef, keep the house like Martha Stewart; and a man can look like Pierce Brosnan, work like a hound, make love like Tarzan in the wild woods, and massage her feet with lavender oil every night. Over time, a cheater will find room to excuse cheating. Either it's in you to do that or it isn't.

 

I heard all kinds of justifications and rationalizations when my dear H revealed his secret ho life. But I guess my all time favorite was "Why can't you just accept that a person can just be a f*ed up person!"

 

You know what? I couldn't then. But I've come to realize that it's the most truthful and sensible statement he has ever made. Some people are just f*ed up.

[RecordProducer]

I'd bet my bottom dollar there is much more to this story than his version that he was a caring, boring, faithful guy before his affair. I bet the lack of sex was not strictly his wife's idea and she was not as he protrays her. he needs to paint this picture and has already demonstrated he is not a reliable source of the truth. This is a guy that has put his wife's health at grave risk due to his conception of how she treated him. Not credible at all.

Normally I would agree with you, but he didn't come here to ask for approval or justification. He came to reveal the secret of a wife who wasn't interested in him no matter how hard he tried. Don't you believe there are women out there who desperately try to attract their husbands but nothing works? If there are women - there are men, too. Don't tell me you believe that being sweet and nice gets your spouse all excited and horny.

 

Cheaters aren't satisfied with what they have at home. Ever.

I know a cheater who was very satisfied with his wife, even in the sack. He was just a dog and wanted everything that was female and walked on two legs.

[JustBreathe]

RP: "Cheaters (excluding self-professed dogs) are never satisfied with what they have at home..."

 

Better?

[Reggie]

Normally I would agree with you, but he didn't come here to ask for approval or justification. He came to reveal the secret of a wife who wasn't interested in him no matter how hard he tried. Don't you believe there are women out there who desperately try to attract their husbands but nothing works? If there are women - there are men, too. Don't tell me you believe that being sweet and nice gets your spouse all excited and horny.

 

I know a cheater who was very satisfied with his wife, even in the sack. He was just a dog and wanted everything that was female and walked on two legs.

 

RP, I disagree re the desire for approval. He did not come out and say it. But, there was really no need to come here at all if he felt justified( the altruistic desire to help others in like situations-doubtful).

I read between the lines, not always accurately. But, I feel there was the need to get approval to bolster his justifications. Just speculation, not susceptible to being proven. But, that is my take.

As for being sweet and nice as a turn-on, we are all wired so differently, one cannot make generalizations in this area. It all goes back to childhood, maybe further. There's no telling what will do it for someone. A lid for every pot, thank God.