44, married and a pickup artist

[Dexter Morgan]

What she doesn't know is how I got there. She also doesn't know how addicted I am to this lifestyle. She would be completely incredulous if she knew what I do on weeknights sometimes.

 

And rightfully so. You are an affair looking to happen if you haven't already taken the dive.

 

 

I don't know if I have a question. I don't really. I do know that the **** will likely hit the fan at some point.

 

And you have this much disrespect for your wife to keep on flirting the way you do? You have that much disdain for her to risk your marriage?

 

 

I feel the need to keep my responsibilities to my family, but I can't imagine my life other than what I'm doing. I feel like I discovered another world. I also discovered late in life that there is just no point in being a nice guy really. I doesn't pay off in the end.

 

You see no point in being a nice guy to your wife?

 

You have major problems my man.

 

If you can't respect your wife, why are you even married?

[Dexter Morgan]

Within 30 minutes, I had taken the seat from one of the women sitting down anfd had her on my lap while 3 other women were clamoring for more attention.

 

Ok, I glossed over this part. I smell a tall tale and delusions of grandieur.

[theBrokenMuse]

The benefit, I think, comes from the confidence that you get with getting womne to want you. Getting women to that point requires knowledge that you gain by the act of flirting effectively. Most people are very inept when they flirt at first but eventually get to where they know exactly what to say and do.

 

Maybe you have a point which I did think about today while I was on the flight. I actually slept with the women, and thus I really can't say how much of this undefinable flair came from that or not. I'm assuming that was the case, but then again, it a theory given that I didn't stop in time. But my money is still on the majority of the benefit coming from the act of flirting and attracting women.

 

Methinks the 'flair' aka Charisma comes from a large dose of confidence, which no flirtation is needed to acquire. In fact, it's usually best that one finds internal sources of validation as opposed to external ones like this which are a poor bet for long term happiness. Getting women to want you really isn't as hard of a job as you seem to think it is. You send out the right signals and someone who is every bit as into one nights stands as you picks up on it. Why is this some sort of giant accomplishment again? I personally find it pretty sad if this has become the major source of your self-worth.

[Owl]

The benefit, I think, comes from the confidence that you get with getting womne to want you. Getting women to that point requires knowledge that you gain by the act of flirting effectively. Most people are very inept when they flirt at first but eventually get to where they know exactly what to say and do.

 

Maybe you have a point which I did think about today while I was on the flight. I actually slept with the women, and thus I really can't say how much of this undefinable flair came from that or not. I'm assuming that was the case, but then again, it a theory given that I didn't stop in time. But my money is still on the majority of the benefit coming from the act of flirting and attracting women.

 

Again, you're missing MY point that while you feel there is benefit in the flirting, you're not recognizing the great potential for damage to your marriage as a result of this as well.

 

Your case is a prime example. You flirted...and that led to you sleeping with numerous other women, and basically cheating on her all the time now.

 

You claim flirting is a benefit...but your own example PROVES that it is NOT.

 

How do you reconcile that?

[theBrokenMuse]

Ok, I glossed over this part. I smell a tall tale and delusions of grandieur.

 

Maybe he left out the part where he gave them all a fifty first. (hehehe) Sorry, I just couldn't resist.

[GoodOnPaper]

Getting women to want you really isn't as hard of a job as you seem to think it is. You send out the right signals and someone who is every bit as into one nights stands as you picks up on it. Why is this some sort of giant accomplishment again?

 

As someone who has never had a ONS, it seems like a huge accomplishment.

[theBrokenMuse]

As someone who has never had a ONS, it seems like a huge accomplishment.

 

Then, with all due respect, I think you're setting the bar a bit low. There are so many truly wonderful, noble things one can accomplish in this life that, to me, it almost devalues them to place 'playing with some loose stranger's naughty bits' in the same category.

[anne1707]

As someone who has never had a ONS, it seems like a huge accomplishment.

 

An ONS is possibly one of the easiest things to get. All it takes is lack of respect for yourself and the other person. Doesn't matter if you actually like the other person or not. Just switch off feelings and there you are. And yes, I lnow what I am talking about because in one of the lowest points of my life, I had more than one ONS. I never want to go back to being that person.

 

So in the end it is no accomplishment whatsoever.

[whichwayisup]

I would love to be a fly on the wall when one day you tell your wife this "theory" as to why you've been cheating on her, betraying her in the worst way. I wonder what she will think and do once she realizes that she's married to a selfish player who's just out to get laid by any woman.

 

You should post a thread about what happened between you and your wifes friends.

[RecordProducer]

You guys keep saying "you wife this, your wife that..." For God's sake, his wife was the one who was "asking" for this change! She didn't love him; he changed, now she loves him. She wanted a bad boy with a flair.

 

No, she won't divorce him once she receives the information. She will start fighting for him, because this is what she wanted. I suspect she does sense what's going on. Regarding the STD's, any of the many cheaters can bring a present to his wife. It's wrong, I agree. The heartbreaking thing (for me) is that this woman denied him sex and intimacy to the point where he felt compelled to go out and seek it elsewhere.

 

People who refuse sex (because they want more flair or whatever) ruin marriages and betray their children. If the best thing for the kids is to have a two-parent household, then have sex with the parent of your children. SHE was the one who wasn't happy with "normal" sex; she wanted the fireworks after many years of marriage.

[pelicanpreacher]

The question that begs though is was there any other paths NK could have taken to obtain or restore his flair? Even with flirting, why was it necessary to completely obliterate all of your marital vows to achieve flair? Granted, your wife showed her immaturity living in fantasy world requiring a silly white knight romance to your relationship but does she really deserve this level of disrespect? NK, you've openly admitted that should your wife return the favor and do the same thing to you, you wouldn't like it yet you can't seem to get your head around the basic biblical tenent "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" to save your life!

 

NK, when your chickens come home to roost be sure to come back and tell us all about it. As the world spanks your @ss red and straps you down to moon the baboons we'll sit back while you regale us with your strange rendition of "I'm in the mood for love". We promise to be here to listen and then smilingly explain to your hard head the meaning to the words "a hard head make a soft behind"!

[jmargel]

In the end, even if you try to please everyone, you'll still please no one. While I was faithful and nice, I had no flair. Maybe in hindsight, my wife would prefer me the way I was before without the flair if she knew how I got it. But the point is, I decided not to worry tooo much about disappointing others anymore. It's very liberating, to tell you the truth. And all the more meaningful as I see at the age of 44, the dim smoky lights of old age and death approaching .. reminding me that my time here on earth is limited.

 

Yes JM, I will admit that alot of this is made possible by my own insecurities. I do love the validation I get from what I do. It's just the way it is.

 

But I will disagree that women are easy to pick up. They're damn hard to pick up unless of course you're exceptionally good looking or are a celebrity. For regular guys, it's a hugely risky and scary proposition. I know guys who think nothing of jumping in a boxing ring to get smashed to a pulp .. and yet will tremble in fear at the thought of talking to an attractive female stranger. Although I "pick up" many women, I wouldn't say it's in any way easy. If it was easy for you, then I salute you

 

As to the wedding ring. I think that's a myth. My theory is that women feel more comfortable and at ease with a married man because if he presses the issue too hard, she can just point to his ring. It's like how women love hanging out with gay men. It's just so much less threatening. For a straight man, that kind of attention can easily be confused for flirtation and intent.

 

In any case, I do agree that people like me end up alone. But the few I know who are in that spot don't seem to mind. I'd be more afraid of winding up old and with the wrong person.

 

Flair? That's why you are doing this? Did you think your wife would leave you if you didn't get this 'flair'? Man, it's not about that. If your wife would leave you because you didn't have that 'flair' then she's not worth your time. You are making it sound like your wife is a child that was tired of her old toys and it was a matter of time before she went out and found new ones unless you did something drastic. However it's you that got tired of her and trying to find what is missing with her/your relationship in these other women.

 

These men tremble when approaching another woman because the fear of rejection. You don't get that feeling when you get into a ring. Because even if you do lose, you self-worth doesn't take a beating like it would if a woman were to tell you 'no' and walk away.

 

I don't know what your goal here is. You will never get 'every' woman that you approach. Someone, somewhere will find you unattractive, uninteresting, not stimulating. It happens to everyone. While some women would be interested in me, others wouldn't give me the time of day. And you know what? Who cares. The only one that I should be concerned about is my wife, the one that I said my vows to.

 

It's very understandable to feel rejected, neglected, depressed, angry and upset when your wife doesn't show interest anymore. Perhaps in some subconscious way you are trying to 'get back' at her, to make yourself feel wanted from this other women. I mean comeon, the woman who promised to love you for the rest of your life through good and bad times was pushing you away. What could be any worse of a rejection? So, you temporarily found a way to stop this bleeding from this wound. Perhaps you think you need to keep this up to continue your 'flair'. Otherwise eventually the wife will become less interested again and thus these feelings you hate will come back.

 

What you need to do is show and live confidence. You are not doing this, even by what you are doing, your not. Pull your self-worth out from these women, from your wife. Know that even though you were rejected in the past that you aren't a reject. That you will live a good/happy life with or without your wife. Everyone will always experience a sort of rejection in life, it's how we handle it is the key.

 

That being said, you should still be honest with your wife. Why won't you tell her? Because of the rejection. You know if you tell her, that she might leave, that she will no longer be interested in 'you'. That she was interested in a facade. That the 'true' you is not the guy you pretend to be.

 

You are hurting your kids, your wife and really yourself. You are running from your problems, even though it might seem like you are treating it by being with these other women.

 

And on a side note..

 

Picking up women is not hard. It's just a matter of telling them what they want to hear with a charming smile and personality. Just about any guy can do it, with enough practice.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Someone, somewhere will find you unattractive, uninteresting, not stimulating.

 

*raises hand*

[Reggie]

You guys keep saying "you wife this, your wife that..." For God's sake, his wife was the one who was "asking" for this change! She didn't love him; he changed, now she loves him. She wanted a bad boy with a flair.

 

No, she won't divorce him once she receives the information. She will start fighting for him, because this is what she wanted. I suspect she does sense what's going on. Regarding the STD's, any of the many cheaters can bring a present to his wife. It's wrong, I agree. The heartbreaking thing (for me) is that this woman denied him sex and intimacy to the point where he felt compelled to go out and seek it elsewhere.

 

People who refuse sex (because they want more flair or whatever) ruin marriages and betray their children. If the best thing for the kids is to have a two-parent household, then have sex with the parent of your children. SHE was the one who wasn't happy with "normal" sex; she wanted the fireworks after many years of marriage.

 

The STD thing is not just "wrong". It's potetially deadly. Even if one were to acept that she drove him to it(absurd), how does one justify risking bringing this type of harm into her life. It could kill her.

[Woggle]

You people can knock him but his wife has clearly rewarded this behavior. It worls for him and a man will do what brings success.

[whichwayisup]

You people can knock him but his wife has clearly rewarded this behavior.

Yeah but she has no clue he is cheating on her with tons of other women! Are you saying he's right in doing what he's doing Woggle?

 

If he wants this lifestyle then he should divorce and then he came become a free agent and a player. The guy is married and has 2 children! If a woman was doing this, you'd be on her like flies on sh*t. I'm surprised you're praising this behaviour.

[Woggle]

Yeah but she has no clue he is cheating on her with tons of other women! Are you saying he's right in doing what he's doing Woggle?

 

If he wants this lifestyle then he should divorce and then he came become a free agent and a player. The guy is married and has 2 children! If a woman was doing this, you'd be on her like flies on sh*t. I'm surprised you're praising this behaviour.

 

I am not saying he is right but it works. When he was the loving and faithful man she was bored with him and lost interest but now she is attracted to him again. If women want men to stop acting like this then stop rewarding men who do. I used to hate cheaters and for the most part I still do but a man needs to do what works and what brings the best results. He should not be a doormat for some resentful wife who probably would have cheated on him just so he can say he is a nice guy.

[Dexter Morgan]

You guys keep saying "you wife this, your wife that..." For God's sake, his wife was the one who was "asking" for this change!

 

She asked for a change. She didn't ask for him to seek attention from other women. She didn't ask him to be an affair waiting to happen.

 

Whats wrong with asking for change? Isn't that what we keep hearing here at good old LS? That communication is the key and both spouses need to let their feelings and desires be known?

[Dexter Morgan]

You people can knock him but his wife has clearly rewarded this behavior.

 

No, she is rewarding his change. She isn't rewarding him interacting inappropriately with other women.

[Woggle]

No, she is rewarding his change. She isn't rewarding him interacting inappropriately with other women.

 

I bet she knows and she finds him more attractive because she is now competing with other women.

[Dexter Morgan]

I bet she knows and she finds him more attractive because she is now competing with other women.

 

Then she'd be a fool.

[Woggle]

Exactly! Why is it that you have to sneak around with other women in order to be a hottie for your wife? Is she boring?

 

You should ask his wife that. She is the one who was not attracted to him when he was the faithful nice guy. I would never cheat on my wife because I refuse to cater to a woman that craves drama but if this works for him I can't really judge him.

[Dexter Morgan]

I bet she knows and she finds him more attractive because she is now competing with other women.

 

Ya, and would you be all a twitter with your wife and be hot for her if you knew she was seeking the attention of other men? Don't think so. I think we know how you'd feel if your wife was doing what this guy is based on your past posts.

[Woggle]

Ya, and would you be all a twitter with your wife and be hot for her if you knew she was seeking the attention of other men? Don't think so. I think we know how you'd feel if your wife was doing what this guy is based on your past posts.

 

Most women think very differently than men so you are comparing apples and oranges.

[Dexter Morgan]

Most women think very differently than men so you are comparing apples and oranges.

 

Well lets take a poll:

 

Women, how many of you here would be ok with a change in your husband if your husband was out spending all of his attention on other women and/or cheating?