44, married and a pickup artist

[Reggie]

'Zacly!

 

I meant she was ASKING FOR TROUBLE when she said what she said. You don't just friggin' tell your spouse "You're a bore and I don't want to screw you" and get away with it! C'mon, peeps!

 

Communication has proven to be bullkrap. It brings "operation successful, patient dead" results. NK said he tried to be super-sweet and the effect was even worse. His wife never expressed herself verbally as to what she wanted, but actions show louder than words what turned her on.

 

This is like saying "I like how rich guys interact; I don't like their money." If it weren't for the money and power, they wouldn't have acted with such self-confidence. The result is: money -> confidence -> sex appeal.

 

She likes whatever brought the change. When a woman meets an irresistible guy in a bar and wants to go out with him, she doesn't know how many women he's had; she only knows she is attracted to him. Wake up; self-confidence and charm don't come from helping the wife in the kitchen. Women want men in every sense of the word, and a man is at his best when other women make him feel like a man. I feel most like a woman when guys drool over me and chase me. But I am a young and attractive woman. And yet, my husband (who's much older than I am) doesn't want me.

 

If a person can do something to get the attention they need, they'll do it. Especially when put down by their spouse. She discarded him as unattractive; he tried everything to make himself attractive and nothing worked. What was he supposed to do? Accept the "fact" that he was boring? Or prove himself that he was still very sexy? What would anyone of you do?

 

Faithful is OK, but "too nice" is boring, predictable, and unchallenging. I wouldn't settle for either extreme, but if I had to choose, I'd pick the "bad boy" over the "nice guy." (I'd love to meet NK is person, I bet he'd never look at another woman again )

 

 

Well, good was not good enough for this woman. She refused to have sex with her husband unless he brought some flair at home.

 

It's like saying "It's good that you graduated from med school with all A's, but you shouldn't be so ambitious." Internal traits (and changes) bring changes in external actions - and vice versa: external accomplishments alter our internal structure. You don't become sexy by reading a book "How to become sexy." You don't become wise if you haven't made many mistakes and learned from them. Good things in life don't always come from the right sources. Some people were born gorgeous and grew up in healthy, wealthy families. Some people didn't have all the advantages to work with - they had to create them.

 

You don't know what his wife deserves. As far as I'm concerned, she's a woman who wanted wild sex, but not with her husband. We don't know what she did about her needs.

 

As much as I agree and this is a valid point - it's still OFF TOPIC. This is a lesson in psychology, not healthy living.

 

Really? State one, please. But, a legit one.

Why fake? His feelings are very real. If anything, his wife instilled a fake judgment in his psyche that he had no flair, and we have evidence that he is, in fact, very attractive. He only had to go out and find out the truth. He didn't develop sex appeal because women slept with him - they slept with him because he always had the sex appeal. Why is his wife's opinion true and the other women's fake?

 

Thing is, if he stops sleeping with other women, if he goes back his his old, nice-guy self, his wife likely won't find him attractive anymore.

 

"I'm a young attractive woman...?

Whose picture is that you have up, then?

[Owl]

NK, I've STILL not seen a direct answer to my questions:

 

Point blank question...how do you think she'd feel in knowing that the source of these wonderful changes is all wrapped in the fact that you flirted and eventually cheated on her to get those skills?

 

You think she'd appreciate your efforts if she knew?

 

Do you HONESTLY think that most people in a similar situation to what you were in would be likely to STOP at just enough flirting to 'get that flair'?

 

Do you REALLY think that what you're suggesting is a "fix" to the situation, or do you think its more likely to lead to the same kind of sitaution you're in now?

 

How does this advice HELP anyone if it leads to affairs?

[JamesM]

"I'm a young attractive woman...?

Whose picture is that you have up, then?

 

This is an immature response. Totally unnecessary.

 

You may have your opinion, but this type is better left silent.

 

 

How does this advice HELP anyone if it leads to affairs?

 

It doesn't. But putting that aside, how does it help to even flirt if the wife has no clue that you are flirting?

 

And the answer is that it causes a guy to build up his confidence regarding women.

 

Why does he need to get his confidence from other women? You ask.

 

Glad you did. Because when one is married to a woman who no longer wants sex or is no longer turned on by you, then this begins to wear down your confidence in your sexual abilities. No matter how often she says, "It is me not you," you cannot believe it. So to see another woman respond to your charms even when done superficially can give a boost of confidence to a guy.

 

And I think this is the little lesson that can be gained from NK's journey into the world of adultery.

[NewKatalyst]

"I'm a young attractive woman...?

Whose picture is that you have up, then?

 

Now would be a good time to call your friends and tell them you're gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, of course)

[Owl]

Still looking for those answers, NK.

[NewKatalyst]

Still looking for those answers, NK.

 

C'mon, those aren't real questions.

 

Anyways, I'm off to a corporate sponsored party in a few minutes followed by a night out. Catch you all later!

[Reggie]

Now would be a good time to call your friends and tell them you're gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, of course)

 

Sorry. It was just a hanging curveball right over the plate.

[Owl]

C'mon, those aren't real questions.

 

Anyways, I'm off to a corporate sponsored party in a few minutes followed by a night out. Catch you all later!

 

How are they NOT real questions?

 

They begin with an interrogative, and end in a question mark.

 

And they're very, VERY pertinent to this concept you're proposing.

 

I smell troll...

[Reggie]

Now would be a good time to call your friends and tell them you're gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, of course)

 

Well, I told them. My kids, too. Free at last...

[carhill]

Interested in the AZ property? Great salt water fishing:).

The OP's "style" certainly doesn't reflect my own, perhaps due to a difference in intrinsic boundaries (I'll assume the OP had sexual relations with numerous women when single, whereas I did not), but I can say with certainty that I was exactly what he described, likely worse, due to being pre-occupied with caring for my mother, and *never* even thought about other women until emotionally disconnecting from my wife. It was then and only then that I started emerging from the fog and thinking about a better life for myself. I can also say with certainty that my wife *appears* more interested in me now that my attentions include her but don't focus solely on her. The sole negative is the reality of the emotional detachment. She's two dimensional to me now. I don't know if that attachment is recoverable or not.

 

We're in Hawaii right now and I noted the dynamic even yesterday, catching a presumably married woman's eye as we were walking the resort. Dozens of women around in various stages of undress (lying out by the pool), but this one stood out from the blur. Very interesting how that works. Then there's the flirtations at the communal BBQ's. I didn't know so many women BBQ'ed

 

I like Arizona....especially down by Lake Havasu. Got any property there?

[JustBreathe]

Folks, I've seen the light and believe I will convert. I shall go straightaway to the nearest lake full of men in speedo's, or the local dive bar or pool room with a bunch of girls 15 years younger than me, and show my a4$ until some guy gives me the eye. After that I'll make mad passionate fulfilling and satisfying love with someone I don't even know. Then we'll put on our pants and say our loving goodbyes. Yes, indeedy, I will feel like such a woman. Wow. Can't wait for that.

 

My H is so stupid and blind he won't even notice. Everyone out there will want my hot bod now once I'm porking everything I can get my hands on. Men find a married woman who will drop her pannies anywhere anytime with anyone incredibly desirable.

 

Even though I have no respect for myself or my husband and are more or less fast food meat on the hoof, he has no right to be all emotionally distant from me. The bastage! I actually kind of hate him. It will make me feel good to make a complete a$$ out of him.

 

I'm off to the gym now to flex my flat abs. After that, I'll be heading to the airport for my plane ticket to Lake Havasu.

 

Tah tah, all!

[carhill]

I'll be heading to the airport for my plane ticket to Lake Havasu.

Hate to disappoint, but, unless you're a private pilot, there is no scheduled air service to Havasu

[JustBreathe]

Thanks, Carhill! Maybe you can be my mentor...

[Lizzie60]

The extra housework thing is exacyly what I'm talking about. I know now that complying with those things really made me less sexy and not more in her eyes.

 

Not if you put on those BBQ apron with nothing under while you do the vaccuuming..

 

I believe that 99% of the men out there would respond to the advances of a terrifically beautiful woman if it ever happened (it of course never does).

 

I think it's more 99.9%

 

A vow to be faithful is moot when there is no realistic possibility of any other women taking an interest.

 

well said..

[Reggie]

The OP's "style" certainly doesn't reflect my own, perhaps due to a difference in intrinsic boundaries (I'll assume the OP had sexual relations with numerous women when single, whereas I did not), but I can say with certainty that I was exactly what he described, likely worse, due to being pre-occupied with caring for my mother, and *never* even thought about other women until emotionally disconnecting from my wife. It was then and only then that I started emerging from the fog and thinking about a better life for myself. I can also say with certainty that my wife *appears* more interested in me now that my attentions include her but don't focus solely on her. The sole negative is the reality of the emotional detachment. She's two dimensional to me now. I don't know if that attachment is recoverable or not.

 

We're in Hawaii right now and I noted the dynamic even yesterday, catching a presumably married woman's eye as we were walking the resort. Dozens of women around in various stages of undress (lying out by the pool), but this one stood out from the blur. Very interesting how that works. Then there's the flirtations at the communal BBQ's. I didn't know so many women BBQ'ed

 

I like Arizona....especially down by Lake Havasu. Got any property there?

I played a course by Lake Havasu, trying to remember the name. Good course and huge lake. Now it's going to bother me, the name of the course. I'll inquire of one of my gay boyfriends.

[Reggie]

Hate to disappoint, but, unless you're a private pilot, there is no scheduled air service to Havasu

We flew into Laughlin. It's about an hours drive.

[Reggie]

Folks, I've seen the light and believe I will convert. I shall go straightaway to the nearest lake full of men in speedo's, or the local dive bar or pool room with a bunch of girls 15 years younger than me, and show my a4$ until some guy gives me the eye. After that I'll make mad passionate fulfilling and satisfying love with someone I don't even know. Then we'll put on our pants and say our loving goodbyes. Yes, indeedy, I will feel like such a woman. Wow. Can't wait for that.

 

My H is so stupid and blind he won't even notice. Everyone out there will want my hot bod now once I'm porking everything I can get my hands on. Men find a married woman who will drop her pannies anywhere anytime with anyone incredibly desirable.

 

Even though I have no respect for myself or my husband and are more or less fast food meat on the hoof, he has no right to be all emotionally distant from me. The bastage! I actually kind of hate him. It will make me feel good to make a complete a$$ out of him.

 

I'm off to the gym now to flex my flat abs. After that, I'll be heading to the airport for my plane ticket to Lake Havasu.

 

Tah tah, all!

 

We were playing a course in Vegas and came over a rise by a water hazard. Lo' and behold, there was a male model dressed in a speedo, bandana and cowboy boots. They were doing a photo shoot.

Now , that is a hot look. I'm sure you'll find something similar at Lake Havasu. Where's the London Bridge, now? I think they have it there.

[Reggie]

Whew! Got it. It was the "Refuge". I was out there playing with my ex bros in law, my wife's uncles and her dad. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the wife was "entertaining". See , that's what I get for putting my golf needs first. Still, I'd take 18 on a nice course vs messing with the ex.

[RecordProducer]

Now would be a good time to call your friends and tell them you're gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, of course)

NK, now would be a good time for you to call ME so we can meet and play the Big Wolf and the Little Red Riding Hood.

[Woggle]

People here are getting me wrong. In no way do I condone what he is doing or do I think it is right but his wife should have appreciated it when he was an honest and faithful man instead of resenting him for not being a bad boy. If I were him I would just leave because I have not time for a woman like that but as long as women rewarding men like this and keep punishing men who are true many men will continue to take the course that has the biggest payoff. While the OP is very wrong his wife is not blameless in creating this monster.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Many people want to but women especially need to give themsleves an excuse. It's important for them to think they didn't make the decision themselves.

 

My experience verifies this is true in the vast majority of cases.

 

ok - here's the real truth.

there are women out there that have no boundaries and are as willing as any guy, and i do mean ANY guy.

women are horny too. they can justify and use a man for sex just as men do.

 

This is much more rare.

 

I think a very large portion of the female population is willing to cheat provided the right conditions.

[RecordProducer]

his wife should have appreciated it when he was an honest and faithful man instead of resenting him for not being a bad boy. as long as women rewarding men like this and keep punishing men who are true many men will continue to take the course that has the biggest payoff. While the OP is very wrong his wife is not blameless in creating this monster.

You said it so well, Woggie!

 

I think a very large portion of the female population is willing to cheat provided the right conditions.

I think if it weren't for the moral guilt and fear of the consequences, the majority of women would try out other men, when the honeymoon's over and the passion has worn out. I don't think they would be like NK, I think they would have an affair here and there. Every woman dreams of a perfect man who will be only hers and she his, but when reality hits her on the head, she wants something else.

[Reggie]

NK, now would be a good time for you to call ME so we can meet and play the Big Wolf and the Little Red Riding Hood.

Sounds good. Bring a brown paper bag.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I think if it weren't for the moral guilt and fear of the consequences, the majority of women would try out other men, when the honeymoon's over and the passion has worn out. I don't think they would be like NK, I think they would have an affair here and there. Every woman dreams of a perfect man who will be only hers and she his, but when reality hits her on the head, she wants something else.

 

What you say makes good sense with what I have experienced. Much better put as well. Some women don't suffer from moral guilt, some do. Some fear consequences, some don't... ect.

 

In the end it comes back to both sexes being very similar at the core, and very different in exression.

[JamesM]

Sounds good. Bring a brown paper bag.

 

Where is that going?