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Girl has boyfriend BUT I want here...how do I do it?

lovejennastill

By lovejennastill,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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lovejennastill

lovejennastill

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ok i need help, last night a girl hu i have known for about 3 months came to my house, she has a boyfriend but he never makes time for her, but anyway, last night she came to my house and we got with eachother...

but today since she left i can only think about her, i bin feeling like i love her for about a month now and last night really made me realise how much i feel for her. wat do i do :(

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Geishawhelk

Geishawhelk

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21 people have hit your post, and no response.

That's because the answer's obvious.

You ask her out and see what happens.

If she and this other guy really are not into it big time, she may accept.

If she says she's already got a BF, then leave it, and move on.

 

How simple is that, huh? :)

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lovejennastill

lovejennastill

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thanks but i cant leave it, i love this girl. i cant just leave it, but i dont think she wud split up with her boyfriend cause shes scared of hurting his feelings, she has told me that she wished i had told her how i felt b4 she got with him, and last night happened, and shes text me saying how much she "wants me" but i dont want to ask her to leave her boyfriend for me. i love her so much though and it hurts knowing that i cant be with her, not yet anyway, do u think i honestly have a chance of gettin with her??

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lovejennastill

lovejennastill

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honestly i really do love her and cant just leave it and move on, ever time i think that theres a possibility that i wont be with her i pretty much emotionally break down, and im not usually that sort of person, i think about her being with sum1 else and it rips my heart into pieces, but i find it hard to tell her these things because i dont know whether it was just that one night or wether she generally wants to be with me at all, i dont want to pour out my heart to her only to get told shes not interested, if that happened i honestly wouldn't see the point in going on anymore, without her in my life, colours are dulled, tastes are bland, my concentration is completely lost 100% of the time where shes constantly on my mind, i havnt eaten or slept since then because i feel i cant theres a part of me missing without her :( what should i say to her??

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Geishawhelk

Geishawhelk

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Forgive me, but now you're just being ridiculous.

You have no feedback from this girl, so it's all one-sided and just an infatuation.

Try to put things out of your mind.

There is absolutely no guarantee of this going anywhere.

Wait until you can ask her out.

Then whatever the outcome, deal with it, when you know where you stand.

 

You're letting your imagination run away with you.

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Bryanp

Bryanp

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If she will cheat with you on her boyfriend then she will cheat on you in the future. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words.

 

This girl screws another guy behind her boyfriends back and tells you she cannot break up with him because she does not want to hurt his feelings?....Oh please. What is wrong with this picture?

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lovejennastill

lovejennastill

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thanks again, but u can call me obsessed, or ridiculous and i have thought about if she cheated on her boyfriend would she cheat on me? but even knowing everything points against me i cant give up on her. ive neva felt this way about anybody before, shes special i know she is.

 

i feel like dying right now just because i havnt heard from her since yesterday i at least wanna be able to control these ****in breakdowns. i dont think id be able to handle it if i breakdown again in public.

 

just wanted to say, if you think im being ridiculous or way to obsessive then can u be a bit nicer about telling me? :)

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norajane

norajane

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First of all, you have to stop saying and thinking you love her. Love, real love, is something that develops over time, a long time together, where you both get to know each other, go through life's ups and downs together, and you develop an intimacy and caring that is love. You cheapen love when you use it in the context of a girl you've only known for 3 months from afar and then hooked up with for a night. She's not going to believe it if you tell her you love her, and she will think you are needy and clingy and don't know the difference between love and infatuation - which is what this is. A combination of infatuation and lust.

 

Second, find your balls. A woman is not going to find you attractive if you are all whiny and emo about her, not attractive enough to a woman who won't leave a bf who doesn't have time for her. Do you see? She's already dating a guy who doesn't treat her like she wants to be treated, but she won't leave him. She's attracted to his aloofness and the uncertainty of how he feels about her. She's not going to fall for you just because you would spend every waking minute with her. She's attracted to more difficult, more challenging men. If you just hand your balls to her on a silver platter, she hasn't developed a longing, a yearning for you because she has nothing to long for - you've already given everything to her!

 

So back off. Don't sit there waiting for her to text you. Go out and live your life, meet other girls, date other girls. You will seem much more attractive to her if you're not chasing her. When you do reply or call her back, don't ask when you can see her again. If she contacts you, don't jump to reply or to do her bidding. Stand firm and tell her, yeah, the sex was great, but you don't want to bang a chick who's banging some other dude. (You can say it nicer, but have some pride and respect for yourself, or she won't have any respect for you either!).

 

You can flirt when you see her, but don't have sex with her again. Make yourself a challenge. Hold onto your balls and don't hand 'em over. That's your best shot at getting her to leave her bf. It's a longer term project, if that's your goal.

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lovejennastill

lovejennastill

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thanks i read that last post and it did make a lot of sense but i feel too much for her, i dont wanna date other girls :( if its an infatuation then fine im infatuated but i cant help it all i want is to be with her, but i can see wot ur saying about me seeming needy and clingy, i will use that advice n make a few changes to how i go about things, thanks a lot mate

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Geishawhelk

Geishawhelk

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Ok, great, so you've received a lot of great, good, logical, sound and sensible advice.

All we're getting back is "yes, but...."

 

You're clearly not listening.

 

So what exactly is it you want from us?

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lovejennastill

lovejennastill

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all i wanted was other peoples opinions on my situation and was hoping to get sum good advice which i did, ive got what i want from here and i thank all of you for your help, i am listening its just my heart or my "infatuation" doesnt want to listen. but ive taken what people have said on board and will act upon it, thank you all

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lovejennastill

lovejennastill

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just incase any1 was interested i spoke to her and she said altough her and her bf are going through a rough patch she knows he cares for her =(

but she did say she doesnt know what to do now and that she feels strongly towards me. so should i just wait until she texts me or i see her next? or should i text her in a few days and ask her what she is going to do???

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norajane

norajane

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No, stop texting her. She's stringing you along as her back-up guy, in case things don't work out with her bf and he dumps her.

 

STOP TEXTING, stop talking to her. Next time she contacts you, tell her not to contact you unless she breaks up with her bf. Then get off the phone and stick to it.

 

Otherwise, you're going to be back-up guy she turns to and then DUMPS when her bf wants her back.

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OnTheEdge

OnTheEdge

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Sorry to break it too you but she is a SLUT....

she cheated on her boyfriend..the best thing u can do is carry on with your life

and u will meet someone u really love..then u think back to this and think "what was i thinking" and you'll be happy u moved on

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Dexter Morgan

Dexter Morgan

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ok i need help, last night a girl hu i have known for about 3 months came to my house, she has a boyfriend but he never makes time for her, but anyway, last night she came to my house and we got with eachother...

 

So basically she is a cheater. If all you "want" is to bang her, then I guess you are covered.

 

but if you want her as a gf, then be prepared for her to step out on you too.

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