Frustrated

[Rosashrn]

As the title suggests, I am frustrated in more ways than one. For one, I am frustrated with my love life (I'm sure this is nothing new and I apologize if I sound really annoying and whiny). I'm very lonely and all of my friends have boyfriends. Obviously their relationship with their boyfriends take priority over their friendships, but in a way, I also feel very left out by the fact that they are in relationships and I am not. I know this sounds very childish and as a 19-year-old (almost 20), I shouldn't be feeling this way but I have a strong desire for intimacy (something I think that all human beings desire).

 

Secondly, I am very frustrated sexually. I'm still a virgin and I feel kind of pathetic about it but at the same time, I am a romantic and want my first to be with a guy that actually cares about me. I masturbate, which I suppose should diminish my desires, but it only has me wanting more. I also would rather have another human to touch, kiss, and caress me.

 

I suppose I am attractive (but I try to be modest about it) and have had offers to lose my virginity to a lot of guys. However, these guys do not want a relationship with me and I fear that no guy will ever want a relationship. I admit that I am insecure, but I try my best to conceal my insecurities. Within the past year my confidence has boosted tremendously. A year ago, however, a guy started to pursue me but I was too shy and self-conscious. I went out with him a few times and we almost slept together but he would not date me. I feel like I did something wrong. He seemed so interested in me and I just blew it somehow! I think I'm just so boring and dull and uninteresting and I fear that I have nothing to offer a guy except for my appearance.

 

I have never had a good relationship with my father which only adds to my desire for a man in my life and for some affirmation that I am worthy of love from a male. I feel so deprived and pathetic.

[windows]

You sound normal. everyone has problems. and guys have attempted to try and sleep with you so... the problem is you just haven't found the right one yet. You're attractive enough to be pursued and its just bad luck that all those pursuing you are horny jerks. You've held on to your virginity amongst it all so you're a strong girl.

In spite of your desire of intimacy; you withhold from sex which means you're a lot stronger than you think. Consider the company of guys who approach you and just maybe you need to switch to a different pack. I mean; no point trying to get a parrot to mix with cockatoos (random metaphor that I just came up with that didn't really make sense); the 'right guy' you're looking for won't be the guy who will ask you for your virginity. Put on a strong face and find a guy outside your regular neighbourhood of familiarity.

[norajane]

the 'right guy' you're looking for won't be the guy who will ask you for your virginity. Put on a strong face and find a guy outside your regular neighbourhood of familiarity.

 

Agreed. At your age, a lot of guys ARE just interested in sex, and they'll lose interest in you as soon as they find out you aren't going to have sex with anybody that asks. That's why that guy dropped you after a few dates - he thought he could take you out and pretend to like you, but then when he saw you weren't an easy lay, he took off.

 

Wait until you're ready, and try to meet guys doing things that you enjoy doing - hobbies, sports, school, clubs - so you actually have something in common. A relationship won't work very long if it's only based on sex.

[lazlow99]

As the title suggests, I am frustrated in more ways than one. For one, I am frustrated with my love life (I'm sure this is nothing new and I apologize if I sound really annoying and whiny). I'm very lonely and all of my friends have boyfriends. Obviously their relationship with their boyfriends take priority over their friendships, but in a way, I also feel very left out by the fact that they are in relationships and I am not. I know this sounds very childish and as a 19-year-old (almost 20), I shouldn't be feeling this way but I have a strong desire for intimacy (something I think that all human beings desire).

 

Secondly, I am very frustrated sexually. I'm still a virgin and I feel kind of pathetic about it but at the same time, I am a romantic and want my first to be with a guy that actually cares about me. I masturbate, which I suppose should diminish my desires, but it only has me wanting more. I also would rather have another human to touch, kiss, and caress me.

 

I suppose I am attractive (but I try to be modest about it) and have had offers to lose my virginity to a lot of guys. However, these guys do not want a relationship with me and I fear that no guy will ever want a relationship. I admit that I am insecure, but I try my best to conceal my insecurities. Within the past year my confidence has boosted tremendously. A year ago, however, a guy started to pursue me but I was too shy and self-conscious. I went out with him a few times and we almost slept together but he would not date me. I feel like I did something wrong. He seemed so interested in me and I just blew it somehow! I think I'm just so boring and dull and uninteresting and I fear that I have nothing to offer a guy except for my appearance.

 

I have never had a good relationship with my father which only adds to my desire for a man in my life and for some affirmation that I am worthy of love from a male. I feel so deprived and pathetic.

 

I'm a guy your age, and believe me its pretty common for people our age to be feeling like this. Im not a virgin, but I've never really had a 'serious relationship' with anyone, I just haven't found the right person. A lot of my friends are in relationships, many of them jump into them for the sake of being 'in a relationship' when really neither person has any true feelings for each other and its just a convenience or boosts their ego, so don't feel like you have to rush into the first one that comes along because you're missing out on that side of things.

 

I think the reason why you haven't had much in the way of relationships is because you're too self conscious, and you possibly don't know how to act when someone likes you. I used to be the same, I didn't have a clue what to do when someone clearly liked me, so I'd just ignore it. I also turned down a few girls who were 'easy' when I was a virgin and I'm glad I did.

 

It sounds harsh, but my advice would be to not expect the first person you sleep with, or every relationship you get into to be a serious one that will end in marriage. Don't set your expectations too high, have fun with it, have fun dating and having sex, all this with help you grow, so when the right person does come along you know how to act and you don't mess it up by shutting yourself in or freezing. You say you don't have anything to offer someone, but you sound intelligent and you say you're attractive and romantic? You sound a lot more mature that most of the girls I know anyway. Really your only problem is your confidence, and the more experience you have with guys the more it will grow, and trust me you'll realise that sex and relationships aren't that much of a big deal after all.

[Green]

I'm sure it all boils down to communication. You need to communicate what you want. Seriously it shouldn't be all that hard for you to find a bf or some guy that cares about you to roll around naked with you in bed and take your virginity