Online flirting - should I be concerned?

[blondiepants]

First of all, I definitely snooped. And I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. BF spends HOURS on facebook, and closes the screen when I walk into the room. Often I will go to bed, and he will stay up and on facebook for hours after I have gone to sleep.

 

So I snooped. I couldn't access his chats, but I found some messages that concerned me, and I wanted to see what the loveshack community thought.

 

He is 27, and sent the following message to a 19 yr old girl that he just met at work.

 

"I looked for you when I left, and I couldn't find you. Sad! We should definitely hang out some time, since we live so close to each other. Send me your number and we'll get together" so she send her number to him and says "Let's definitely hang out - I miss you!" There are other messages between them that mention stuff like "sorry I missed your chat - let's chill soon" and stuff like that.

 

 

There are several messages like this, very flirtatious and cutesy, all to girls. The 19 year old one really bothers me since 1) there was a phone number given, and 2) He keeps telling her that they should hang out.

 

Is it possible to be addicted to flirting online? I have a feeling he does this nightly. I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't have snooped, but I don't understand why he needs to do this?

 

Should I bring this up? Or should I keep quiet until I find out more?

 

I don't know what to do.

[CarrieT]

If he is asking for phone numbers and saying he wants to hang out, this is WAY MORE than flirting. And he is doing it for HOURS? If he hasn't already cheated on you, he will. Confront him NOW before it goes further (if it hasn't already!)

[blondiepants]

Yes, hours. I don't know what he is doing, and he claims to be chatting with guy friends from college. I don't believe that, but the only proof that I have are the few messages in his inbox and sent messages. He deletes his browsing history every day, so that seems kind of shady too.

 

I don't know - I don't trust him, but I don't think he's ever done anything physical.

[ronlynn]

Don't feel guilty one bit about "snooping". This is the only way you know when is the one acting suspicious.

 

He gave you the reason to do the snooping.

 

I know, I have the same problem with my fiance.

[soconfused01]

If it were me I'd hold off on confronting him about it until I downloaded a keylogger and read his chats.

[missdependant]

You write her number on truck stop bathroom walls saying "For a good time, call [insert phone number here]."

 

 

Not really, but I would definitely bring it up! He has no right to treat you like that. If this is something he does nightly and if he can't deal with the fact that you're a special girl, he doesn't deserve you and you can do better. Yeah, you snooped. Something everyone seems to do at least once in their life. It's his fault for giving you reason to snoop, and for having done something hurtful to you.

 

So yes, bring it up. He did something very stupid and if anyone should feel guilty it's him.

[OnTheEdge]

of course you have to bring it up...u would sit by and let this happen ? wtf

i'd say he has cheated with her already or is very close to doing it...

and they say to each other that they live close so its gonna happen...

just leave him

[Dexter Morgan]

First of all, I definitely snooped. And I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. BF spends HOURS on facebook, and closes the screen when I walk into the room.

 

Red flag #1

 

 

Often I will go to bed, and he will stay up and on facebook for hours after I have gone to sleep.

 

Red flag #2

 

 

So I snooped. I couldn't access his chats, but I found some messages that concerned me, and I wanted to see what the loveshack community thought.

 

He is 27, and sent the following message to a 19 yr old girl that he just met at work.

 

"I looked for you when I left, and I couldn't find you. Sad! We should definitely hang out some time, since we live so close to each other. Send me your number and we'll get together" so she send her number to him and says "Let's definitely hang out - I miss you!" There are other messages between them that mention stuff like "sorry I missed your chat - let's chill soon" and stuff like that.

 

 

Inappropriate conversation. "I miss you"?? You better believe that if they hang out, they are gonna do more than hang out.

 

 

There are several messages like this, very flirtatious and cutesy, all to girls. The 19 year old one really bothers me since 1) there was a phone number given, and 2) He keeps telling her that they should hang out.

 

Is it possible to be addicted to flirting online?

 

Its possible, but I wouldn't put up with any kind of flirting, online or IRL.

 

 

I have a feeling he does this nightly.

 

Yup, and he does this instead of coming to bed with you. I'd say you have every right to be suspicious.

 

 

I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't have snooped, but I don't understand why he needs to do this?

 

Because he is an affair waiting to happen. Or more like an affair looking to happen.

 

And don't worry about the snooping. he gave you cause. People don't get answers by sitting idle by and thinking the truth might come to them.

 

 

Should I bring this up? Or should I keep quiet until I find out more?

 

I don't know what to do.

 

You bring it up. print off these flirtations, keep her phone number in your purse. Show him the printouts, then just stand there with your arms folded, one eyebrow in the air and say, "well?"

[iron_m]

1. Spends hours in social network sites
   
2. Closes browser as soon as SO walks into the room
   
3. Deletes browsing history every time
   

These ALONE are clear sign of dishonest behavior... Or just Plain cheating.

 

 

1. emails a co-worker of opposite sign asking for phone and keeps that from you
   
2. Invites her to "hang out"
   
3. send flirtacious emails/TXTs
   

This IS cheating.

 

 

1. you want to know of his whereabout more and more often
   
2. you can not ask him, but spy on him
   
3. You do not feel confortable with him spending hours in chats...
   

This means that you are aware of his cheating behavior.

 

 

You can't do anything because you spied on him?

that is not true. Even if you did something incorrect, you can talk about it.

 

You own the spy thing, OK, but he owns the infidelity stuff....

In my opinion, he is the one carrying the worst part. You have to confront him.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

I am in the same situation with my boyfriend. I don't live with him but when i am with him He is always texting on his phone and he always takes it with him to the bathroom or where ever he goes around his house when i come over. I have tried to look in his phone wheneva he "forgets" to carry it with him but he deletes his messages . On the 13th of this month november was our 2 year anniversary nd i was over at his house after i got out of work and when he came home from work he came drunk i gave him a anniversary card nd he sed he had forgotten bout it nd he hugged me nnd sed happy anniverssary we cuddled a litle bit but he fell asleep..when he was asleep i went through his phone he didn't delete his messages this time and i kept reading and found txts of him and a girl and they were telling each other they were starting to love each other and she wanted to see him and he told her he didn't have a ride. (Where the lives is hours away from where we live,in another state) well i texted the girl from his phone and told her that i was his current gf and i started cusing her out she never replied. I took her number and saved it on my phone . I woke him up and asked him who the **** the girl was and he covered his face with his blanket and said she was just a friend i argued with him and yelled and cried he denied everything and later said "its just talk that girl is stupid and funny im not doing shyt with her its all talk i haven't cheated on you.." Etc. Well he went to walk our puppy and i stayed inside the girl called my number after i had called her and i asked her what her relationship with my bf was and she said they were toguether. She told me they had never seen each other because she lives far. Well we didn't break up although we had a lot of problems for a few days. I told him to respect me and to stop having those kind of talks with other girls he said ok that he was going to stop talking to her and all that.

 

A week ago I decided to make a fake myspace and i took a picture from google of a prety girl and i send him a message. He flirted with her and told "her" he had broken up with his gf 2 weeks because she had messed with a guy after the club and that he was interested in "her" and he asked for her number...i got so mad and i gave him my number if he wanted i t so bad and u broke up with him and told him he was such a liar and a player and blah blah. He didn't c it so i called him and acted like nothing..he said he hadn't gone on myspace that day and i told him everything i knew that had happened that day and i broke up with him. I He kept texting me until 3am but i never answered. The next day he texted me again trying to talk to me but i diidnt answere him bak until 6 at night...he sed he didn't know what had happened the night before because he was "gone" meaning he's was on sumthing either on pills or weed or coke or all idk.he's a pothead.

 

Neways we talked and i got bak with him (don't know why). Well ever since i definetly don't trust him at all what so ever!we had a long talk one day this week and talked about him puttin more effort into our relationship and stop lying to me and doing the things he does with other girls like flirting and shyt...i am trying to hack into his myspace account but i don't know how i don't know what email he has for it because his older sister made it for him. I know he is hiding much more things and i know he flirts with a lot of girls even though he denies it. im not sure if i should be aware of this online/text flirting because he usually fakes on girls and he might jus "talk" in person he's a shy guy but when he gets on that computer or starts texting with other girls he's a whole dofferent person so idk.

 

My advice to you is find proof find his myspace login or facebook w.e and print everything out and confront him!. Let me know how everything goes so i can do it! Lol

[mental_traveller]

You should be somewhat concerned, yes. Not as much as if he was meeting someone for real, but still concerned.

 

IMO guys turn to flirting online when they are feeling sexually unsatisfied or otherwise neglected in their current relationship. You might want to look at your relationship with your bf and honestly assess how well it is going. Cure the disease and the symptoms will disappear of their own accord.