mendsley Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 Hey everyone, my wife and I decided that we should have No Contact and I cannot believe how hard that really is. I have been in touch with this woman everyday for the last ten years and now it has only been a little over 48 hours and WOW. I have been using this to try to figure out the affair she had, why we need to be together, what she provided the relationship, what I provided the relationship and the most important I am trying to figure out things about me. I have posted before asking what that means and everyone here was VERY helpful on sending me down the right road. I still have a long way to go but I can honostly say I have come to realize some things in my past that effected how I act and think today. I try to think about ME as much as I can but I also think about my wife, what we have gone thru, can what we have done to each other be forgiven, and how can I be a better father/stepfather. I kind of been searching for the actual meaning of forgiving, if anyone wants to tell me what they think I would appreciate it. I am trying to work on forgiving my wife for having an online affair, as far as I know this was only online, no physical contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 OK...NC at this point for you is very counterproductive if your goal is to save your marriage. Right now, you need to plan A. That means meet what emotional needs that you can, and put pressure on her to end her affair (thru exposure and letting her suffer the consequences of her choices). NC is for plan B...which is ONLY done after a stellar plan A. What you're doing is the right thing if you want to divorce...but the wrong thing if you want to reconcile. What's your goal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mendsley Posted November 25, 2008 Author Share Posted November 25, 2008 Hello Owl, I understand what you are saying. My thought on NC was to have NC for a short while, about a week, to let the tension subside. It seemed every time we talked I was picking apart every word she said and that always lead to an argument. We are gonna end NC on Thanksgiving, we are gonna have time together, we decided this time will be fun time. Meaning no talk about the online affair, our seperation, and everything else in our past. I don't know if this is the correct way to approach things, but I don't know what else to do. It seems the way I have been approaching things they back fire so I am trying a new way to let her find her way to her decision. I saw my counselor today and he said that this is okay, as long as it is a SHORT break (NC), but he said he is concerned with her being so reluctant on deciding if she wants to work on our relationship. He also said he is concerned about the sexual relationship, he said that those are red flags and need to be looked at with REAL EYES. I don't know why but I can only think about getting back with her and not about the things that make me happy in the long run. So to answer your question I feel like I want to rescue our relationship. I see a good opportunity for us to build a REALLY strong marriage, considering what has happened, but I guess the fate of our marriage rests in her hands. Link to post Share on other sites
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