How to win her back, atypical situation

[againstallodds]

MCson,

 

 

You can contact her again but only if you already all heal up and won't get hurt over it. There are people out there that are players, they are in a few relationship at a time and for them it's a game and I don't think they feel any pain if someone breakup with them. They can try and manipulate them back.

 

For us on LS we are in pain, we are not players that's why NC is a good thing to heal. Unless you're a player then that's a different story.

[moonmoon]

Moonmoon, keep us posted on your progress. This thread is comedy gold, cheers.

 

Can you explain where you see comedy in this? Please stick around ill be interested in your comments a month or two from now.

 

 

Haha porter, police comments were actually not directed at me or you - and could you try and get that grammar under control Im having trouble understanding some of the things you say

[peacebyinches]

Can you explain where you see comedy in this? Please stick around ill be interested in your comments a month or two from now.

So are you still chipping away at it?

[FF84]

Can you explain where you see comedy in this? Please stick around ill be interested in your comments a month or two from now.

 

 

Your determination and insistence is amusing. As is your analysis of relationships and your methods to win this girl back.

 

There's no point in me explaining what I think you're doing wrong as you won't listen anyway. But I am interested in watching.

 

I'd liken it to someone pissing in the wind...

[peacebyinches]

Your determination and insistence is amusing. As is your analysis of relationships and your methods to win this girl back.

 

There's no point in me explaining what I think you're doing wrong as you won't listen anyway. But I am interested in watching.

 

I'd liken it to someone pissing in the wind...

People laughed at Christoper Columbus when he said the world was round.

 

 

Im just Joshing. Yes he is losing it.

[BCCA]

Everyone thinks their situation is different for as long as they can, because its easier than accepting that its the same as a million other people who didnt get their ex back. I cant blame him for trying to keep hope alive, but its a dangerous road to travel. Hope is a killer if you dont keep your expectations in check.

 

Moonmoon, good luck again, bro. I just have to say though, how long are you going to keep at this before you see the writing on the wall? I just dont want you to waste too much of your life if you dont have to.

[mcson]

I think whatever the reason we break-up, we want to believe that our ex will come back one day. That belief obviously alters our hope and most probably gives us a false hope.

 

There is always Hope but like BCCA said we need to check our expectations.

 

I,myself,also tend to believe that she will come back. However, when I go through a self-check, my heart wants her so much but I am not quite sure if my mind wants and it will definitely change in time. The problem is I think;

 

'' We just do not know what our ex thinks and we try to analyse her thoughts and that gives us a wrong belief sometimes such as ' she might miss the moments we shared and come back', ' she might realise what she has missed' 'she might make up her mind and come back''

 

We are not a brain doctor or something like that and I think we, including myself, should stop thinking of what she thinks!

 

FF84 mentioned that Women start the breaking - up process 2-3 months earlier. If that is the fact, it seems that they had already moved on when they told us about break-up. Same for your case MoonMoon. So, that might mean that they do not suffer and even like FF84 said ''they may be glad that we do not contact them anymore''

 

I think we have to face reality!! The things FF84 said could be true and if that is the case, we have no Chance but NC. If not, I believe they will contact us one day or another!!

 

The sad thing is that we believe we hold the chance of REcoincilation in our hands!! However it seems that the whole chance of Recoincilation is in the hands of the Dumper!!! I wish all was different, I mean we could talk, understand and tell everything we want to say but real Life doe snot go like that unfortunately. I hate to keep things inside instead of saying them out but I have to do that for my sake.

[mcson]

MCson,

 

 

You can contact her again but only if you already all heal up and won't get hurt over it. There are people out there that are players, they are in a few relationship at a time and for them it's a game and I don't think they feel any pain if someone breakup with them. They can try and manipulate them back.

 

For us on LS we are in pain, we are not players that's why NC is a good thing to heal. Unless you're a player then that's a different story.

 

Dear againstallodds,

 

I agree with that. I really want to contact but I know that will hurt me only so I keep NC untill I heal up fully. Like you say, we are not players, we are truly lovers and it is really good to know that you guys are here to support.

 

You know what kills actually, you want to contact and you know that most probably you will get hurt but on the other hand there is a second thinking in your mind who always says ''What if she behaves really accaptable and wants to come back and solve the problems''...As I said in my previous post, I believe we have to erase that way of thinking from our brains! If she wants to come back, she will!!

 

Life has to be difficult sometimes otherwise we would not be able to learn how to cope with problems and be strong.

I believe as long as show enough patience, resisitance and we stay strong, there will be a ''gift'' after this hard,breaking and miserable time.

 

Take care

[mcson]

I have one questions to all of you guys!!

 

There are a few different advices given about Getting Ex Back. I am sure you have already read many of them, However there are 2 of them which are continiously stated such as;

 

1- Strict No Contact.Let her Go. If it is Truly Love, she will come back even after trying with other Men

 

2-DO not cut all your contacts with her.Occasionally, remind her that you stil Care. Do not tell her exactly what you feel but let here realise that you care and love!

 

As you can see, both approaches have major differences between eachother.

What do you think the better one is? You can also tell me about your own experiences and which one seemed better to you!!

 

I know most people support NC over here but still we know that it is not a science proven fact and everybody is different when it is about Love.

 

I just kindly request from everybody to approach the issue rational and objective.

 

What, in your idea, would be better of use or what you wish you could do after a break-up?

 

Please post

 

Thank you all

[FF84]

 

1- Strict No Contact.Let her Go. If it is Truly Love, she will come back even after trying with other Men

 

2-DO not cut all your contacts with her.Occasionally, remind her that you stil Care. Do not tell her exactly what you feel but let here realise that you care and love!

 

I can't see any advantage in option 2. How is it going to change anything? She still has your attention and she'll turn to you when she wants to (if she wants to) and everything will be on her terms. She never gets a chance to miss you and she's never going to regain any attraction for someone when they're just hanging around and she knows they haven't moved on.

 

It's tough to swallow, but I think when a woman loses attraction for someone it's 99% impossible for it to come back. And even if it does come back there's always going to be something at the back of her mind saying "This guy wasn't right for me before, so I can't see it working again".

 

Option 1 has to be the best option all round. If you're happy to be friends for ever then option 2 is fine, but if she's lost attraction for you then you've a huge challenge to make her feel differently.

[4by4]

MSCON, I was in the exact same position as you only 3 weeks ago.

 

You need to wake up and stop holding onto any hope. The only way forward for you now is strict NC. That means no contact of any kind (not even email, facebook, msn). Picture this - she just moved to Antarctica or got caged up in the Amazon jungle or even better, DEAD.

 

As many of us have said, either 1 of 2 things can happen from NC. She comes running back to you after realising she still wants you OR she never calls again and you get the chance to move on completely regardless. Funny thing about NC is the fact that your best chance of winning her back is actually to do nothing at all.

 

Yes there are situations when your ex keeps texting/calling, in that case I would completely ignore her. Never pick up her calls, never reply to email/messages. What can you possibly gain from the occasional communication that went along the lines of "how are you what are you doing?" to "good, reading a book, how about you?".

 

Now the only exception is IF you want to be JUST FRIENDS with her. And I can tell from your posts you want more than that, right?

 

I can tell you from recent experience since breaking up with my ex of 3 years and having my heart torn apart, I have felt better day after day from NC. I probably do still love her but that feeling is slowly dying and that's just how I like it. I do wonder sometimes if she ever thinks about me and I'm sure she still does, but clearly it's not nearly enough to make her change her mind. So life goes on and I spend my time in the gym, getting a massage and facial, read fantastic novels, catch up with friends, go to parties and meet new people.

 

Since going strict NC, I have met 2 really interesting girls, 1 is a fashion model and a personal assistant for a famous singer. I find myself again thinking about all the intriguing possibilities life brings. We only live once, why waste it pondering what could have been when you can contemplate what might happen tomorrow?

 

Relationships shouldn be easy come, easy go. Holding onto something that's not suppose to be yours will only bring you more pain down the track. Let go brother and see what the future holds, who knows, you may cross paths again down the track. She fell for you once so there is no reason she wont fall for you again, but there has to be time and space (often many years) for it to happen. I know you don't want to feel like this for years, you probably don;t even want to feel like this in a few months.. so start taking charge. COnsider this chapter of the book closed, and move onto the next.

[northstar1]

I think whatever the reason we break-up, we want to believe that our ex will come back one day. That belief obviously alters our hope and most probably gives us a false hope.

 

There is always Hope but like BCCA said we need to check our expectations.

 

I,myself,also tend to believe that she will come back. However, when I go through a self-check, my heart wants her so much but I am not quite sure if my mind wants and it will definitely change in time. The problem is I think;

 

'' We just do not know what our ex thinks and we try to analyse her thoughts and that gives us a wrong belief sometimes such as ' she might miss the moments we shared and come back', ' she might realise what she has missed' 'she might make up her mind and come back''

 

We are not a brain doctor or something like that and I think we, including myself, should stop thinking of what she thinks!

 

FF84 mentioned that Women start the breaking - up process 2-3 months earlier. If that is the fact, it seems that they had already moved on when they told us about break-up. Same for your case MoonMoon. So, that might mean that they do not suffer and even like FF84 said ''they may be glad that we do not contact them anymore''

 

I think we have to face reality!! The things FF84 said could be true and if that is the case, we have no Chance but NC. If not, I believe they will contact us one day or another!!

 

The sad thing is that we believe we hold the chance of REcoincilation in our hands!! However it seems that the whole chance of Recoincilation is in the hands of the Dumper!!! I wish all was different, I mean we could talk, understand and tell everything we want to say but real Life doe snot go like that unfortunately. I hate to keep things inside instead of saying them out but I have to do that for my sake.

 

Great post.

The hardest thing to do is to let go of the hope that they really can't be over you. But as long as you hold onto that hope and try and contact them, the longer you stay in neutral.

 

It is true, if they decide they miss you and want to try it again, neither hell or highwater will stop them from getting in touch. They know your phone number, your email etc.

 

But for now, you need to close the door (that doesn't mean it has to be locked forever) and go on with life - it is too short to sit around waiting for someone to maybe come back.

[mcson]

MSCON, I was in the exact same position as you only 3 weeks ago.

 

You need to wake up and stop holding onto any hope. The only way forward for you now is strict NC. That means no contact of any kind (not even email, facebook, msn). Picture this - she just moved to Antarctica or got caged up in the Amazon jungle or even better, DEAD.

 

As many of us have said, either 1 of 2 things can happen from NC. She comes running back to you after realising she still wants you OR she never calls again and you get the chance to move on completely regardless. Funny thing about NC is the fact that your best chance of winning her back is actually to do nothing at all.

 

Yes there are situations when your ex keeps texting/calling, in that case I would completely ignore her. Never pick up her calls, never reply to email/messages. What can you possibly gain from the occasional communication that went along the lines of "how are you what are you doing?" to "good, reading a book, how about you?".

 

Now the only exception is IF you want to be JUST FRIENDS with her. And I can tell from your posts you want more than that, right?

 

I can tell you from recent experience since breaking up with my ex of 3 years and having my heart torn apart, I have felt better day after day from NC. I probably do still love her but that feeling is slowly dying and that's just how I like it. I do wonder sometimes if she ever thinks about me and I'm sure she still does, but clearly it's not nearly enough to make her change her mind. So life goes on and I spend my time in the gym, getting a massage and facial, read fantastic novels, catch up with friends, go to parties and meet new people.

 

Since going strict NC, I have met 2 really interesting girls, 1 is a fashion model and a personal assistant for a famous singer. I find myself again thinking about all the intriguing possibilities life brings. We only live once, why waste it pondering what could have been when you can contemplate what might happen tomorrow?

 

Relationships shouldn be easy come, easy go. Holding onto something that's not suppose to be yours will only bring you more pain down the track. Let go brother and see what the future holds, who knows, you may cross paths again down the track. She fell for you once so there is no reason she wont fall for you again, but there has to be time and space (often many years) for it to happen. I know you don't want to feel like this for years, you probably don;t even want to feel like this in a few months.. so start taking charge. COnsider this chapter of the book closed, and move onto the next.

 

4by4

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate what you wrote and advices there.

 

As I am not really thinking to make friends with her, I would not like to talk to her in such occassional communication!! I will consider her Lost in somewhere in space...

 

I understand that life is really running through and time is ticking. I do not want to stick with the idea that she may come back. I really like you said

 

''Relationships shouldn be easy come, easy go. Holding onto something that's not suppose to be yours will only bring you more pain down the track. Let go brother and see what the future holds, who knows, you may cross paths again down the track''

 

I really love her but at the same time I realise that she was being an addiction in my life so like you said I started to become more dependent on her love. I put her value above mine adn when she sensed that she fell apart. I am learning through the mistakes now an dI getting back to my previous life where I had more things I enjoyed being alone.

 

''COnsider this chapter of the book closed, and move onto the next''

 

Yes, I think I have to do that...whether it is painful or not I have to do that...Thank you for your sound Advice my friend!!! Everything is getting more clear with your support!!

 

 

Great post.

The hardest thing to do is to let go of the hope that they really can't be over you. But as long as you hold onto that hope and try and contact them, the longer you stay in neutral.

 

It is true, if they decide they miss you and want to try it again, neither hell or highwater will stop them from getting in touch. They know your phone number, your email etc.

 

But for now, you need to close the door (that doesn't mean it has to be locked forever) and go on with life - it is too short to sit around waiting for someone to maybe come back.

 

Dear northstar1,

 

I am glad that you replie don my post and made such a brilliant point ;

 

''The hardest thing to do is to let go of the hope that they really can't be over you. ''

 

That is the killing hope!! I admit that I think that way sometimes and it even goes further to think that if she can be with someone when I have this Love in my heart!!

But this feeling does not seem to making me get over her, in fact it makes me sick...sick-feel..

 

I am beginning to believe that saying is true '

'It is true, if they decide they miss you and want to try it again, neither hell or highwater will stop them from getting in touch. They know your phone number, your email etc.''

 

and whether she comes back in the future or not, I am realising that I have to close the door right now and get myself a new, better life!!

 

Thank you my friends!!!

[mcson]

I wish one thing from NEW YEAR;

 

''GETTING OVER MY PAINS, PIECE OF MIND AND HEART''

 

TO BE LOVED and LOVE!!

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

[FF84]

Anything to report?

[samspade]

I can also tell you guys who seemed to be hooked on the "other guy" scenarios that you are definitely reflecting your insecurities and experiences when I read your posts.

I would bet everything that I own that she hasnt gotten involved, much less had sex with another guy, since we broke up, and this is from her tone and how she has talked with me, her overall attitude. Its nice to know her well enough to understand that about her, but to be honest, its really not important to me whether she has or not. I am not upset at the loss of the ability to control what she can or cant do, I am sad at the loss of a relationship with someone whose characteristics complement mine so amazingly well.

 

I don't know any more than you if she's had sex with anyone else. But no one here is reflecting insecurities, just realism. Women get over breakups much faster than men, and usually find rebounds much faster, as well. But I commend you for accepting the fact that you can't control that...sounds like you are making progress. I do think it is immature of you to lash out at others as "insecure" when we are just trying to help.

 

It is also absurd for you to claim to be able to tell these things from her tone and attitude, but if you really have this power, mister you're a better man than I.

 

I also realize that all of the best things in my life took tons of work to achieve and at times I faced a lot of self doubt, thinking Id never get there, working on things that seemed so far removed from the goal that I had to keep reminding myself why I was even bothering. My relationship with her seems strikingly similar to these other things.

 

More power to you, but this is where you and I have a fundamental difference of opinion.

 

You see, it is my firm belief that the best relationships are easy. Do they take effort? Sure. But you put in the effort when you know it will be reciprocated and appreciated.

 

When you are putting in effort and work chasing after someone who has clearly demonstrated they are no longer interested in doing the same for you, then you are truly wasting your time and energy.

 

Variations of this basic tenet have been repeated, ad nauseum, on this thread. Still you persist in the puritanical delusion that if you sweat and bleed enough for this girl, she'll see what a romantic, wonderful guy you are and come back. Maybe, but highly unlikely, my friend.

 

The more likely - and I mean 90% likely - scenario is that you will wake up in six months, maybe a year, and wonder why you just wasted all that time and got nowhere. Again, I'm not saying what you're after is impossible, but there are literally BILLIONS of women out there you can meet and whom you'll have no problem attracting. You'll be amazed how smooth and easy it can be. If you ever get over your oneitis for your ex, let me know. Otherwise, good luck.

[FF84]

Please stick around ill be interested in your comments a month or two from now.

 

I'm still here Any news?

[semi spritzer]

Moonmoon you really dragged this one out with every little ounce of energy you had and you do not want to listen. You've had tons of replies 90% all giving you the same advice. We all believe our situation is different and can be salvaged with magic words and behaviours. Unfortunately not when another person is involved.

 

I hate to say this but it could also be she wants to experience other guys. It happened to a guy I know, his gal left him after 8 years when she finished her studies to experience 'life'.

 

You clearly are too close to this, and you are frantically and desperately clutching at straws...all getting you nowhere.

 

Chin up mate, try to get on with your life. Clinging to a girl cos she gave her virginity to you is not real reason enough, there's many lasses out there who will appreciate you even if they don't happen to be virgins.

 

Good luck

[BCCA]

I'm still here Any news?

 

Of course not, because we were all right. He's never going to come back and post again, or he'll make a new ID.

 

Sometimes, being right doesnt make you feel any better, like in this scenario, but still - when SO many people tell you the same thing, and you continue to disagree, and almost mock people trying to help...