It's like hes only there when its good for him: He's taking my friendship for granted

[breyedgirlbc]

[color=indigo][/color] My ex and i broke up last year, he wanted to remain "good friends" and so did i, or so i thought.

He moved away about 6 hours from where i live

and promised to keep in touch alot

For the past year we have been talking and e-mailing each other quite abit

At first he would come here for visits alot

over the last little while(6 months) we started to become more distant

Now i find i am trying way harder the he is, to keep the friendship going

he knows that i have a big heart and will always be there for him when he needs me

but i can't say the same for him, its like hes only there when its good for him.

I think he is taking my friendship for granted, and it has now become all give on my part and lots of taking on his part!!

It takes 2 to keep a friendship going, and i am tired of always being the one to try and keep in touch, when hes never there for me when i need a friend.

Should i just let our friendship drift apart naturally, or tell this guy where to go once and for all???

[midori]

"Ex-as-Friend" is always a bit tricky. I think it's definitely possible, but you've got to be able to really be honest with yourself about your expectations, hopes, etc.

 

If this were a female friend, someone who of late had become less available to you and you found yourself doing most of the work to maintain the friendship, would you want to tell her off? Or would you just say to yourself,"I guess she's wrapped up in other things and hasn't got much time for me right now. I'll focus on my other friends."

 

It's hard to get into the mindset, but I really do think that if you've got undefined expectations for a friend, any friend, you're bound to be disappointed sometimes. And that's probably even more true with an ex. I don't want any more from my friends than they can and care to give me. If I email a friend a few times with chatty stuff and don't hear back from them, I figure they're preoccupied with other things and let it go. On the other hand, if I have a specific favor to ask of a friend, or need some support, I make that clear -- and if it's not forthcoming, I factor that into my assessment of the friendship.

 

I think telling someone off for not communicating as frequently as you'd like is probably not going to get you much satisfaction. You don't want someone communicating with you because they feel obliged to. And if they do indeed want to keep in touch but have been letting you do all the work, they will notice at some point that they haven't heard from you, and will make the effot themselves.

 

I get the sense that your expectations for your ex are not what you'd have for another friend. That's not going to work. Moreover, it's to be expected that as time goes by the two of your will communicate less and less frequently, since you're no longer a relevant part of each other's daily lives. He lives six hours away. He's surely dating other women, and hopefully you're dating other men. The moments in time you two shared have passed, and while that doesnt' mean you must sever all ties, it's probably unrealistic to think that you'll stay close. I have some very good friends that mean a lot to me that I only communicate with infrequently. We live far away from each other, and that's just how things go.

 

Maybe it's just time to let go for a while. Send him a Christmas card when December rolls around. If you feel like it, that is.

[breyedgirlbc]

So i decided to back off a little on always being the one to keep contact, and worry about how hes doing, what hes doing....always being the one that makes him feel better when hes feeling down. I think its time to take care of me, and get on with my life, if he was ever a friend i am sure we will talk again one day, "whats meant to be will be" Theres a saying that kinda made alot of sense to be while i was deciding on what i should do "don't waste your time on someone who isn't will to waste their time on you" If anything changes i'll keep ya posted!! Although i have been alot happier lately, it just seems easier this way...like i was prolonging something that was gonna happen eventually anyway.